Withdrawl/ Tapering

[Jeff31]

I was put on Oxycontin, with Percocet for breakthrough pain about a year ago. While awaiting another surgery to my Cervical Spine. I have Severe Disc Degeneration in all of my cervical spine. Now the problem i am having is no doctors will do the surgery, due to the medications. The surgeons say that in order to control the pain after surgey they would have to give me way to much medication to control the post op pain. I dont use the meds for a "high" but that really doesn't matter from what i can see. There will still be some w/d's from the meds. It is comforting to know that one is not alone, while going through these. Im concerned with the tapering side of things, as it is easy to take another pill when you start to feel the slightest amount of discomfort. You all provide a great service here. I know how alone it feels to think that "you" are the only one going through it. So you can add another person to the "I feel alone realm".
Jeff
***@****

[dreamin]

It does help doesn't it. I feel your pain (wink) It is so hard to go through this and harder alone.  Keep posting.  You are not alone..

Sheila

[Jeff31]

I will keep posting, and believe it or not it helps tons to have an idea what to expect. It helps one prepare mentally.
Jeff

[Chezz]

Jeff,
The doc is of course right. He would probably have to give you a bottle or 2 of morphine just to take the edge off the pain now.
You are on so many opiates now that it would take alot to help you.
I know, cause it happened to me. I have surgery about 4 months ago. Normal hernia type surgery, although it was a little harder since I had one about 5 years ago in the same spot.
While in the o/r I came too and couldn't believe the pain. I was about to rip the metal sides of the bed off. They took me into the recovery room and gave me a ton of meds until the pain was bearable. The doc was like "I have never had to give that much pain medicine after a surgery like that before?"
I assume it was because I was taking about 8-10 percoset a day at the time to deal with the pre-op pain. Of course I was taking too much, but at the time I quess I was thinking I wanted to really be "Pain free". NOW I AM BEGGING TO BE OPIATE FREE!

So what is the story with you? You obviously know you have some sort of a problem otherwise you wouldn't be here. You are also wondering whether you are taking too much medicine. Yet it is prescribed.
SO was mine. I just took too much and continued to. Then made more excuses in the world for why I "had" to take it for this pain or that. I could of taken 2-4 meds a day prior to surgery and then 4-6 for a week after. Then stopped and would have been on my merry way.

Here we all are.........days, months, years later. Same stories, same addictions, same problems, yet different minutely in some way. We are all bound together by the same bond.

Jeff, be glad you are here now, not 10 years from now, like some of the people on here did.

Let us know what is going on, we are all here to listen, help, and just be there.
CHezz

[dreamin]

I don't know who you are but your posts are beautiful, in a no bs sort of way.  it helps me every time I read one.  Just wanted to tell you that

[Jeff31]

Well, yes, i know that at one point or another that i have "over" indulged in the meds. And i know that there will be some degree of difficulty coming off of them. I am laying the ground work for the days ahead of me. I know that it's going to be difficult not only mentally but physically. It is hard to break the "routine" of popping a pill at the first sight of pain. I think another one of the problems for me is they always said to stay ahead of the pain, or then it's 2x as hard to catch it. So of course, i WAS always ahead of it. I made everyone aware of what the next month or so holds to try and get a good support group around me. Then i came across this site, and thought what a great site, everyone here has gone through it. Everyone in our situations need support at one point or another, I think if we were to ask the number of people who have done it all alone, it would be very minimal.
Jeff

[Chezz]

Just a suggestion to all.
If you do decide to quit, and talk to your spouse, family, friends, doc, ect. You get all excited and let them know. You start going through it, can't face it, then........relapse.
DO IT WHEN YOU ARE READY!!!

Can you imagine what it is like for these people to see you go through this and then want them to ride the "roller coaster" with you. They get tired of hearing about how you are going to get better, you aren't feeling good today, you are out of meds, going to get some soon. They heard all of this **** while we were taking the meds. Now they get to hear how we couldn't make it. That we needed the meds, ect.
Then 2 months down the line and you rush to them again so you can get their support through it AGAIN. So they are for you.......... and the story goes back to the start again.

The point, these people in our lives get tired of seeing us always in "need". Our lives are always in disarray, we need this, we need that. They get tired of hearing that when we are using. So to say it is finally over and then take them on another ride is one they might finally say "I want off", talk to me when you are!

This is the reality.

Get better, stay healthy, and stop bsing yourself and everyone else. If you are ready to live normal, do it. Don't talk about it. Do it.

It is harder than hell for some, a little better for others, but the bottom line is we all have to go through it to finally be "right" again. And for that, we are all in this together.

Chezz

[Chezz]

What are you dreaming about?

I am dreaming about being "FRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

I can't wait.

That made me feel so good inside to read your post. I just take a different view on things sometimes. I know it helps me to see other peoples view of what I am doing.

I am scared as can be right now. This is hard, and is only going to get worse in the next couple of days. One thing I do know is that it can't get worse by talking about it. It can only help.

Where are you at? Are you still clean. I read where you had said you had been clean for a week. I hope you are. And I know I will in a week.

Chezz

[Synderella]

Jeff,


I too stumbled upon this site just a week ago myself, and the people here are fabulous!  We are collectively intertwined, and tied together by the bonds of opiate addiction.  It does help to talk with others whom can truly relate.  Like I’ve said before, although I have a great support system, in my real life beyond cyberspace, no one in my life can really know or relate to my opiate dependence and addiction.  I can tell them what I feel like, but the story is only a vicarious one.  I tell my non-addict friends; it’s like trying to explain the colors of the rainbow, to someone who was born blind.

Hang in there,


Jenn

[Jeff31]

Chezz,
To me it is not an option to fail. I am 31 years old, own a business, and have all the will in the world to stop. Even knowing all that it is going to be hard. And yes as you said, it is going to be difficult on those around me. They will have no idea about what i am going through. That is why i came here. Here NO ONE is alone, and we all know about this addiction. And how hard it can be to free yourself of it. I used to tell people that didnt know me and tried to judge me on my taking meds to manage pain, until you walk in my shoes dont judge me. But here it is as, all we are all in the same shoes, in some sort or another. I just want to have the best resources possible, and as the need calls for it, to use them. I wish all here the best of luck in changing your lives around. Though it will not be easy, the rewards will be well worth it.
Jeff

[Chezz]

Jeff,

That was just a "moment" I had. It wasn't directed toward you. Just the thought to everyone in general.
Mainly for myself. I hate to say it. Sometimes it helps to just let things rip and go with it. Then read it later and go WOW what was that.

I hope the best for you. I'm sure you can get through it. We all have while we were using.

I am just the type that likes to get it and deal with it. I like to hear other peoples stories and let them know mine.

It was tiring me out trying to think up new stories about how I was different. I'm not. I'm strung out just like somebody who doesn't have a home, spouse, nice cars, ect. I am no better or worse than the addict that lives where he can, is dirty, tired, and lost too. Once I realized that, it made dealing with it easier for me.

I noticed myself wanting to sugar coat my story and what I was going through when I 1st saw this site a few weeks ago.
Now I am at piece knowing that that person on the street has just as much to loose by getting clean as I do. We both are going to "loose" something that was in our life for a while and now we have to get better.

Just thoughts,
Chezz

[dreamin]

I almost missed your reply.  I am in ND.  and yes still clean.  not loving it, having a hard time sleeping and all that. I don't think I have had quite the road that some people have but we all walk with our demons and our baggage.  You are right, it helps to talk or type...

anyway, how about you? where are you?

[Chezz]

I am in California. Clean 6 hours. LOL
Sometimes I don't feel like I have gone down that road either. But you are right, we all have our demons. I just wrote something about that prior to your post.

I have been feeling kind of off since only taking 2 pills this morning. It is only the start. Tomorrow during the day will be bad, as well as tomorrow night. I am just looking to get through the day and being happy, clean and moving on with my life. Especially at 28. I still have alot of life to live.

This forum will be my savior throughout these next days and week.
Your help, support, and words help so much through this time.
Thank you,
Chezz

[Jeff31]

Chezz,
I didnt feel as if was directed towards me, even it was it, it is good advice. It is not fun for the abuser as well as the family and friends that you decide to have as your support. It is almost as if they think that your failure is due to something they did or didnt do, so it is very important that once you get others involved in your decision to quit that you follow through. More than just you, is riding on that decision. Again, i feel your advice on that was good.
Jeff

[Jeff31]

Synderella,
We are all in the same boat whether we admit it or not. You are very correct in saying that persons that are not dependent on opiates, really dont understand what it is like. Like you that is why i went elsewhere. To fine people like myself that know what it is like, and to hear the stories about people that have made it through. It gives all hope. They are the best ones to talk to and get advice from, on how they did it and what worked and didnt work for them. Even though we are all different, this is one thing that we all have in common. Admitting that there is a problem is hard. And the first step towards any kind of normalcy.
Luck to all of us.
Jeff

[pon]

Hi jeff...welcome...i am on day six and just found the site a few days ago myself.  Like you I got nabbed by RX vikes after shoulder surgery...doesn't matter though, addiction is addiction.

I quit alcohol 15 years ago (this decemeber) and have been drug free until this...like you I am in a position of responsibility, 41, wife, 2 beautiful daughters and number 3 due in febuary...am a VP at a big company...but I am an addict.

Chezz was right about the support around you...but take it as you should everything here, that each of our lives and situations are different, it is our addiction we share.  Do what is right for you, but be careful for those you love too.  When I quit alcohol there were many false starts (and maybe my big 6 days right now will be one too) and I hurt a lot of people around me....do what is right for YOU, just think it through.

Be careful too about "not an option"...you are tough, you have to be to have gone through what you have and still be successful and have such resolve...but this is a tough addiction.  I may be a little different than most of the folks here, because I generally post when I am feeling better, not bad...it can be really bad...but you can do it.  Just don't be tough on yourself where you don't need to be.  IF you fall off, don't decide you have failed forever because "failure is not an option"...Get back on and keep trying.

Good luck to you.  You sound like a really good guy who has had a miserable hand of cards dealt to him, BUT has still managed to win.  I'm betting you'll win this one too.  Keep posting...I'm a newbie here, but I have to say that all the people here are wonderful.  I have never been so sacred in my life as I was when I finally realized I was addicted to the meds...these last 6 days have been a hell of a lot easier for me because of the people here.  

Keep posting, I bet there are a lot of people YOU can help.

Pon

[Jeff31]

It sounds like i have found the right place for when the hurting really starts, It's people like Pon, Chezz, synderella, and others that make this site what it is. I to am here to help, and be helped. I have a great desire to quit and it gets stronger everyday. I do realise that there is a big mental hurdle to jump, but like the rest of you am ready to make the jump, or wouldnt be here. I can no longer be stingy with my life, it's not all about me. It's about all those who care for me. I realise that there might be some real tough days out there. That which doesnt kill us, makes us stronger. And thankfully we can all look here for strength, when we have none left.
Jeff
If anyone wants to email me or chat live i will always be willing.
***@****

[Bondy]

Jeff,
I am 6 days clean and first day back at office.
  With the help of a few biochemicals..tyrosine, clonidine..I felt BETTER than I did on hydrocodone. I was INTERESTED in stuff and got engaged in revamping the office.
Energy ran out some later in the day but it was still a really good day.
My point is some people can do it fairly easily.
Some people have it harder. Be optimistic, you may be one of the luckier ones...go for it.
Strongly suggest you do it through a doctor, if possible.
Gest of luck, Serge.

[konrado]

You sound just like me. I was escalating my opiate use, Vioodin, and  noticed that even with the meds at 10-20 10mg vics a day I still had pain. Tolerance sucks. It hurt to have hot water on me from the shower. What's going on here? Stoned and tired and the pain is worse. Then the pain eased. The second back surgery this year finally worked. Am uncomfortable but no pain. Thank God. Why stay on the vics I have no natural opiates. I hope to get them back. I have been a pill taker all my life. I would hate to see my liver and kidneys after all the tylenol I have shoved down my throat. I also quit drinking 5 years ago. All it did was make me sleepy and "then it would be hard to find the door" lyric by Hoyt Axton No NO Song done by Ringo Starr in the 1980's I think. I used this tune in my head when I feel a crave. Good luck. Get off them f____ing pain pills they will kill you. Al least lower your amount so your docs can operate on you. Konrado I ain't no expert on this but I am on day 11 on my recovery and detox. Ambulatory medical detox. I'm feeling better today thank you.

[Sean5110]

Moxy: I started to taper one day last week but then realized I had a refill left and I knew that I would not be able to go through completely knowing I had a script for 90 hydro just waiting for me. I've tried to put myself in a position where there is no easy option. I don't have any doctor relationships and I was forging to get pills. I will not forge again. I don't have access to any other pills. It's taper now, or use 'em all up in a few days and go cold turkey. This brings me to my response to Chezz:

Chezz, Thanks for your feedback; you're right that things seem out of control: I've taken more in the last few days as I've tried to eliminate my supply to limit my options and start my taper schedule. You indicated that cold turkey would be best once I got down to a more reasonable daily dosage. I would prefer to do that except I cannot take any time off from work and am much relied on at home given my wife's condition. When you mention that cold turkey followed by a couple of valiums a day is a better approach, is it your experience that the valium alone will ward off the completely incapacitating withdrawal effects and I will be able to function (go to work, help out at home)? My tendency is to go cold turkey, but again, I cannot be completely down and out. I can take uncomfortable and weary, but I cannot by out of commission completely.

Thanks,
Sean

[bmac]

I have had 4 back surgeries,the last was anterior and posterior
fusion.They went thru the front and back and fused my last three
disc.Like many here I have been diagnosed with Degentative Disc and Joint disease.I have also had an Osteotomy,had 12 inch
pin graphed into my right leg to straighten my right knee.I am
about 10 months away from right knee replacement.
I say all this because I have been addicted to hydro,oxy and pot and alcohol since 1989.After 4 backs and 4 knee/right leg
surgeries I used the pain as an excuse to stay high,hell it's legal you know.I detoxed using methadone then phenobarb and
clonidine to withdraw.It was hell,I mean hell.It took until day 20 before I could function as a human being.By then I noticed all the pain I had been having but not knowing because of all the
opiates in my system.28 days now since I took my last pill,but you know the pain ain't as bad as I thought.Alot of the pain was the guilt I felt because I was a drug addict.
Make that stand and my best advice to anyone here.
STOP TAKING OPIATES.Sounds real easy, but you know it's hell.
Once you get the drug out of your system,then you will start healing,not before.As long as 'the drug'is in your body,you will be weak.Once your head clears you will see things alittle differently.I promise it does get better.
                                  bmac

[percsnomas]

Great Post

[bmac]

Yeah,ain't life a *****.I never thought I would be able to stop.
I was a weak person up until now.Something just clicked and before I knew it,it was day 20.Use the recipe and stop beating yourselves up over it.
                               bmac

[percsnomas]

.... I get the feeling that your strength was probably always "there", just mutated due to strange opiate forces...

Keep up the great work Bill!!
(I'm entering my second month OFF, and feeling very well)

[Chezz]

Well it is day 2 for me. I woke up and felt better than I ever did taking the meds. This is a 1st for me since on day 2 I should be having one of my worst days from past experience.
I know this is directly corrolated to the L-Tyrosine. That is the main thing I have been taking. Along with Zinc, Mang. mix, Centrum, and tazesazpam (SP).
Personally on a scale of 1-10 this w/d so far has been a 4. So I feel pretty good today.

Now the pain is on a different page though. It has come on pretty strong. So that sucks. I am taking IBP 800.

I also had a long discussion with my doc yesterday. He feels strongly about treating my pain and getting me to see someone who can fix it. The last nuerosurgeon I went to gave me some meds, a toridal shot, and a paper and half hour discussion on eating more meat ect. Like the atkins diet, he even had a handout. Needless to say I was blown away.
That is why I am where I am now. I am tired of taking the meds, since I do abuse them sometimes. But I also need to see a doctor who can take care of the problem or get me to see people who care to help.
I told my doc I need a long term plan that will keep me from getting these episodes. Then I won't have to deal with the pain med situation at all.

Good luck,
Chezz

[dreamin]

Glad to hear you are feeling better.  sometimes I wonder where (if) we can draw the line between dependance and addiction.  Do you think there is one?

sheila

[Chezz]

I am not sure on the dependence/addiction issue. I really am not too familiar with the boundaries of either one.

Although that is what my doc was trying to tell me yesterday. He understands taking the meds thing and me hating the battle. Pain meds or deal with the pain. He says f%#@% it, deal with the pain and get the problem fixed, then he will get me off the meds too.
I know he is right inside. I just hate the idea of taking meds for another couple of months until I can get the doctors appt's I need. It takes like 3 weeks to see a neurosurgeon. Then when he does, you don't get to spend much time with them, to diagnose, and get the things done to help me heal my back.

It is so confusing sometimes.
Chezzz

[pon]

Day 7 under the belt...physical stuff is almost completely gone...I slept last night through....anxiety and depression are fading fast too.  I am thankful I am one of the lucky ones....

Everyone, thanks.  I can't tell you how much this site has been a savior over the last 7 days.  Thousands more to go, but with all of you here, I am feeling reasonably brave!

[Chezz]

Right on Pon. I have been having a tough time today with this. Although I will say I have not had any of the bad withdrawls that I usually have yet. So far so good on that front.

It is the mental/pain issue. The pain comes on stronger and stronger after my last dose of medicine. I want to be able to just get along with IBF 800.

I did call my doc today and instead of percs he said to try the valium. I have and it has helped a little. I had a big talk with him yesterday so he knows I want to try it without the meds. He said I just shouldn't make myself deal with the pain because of the phy/mental addiction aspect.

Confusing, hard, but taking it one minute at a time.
Chezz

[pon]

Hang in there...the pain must be terrible, I know how bad my shoulder was when I shredded it (when I fell my horse went one way while my right arm stuck in a jump and my feet stuck in the stirrups), but I don't for a minute believe that I have any idea of the physical pain most of the folks here have gone through....people like you and jeff are amazing to me...I admire your courage and determination.

Hang in there...let your doc help you...there are lots of different types of pain in all our lives...if we get lucky enough to choose which one we want to endure, so much the better.

I'm lucky, my shouoder is mostly back together and I really don't have too much more to face on that front...

Hang in there...you have my prayers, you can do it...choose the life YOU want.

[Chezz]

The amazing thing about this is that I have gone through what I thought were hard times.

Control is an issue is its self. I learned the corp. ladder thing at 23(28 now). I was picked up by an international broker who wanted me to be their Country Manager of Japan. 22 Mil a year in sales, 25-30 employees. Of course some of them were twice my age. At 23?!?!?! It was a nightmare, logistically, physically, mentally. Yet I did it, and very well.

But I can't seem to get through a week of unpleasantries and all of this bs.

And to think that I brought this on myself.
Chezz

[Tucker's Pam]

I am new to these boards so let me know if I goof.  the reason I was looking is because I quit taking Oxy (LOADS OF IT) on September 4th and I am still a toxic slug.  I can't move!  I hate that!  I did a medically supervised, inpatient detox so I also have the detox meds to get through my system.  I agree about getting off these with the guy who said the pain wasn't so bad after all.  I still felt my pain on 280 mgs of Oxy!  (I have a degenerative hip that has been replaced mass times) So I don't want to ever go through this again.  Your body simply adjusts to outside pain relief and you need more.  I swore I wouldn't need more when I was at 10 mg once a day.  I just need to get moving but I am sooo tired! I have 13 years off all other drugs so having to go through this really pisses me off.  My doc was VERY pro-oxy (no longer my doc)  anyone know anything about neurontin?

[pon]

man don't beat yourself....they are two different things...COMPLETELEY different...I am a corp type too.  41, a VP at a 30,000+ employee company...300+ people in my org. $4.3B in sales 2001.  To me, all that is easy comnpared to this.

Nothing I learned there or that made me tough in business is a bit of help here for me.  That is all a job, a game, something we do to make money.  THIS is our lives and how we choose to live them...or not live them.

LIVE yours, stop beating yourself up and hang in there.  How you got here doesn't matter a bit, IT IS THAT YOU MAKE IT OUT THAT MATTERS...hang in there, you can do it.

I hope those words aren't too strong, I just want you to know that it doesn't matter why you're here...we all got ourselves into this one way or another, how no longer matters...what does matter is that we all make it out.

peace for you Chezz, hang in there, you can do this.

[Chezz]

How you got here doesn't matter a bit, IT IS THAT YOU MAKE IT OUT THAT MATTERS...

Thanks Pon, I needed that. That statement got me a little light inside. I was just sitting at my computer kind of dazed and crying.
Then my wife walked in. I had already talked to her when she got home about everyhthing that happened today. With trying to slip. How it made me feel. Generally how deep this goes. At the time though, I couldn't let her in on this site. It is really hard to totally let people in. What I write here is just so raw and deeply intertwined with "the child inside me". The "real" me. I love her so much. But to let her inside my head and see how she reacts was hard.
I then let her see some of my posts and cried, and just really told her were I was at yesterday, today, throughout the hours between these day.
It feels GOOD. Yet is was so hard to let her actually "in". She knew of my med issue, we have talked about it. She would rather me take them than be in pain. She also knows abuse, she can see it, all women can. But I have never let her see me "naked". This site to me is a virtual diary. I can say things here that I would probably never verbally say. The connections I feel I have made here already are stronger than any bond I have made to anyone. Yet we have never been in the same room.
That is why it feels good to get feedback when things aren't going good.
It has got me through today. And I feel so good right now it is amazing.
Letting my wife in was so @#$%$@! (nothing can describe it)

Im out of words,
Chezz

[pon]

another day under your belt....each one will get better...big step today man...you did a lot that few have the courage to do.  hang in there, for you.

[Markol]

Hello everyone.Wow what a great site!.I've always been a lurker online and this is my first interactive experience so please be gentle.I wonder if I'm the oldest at 59?Here's a brief history.Been smoking pot for over 40 years,went through the '70s and '80s doing coke and ludes mostly recreational but did get addicted to diet pills through the 70's.Kicked them in 2 wks-Pure hell.In Sept '99 caught a bacteria infection in my back that ate away my 2 and 3 lumbar.Had 2 12 hour operations in 4 days.The first to remove the infection-the second to put rods in my back so I'd be able to stand.Had to wear a cast brace for months.Was prescribed 2 20 mil oxys a day and everything was fine until last December when I startd snorting them.I also got wife involved too.She looks like Ms Straight too.Anyway we've been clean 59 hours.Been pure hell.Sometimes i think wow its passed-then the shakes come or the sweating or the depression.We're gonna get thru this my wife and I and I swear to God I'll never touch another oxy.It felt good getting this out of my system-almost like Confession.You sound like a nice bunch of young people who just got sidetracked.Just remember-you still have lifetimes to lead and life ain't so bad.Have a good life-all of you. Mark

[pon]

How are you two doing today?  this should be between day 3 & 4 for you if I am counting correctly...this is often the hardest time for most people....hang in there after a few more days it will start getting better...not easy, but better.

Keep posting we're here...people will help

[Paige]

I am hooked on DARVON, about 15 to 20 a day and my doctor / pharmacices / all of them / just seems to catch on to this.  My supply was just abrubtly cut off and I only have 5 DARVON left. This was going to be my last script of 60 I was going to taper off this time.

Would anyone know what kind of withdrawal I will go thrugh?

I have a lot of family obligations this week that I can not miss and four kids to take care of.  What am I going to do.   I hear DARVON is a mild drug.  I dont know how I got so hook on it.  Can anyway give me some advice.

[DIRTBAG]

okay i made it 15 hours before geeting phisically ill.  i had one vicodin and the recipe this morning and that took about 15 minutes to kick in.  the sick part kills me should i try and taper or just kick no one around me will understand why i am sick.  i threw up and started shaking.  help i think i could get 5 today.

[pon]

Is there any chance you can get to a Dr???  This is not an easy thing to do...especially alone...people here can help you with support, but your Dr can help with the pain...

[DIRTBAG]

I don't think I can today is better I got 5 yesterday and I had two today plus the receipe, I went to church but I am sweating like crazy and weazy.  I think I can come up with two more by tonight, I am not going for a prescription though.  I've got to grocery shop and cook today it seems like a giant task. I'll do it somehow,  can you take the receipe 2 times a day?  I didn't sleep either.  I have two days a half dose and today a 2 pills how long is this gonna take.  i also went to a recovery group friday night.  Any answers are welcome.

[Chezz]

DB,

I'm sorry I can't answer your ? But Pon is right, a doc can help.


I wish I would have stuck it out. I hate this okserw90w409uj kkdfkjldsfjkldfskljdlk;dk.
No meds till tomorrow. I don't know how or what to do anymore..........
Chezz

[pon]

You will stick it out...not right now...but you will.  You are so demanding of yourself that I think maybe sometimes you don't see the forest for the trees.  I'm sorry if that seems a little strong, but I DO care about you, I AM NOT feeling let down by you, and I DO admire your resolve...and frankly since you slipped and haven't been posting as much, I miss you...

I don't know if you realize what a source of strength you are for me chezz...yeah, I tore up my shoulder and that started me into this opiate addiction...not my shoulders fault, no one's but mine...my fault because I kept taking after the pain was gone.  YOU deal with terrible pain everyday of your life AND find the strebgth to face and break this addiction AND find the strength to help others who share are addiction...do you have aby idea of how amazing that is to someone like me?

Chezz, I know you are hurting right now...I wish that my words could take it away for you, but they can't...only you can.  You quoted me one time to someone else who was feeling small because they had gotten themselves into thsi addiction...you told them "it doesn't matter how we got here...IT ONLY MATTERS THAT WE GET BACK OUT".  Well I have something else to say to you "Have the same compassion for yourself that you have for others".

Hang in there...it will get better and you will make it...you have the strength in you, you just need to give it its proper chance and time.  You have someone who believes in you...ME.  I bet there are lots of others who would say the same given the chance.  Believe in yourself, you are strong...you will make it...and you are worth it.

prayers
pon

e-mail me?

[pon]

sounds like you are having a tough time right now...are you sure that you can't get to your Doc?  Not for meds, but to open up....let them know your problem, your addiction...and let them help you.  They can and they will...that's their job.

Going to the support group is good...posting here too...people here are just like you...they will help.

The w/d is bad and hard, but it does end....a Dr can help make the physical aspects (which sounds like they are hitting you hard) better....keep posting

pon

[DIRTBAG]

I got the other two went to the store and will make it through dinner and family time.  thank you for being there and I am sorry that chezz you are in trouble again right now.  I so want out of this pain and I so want to be myself again.  Its hard to remember what I was really like I have had this secret so long. Truthfully I have enjoyed it, because it has been all mine. I always feel like I'm on parade with a family husband and a business and so many endless responsibilities.  I can tell that you both understand.  Tomorrow I will try only the receipe, I took it twice today along with 5 pills,  That is three days of tapering, I wish that I knew how long these sweats and muscle aches last.  That seems to be the hardest right now but I know the other dirtbag that lives inside my head will be coming back to haunt me soon. No more precriptions!!!  I look forward to hearing from you both and hope that at some point I can be as helpful to you. Chezz I to am on your team using or not. Peace
Please write back often I am chcking this machine about every half hour looking for hope. thank you

[pon]

sounds like you are doing better...I have to call it a night but will be on again tomorrow...I am east coast, so usually can get on once during the day at work then some at night.

Hang in there...it is going to be yough...but wanting to do it is the hardest step to take and you've taken it...you can make it...you are worth it.

pon

[Chezz]

Pon
its been a hard weekend. I hope you aren't better now and are gonna split.

My email is ***@****

Thanks man I need your help
Chezz

[pon]

I'm not splittin' yet...I'll be on here everyday until I have at leeast 28 under my belt...I got your e-mail address--I'll write you after work east coast time...hang in there man.

pon

[DIRTBAG]

OKAY ITS MONDAY AND I AM DYING INSIDE I ALREADY THREW UP AND I AM GETING READY TO DRIVE THIRTY MILES FOR 2 PILLS, HOW STUPID I HOPE THIS TAPER IS THE RIGHT THING I WISH SOMEONE AROUND ME COULD UNDERSTAND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING GOOD LUCK TODAY I HOPE THAT I CAN MAKE IT ON TWO TODAY.  PEACE I'M THINKING OF YOU CHEZZ

[Chezz]

Thanks Dirtbag. But it sounds like you need a little more help right now.

I will write more after my wife comes home for lunch.

Hope you feel a little better from the couple pills you could get. We ALL know the feeling.
Chezz

[DIRTBAG]

I got my two and boy that helped I am in the office now trying to think about whats important and not pills.  What kind of help do you get I don't understand.  Doesn't that mean spending hours in a doctors office and having to make explainations for my time spent away from here.  Am I kidding myself into thinking that I can pull this taper off by myself?  I hope not I wish someone could give me some kind of time line on how long this **** lasts.  Chezz how many times have you kicked?  This is sort of a first for me off vicodin I in a huge relapse, it has lasted ab out a year this time and I don't want to get caught.  I know you get it.  I'll be here waitng for a response and I hope your day is good and that your fine with yourself today.  Peace

[Chezz]

The help I was refering to was help from US. The forum. For that we need to know your usage, how long, types of meds. And most of all where you are at now with your addiction. Are you seeing docs, or buying on the street?
We need to know what you are going through so we can read between the lines and let you know what has worked for us, and what may work for you.
Personally I would rather go cold turkey as opposed to tapering. But it is all in the individual. If you are taking 300mg of oxy, I wouldn't recommend tapering. That is what I mean by knowing your situation.
You also need to get the L-Lysine that is recommended in the "recipe". It will help tremendously with the w/d. Also Valium or eguivelant will help with the "heebee jeebees"
Let us know where you are at? We are here to help.
Chezz

[DIRTBAG]

Thanks for the answer, I don't know where I'm at I take 15 to 20 pills a day mostly and always 10.  Vicodin the 550 or the 750 es I didn't know you could but them on the street I go all over to doctors and get precriptions and have a couple do it for me, I pay out tons of money, sometimes ten or twenty a pill. Its so embarrassing.  I have been using these quanities for a little over a year.  I really got going again last September and fell into a depression and went on prozac and all that stuff when I tried to quit. that didn't help and I just went back to the pills nobody knows that I have relapsed. Is this unusual?  I really like this tapering but I can't tell if I'm kidding myself I haven't taken enough to feel it these past couple of days and it is helping me deal with my family.  Write back soon I hope this is enough info.

[pon]

db...it sounds to me like you are using a pretty good amount of vikes and a year isn't a short time frame either.  I know you may not want to hear this right now, but you need to...if you are taking 10+ 550 or 750mg vikes a day, you are getting WAY TOO MUCH acetominephin in your body.  It is very dangerous for your liver to exceed 4000mg/day  and you are lloking at 5500-7500mg/day.  Acetominephin can even be fatal in a single dose of between 7000mg-1g...you only have one liver and you can't live without it.

I know that you are hurting now and that is normal for w/d....but you may be hurting a lot worse if you can't get clean.

You said that you are spending all kinds of money on buying the drugs and rotating between multiple Drs for RXs...how about spending that money on ONE DR to get some help getting off the meds?  A good Dr, if you will open up to them about your addiction, can help you.  They can help you with dealing with the physical aspects of the w/d which seem to be hitting you very hard.  Please think about it DB...you only have on liver and one life...

Come here for help and support too.  None of us are any different from you, yeah some of us took more, some less, some longer time, some shorter, some different meds...point is we are all addicts and we understand your pain and will help as we can...

I think one of the helps you need right now though is to get to a Dr if you can...way too much acetominephin.  Keep posting we're here for you...

[pon]

welcome home...I am glad to see your posts again my friend...I don't know if you realize how much strength I (and I bet many others) draw from you and your posts....but we do.

Hope that the weekend was a little better...I spent mine furiously doing anything I could to keep my mind occupied...too much free time is not good for me right now.  I am at 13 days and the cravings are pretty bad right now.  I'm guessing (aside from the fact that I'm addicted) that it may have to do with a substantial new load of work stress...would be boring to write about it, but it is definetely there and weighing heavy...so, I'm buzzing around like some kind of damn energizer bunny to try to keep my mind off the vikes.  No, I haven't flushed them...made myself a promise that I would have myself a little party on dayy 28 and flush all the bastards while I drank a lemon diet coke and ate a big choclate chip cookie...didn't open the bottle this time, but it is defenitely calling.  I'm surprised at how much stress makes me want them...I suppose I shouldn't be considering how I felt when I took them...oh well...lots of stuff got painted this weekend.

How are you doing?  How are you feeling?  I will e-mail you after this post and reading a few more of the threads...

pon

[DIRTBAG]

WHATS THE ACEITOMEIPHIN DO?  DO YOU THINK SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME BESIDES JUST BEING STRUNG OUT?  DO YOU KNOW WHAT A ROUND PINK PILL THE SIZE CODINE WITH A C ON IT AND THE NUMBERS 86/62 IS?  I'M GLAD I HAVE THIS SITE BUT HOW LONG DOES WITHDRAWAL TAKE WITH THE AMOUNT I USE?  I'M KINDA CONFUSED NOW IS SOMETHING GOING TO HAPPEN IF I STOP TAKING THEM THAT'S WORSE THAN TAKING THEM?  WRITE BACK SOON I KNOW I'M KINDA STUPID ABOUT ALOT OF THIS STUFF. I JUST STAY NUMB IN MY OWN WORLD AND HAVE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT.  I'VE NEVER EVEN ADDED UP MILLIGRAMS. THANKS

[Chezz]

You have got alot going on right now. You definitely need to see a doc and get on a program to help you off the meds.
About the ? regarding the pill. I don't know and don't think it is a good place to be asking. We are all trying to get better here. Not exchange info on meds.
I would like to help you. But you 1st need to get to a doc.
Chezz

[Chezz]

How you do it I will never know. I couldn't have pills around the house while I was getting clean. That just shows the determination and WILL to quit. That should be enough in itself to show that you have already beat this.
I know the coaster ride isn't over yet for you. But it could be made a little easier. The recipe, mainly the L-Tyrosine does help with reducing the cravings for me at least. I also am happy to be taking wellbutrin. It is said to be helpful in reducing the cravings of addicts as well as curb the depression. As long as it is not an addictive med and can help me, I am going to take it. Which is quite ironic since I can hardly remember to take anything except for my pain meds because I can "feel" them work.
Once again Pon, I admire your will and determination to have the pills around and not take them. On top of all the stress, ect you are having.
Well I guess you are half way to your 28 day goal. You have made it. Just don't open the lid. It's like pandora's box.
Chezz

[pon]

Pandora is staying in her box...at least for tonight...I take wellbutrin too...didn't know that it had that effect...that maybe why I seem to be getting an easier ride than most.  I take two multis am and pm too.  Oh, that just made me think of something that may be of use to folks...I may have already posted this, but if not....amitryptiline (elavil, a trycyclic antidepressant medication that is NON addictive) is supposed to have a side effect of helping you sleep.  From my understanding it won't help you fall asleep, but it will help you STAY asleep once you do.  I used it when I did a lot of traveling and it worked really well in jet lag situations...any doc will RX it for you, it is harmless...

Chezz, Check your e-mail!

[Chezz]

I got your email. Thanks, I needed that. Things just went haywire for me inside when I couldn't follow through.
I have a new plan of attack. I post that in a little bit. What time is it there? I hate to think you are staying up LATE. Its only 7pm here.
There is so much I have to say. It has been a tough 4-5 days.
Good job on another night down.





Chezz

[pon]

thanks...let me know your plan...the 4-5 tough days are past...time for a fresh start.  I'll check e-mail and the post in the morning after 9 east coast and write back...off for tonight...hang in there man...you WILL make it...

Have you heard from jeff?  I haven't, let me know if you have...

night,

pon

[ultimate high]

About the Elavil you posted about.  I was on it for about a year.  My neurologist put me on it as a preventative for migraines and it worked.  But I had to take it at night because it does help you have a restful sleep and that's why they recommend taking it at night no matter what the reason it was prescribed.  Downside for most people is it makes you gain weight,however I wanted to.  I went from 105 pounds to 130 pounds in two months. Craved sweets and just food in general. The doc said that was a little too much weight so I stopped the Elavil and am now down to 120 pounds which is a good weight for me at 5 feet 6 inches.  I was taking 75 mg. per night.  Hope this helps.

[suzieneedshelp]

I have been addicted to stadol for daily migraines/ headaches for over 10 years.  Now my supply has run out.  I will be starting withdrawal tonight.  I am terrified!  What can i expect?  I have an 8 y o daughter and need to take care of her.. I am doing this all on my own.  No meds, no one knows.  I am simply mortified and terrified.  Someone please e-mail me so i can call them and speak to them on the phone.  I am a professional woman in Fl.  Have a masters degree.
Thank you for your compassion...

[suzieneedshelp]

my e-mail is ***@****
thank
you....PLEASE HELP ME!

[GOD]

A little Info. (specifics may be helpful) :

You said you've been on Stadol for 10 Yrs., Right?

WHat is your PRESCRIBED dose, and how much do you REALLY take?
Being on that medication for so long, have you ever had to go through withdrawals before? Surely, you've had experience with withdrwals in 10 years... There are many helpful hints I can give you regarding withdrawal, Just need to know the specifics!

If you don't feel comfortable writing all the details out on the Post, You can E-mail me at ***@****--

Good luck with your situation, and remember, it DOES get better than this!

Jess

[suzieneedshelp]

Thank you thank you....sweet jess.  I have never really withdrawn.. Always had supply. A little diarhea (diarrhea) or shakes once or twice.  I am cluesless what to expect.  I sent you e-mail as well.  Will I be able to take my daughter to school in the morning?
thank you,
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

Will taking another narcotic lesson withdrawal from my drug of choice?  Even thought th e two are very different. I.e. th e stadol is an inhalent.. the darvocet pills
i.e., I'm, addicted to stadol nasal spray. Taking darvocet tonight.  I am feeling very shakey, weird feeling in my mouth, elecrircal feeling in my head,  Restless legs and shoulders.  Want to just sqeeze my muscles tight but get no relief.
Thank you!
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

Well guys i got more stadol from a dr. in atlanta.  Now i intend to taper off..but dont know how discipined i can be.  Any help for beig dicsiplined adn actually tapering?
Ty ty ty for your help and support!
Suzie

[LissaB]

Hello
I was on methadone for abour 5 years I took over a year to go down from 75 mgs I made it down to 3 mgs and decided to walk off the clinic, I was amazed to find that I am having withdrawal symptoms!  It has been a week and though the symptoms are not severe they are awful.  Mostly backache, excessive bathroom, and not being able to sleep or even rest comfortably also the cold sweat but not as bad as before when I tried to kick.  Loracet helps me to deal with it I do not take more than 2 a day but I worry I may be prolonging my suffering. I have 3 kids so I need to be functional. Does anyone know a way to make this easier or how much longer I will feel bad.
Thanks I know a lot of you are in more acute withdrawal than myself and my heart goes out to you.

[swillotter]

hi, i'm new here.  I was on heroin for one year until my wife found out.  She flushed it all down the toilet.  I detoxed cold turkey and was miserable, freezing cold for about a month.  then i started up again doing about $10 worth a day for 6 months until she found out again.  I quit all opiates for two years.  then one year ago my freind gave me some oxycontin.  For the last year I've been snorting 40-100mgs. a day and doing about 20-30mgs of hydrocodone along with it plus an occasional bit of heroin.  I've decided to quit the oxy and have been trying to taper with the hydrocodone.  I have 12 5mg. vicodins and just found 30 100mg. darvocets, and 5 10mg. valiums.  I really have to taper off without my wife finding out otherwise she claims she will divorce me for sure (three strikes your out).  I took 15mgs. of valium this morning and 5mgs. vicodin.  I really don't feel so bad.  I also plan on smoking weed and drinking as necessary if the withdrawals get to bad.  This may seem stupid but i am also an alcoholic and have been drinking for over 20 years almost everyday.  Does anyone think i'll be able to taper with the vicodin and darvon? please help me, i really have to function during the week.  I do hard manual labor for work and if i don't work we will be in some serious financial problems. thanks for any advice.

[puma]

Swillotter, I have a comment for you way up near the top thread. I just so happened to catch this one now. The comment up above will spell it out for you.

Chatahan