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Will I ever be drug-free? Please help!

I posted last week on my Day 1 and said I was so done with it and quitting. I had 20 pills left (taking 10 1/325 Percs a day at the time). Another member told me to flush them--I wanted to but didn't. I took them. So my Day 1 was Monday (I found 1 and took it and it did NOTHING). Now it's Wednesday--Day 3--and I have flu-like symptoms, can't sleep for anything, and feel just down.

I quit because I lost my life to Percs--have taken them on and off for 3 years--and they've changed me for the worst. I just veg out, disconnect from friends, family, work, exercise--all the things I loved to do. And worst, I have two toddlers, who only know "high" mommy.

The malaise has kicked in. I have no energy and feel like crap. When will it end? If ever? I've quit for weeks before and always went back to feel good. I don't wan't to go back. How do I stay away? Please help.
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Avatar universal
I'm on Day 8 and it feels like it's over (the bad WDs). I have energy, feel happy, and have been getting outside/exercising every day. I'm making plans with friends again and trying not to think about the percs (although I still do a few times a day). I hope I'm done for good because this feels so much better. For insomnia, I've been taking Xanax before bed. Tonight, I'm trying to sleep without it. I really don't want that addiction!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
YES!!! I'm so happy for you. Tossing that Norco takes willpower so you're on the right track. Today is the first day I feel happy and not sick. The worst is over. Now I need to focus on staying clean--it seems aftercare is the answer. To a pill-free future! Please God!
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Avatar universal
Your post hit home. I feel so much better today--up at 7 and at the gym. Took my girls for a walk. No thoughts of pills....but I know they'll come back. So far, I've deleted my source from my phone (but in the back of my mind, I know I can go online and review old phone records). A meeting is a good idea--I'll look into it. THANKS SO MUCH! And congrats on your new life.
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1970885 tn?1435860428
As stated above, you will have at least three to four days of difficult detox, then it will slowly get better, at least physically. As you've been experiencing, the mental part of getting clean is much harder than the physical (my opinion).
If you have access to meds, you will most likely continue this cycle - you need lots of time to get stronger, but I think, at least for me, that the temptation will never really go away, so you have to make getting meds almost impossible. Forever. I was at the dance for over ten years; my last detox was hell. I use it as a reminder if I'm ever tempted. I really wish you the best. I'm clean 52 days, and life is wonderful.
Helpful - 0
1767882 tn?1331409169
Hey Sodone - How are you doing? you're experiencing the worst of the physical W/Ds right about now. Day 4 was a torment for me. No cravings,
but boy was I miserable. The good news is that it's temporary. The second
week I felt much better. I could function. The fatigue lingered for a while.
Thankfully I was (and still am) taking the aminos and the supplements.
As for sleep - still not back to normal there. That's been the toughest part physically. Of course lack of sleep plays with our heads too. What I do is sleep whenever I can. I've had ONE really awesome night of sleep. If I'm tired, I rest. I take short naps. I take baths before bed. Last night I was up until about 2am then slept until 5, up for a bit, slept until 8. That's been my pattern. Now, as for STAYING clean. No, I have not had many cravings. I go to aftercare (NA) regularly. I read the recovery literature. I talk to God.
A couple of days ago I found a norco under my bed. No problem, in 10 seconds it was spinning it's way down the toilet. That's what I do.It's working for me. I'm pretty happy today! My business is going well. I enjoy my kids again, and, I don't have to wake up and take something to feel normal anymore. Take care. stay strong. find some kind of aftercare and stick with it. You can stay clean.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You have gotten some good advice here but the point I wanted to emphasize is "What are you going to do different" this time?  Many of us going through the detox process say that we will never touch another pill right up to the point where we touch another pill!  This addiction/disease is too big for us as individuals to conquer alone.  That is why some form of aftercare is literally essential for long term sobriety.  I was the habitual relapse king.....I knew a life on pills was not the answer and knew that I had to quit and that is why either by lack of supply or a quilty complex, I tried to go sober.....I literally realized this last detox, that I was putting myself through mental and physical torture by going through detox after detox.  I had a memeber almost a year ago tell me that this affliction should be treated like you have a treatable cancer.  If you found out that you had a treatable cancer, then you would get yourself the help you needed to take care of it wouldn't you?  This is what this addiction requires from us......WE need to break down the fear of treatment at any level and get all the help it takes to maintain sobriety!  It took me years to figure this out and I still go to AA (I found a pill tolerant AA group which I liked the people better) and have been going ever since.  I had already figured out the best way to detox by using supplements, exercise, and positive mental meditation but all I needed was that little extra support from my group.  I am working towards a year sober now from a terrible, long term oxy, methadone, and hydro habit.  I was taking anywhere from 150-300 mg's per day and was spending thousands of dollars while watching my liver and kidney's fail right in front of my eyes!  This disease will eventually take everything away from you.....Family, children, money, and worst of all your will to live.  

I truly wish you the best of luck and PLEASE consider getting into an AA or NA group the minute you can get off the couch.  You basically get out of detox, what you put into it!  This statement is soooo true and the more supplements, exercise, and support you get.....The more you increase the odds of making it sober long term.  You can do this, we all can do this......We just need to take it as serious as this addiction really is!

Good luck and God bless!!!!!
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Both of you keep fighting the good fight.  The wd's are only temporary.  Surround yourself with positive people who support your recovery.  Just take baby steps, your doing great!    sara
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I feel pretty good today.  Keep in mind i've had only been using again for 2 months, about 80 to 100 MG of hydrocodone per day, so I wasn't expecting my w/d symptoms to be as bad as my first detox.  

I have sensitivity to hot and cold, and my sleeping is out of wack, but other than that I am relatively OK.  I feel like I dodged a huge bullet.  I was on a path to destruction again but my supply ran dry on Monday and forced me to do this.  Now the supply is back up but I already did the hard work (days 2 and 3) so i feel like i'm free again.  I will NEVER take this lightly again and think I can just take one pill.  It doesn't work like that.  One turns into one-thousand.

I still have several old posts from my original detox last year that go into detail from days 4-10 that might be of help to you.   If you want me to copy and paste some more i'd be happy to.
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Avatar universal
How how your recovery been? I'm scared for the cravings to kick in? That's usually when I go back? :(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The hot baths have been great. Took a short walk with my husband and girls and was sooooo tired....and irritable. Poor guy couldn't say anything right. I hope I can feel happy again soon. How are you holding up?
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Avatar universal
How's day 4? Mine's not so bad today--still have a "cold" and feeling tired but hope seems near.
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Avatar universal
How long did your WDs last? Was it over just like that? insomnia? Cravings? What am I in for? And how the heck did you get past it all? :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You made me cry. I feel like the worst mom-I'm glad I'm not alone and we're both trying to stop FOREVER. If anything, I played and was silly with my girls the whole time I was high so hopefully they just had fun (they're almost 2). But when not high, I'm lethargic, irritable, you know the deal. I really want to be done. You have a great point about the accountability--the meetings, etc. I sooooo want to be done. I don't have cravings now but it's because I'm sick with WDs. When I get better, I'm straight to the gym, walks to the park, calling friends--anything to keep busy! I wish you the best--pls. check in!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Please start goin to na. It helps so much. And you need to just get your head straight for those babies of yours. I myself have a 7 month old and I am in detox getting myself back for that beautiful baby of mine. She deserves it more than anyone. I was on 50mg of methadone a day for 5 months. So pretty much my daughters whole life I have been high chat a terrible mom I must be right. I felt like I was super mom when I was high. I had energy to play clean and do everything. But I wasn't myself. My daughter thank god will neve know. And that right there is my motivation. She is my life. And I have decided to give her everything she deserves. She had everything she could ever need. All that's missing is a sober mommy. My plan to stay sober starts after this month in detox. My husband and daughter and I are moving an hour and half away from my home town. Where my using seems to only happen. Gives me a fresh start and a reason to do better. The house we are in now holds too many toxic memory's of my using. So I have no sorrows saying good byte. I will be doing na and out patient where I will be drug tested. I think you should do the same. Sometimes we need to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. And I know it will keep me on the right path. You got this. You have two amazing reasons to stay sober. Just like I do. Every day I look into her beautiful face I will kno u did the best thing for us. And she will never remember my using. Even tho at the time I saw nothing wrong with it. How crazy is that. Just because she never went to do a drug deal with me. And was never around when I used it. But she was around while I was high. She may never know but I have to live with it the rest of my life. And I cannot live any longer as her mommy on drugs.
Helpful - 0
1767882 tn?1331409169
Sodone -- You're experiencing the classic opiate withdrawal stuff. I had all of it. The worst is over after 4-5 days. It's tough, I know. For me, the worst part was being soooo tired. I have young kids too, so I know about that. What worked for me was L-tyrosene, SamE and all of the vitamins on the Thomas recipe. Use immodium to counter-act the runs. Use the L-tyro for energy.
It's part of the amino acid protocol (at the bottom of the page) Drink lots of
water or gatorade and prepare yourself for a few days of not feeling well.
Post often, watch movies, get a little exercise and REST when you can. Sleep will be hard for a while. Get it when you can. Stay positive (I know, that's hard too!!) and above all, don't take any more opiates. You will feel better and better. That's a promise.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hang in there sdn. Like everyone says, it will get better with time.Have you thought about making some plans for relapse prevention? I have found that it really helps to set yourself some small goals to reach. If you stay strong you will soon start feeling like your old self. When you have the energy try to exercise in small doses. Try to remember how good exercise made you feel in the past!!!! Stay focused and keep posting
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I can only speak from personal experience but I recently had a 19 month run on painkillers, followed by 5 months clean, then recently a relapse that lasted about 2 months until this past Sunday.  I am now on day 3 again...

I was living in the same hell that you describe.  I always wanted to stop, but rationalized my use and always convinced myself it wasn't the "right time" to quit.  It is the fear of withdrawing, and fear of coping with life with no pills that makes you keep using.  But those are just mental hurdles that will easily overcome and it really doesn't take that long into detox until they are behind you.  If you want to commit to a clean life without pills than its simply mind over matter.  The worst of the withdrawal symptoms only last a few days.  

My sleep started coming around at about day 12 on my first detox.  Thats when I started sleeping until sunrise again.  I have been reflecting alot today.. going through my old posts when I was 30 days, 60 days, 90 days clean, and I was really starting to feel amazing again.  But thats the past and now i'm back on day 3 again.  I will beat it for good this time.

I highly, highly recommend the Thomas recipe.  I was skeptical about how much effect some vitamins and over the counter remedies would actually help, but the difference is substantial from the times I previously tried to detox and failed.  Look it up in the health pages and following it closely.  I fully credit the Thomas recipe and this message board for getting to where I am now.  They are life-savers.

Good luck and keep coming here for support.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
For one thing, keep posting. It really helped me when I was going through wd. Knowing that complete strangers cared enough to encourage me kept me going. Also, as others suggested to me, take a hot bath, hydrate, and take the vitamins and supplements listed in the Thomas recipe. Watch some movies, listen to music, read. Move around, even if it means just picking up a little around the house or taking a walk around the block. I do understand how awful it is, but it will get better. :)
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