Withdrawal is freakin' awful

[sparkles13]

My legitimate pain issue has led to a severe hydro problem.  I was trying to withdraw over the past 1 1/2 weeks, and I would only make it 36 hours at most before I went begging for more meds.  

I was at the ER Sunday and the doc flipped out.  My BP was skyhigh, my pulse was skyhigh.  He immediately wanted to do a buttload of tests (UA, Blood, CT/MRI).  He was worried about my heart, as I do suffer from a heart condition.  I, however, know that all of my presentation of symptoms was simply withdrawal.  I freaked out and signed out of the hospital AMA.  I knew that was the end of my drugs at that point as it was too early to get anymore from my other 2 "real" docs.  

I have been sweating, aching, and vomiting ever since.  I am at nearly 48 hours now.  Fiance thinks I have the flu.  Again.  I am tired of lying.  I have legit med issues, but the addiction laid on top of it is only making things 1000X worse.  I have to get through this on my own as my family said they would disown me if I ever started using drugs.  (Grandfather tried to shoot my mom while drinking, she does not "tolerate" addicts as a result.  This is a quote).  

Fiance can't be trusted with this info either.  Shared my previous addiction story with him back when I was still clean and he said there is no way he could be with an addict.  This coming from a man who has used every drug in the book.  He spent the better part of the last 10 years stoned on pot.  He is totally clean now but whines for pot all the time.  He has been clean for 2 years.  But I play the hypocrite and say "NO POT."  

I am a fraud.  All because I do not know how to control my pain without hydros.  I have tried everything from injections to herbs to accupuncture to physical therapy.  I think I have just messed up my pain receptors in my brain.  This has got to stop.  I had a doc suggest ultram but I have epilepsy and cannot take it.  

I am going to pray and sweat my way clean just like I did before.  This time I think I want to go to a meeting, but I am afraid to go to the NA here b/c I heard that all the dealers lurk there.  That is the last thing I need is to get hooked up into buying these drugs illegally or any other drugs as a substitute.  Would Al-Anon be better?  I hear it is a safer atmosphere from the dealer aspect.

[awakan]

sark13
   Sounds like your boyfriend don't get it but alot of people don't because you been in pain used too many pain pills that should re-assure him you are a human being ..But maybe he don't realize chronic pot smoking is really drug abuse what a world huh...Drink some gator aid and eat things that feel good on you stomach it'd hard to want to eat sometimes when kicking but do your best go to some N.A. meetings in this world the dope pushers are everywhere getting used to it is part of staying clean..But their are good people their as well who will be good friends and help ya out..Not to mention here on this page lots of good folks who care about what happens so hang in their Spark and you will succeed....praying and sweating sounds so right for getting well...a-wakan

[fishmeal]

Welcome to the site.  I have never been approached by a dealer at an NA meeting and never heard of one although I'm sure it happens.  There are some meds available to help you like clonidine and ativan.  There is also suboxone which is kinda major league.  I would suggest going to a doctor and telling him the truth.  It works like a charm.
Best
Fish

[Gar7]

I'm right there with you. I have the pain and need these horrible pills to control it.I have never been addictive to anything in my life till now, and I believe your right they do someting to your brain. I always try some crazy way to get more and am running out of ways. I will not and never have bought illigal,so i set with sweats and a crappy feeling until my script comes due. I feel like a hipocrit alot because I use these damn thing and then pray for help. I wish I could just drop them. Hang in there your not a lone.

[CATUF]

I had quite a run with alcohol - 12 years of drinking that was alcoholic from Day-1, but it's now been over 19 years since my last drunk.  I was "dry" for 9 years before I got into the accident that introduced me to opiates, which turned into years of opiate addiction that made my "alcoholism" seem like a walk in the park.

So, I really think of myself as FAR more of a drug addict than an alcoholic (NA's admonition that "alcohol is a drug," notwithstanding).  Nonetheless, in my Recovery I have been pulled much more strongly to AA than to NA.  In fact, I think it's fair to sat that I've been slightly put off by NA.

Anyway, you might try AA.  Most AA groups don't care if you're "an alcoholic" or "an addict," although they are a few who do.  Most folks in AA seem to understand that it's one disease -- ADDICTION -- no matter what hat it happens to be wearing when it rears its ugly head.  

I doubt Al-Anon is what you're looking for.  It's a very good program, but it's designed for those in the wake of the alcoholic/addict's chaos.

[Dad of 8]

I completely agree.  I am a recovering addict and I go to AA meetings all the time.  Alcohol is as much a drug as pills are.  I was hooked on hydros for a long time.  Between treatment, my family, and AA, they have saved my life.  Don't be shy about going.  You will find that they will welcome you with open arms.  God Bless and Good Luck!! Tom

[tztlady]

Just to let you know I went to NA meetings for about 20 years, including the "world NA convention" where there were thousands of addicts all in one place all at once, and never once have seen or heard of a dealer there.

I can understand your fear cuz when I went into detox I was so afraid that the clients there would have some dope and that if I failed at detox then I would be truly hopeless.

I agree with those who suggest AA though, just substitute the word "drugs" whenever you hear "alcohol" and you'll do fine.

AA is usually an older crowd, at least thats how it is in my area.

good luck,
tzt