Withdrawl from Oxycotin

[KevinG]

I have been on a different pain killer for the past 7 months due to a knee injury. I started on hydrocodone/apap 7.5/500. After about a month, I stated to the doc that it didn't seem as if the pills were working, so he uped me to 10/650. I stayed on these up until my knee replacement last month, to when he discharged me with Oxycotin. I am now finishing with part of my therapy, and am trying to wein myself from the pain meds.
I've been taken to the ER twice thinking I was having heart attacks, been having shortness of breathe, chest pains, headaches, anxiety attacks, vomiting.
I was diagnosed as starting withdrawl, and prescribed Ativan.
How long should I expect these symptoms to remain, and is there anything other besides putting me on more drugs?
Thanks.

[jennyfla]

How scarey that must have been for you, and i want to say that i admire your smartness about wanting to get away from meds altogether!!!
Personally, i think the best way to get away from taking the oxys would be a slow tapper off, and your dr should be able to help you with.  When done slow enough, then it should be relatively painless.  Good thing you don't have addictive tendencies, because this drug is one to fear!!!
Watch the Adivan, and make sure that you don't continue taking those for too long.  2-weeks time should get you away from everything, completely.  Your doctor should be able to help you, and if he doesn't he should be shot!!!
Good luck!
Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Kevin,
You are both smart and lucky that you are going to taper. It sounds like you never developed a psychological addiction, and I'm very, very glad for you that you did not.

I had been on hydrocodone for over two years for chronic back pain, and during those two years, I was psychologically addicted, but not yet physcially. During that time, I took it 3 or 4 times per week, in the evenings, and 2 or 3 pills would really feel good..give me the pain relief and a high that I came to really love.  When the pain got worse, and I was preparing for surgery, my Doc told me to take it every 6 hours. This gave me better pain relief, but...then I also had the physical dependance. I recently had the surgery, and was given oxycontin for two months. I didn't crush the pills, just took two 20mgs twice a day, with about 4 vicoprofens in between for breakthrough.  I'm now off the oxy, and trying to taper off the vicoprofen, because I was abusing them, and am mentally as well as physically addicted.

If anyone had told me, when I first started treatment for back pain, that I would get addicted, I'd have never believed them. I have never had a problem with substance abuse before (I'm 38) and thought I was immune.

Anyway...I hope you can taper slowly off the oxy. I know that moving from oxy to hydrocodone only was hard on me...lots of sweating, chills, anxiety...very uncomfortable. That lasted about three days before my body adjusted to just the hydrocodone. I don't know how long you'd expected to have withdrawals last if you stay stopped on the oxy. But, whichever way you go, I wish all the best and hope that you are able to be as comfortable as possible while you go off this.  

How is your pain level these days?

WW

[Angelica]

...I am also on Oxycontin, and like Witchey W. I wasn't your typical drug addict either.  I have to tell you though, Oxycontin is very powerful.  I am taking 1 20mg (equiv. of 4 Tylox w/ no tylenol) twice a day or every 6 hours for chronic pain.  My diag. is multiple trauma w/ injuries also involving the knee.  I do believe that knee surgeries are rough.  I had arthroscopic knee surg. last year, and the doc said this will buy me a couple of years, and I too may be facing a knee replacement,not to mention the hip replacement also.  Anyway, I was given Oxycontin after a long 8 year battle to find or receive pain relief of any sort.  Although, I know they are powerful and a Godsend for pain, I do acknowledge the addictive factor being like no other, or almost like no other.  I am keeping a close watch on how many I take, and I am trying to ween myself off of them too.  I would like to keep them on the side for bad weather days, and the winter, but you and I both know that when we aggree to take this medication it can be like signing a  pact w/ the devil, because once your on them....you almost have to keep taking them forever, because the withdrawals are sooo severe.  If you feel like you can deal w/ the pain on other meds.....then by all means do so.  Best of luck, and talk to me anytime.
Angelica

[Witchywoman]

Angelica, did you actually feel a high from the oxy?
I ask because, I did not. Right after my surgery two months ago, I was told to take 2 to 3 20mg oxycontins twice a day, and it never got me high, it just relieved the pain. I knew that it is a highly addictive drug, but I didn't see what all the fuss was about. I later learned that people crush them to break the time release seal...LOL  it is a damn good thing I didn't realize that at the time.

[Francoise]

Hi You'uns:

I guess you've read my previous posts about all the oxy I've been taking for over two years now? I have a feeling you're right, Angelica; I'll be taking this stuff for the rest of my life. Thomas has been very helpful in the "new perspective" department, pointing out that oxy does give me a chance to have a life, and that's a chance I wouldn't have with only plain ol' oxycodone.

Even that being the case, I'm always on the lookout for people who report getting off oxycontin - just in case y'know. Can you (or anyone reading) say by what technique you've gotten yourself free of this drug? I would appreciate knowing very much.

Thanks,
Francois

[Witchywoman]

Hi Francoise,
I'm not sure that my experience getting off oxy really counts, since I pretty much just switched right on over back to vicoprofen, but...I'll tell you what I did.

Oxy gave me fantastic pain relief and no high, so in some ways I was very scared to go back to vicoprofen, as the vico has a high abuse potential for me.

At the highest, I was taking 60 mgs oxy twice a day, but most of the time I took 40 twice a day. When my Doc told me it was time to get off them, I went down first to 2 20 mgs, had no problem with that. A few days later I went to 10 mgs in the morning, and 20 at night. Three days later, I went to 10mg twice a day.
After that, I switched over to only vicoprofen. That is when the %$&* hit the fan. I was taking 8 to 12 vicoprofens a day and still having withdrawals. My symptoms were chills, sweating, low grade fever, achiness.  It lasted around 4 days. What did help was taking some amitryptalline (elavil, I had an old rx left over from when I took it for headaches). Taking about 50 mgs of the elavil let me get some sleep and seemed to stop some of the discomfort.

[Thomas]

I agree with what's been said to you on this thread. I do find your "symptom set" a little out of the ordinary for opiate withdrawal. Usually, the primary withdrawal symtoms involve extreme diahrea, hot/cold sweats, severe muscle aches in the limbs, especially the thighs and stomach, insomnia, anxiety and craving for the drug. Everyone's a little bit different, I suppose, but I'm still surprised.

Take warning about the Ativan. Get off of that as soon as you don't need it. If you're on it more than a few months, though, I strongly suggest tapering off the Ativan. It took me three withdrawal seizures to learn about Ativan and other benzodiazepine withdrawal syndromes. Having withdrawn almost literally a thousand times over thirty plus years of rx narcotics addiction, I find benzo withdrawal simply terrifying, as opposed to narcotics withdrawal which is merely miserable.

Thomas

[skipper]

welcome to the forum. from the age of 14 up thru my 30s i took
every opiate i could get my hands on. i did anything for morphine, dilauded, heroin,etc. i never gave a thought to what i'ld do if i
ever really needed a opiate pain killer' 18 years of cleaning up
my hand and my cervical spine went to hell.i'm 50 now, have intractable constant pain.i now take 40-60 mgs of oxy contin twice
a day & 5-6 irs in between.i've worked through the guilt issues of
this. I also take frequent vacations from oxy. I do this so i can feel somethig only if the pain in my neck, to let my natural body
functions catch up, and to have a sex life with my wife. I do
a fast ta[er with irs 12 the first day 9 the next day,6 the next
day,etc.. I also take  thomsa mix of l-tyrosine/b vitamens. add to
this 8- 12 oz glasses a day and some choclate in small amounts. i don't know if this will work for you- but it does for me. hint:
once you taper down to zero stash a couple of good blasts in safty
deposit bank box and flush the rest. when you need more the drug
store wii have plenty to fill your next rx.

hang in there,we all need each other
kip

[jennyfla]

Just wanted to say that my husband just got off of oxys and methadone.  He is in a wonderful rehab right now, and they actually got him off of everything in 5 amazing days only!!!
I still can't believe it!!!!!  He had been taking them for a long time too, shooting them up no less.
They used phenobarbatol, and i think that was it.  Maybe a little something to help him sleep, and a mild muscle relaxure for the cramps.  But after 5 days, nothing was given to him at all.  He just got approved for a mild sedative to help him sleep.  He has a lot anxiety anyway, naturally.
Good luck with your tapering, and i'm in the same boat, i have to be clean by the time be comes home!!!!  HELP!!!!
Lv Jenny

[PHILLYCHAD]

Hey guys! I am back......well, I never really left. It's just that I have had a hard time posting (Hmmm, wonder why!?!). Anyway I hope all of my old friends are still out there. In case anyone is interested Deb and I haven't used oxy's in months! I don't keep track of the days anymore because it is a constant reminder of how things use to be. I just want to say to anyone trying to beat the addiction of oxycontin...YOU CAN DO IT! Trust me! I look forward to being back on a regular basis as I have alot of "interesting" stuff to share with you guys! Chad

[wren]

This is Wren again. So I went to the doctor and he said my liver enzymes were high - what does this mean? He has put me on vicoprofen - what is the amount that is o.k. for me to take a day? Does anyone know? Also, since this has ibuprofen in it, what organ or systems do I need to be worried about? I think the tylenol in the lortab made my liver enzymes go up. If I stop taking ANY tylenol products, will it go down? Also, my triglycerides are high - could that be caused by my high liver enzymes or the lortab? I guess I see more now why I cannot continue doing this. Any comments would be much appreciated.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

Wren, due to chronic liver disease, I've had numerous blood tests done.  Large amounts of Tylenol or alcohol or both can really screw up the results.  I have copies here of results with my enzyme levels pretty high and they are explained as probably due to alc. or Tyl. and circled. As far as triglyceride levels, mine are well over 200.  My HDL and LDL levels are generally 17 and 90, respecively. SGOT and SGPT are 177 and 114. I take about 1200 mgs of Tylenol per day which is in my pain med compound. I am starting to get better results which indicates to me that the liver has very good regenerative properties.

Thomas, latley I've been taking Xanax more than usual for sleep. Sometimes I will get a tingling sensation in my finger tips and the feeling of falling. My dose is .5mg per night for the past thirty days. Marty has been taking more than that for almost eight years now and says that she has experienced the same side effects. Can you shed any light on this?

Chad, it's good to have you back and sounding optimistic again!

J.B.

[cindi]

Hey Chad my man,,,,,Where the hell have you been..I haven't even gotten an e-mail from you and deb....consider this a scolding young man  LOL  clean from oxys  good for you.....but now the big question....have yo been behavin?  no gerbils or small dogs??  LOL    love you                           Wren....I am almost afraid to have my enymes checked...Thomas and JB can tell you about the liver...even though Some of us here are i the medical profession,,,experience is our best teacher.....these guys have the experience    Love to all      cin

[jule1]

Hello to anyone who cares,  I had a major breakthrough last night.  I finally told my husband about my Ultram abuse!  It was not nearly as awful as I thought it would be.  I truly feel his love and support for me.  Now I am comitted to getting help.  He is trying to be as understanding as possible.  I can't believe how it was tearing me apart inside to be holding this in. Well thank you all for being there and I will let you know what happens next!
JENNY - When is your husband coming home and how are you doing cleaning yourself up?  Maybe you should talk to one of his therapists and ask them what you should tell him about your using.  It is so easy to read other paoples posts and give adivce when its not yourself right?  WREN - You really need to talk to a medical professional about all the questions you asked in your post.  CINDI  - Hi buddy How are things?  Love to all

Does anyone know of a godd pain addiction therapist or center in Northern NJ or NYC. Thanks

[cindi]

Hey Ladies,,,,Jules,,,,you go girl,,the truths does truly set us free....Wren, I forgot to mention to you that I think it is Thomas....old wise one LOL that recommends Milk Thistle to help repair liver function,,It could be the other one JB,,,,one of those 2 have talked about this I think it is an herb.....These guys, wiz, kip, JB, MIlo Thomas,,,Man they have been my life savers....

[Angelica]

Witchey woman.....I love your handle!  I find myself singing that song "witchy woman......see how high she flies..... or something like that..lmao  About the Oxys:  I don't know if you were here the first time I posted about my exp. w/ them.  After the doc telling me that I needed long term meds w/ little to no tylenol for pain relief and that my pain would def. increase...I decided to take them.   The darn things sat on my med shelf for several days.  Then the moment of truth came: LOL  I took one(this was a big media feeding frenzy at the time where I live)and terrified that I'd have some sort of heroin-like experience ...I watched the clock and sat down in a chair and did not move for 1 hour  LOL.  I like you, did not realize that people were tampering w/them....to get a powerful rush all at once instead of 6-12hours....  Anyway, 1hour passed no high no dizziness......no euphoria....notta!  So, duh me, I thought I got ahold of a bad batch, or the sneaky pharmacist traded them out for something else.lmao  Anyway: Glad you beat this thing and your off.....I'll probably be on something for the rest of my life, and I can't believe these doctors are giving this medication for something other than severe long term pain.
FRANCIOSE:  TOM is absolutely right in your case, and probably mine too.  He knows what he's talking about.  I also aggree w/ him ABOUT narcotic withdrawals as opposed to benzo withdrawals...his withdrawals can be life altering and physically changing...... that is serious biz....let me tell you.
Francoise: I can tell you one thing fer sherrrrrr that I've heard from ALLL my doctors:  Opiates do not cause organ damage or failure.....they are safe to take for the rest of your life, and like diabetics, and heart patients etc we have to learn how to live w/ this medication on a daily basis in order to move our bodies....lol  DId you see my post about the hardware???  
angelica  PS: also, my doctor showed me a dosage chart for oxy, and it goes way up there.....we are at the bottom of the totem pole, so if pain increases we should be ok....w/ tolerance.

[Angelica]

good to see ya back ole boy!.....I'll talk to ya when I think I can't get off this darn stuff by myself.  LOL  

CIN: hi there....lady marmalade sp?  LOL lmao

[Angelica]

.....I forgot to say this:  When I find myself pain free, and I am taking this medication daily....I tend to think of myself as being "PAIN free and needing to get off.  I think that is the brains way of tricking us into thinking we don't need the meds, because the pain is being releived....does that make any sense.  Anyway, I tried tapering, and the pain was definately there 10 fold, and I was not accustomed to it or the increases being so numb for 2 months......

[Angelica]

when re-reading my post about the opiates up there.....
I realize that these w/drawals are a peice of cake...... when taking the benzos into consideration.  It's funny how these doctors want to give you this as a way to taper down or help w/ the withdrawals, only to put you into a more dangerous (also addictive) situation.  I guess on the other hand though, there are no miracle drugs period, huh?  I think you gave some good advice up there.  Did you have any seizures lately??  Hope your doing ok.  I believe stressing this possibility to others will help, because some people probably don't even know about this.  I didn't until you told me about it.  
Love,
Angelica

[cindi]

Come on,,,hey joe,,ya wanna give it a go  gitchee gitchee yayaya...LOL   but let me tell you this...Lil kim, Christina and pink.....can't hold a candle to Patti Labelle............hey where's Robby been                      love ya sista

[skipper]

along the  thread--
if benzo are like barbs (reds, yellows,blues,etc) than the best
thing to do with em is leave em up on the shelf! Having been de-
toxed from penta barb thru the berkly method ( the cruelest,
slowest way to safely do) it i've never touched them again.
it just doesn't figure though. i've had a bottle of blue valium
in drawer for a year and never wanted  to touch one. a post sugical
swallowing problem had me taking one at night so i could at least
eat one solid meal a day. hope that swallow problem fixxed,cause
i can't stand the way they make me feel-- all stupid grins and
real doofy

kip

[Lekie]

Thanks everyone for sharing I have been on this oxycontin for 10 m onths when i first was given this for pain my dose was one to two 40 mg's twice daily I was told to take this when the pain first stars that not to let it get severe before taking my daily dose.I now take 160 mgs in the morning and maybe one to two 80 mg's at night I want to try and get off this in hopes that the infection I have is gone the last three times I went off this the pain came back in my prostate so I had to go back on it..Can any one tell me have they had to take a dose this high?? and if I taper off can any one tell me are the symtoms really much eaiser to go through??AS I am scared but want to do this because i think I may be better now and am just taking it to get the warm fuzzy feeling so it's time that I stop..Please some one if you can offer me some information to my questions I would be for ever greatfull.And does any one know while I am withdrawing on the tapper plan,, am I safe to take something mild to help sleep and maybe a muscle relaxer..Can the withdraw be life treatening?? can it cause a heart attach or just feel like one is having one??I just want to get off this now as I would amagine the longer that I am on it the higher the dose I will have to be on and the harder it will be to get off it.. I just hope and pray gang that my condition pain that was the reason I had to take this dont come back.Does any one know if lets say I get off this but still need any pain meds will something like vicodine help after being on this oxy?? Thanks to any one who will answere my questions as I am really scared about this..But want to attempt to get off this and I hope for good god bless all for being here and god bless those that mau be going through this too..Take care and again Tahnk's Richard  r_minjares***@****

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I've never used Oxy Contin so take this for what it's worth.  You have been  on a very potent pain med for 10 months. Oxy Contin was originally for terminal cancer patients but got way out of control.  That warm and fuzzy feeling is what you want more than anything. I know the craving for "it" and will be the first to admit it.

If at all possible, get off of Oxy by tapering down to something like Lortab or Vicodin.  Flame away, people! I'm just someone that has gone from morphine, heroine, opium, dilaudid and several other concoctions and has survived. The point is, you have to be alive to survive.  J.B.

[Thomas]

Hello my friend. My best to Marty, as well.

The hand numbness I referred to is strictly a withdrawal seizure precursor symptom (hey, a new acronym, WSPS!)for benzos in general and usually doesn't occur until you've been out for a day or two. Just taking one at night probably wouldn't put you in my shoes if you stopped. I was on it, of course, 24/7 until I ran out. I would suggest that Marty, should she choose to quit the stuff, taper over as couple weeks and be conscious of those WSPSs.

Hope you and Marty are in good spirits and good health these days, pal.

Thomas

[Thomas]

Hello dear friend,

No, thank god, I have not had any more seizures. Three was quite enough. The last one was at the end of April and I'm just now getting my full coordination and mental faculties back. It's funny. I've used benzos all my life, just never chronically like I have narcotics. It took using Xanax 24/7 for two years plus to put me in this situation. Based on my own experiences, I wouldn't hesitate to use benzos for narcotic withdrawal, even if I had to be on them for months. Everyone is different, but this never happened to me until I had been on the things for years instead of months. Anyone withdrawing from narcotics, I hope, does not let my warnings scare them off from using them during withdrawal.

Hope all is well with you and yours. Hope the daily pain isn't too bad.

Thomas

[Witchywoman]

Angelica LOL LOL  I had forgotten that part of the Witchywoman eagles song...good lord, the unconcious has ways of punning with us, doesn't it? heh...
I was a lurker at the time you posted about your first time taking oxy Angelica, it was before I had my surgery, and it actually helped me be less freaked out about taking it.  I still maintain that for me, oxy is a psychologically safer drug to take than the vicoprofen my doc has me on, since oxy never gave me that warm fuzzy feeling. My current dose of vicoprofen doesn't either, and so far, with the help of this forum, I've been able to stay on my taper schedule. I am down to 6 per day. The problem I'm having is that it is not controlling my pain very well anymore. My doctor told me to expect to have strong post surgery pain for 4 to 6 months, but I still want to go off it. I need to mentally accept and deal with the fact that I am an addict.  If my pain gets to the point of hurting the quality of my life, as it has for so long, I'll have to face certain choices at that point, but for now, this is what I need to do to take care of myself. Be narcotic free.

Let me tell you guys...Elavil helps with withdrawal symptoms, at least for me it has, so far.  For the past few nights I've taken Elavil to help me sleep, and I've slept through the night. I had been waking up in the middles of the night in withdrawals without it.  It makes you feel kinda fuzzy headed, but there is no pleasurable high in it, and as far as I know it is not physically addicting..though I'm not sure about that. 50mgs lets me sleep, relaxes my muscles, and really helps the back pain. I'm not sure why it helps the pain, since it is one of the old tricyclic antidepressants, but, lo and behold, it does.

Wren, a safe dose of vicoprofen is the dose that your Doctor tells you to take.....however, when I was using it to get the high, I was taking 4 to 5 of them three times a day. I think with ibuprofen doses that high you run the risk of gastric bleeding, and possibly kidney damage. If you find yourself having dark stool, like I did, that might be a sign of bleeding in the upper GI system, and that is a danger.  

Thanks again for all the support, everyone. I'm so glad I found this place!

[Witchywoman]

Lekie,
I was recently on oxycontin, though at way lower doses, and got switched to vicoprofen, as you may have read above.

Even with switching to another narcotic, I still had some withdrawal symptoms..anxiety, insomnia, massive sweating etc.

Have you talked this over with your Doctor? Your Doctor should be able to help you develop a taper plan that is safe and humane to you, and according to all I've read on this forum so far, it is helpful to use a muscle relaxer or a different narcotic to taper down.  For me, the key is to use what is necessary to either treat pain or withdraw more comfortably, without going for the high.  It is very hard....Right now I"m looking at a full bottle of 90 vicoprofens, from my recent refill, and man would I love to take a few more than I need and get some blessed relief from the fight I just had with my hubby! I came here to read instead, and that helps me make the right choice for me.

Good luck to you Lexie, in whatever you decide to do and however you decide to do it. I hope you stick around!

WW

[jennyfla]

Good for you girl, i am very proud of you!  I know that was eating away at you, feeling that you needed to lie to your husband, and lying tends to only want to make you numb yourself further, therefore, making it worse for you in the end!
Good luck with your tapering, i will say a special prayer for you that you will find all the strength needed to accomplish you task at hand!
Only one of the counselors knows about my using, and i told him before my husband was admitted.  He strongly suggested that i get some counseling, but easier said than done, i have so many responsibilities right now with no relief for the kids!
I plan to start my tapering down before my husband returns home, and taper down as far as i can get, and then stop completely.  I need him here in order to stop completely, because i can't do this without him, i need hugs to get through it!!!
i have to make sure that i don't upset him too much because i know that he will be a bit unstable for a while, and i don't want to jeopardize his recovery.
He feels very responsible for my addiction because he was the one who introduced them to me!  It's weird, he used to take any pain pills he could get his hands on long ago, but i had no desire whatsoever to take them, they made me feel sick.  But once we moved to this new city almost 5 years ago, i was lost and felt so empty inside after leaving a place that we had lived for 14-years.  Before that, i lived in NJ, where i was born.  Are you from NJ?  I go up there often, my entire family is up there!  Anyway, the pills seemed to fill an empty spot, and i quickly began to like them.  It took quite a while to become an actual 'addict', in fact it used to amaze my husband how i could take them or leave them without any withdrawal side effects.  They caught hold of him very very quickly.  It helped that i had a pregnancy inbetween, but after my baby was born, it didn't take long to become addicted, and finally realize exactly what he was going through.  Boy those pills are sneaky, he warned me and warned me to be careful, and quit while i still could.  Anyway, my point was, my husband feels somewhat responsible, and that is something that is very hard for him.  I know that no one else is ever 'responsible' for another person's addiction, it's up to each individual to be smart about drugs, and never abuse them.  I knew better, but was in denial for a long time.
Also, when my husband returns, he will do the 90 meetings in 90 days, and i plan on joining him whenever it is possible!  I need to be around other people who are fighting for sobriety!
Good luck sweetie, i hope you find your way home!
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

Hi guys!
I have a liver question for you, and maybe you can shed some lite on this.  My husband's liver enzymes tested at 1,000.  I know that is beyond high, but he has been told that he doesn't have cirrosis, and that it is alcohol induced levels.  They are going to retest him sometime soon to see if his levels go down.  If you haven't been up on my story, he is in a rehab at the time.  I am aware that the levels should be anywhere from 0-40, i just had mine tested last month and i had levels of 12 and 21.  But 1,000 my god, i almost feel off my chair when i heard that, although i knew they were high!!!!  His eyes had been so cloudy, and at times even jaundice, and i knew if he continued this path, he would never make it to 50 (he's 43 and his dad died at 50, so that's an important goal).
So any insight that you guys could give me on levels up that high would be appreciated.
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

My husband called this morning way out of sorts.
He said he felt like he was on speed, and have difficulty sleeping last night.  That is his #1 trigger for alcohol and always used it to get back to sleep.  If he doesn't figure out that problem, he's sure to be in trouble.  But he doesn't need to be put on xanax or something like that because that would be just asking for trouble!!!
i urged him to talk to the dr about this or his counselor.  The place is filling up so rapidly all of the sudden, everyone seems to be overloaded, and his dr appt was canceled twice already (GRRR!)
He feels this is a secondary affect of the methadone, coming back at him again!
I still can't believe he was detoxed after only 5 days from methadone and oxys both!!!  Methadone is an extremely tough one of get off of, i fear it may even hit after he returns home!
How in the world did they get him off of hit so fast, it's against everything i've ever read, i hope they know what they are doing!  It's one of the best rehabs in the country (Hazeldon), so i have to trust them and have faith that everything will be ok!
His knee is causing him so much pain now, it's even taken his mind off his back pain.
His blasted knee is what got him into trouble back 7-years ago,  that was the start of this hell he is in now!!!!  He broke his knee cap while working, and they gave him pain pills.  Well, he was already an addictive type always looking for any kinds of drugs he could get his hands on, but they were hard to come by.  He loved the high, and looked for the pills any way he could get them, i know this know.He found them from time to time, but never enough to fully become addicted.  Then, we moved down here almost 5-years ago, and he quickly found them very easy to buy, and readily available when he had cash.  He's a marine mechanic, and he began doing side work (at $35.00) an hour, good cash, and spent ever cent on the pills!  After his rehab the first time, he came home and had an accident and caught the house on fire.  In trying to put out the fire, he slipped and fell very very hard on his back on the ceramic tile.  Boom, he was prescribed an incredible amount of good old pain pills, and was hooked again.  Long story.......
But basically, although he has pain now, he can never ever take pain pills again.  I feel for him, and i worry about his pain in his knee!
He told me that there will be good days and bad days (mentally), and he was just having a bad day!
He called a short while ago and told me that he missed me so much, and that he can't wait for come home!
I can in a way because i'm so scared!
Pray that he gets the strength that he needs to stay sober!
Also, pray that i find the strength to pull this off for myself!
thank you to all!
Lv Jenny

[Kathy 31]

Jenn,
    I am new to this site and I will type some more on Monday the 23rd.  My ex husband battled a 30 vallium a day plus alcohol addiction for 25 years.  He has 3 ruptured disks in his neck that will only get worse and other problems, but he has been clean and sober for 6 yrs now.  Keep the faith with your husband and try to get off the pills before he is out of rehab.  I realize you need support, but he needs to focus on his recovery and you need to do the same.  I was hooked on pain pills for 6 years and clean for 3 now. An addict new in recovery has no place helping someone so close to him.  Be strong for yourself because I can see you want to change.  After you are clean then you guys can work sobriety together.  If he feels guilty about your dependency and he is barely clean, how do you think he can support you?  I am saying this from experience believe me. There are tons of reasons why you need to go to treatment or get support from someone besides your husband. He will be too busy trying to stay clean himself.  Unfortunatly. early sobriety is very selfish and you will see that when you get clean.  I would love to communicate more with you.  I have been where you are.
Take care,
Kathy31

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

Three years ago when I was in rehab, my liver enzymes were in the 1000's. One doctor actually told me that I could expect to live 18 months at best.(ironically, I'm still here!) I was also diagnosed as having hepatitis C for a very long time (25 years perhaps). Has your husband been tested for this? People who have used IV drugs or have had blood transfusions should be tested. I think most people find out when donating blood nowadays.

Incidentally, about one in five people get cirrohsis from drinking alcohol. I got this information from Med Help's liver disease forum, which you may want to check out.  J.B.

[Thomas]

According to doctors I have known, 1000 on that liver enzyme test is par for the course for an alcoholic. How long is your husband's rehab going to be? I hope it's at least 28 days, long enough for a lot of rebound effects to surface and, hopefully, be dealt with. Hope you and the kids are doing well. Great, as always, to read your posts. I feel for your husband. I was in exactly the same situation when I blew a disk out in my back and actually needed the pain pills. That's when you really pay for all your partying with pain pills. You're tolerance is already so high, and of course you can't tell the orthopedic surgeon you're an addict or he'll give you some worthless anti-infamatory, so you're left with either begging the strongest pain pills out of him you can, or double-doctoring. Either way, lots of pain.

your friend,

Thomas

[Angelica]

Hey sista M.  lmao........You crack me up sooo bad, what else can I say!!!  Kinda getting back to my old self heh???  Feels good.  Hubbys' on his own....... LOL  
Haven't seen Robby boy in a while.......  or my brother for that matter....  LOL  he just got his third dwi....now he's gonna have to serve some time.  I don't know if you gys rem. me talking about him:  he the one that says he will use till he just dies or something???  Looks like he's been very ambitious in that dept.......
LOVE ya sista
R..ooops lmao

[Angelica]

forgot to put your name in up there.........

[Angelica]

........LMAO  I didn't even realize it was the eagles.  Go head!  isn't that something about that verse......goes good w/ this forum.  lol  "see how high she flies!" lmao  and you didn't even realize that......just curious, wy did you pick it?? were you very cranky or something......lmao fotf  its very cute.
About the Oxy.....  I think your doing great.  I know what you mean in a sense, about certain meds, I was always more partial to Vicodin es, cause I was never given anything else for surgery that is.  I wasn't able to get anything other than Ultram (for years... for pain).this is all doctors would prescribe.  I had some very good years in the past where pain is concerned...now I just ache constantly.....everywhere.  I had over 28 broken bones...so my arthritis is very premature for someone my age.  They just quit counting the fractures because they thought I was going to die anyway......I ws bleeding to death,and there was nothing that could be done......  God spared me for some reason...  still trying to figure that one out.
What is your long-term prognosis???  WHere is the brunt of your pain mostly, and how long has it been......  Maybe I can give you some insight into the future where pain is conscerned.....

[Angelica]

.... so even after everything that you've been through, you'd still recommend someone taking this for tapering????  That doesn't surprise me, cause you still councel chronic pain pt's to take their meds .....your something else.  You don't let the terrible things that have happend to you, sway your logic.  
Glad your doing ok.....these days in that dept.  Love always my good friend......angelica

[Witchywoman]

Hiya again,
I picked this as my handle due to my religion. I am a Pagan, also known as a Wiccan. It is basically an eclectic reconstruction of the pre Christian European Goddess centered religion. Modern day Witchcraft, basically, though I know that word freaks some folks out...I can assure you it is a very life affirming path, with love at its core, and a major focus on healing and compassion. I've been a Pagan for 18 years. I hope that doesn't freak anyone here out...I'm not out to push my beliefs on anyone, I respect all religions.

Woa..your medical history sounds *intense*! What caused all the fractures and broken bones? How do you handle the pain these days?

My pain is in my lower back. I have degenerative disc disease, and have been walking around with a baseline level of pain at 7+ for a few years. Instead of fusion, I had a relative new procedure done called an IDET (inter disc electro therapy), two months ago. The Doc places a needle catheter directly inside the discs, then inserts a metal wire. This wire gets heated up, melting the collagen, and cauterizing any nerves that have grown inside the disk through tears. It takes 4 to 6 months for the collagen to grow back, but supposedly it seals the disk and reduces pain.
Doc says that my prognosis for pain relief is good, that most folks who get idets get a 50% reduction in pain. If that is my outcome, I can easily rely on motrin for relief. But I won't know if it worked for another 3 months or so. I'm off work right now, for another two weeks, as I am not supposed to sit ( and I'm a therapist, so I sit all day, with short breaks between clients).

Last night the pain got really really bad. I did end up taking more of the vicoprofen than my taper schedule allowed for and I'm confused about it. It did stop the pain and let me sleep, but it also gave me the high. I felt weak and ashamed of that, especially since I know that part of my motivation for not bearing the pain was to get out of the emotional pain I was in.
I don't know if I"m appropriately taking what I need for pain, or rationalizing a reason to get high. Probably both are true. I still took less than my Doctor tells me to take, but I know what my addictive motivations were. AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH  
For today, I'm committed to sticking with the taper again. Five minutes at a time is how I have to take it today...

I'd love to hear more about how to handle long term chronic pain..the future may hold it for me..sometimes IDETs do fail.

thanks again for listening..I feel like I type a book with each post..but it really helps to write.

WW

[Angelica]

...WOW! Wiccan...huh???  It amazes me, outta all the people that come and go through here, I seem to be drawn to a certain few.  See, I am a non-denominational....bible based...(non organized religion)... heaven bound christian......but very human....LOL and I hope THAT doesn't drive anyone away... I've gotten into beliefs and bible doctrine on this forum before, but won't do that again....unless I'm asked specific questions.  I will tell you this:  My faith is strong, and I've been plucked from the grave so to speak......and this is my testimony.  I've had athiestic doctors tell me.....they see evidence of a miracle where my case is concerned. For instance:  early on doctors stated that I may not walk again, and if I did, I would have a severe limp....  Well, 4 months after this: I tossed my crutches and wheel chair to the side, and started walking all alone in the confines of my home.  Best part is: if i'm fully clothed, and you didn't know me.....you'd never know there was anything wrong w/ me....now when I'm in pain, I walk w/ a slight limp.  
Enough about me:  About your condition... I can tell you this (factor in my decision to take opioids) anti-inflamatorys CAN NOT BE TAKEN for long term.  If this is what doctors are telling you..... they are not giving you the facts where this route is concerned.  People have died being on anti-inflams for long periods.  See, doctors love these meds because..... they can offer their patients something, but not jeopardize their licenses.  The sad part is:  there is no fast,safe, non-addictive solution.  There are choices that have to be made, and this didn't come easy for me.  I will tell you this...the soul and mind is very powerful, and can definately help... so your faith (where ever it comes from) can play a big part.  Gee...I've written a book too....I could go on and on...and I'm not sure if i've even helped, but feel free to talk to me anytime.  I usually try to keep my post to a minimum of a paragraph.....lol  Take care:  angelica

[cindi]

You are a trip,,,,singing witchywoman and didn't know the eagles sang it..lOL   and then  you ask her if she picked the name because she was in a cranky mood   ROFLMAO>>>>>only you LOL actually I thought you (WW) picked the name cause there was a poster named Gypsystevie and I think that had to do with stevie Nicks the song Gypsy?     well then I could have been Gypsy's tramps and thieves?  Wiccan huh?  that is interesting....I was the regular believer whatever that is... but Lost my soul and lost my faith when my mom AKA my best friend died on Christmas morning,,,,through the people here, I am well on my way to regaining what I thought I had lost....I need something,,,I will find it again.....love to all             cin

[KevinG]

Well, it's been two days now....things aren't as bad as they were.
I want to thank everyone who has offered their support and allowing me to understand what I'm up against, and what to expect.
I guess I still have a few more days of the 'worst', but now that I know what my body and mind are trying to do, I know how to recognize when an episode is coming on, and how to handle it.
Thanks again to all.

[KevinG]

Well, it's been two days now....things aren't as bad as they were.
I want to thank everyone who has offered their support and allowing me to understand what I'm up against, and what to expect.
I guess I still have a few more days of the 'worst', but now that I know what my body and mind are trying to do, I know how to recognize when an episode is coming on, and how to handle it.
Thanks again to all.

[jennyfla]

Thank you sweetie for the eye-opener, and you are absoluately right!!!!!!  That's why we need eachother here, because sometimes, when we are too close to a situation, we don't see clearly, and I thank you for your honesty and your knowledge through experience.
I will try my best to clean up as quickly as i can, and all i will ask of my husband is hugs.  I told him that today, that i need his hugs, and he said 'you got it baby' :)
Looking at him today (today was visiting day :), I know i want to do this know.  I am so proud of him, and he is so so so much aware of everything now, he's awake!!!!!  He's very shaky and will be for a while, and i know it's going to be so very very difficult for him once he gets out, but i am hoping that he will find the inner strength to stay clean this time!  He's been through a lot more since his last rehab experience 2.5 years ago, and i don't think he wants to go back to the world of chaos!  Alcohol is going to be the most challenging to him, the opiates, i think he can stay clear of those...  He has trouble sleeping, is #1 trigger, and is trying to get that under control.  He has a great psychotrist there, and is willing to drive the distance to see him as often as needed.  That is going to be a very important part of his recovery, getting the counseling he needs, and working with someone that he likes, hard to find!
You are a strong person being able to beat your addiction and staying clean, i have the utmost respect for people who have broken through to the other side.
I hope you come around often to share your knowledge and experiences, we are always happy to have people like you join the board, we need all the help we can get at times!!!!  Speaking for myself at least!!! :)
Thanks again!!!
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

Thanks guys, you're the best!!!! :)
Yes, my husband was tested for Hep, and he's clear!!  :)
His IV use was always done with the utmost care, never used anyone elses needles, and here, in FL, you can buy them at the drug store (the same kind that diabetics use, so they are very very small).  His arm was getting a bit scarey looking, but it took this long until it started to really look bad, those needles are very tiny, thank god, or else i think he would have had major vein damage, etc, by now.
He is in a 28-day program, and tomorrow is the half-way mark.  He is very shaky these days, but that tends to be the real him, but this is even more so than 'normal'.  I think he is getting hit with a secondary wave, and his sleeping is suffering from it.  Also, he is in a lot of pain right now, he reinjured his knee by kneeling down on it too hard, possibly even rebreaking it.  He broke it in 3 places back 6-7 years ago, and that was the start of his love of pain pills, and realized that they make all the sad go away (at least that's how it starts).  Anyway, he has it wrapped, but can no longer jog, and he was using jogging as a source of eliminating some of the excess anxiety he was experiencing.  They have a pool, so maybe he can get some extra pooltime.  I asked him today if they would give him an antiinflamatory at least, and he said he doesn't want to ask because they might think he is 'drug-seeking'! ugh!
I brought him a load of vitamins today, had to sneak them in... they only give you one little multi vitamin each day!  He said, tonight, he was feeling alittle less anxiety ridden.  I know the B vitamin, within themselves, will help a lot for this.
I've heard that 1 in 5 get cirrosus, that some people just don't get it no matter how much they drink.  They are supposed to retest his enzymes soon, and i am very anxious to see if they've gone down.  His eyes still look a tinge of yellow to me, but he really looks wonderful comparatively!!!!  His eyes are back, no more pinpointed evil looking eyes that i hate so much!!!!  They are soft and warm looking again, not filled with an emptiness in a word of darkness!
I happy to have him back, but i know the road is going to be very very difficult, but i think he can make it.
Me, i know i can make it!!!! :)
Lv Jenny

[susanlea]

You're doing great, do this one day at a time. I have to agree about your husband having to take care of himself when he gets home. He will be selfish, and he kind of has to be for his own recovery. I remember when my ex came home after detox. He seemed so different, I was afraid to have tylenol around. I bent over backwards trying to please him, making sure he was comfortable, looking over his shoulder and babying him. It only made things worse. When he gets home, worry about yourself. He will be ok. Now it's time for you my friend. Do this for yourself. Be a little selfish. I meant to call you today, but I was so busy catching up with work since Friday. Funny I felt bad Friday and Saturday. I finally realized it's because my ex called. I felt down, blue and sick. I didn't realize that he had this effect on me almost 5 months later. I definately am better since he left. You know how naive I am amout drugs. Something he said still bother's me. He said he only takes the methadone now and then if he needs it. Is it possible or is he lying again. His habit was sooo bad. Angelica, I hope you find some relief from you pain. I will say a prayer for you. Witchywoman, it sounds like your tapering is something to be proud of. As you said 5 minutes at a time, I will say a prayer for you also. I find your religous practice intriguing. In college I studied, Sudesiam, the Koran, The Muslim and Hindu. And my dear friend Cindi, will I see you soon, please e-mail me with how you are doing, and Doug? Thomas my friend, the writer of wisdom, the Gandi of our time how are you. You always amaze me with your insight and ability to reach into others souls and able to help the heal with your words. A man I have to meet in  my lifetime. And you J.B. any news? And the magical Wiz, who we miss already after a few days. I send you all my love and prayers. Where is Milo and Francois? Be free my friends....Love Susan

[jennyfla]

To everyone:
I visited with my husband today, and i loved our time that we spent together, and our closeness that we haven't had in a long long time! :)
He seems very determined to stay clean, and he is an inspiration to me to clean up my act too!!!!
There's too much living to do to spend any more time in this dark world of addiction!
He is around a bunch of rich people in his rehab, and he was holding his head real high today prancing around with his richness of his beautiful family, i loved seeing him being proud, and thankful for all that he has.  Most of all, his new-found sobriety!  I see a part of him that has been lost for a long time, and i am so happy he is 'back'!  He doesn't even remember some of things that happened before he went in, it's scarey!  He is waking up, and i felt an incredible joy seeing him be able to feel and actually notice things again.  His eyes are alive, taking everything in again!!!
He's also dropped a good 5-years from his face, no more sickly, cold look anymore!
I just hope they can help him with his anxiety and his sleeping problems, that's his number 1 trigger for grabbing a beer in the middle of the night.  He said he isn't leaving until they figure it out!!!  I am less than pleased with the attention he is getting, they seem to have too much going on to remember what they need to do.
We had to leave because it was paining him too much to have us there, he wants to come home, but knows he must stay.  He walked away from us in tears! :(  That's good, he 'feels' again!!! :) and he really doesn love his family very very much!
The anger he had before going into treatment was horrible.  He was so filled with anger from all the frusteration he was experiencing.  His heart is so much fuller of 'love' now that the chemicals are gone from his system.  His mornings are a little shaky from not sleeping well, but he is determined to deal with it and get it worked out!!!!
I just have to get my butt in gear and join him in the world of sobriety!!!  Kick me please!!!!!!  Why can't i just STOP!!!!!?????
When he returns, it will be stressful, and i have to beat this thing and not let that be a reason for my using.  I have to find other ways to deal with life other than numbing myself to get through it.  I can't wait to go to some meetings with him, i think that will help a lot!!!!!
Thanks guys for being here for me!!!!
Lv Jenny

[ssfr]

jeez kevin- looks like you are just about over the hump- and getting close to beating that dreaded ole dragon- you  hang in there bud- coz you are doing so much better than a lot of others here- congrats!!

[cindi]

wow,  how wonderful for you and your family.....when we are addicted our whole world seems gray and dim,  I can see the excitement in your words...and I am so very happy for you.....keep the positive attitude..you bring sunshine to this forum  love to all   cin.

[jennyfla]

Thank you Cindi girl, i know the future is goin got be good, i just have to find my way out of this mess.
Anyone, how long do the withdrawals last again?  How long can i expect to feel out of it?
Waaaaa, i want to get out of the darkness too, i want to join my husband in the real world again!
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

Thank you Cindi girl, i know the future is goin got be good, i just have to find my way out of this mess.
Anyone, how long do the withdrawals last again?  How long can i expect to feel out of it?
Waaaaa, i want to get out of the darkness too, i want to join my husband in the real world again!
Lv Jenny

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I'm so happy to hear that things are getting brighter at last. Don't fret too much about your husband's liver.  He probably had alcohol or drug induced hepatitis(immflamation)which will likely heal during abstinence.

The withdrawals can last a while but having the right state of mind sure helps. I haven't had any Tylox since the 16th of June and my withdrawals have been pretty tolerable.  I have some available but they are too big a hassle(my wife!)to bother with. It's easier for me to ask for sex, LOL!  Any way, I hope that you and your mate can formulate some kind of plan to live healthy and enjoy life again.  It takes a lot of effort but is well worth it!  J.B.

[jennyfla]

Thank you for your post, it really made me smile.  Sex, what is that, i've forgotten!!! lol!  I know that's something my husband is looking forward to getting back :)  It's strange, it was one of the most important things to him, then boom, it was gone completely!!
We're been together for 20-years, and i'm glad that this didn't get the best of us, and we were able to stick with it and get through this together.  There's a long long road ahead, and many hurdles left to cross!
Good luck to you!
Lv Jenny

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

We must be on at the same time. Yep, we've been married 22 years and still going strong. Marty and I are complete opposites in almost every way. We seldom argue because both of us know we are right like two sides of a coin. I'm a great starter and she's a great finisher and so on.  Many of my friends have divorced, remarried and divorced again and seem totally lost. Know what I mean?  Just hang in there because life can be so sweet after all the sweat!  J.B.

[jennyfla]

My husband and I are total opposites also, he's the starter or the navigator i call him, and i'm the finisher, the fine-tuner you know!  It's so easy to run away when things get bad, and just to heck with it all, but i meant it when i vowed to stand by in sickness and in health.  I knew somewhat what i was getting into before we married, we lived together 3 years before marrying, and dated 2 years before that.  I had a basic idea that it wasn't all going to be sugar and roses!!!!
I wish you and Marty the best, and i hope you both stay very happy together, you earned it!!
Lv Jenny

[Angelica]

....cindi:  no, you crack me up!! LOL  I know.....didn't even know it was the Eagles......lmao  I was probably 2 when that song came out. lmao  It's great to be laughing again.  


LEA:  thanks for the prayer, I can always use them.....always!

[Wizard]

Hey all! The Wiz is back and it looks like I have a lot to catch up on. Anyone heard from Milo? Angelica, thanks so much for the "Angels"  The attributes are one of my favorites! There seems to be a lot going on so I'll try to hook up with as many of you as I can as soon as I clean up my desk at work! I missed all of you for sure! God bless you all and for WitchyWomen Goddess bless you too!
Power & Magick 2 U all,
Peace & Light on us all,
luv, Wiz

[Wizard]

I haven't talked to you yet but I'm sure I will. I meant to say Goddess bless you Witchywoman not Witchywomen. I made a plural out of you ...typo, sorry LOL.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on U 2,
Wizard

[susanlea]

Thanks alot! That song came out when you were about 2? Boy, just wait until you're my age and you ask someone about Britney Spears......they'll think you're over the hill....be cool my friend. I went to a group theraphy session at 7:00 for addiction related relationships. About 10 men and women, 2 therapists. This could be pretty good. I then went to an Al-anon meeting at 8:30 while my boy's went to Ala-teen. I've had alot of meetings today, it works if you work it. It does make you feel good, strong and focused. Are you listening Jenny? I'm calling you on your cell phone around 11:00 tomorrow. I want to talk with you one on one....take care,god bless....Love Susan

[susanlea]

God have we all missed you! So glad you're back. How was it! Alright girls let's go......Love Susan

[Angelica]

.....lmao......I'm only guessing when I say two.  Actually, Im not that young....LOL  In my early thirties, throw in the arthritis, a dash of stress, and ya gotta 60yr old woman here. lol  too funny.......
Keep up the good work.......I'm trying to rem.  (see a touch of alzheimers there)are you the person who's husband was having all the trouble w/ the Oxycontin.... It's hard to keep up w/ everyone, but i'm trying.  Just wondering how you were doing lately.  Are you ok these days... I guess surviving, huh???  You seem to have grabbed the bull by the horns..... Good for you.  Take care, and nice to hear from you.
Angelica

[jennyfla]

You are such a sweet-hearted person, i hope you find the kind of guy who will treat you right someday (or maybe you already have :)
You are exactly right about the babying part, and i felt the same way as you did when my husband came home last time.  This time around, it will be different because i will have my own personal stuggle with myself, and i won't be able to be so absorbed in his every breath.  I told him that all i need from him will be his hugs, and he said 'you've got it baby' and gave me a big hug!  He felt so good to lay on his chest, a closeness that we haven't had for a long long time!  
I look into his eyes, and i see him in there now, and i am so happy that he is back, and especially knowing that we could have lost him at any time.  He was on a very destructive path, and he was definately in need of this help very very badly!
I talked to my best of best friend tonight, a person that i grew up with, she actually came to visit July 4th, with her 3 girls.  I hadn't seen her in over 5 years.  She is going through a divorce right now with a man that is very emotional sick.  He is also an addict.  She lost her first husband to suicide quite a while back, he was a abusive alcholic.
She told me tonight, that what she saw when she was here was so much love inside.  She was almost envious of the love that i have for Robert, and he has for me.  It has only been masked by this sickness, but the base of our love is still there within.  I feel it now that he is 'awake', i feel it very strong.  It's been hard for me to get past all the anger and frusteration that i've had for him in the past, but now it seems so much easier to show him all the love that's been locked up inside, tucked away so neatly so i wouldn't hurt so much anymore.  
I truly hope that he will make it on the other side, i hope that i can make it.  If the love is strong enough, and the faith is there, than i think we will survive this beast!
His attitude is very good, he plans to follow through on everything that he is told to do.  His outpatient theropy is all set up, he plans to do the 90/90, and i told him tonight, that i will go to as many meetings as possible, get a babysitter, and also spend some time with him, maybe go out for s bite before or after, just to spend time alone!  We need to concentrate on our relationship as much as on ourselves, it's all a package deal.  We each deserve it, and the kids will benefit by having a well mommy and daddy and a happy pair too!
I will try to not walk on eggshells, and i will concentrate on myself, i have no choice, i'm very sick!  This is a much harder struggle than i thought i was going to be for myself.
Robert has a wonderful psychotrists, and he is very comfortable with him and plans to keep seeing him.  :)  Great news because he was never comfortable with anyone before.  He needs a lot of theropy to get past some of the difficult things between him and his father and mother~!
Things are looking up girlfriend!
One word of caution to you.  Don't buy his act, you just don't take pills now and again after going as far into addiction as he has.  Don't buy that line for one second!
Prayers to you my sweet friend.  You concentrate of YOU, and you will be ok!
Call me anytime!
Love Jenny

[jennyfla]

i need an ass-kicking, the closer i come to D-Day, the more i want to do!  It's late, and although, things are going well for my husband, as i've posted lately, i am in 'fear' mode for myself.  I actually dream about fear, and i'm hoping i can pull this off.  He is counting on my being 'clean' when he returns, but i'm not finding the testicals to pull this off.  I don't have any, can't even spell the word properly i don't think! lol! but crying inside! :(
Ok, send the troops in, i know i'm gonna catch hell from all of you, but it's so very very hard!
When i was in his arms yesterday, i felt a strengh from within and through his love, i was sure i could do this.  I know i have to want and do this for myself, i know all the logic and the words, etc. etc. and i know i desperately need meetings, counseling anything, everything...
I told robert tonight, that i will go to as many meetings with him as possible (for me!!!), and that we will spend a little time together too, ALONE!!!!!  We need time with eachother to build back our relationship!
I'm just feeling alittle lost lately!
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

Yay, you're back!!!  I've really missed you!
Hope you are doing well, and i hope you had a nice trip!
The board's been busy lately, and we have some new, wonderful people aboard this crazy train!
Looking forward to your inspirational posts, you're such a wonderful asset to this board and you were greatly missed!!!
Take care my friend!
Lv Jenny

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I'm one of the people who think they are so cool when using opiates.  Sure they are a crutch and allow me to get things done when abused properly. In my mind, I need something to cope with life. Marty calls me a "likeable dope" when I'm buzzing.

Think about how you are going to present yourself to your husband.  We are either a practicing addict or a recovering one. Your husband might choose to stay away from you or join you.  It is scary to think about, isn't it? The point is, we reap what we sow.  J.B.

[jennyfla]

My husband told me that their are three kinds of relationships:  The one where two people are using (and i think he said they don't work), the one where both are sober, and those work, and then there's the one where only one is using, and they never ever work.... and he told me that he loves me and he doesn't want to loose me... he told me this during the first week.
Thing that makes me feel so darn bad is he feels it's all his fault because he introduced them to me... but, you know, no one was putting a gun to my head, i made that decision for myself.  I don't want this kind of life, and i think once i break through to the other side, i will see it all much clearer.  I just need the strength to get there!
Thank you for the eye-opener, keep 'em coming because i need all the help i can get.
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Hi everyone,
Wiz, welcome back! No worries about making my name plural...you're just acknowledging all my clamoring subpersonalities! LOL  And I'll take all the blessing I can get, from all sources!

Jenny, my thoughts are with you. Just remember to stay focused on yourself, and keep breathing. You can do this!

I'm doing ok...I stayed with my taper plan yesterday, and am truly learning the meaning of the term "one day at a time". It is so hard, even when I remind myself why I don't want to stay in the addiction.

By the way, has anyone here had any success with the zinc and magnesium supplementation that pillpoppa suggested? I've been taking both since I read that post, in smaller ammounts than he suggested 'cause they are huge horse pills.  I think it has helped minimize some of the withdrawal symptoms. Yesterday I forgot to take my third dose of they day (imagine that...I forgot! that is a good sign..mind was not waiting for the next dose). I went 9 hours between doses, and did not get the sweating and restlessness that usually shows up after 7 hours for me.  This might be due to me being on a lower dose, but since it has never happened before I'm wondering if it could be due to the zinc.

WW

[jennyfla]

Thank you for the encouragement!  :)
I tried the mag/zinc once, and really didn't notice much of a difference, and i had a hard time getting those suckers down! ugh!
Good luck, sounds like you are really making progress!!!!! :)
Lv Jenny

[skipper]

jenny:
ok I'm back somewhat--still struggling-- made a decision to start
doing something again (not oil burnning junk habit) that seems to
cause extream emotional duress--- i don't know whats happening--
just that it is time to resume something i turned my back on 30
some years ago--and **** it really hurts emotionally. can't really
go into much detail yet.
jenny:
i'm concerned about you still using. i don't think your the kind of person that responds well to slapping around soo- you won't get
that from me.
may i ask several questions?
1) when are you going to start? maybe you have already.
2) do you honestly think you will be clean by the time your husband is back home? i'm not kicking your ass on this-- but damm
if thats yor plan times ruuning out!
3) have you considered detox or treatment for your self? i seem to remember in your past postings you mentioned being close to your
family- maybe now is the time to really scream for help. this also
involves bringing everthing out in the open. think of it as an egg
that has a rapidly growing crack--when the **** hits the fan they
will know-- want to tell them your self--or do you want them to
hear from some one else?
4) this next ones real hard, i'm going to sound like a real *******--but-- i've noticed a great deal of caring and compassion
pouring out since i first joined this unique forum. understand, these are admirable qualitys-- but its time to concentrate on jenny! you were one of the first to really make me feel as if i'ld
finally arrived at some place of understnding and care-- but it's
time for jenny to really concentrate on jenny. your care and compassion will be missed, but i'm sure the void will be covered
by other posters while you clean up your own hand. when you come
back as i have no doubt you will, you will be a different and
improved jenny.

**** listen to me, i'm practically going under with a few problems
ma' self! i have a load on my own plate! i guess thats why i pulled back. i guess i'm back for awhile, if only to point out the
not so pleasent. Try a fast taper with oxy ir's. remember it seems
to work faster to start with a little less than you think you need. now take it from one who has been on and off more times than
a flshing neon sign. The first 3 days are hell-but not as bad as
you think. If you can, now is the time to call on a family member
to come stay with you. jenny i know your family really loves you
and its time to let the habit out of the bag with at least one of
them. trust me here, pride is a big pill of **** to swallow- but
what else is on your plate?

charles bukowski (one of kip's favorite writers) titled a book of
poems with a phrase for you to think about--"the days they slip
away, like wild horses over the hills."

please get started now
will always need all of you!
kip

[tylerdurden]

Hello,
This is my first time writing on this message board.  I need help.  I have been hooken on Oxycodone (percocet, Oxy) and have been trying to get off.  I was trying to taper myself off it but the problem is I get so uncomfortible that I take the percocet to get rid of the withdrawl.  I have clonodine to help but that makes me really weak and sick.  This has really gotten in the way of my life.  I never thought I would be dealing with addiction.  I hardly ever drank because I didn't like the way it made act.  But as soon as a doctor gave me percocet, I felt like I hit the jackpot.  Since then I have spent thousands of dollars visiting doctors and ERs trying to scripts.  Doctors rarely ever turned me down.  My brother, who is a doctor in an ER, said that I didn't fit the stereotypical drug-seeker.  I look clean cut and dress nicely and am very polite with doctors.  I never ask for the drug because that makes me seem like I a drug abuser.  I know that addiction has many masks.  There is no stereotypical drug-seeker.  Addiction comes from all walks of life.  I remember one doctor giving me a very large prescription of Percocet. He said, "I rarely ever prescibe nacotics, but you don't look like someone who would abuse them."  I felt guilty after that.  Well I guess through all my rambling I'm trying to say that I need support.  I hope someone out there is relating to my brief story and can help coach me through this.  I want to get off them before it kills me.  I am 23 and the only thing I want to do is stay home on the weekend and get high.  I use to love going out but now I have no social life.  My friends know when I am on the drugs because they never hear from me.  When I temporarily go off them I call them to hang out.  Please help me.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

Welcome!  The first time I had an opiate, I fell in love!  That was about 30 years ago.  How low can it take us?  Did you see the thing about Natalie Cole last night on TV? It gets even lower than that!  I always got perscription drugs because I looked right and am intelligent enough to manipulate doctors no end. Maybe we all here can help you with our compassionate natures.  In the real world, it's tough enough to find someone that can give a sh*t unless we have a wad of money in hand.  J.B.

[Angelica]

.....Boy, did you come to the right place.  Give it some time, and you'll get a wealth of responses.  I'm not exactly the right one to answer your questions....eventhough I am on Oxycontin.....LOL  My situation is the exact reverse of yours, or used to be.
   Meanwhile, it will not be a waste of time, I grant ya, if you start reading the threads..... These people are the best, and full of experience and expertise....not to mention full of compassion....Lets see there is Thomas, JB, Cindi, The wonderul Wizard (LOL), Jennyfla's going through a pretty tough time right now......UH, Milo, skipper, and our newby Witcheywoman, also Bijou, wildcat.....Susanlea....these people are the best, and also Kerry...her daughter has a drug problem.
There you have it: a multitude of experience in various forms and circumstances.  Hang in there.

[Wizard]

W.W. it looks like you are making progress! Congrats....I never tried the pillpoppa recipe but i DID use Thomas' L-Tyrosine.B-6 regiment. That worked wonders for me and made kicking so much easier. Now don't get me wrong , easy it was not but it made it tolerable in comparison to the many other times I tried. Stay focused and reach for the light at the end of the tunnel. Believe me it's there.Bless you and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Tyler, same goes for you. You mention that when you go off your friends call and you go hang. How long do you go off for? If you can do this and go hang, look at the reasons you back.  At 23 you have a great chance at kicking this before it takes over your life, and take over it WILL if you continue. Just read some of our stories. Some of us have been using well over half of our lives if you want to call them lives. I call it just existing. Being clean for me is real living man. Check out Thomas' recipe for the L-tyrosine method and stick around awhile. We'll be in your corner for the support and for the prayers. May God bless you and keep you in His Light,
Power & Magick 2 U Both,
Peace & Light on Us all,
Wizard

[jennyfla]

Thank you for taking the time to write your very thoughtful and very concerned post, you're a very good friend! :)
First, let me start out by saying that i am so sorry that you are going through this inner turmoil, and i've sensed your extreme pain in your recent posts, and have been very concerned about you... i knew something different was going on with you, just didn't know what exactly, but you've been on my mind.
You are a person who has been through so much in your life, and i will pray that you will find your so deserved peace, and that you will he able to live 'happy' in this world.  I really think you can make it, even with all the physical pain, which will get better over time.  My heart cries for you, and i want you to know, even through you think it's too much for me right now, that i am here for you to talk to anytime.  My email is ***@**** if you ever want to talk further about your struggles... it really does help me in many ways to be able to give people i care about the support that they need so badly right now.
About me... I suppose i'm in a bit of denial, and am having a difficult time letting go, and giving it all up for good.  I dragged my feet on putting my foot down with my husband, and telling him that enough was enough, and that it was time for him to get help before it was too late.  I never would have been able to live with myself if i had let it go too long, and he had died.  It was time, and i had to be stern.  I unfortuately, was not quiet ready to give it all up, but i know i must.  i don't think we are ever completely ready, but with some counseling, and meetings, i will start to see that this is the only way, and come to accept it.
I can't go to rehab because of the kids, and i have no family closeby, so no relief there.  I plan to go to meetings with my husband, and i think that it will all become a reality actually going to a meeting, and i will know that it is time to change!
i know i am running out of time, but i've done things that have amazed people in the past, and i know that i will amaze myself on this one, because this is the biggest fight i have ever had to battle with in my life!  I'm going to beat this, mark my words, i'm going to post one day that I AM FREE!!!!!!!
I have to because this is the only way out, i know that staying here in this world will only continue to destroy everything that i had ever hoped for, dreamed of, and have worked so hard for all of my life!!!  I can see it slowly leading me down the same path that my husband walked.  I had a full 9+ months of sobriety while pregnant, while he continued down the path.  Plus, he is much more aggressive with his using, but i see things along this road that are way to familiar, and i want to stop while i can still see them.  When it gets too advanced, and you aren't even aware anymore, then look out, it turns into something that destroys very very quickly.
I'm sitting here with chest pains, i think it's an anxiety attack.  I'm gonna go lay on the bed with my 8-year old daughter, and watch something silly on tv, and hope that i can get my mind off of this for a little bit.  
Thank you for caring and for being here for me, you are a truly wonderful person.  I hope and pray that you will be able to get past the demon you are fighting, and start to live again because you are too wonderful to loose!!!!! :)
Stay safe, and be strong, and i will try too!  I am holding your cyber hand through this ordeal, and want you to know you are always in my thoughts, along with so many of my special friends on this board.
Even if you are unable to post, i know that you are out there routing us all on as we are for you!!!!!
Stay special!!!!
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

Welcome, and you hit the jackpot on a good place for support, because these people are the best!!!!!!
Stay close, you won't be sorry.
You're accomplished step 1, you are tired of feeling like this and you want to stop.  Pat yourself on the back, because this is a very important step.  Now for the hard part... Quitting completely!!!!
Have you ever thought about an outpatient program, counseling?  It's hard to beat on your own, and you will need to learn more about addiction, causes, etc. etc. in order to quit and avoid relaspe.  I'm not sure how knowledgeable you are, but there's alot to this thing called 'addiction'.
A real good idea would be to get yourself to some NA meetings.  A scarey thought, but a great start!
Stay close to this board, you couldn't be with a better bunch of people than right here!!!!  You are not alone, we all have a personal struggle very much like yours.  Some at different stages then others, and some with a more critical need right now for support, but we are all one in the same!
Good luck, and please come back!
Lv Jenny

[tylerdurden]

Hello Again,

Thanks everyone for answering my post.  This is probably one of the hardest thing in my life I have to deal with.  It effects so many people around me.  I am fortunate that my whole family is supporting me with this addiction.  No one has turned their back on me...yet.  I went through a detox program in the beggining of April.  They used buprenorphine.  I think they put nalaxone in it so you don't get high...also it makes you very sick because it pulls the opiate off the receptors in the brain.  I was miserable for a couple days.  I was in a program where I went Monday, Wed., and Friday.  My work got in the way and basically threatened to fire me if I didn't work the morning shift on those days (I told them I was going to physical therapy).  They said tht its a managers resposibility to open every morning.  I stop going to the program...bad mistake...because I wanted to keep my job.  Couple weeks later I got in trouble with my job...so I started using again...then I got fired.  I didn't like my job so I guess I'm glad I got fired but I still needed to make money.  I want to get back in the program.  I also should go to some NA meetings.  I guess my problem is that I want to get off the drugs and pretend it never happened.  It's like I don't want to think about it and go on with my life.  I know I can't do this or I will relapse.  The cravings get soooo bad.  I feel like sometimes I would saw off my right arm just to get some.  I am suprised I have never been caught going from doctor to doctor and pharmacy to pharmacy.  When I am off the pills I get bored just sitting around and then I feel like taking some oxycodone.  I feel like I have become a pharmacologic experts on managing pain killers.  I would never fordge scripts or fill in the refill box because thats too risky...I have heard of too many horror stories of people getting busted.  I might go to a NA meeting soon.  Thanks again for writing to me.  I definately appreciate your support.  Anyone feel free to EMAIL me at: ***@****

Thanks Again

[cindi]

and I mean each and every one of you....I am so very sorry that I have not really been here for you,,,Jenny, Skipper, all of you,,,yiu know how much I love being here for you and helping you all through whatever it is you are going through but now I have to be honest....over the past few days I have honestly considered not posting anymore...why?  because I felt I have absolutley nothing to contribute..I have been so very depressed and terrible afraid of life lately..I don;t know it it's the aftermath of dealing with mom's death or the summertime blues ..i have been so afraid that my kids and my husband are going to die...my gramma, my dad and even mmy sisters and brother...to the point where I didn't want them to even go anywhere, and if they did I would panic the whole time they were gone. Then i could not sleep.....I wold lay there and think about myself dying,,then when i did fall asleep i woke up screaming...it took my husband a few minutes to convince me that I was not dead...(I have to continue this cuz everytime i go to post it won't except it so hang on)

[jennyfla]

I need to interrupt to let you know that i truly feel for you!!!
I think what you are feeling is the aftermath of your mother's death.  You are going to have these fears, and it is such a difficult thing to go through, loosing someone that you love so very much!
You've been through a lot and it's gonna take some time before you don't have these fears and worries, but the day will come, you'll see!
(((HUGS))) for you, and know that we all know you are here in your heart, there was never any doubt about that!  You take care of what you need to do right now, and we will all be fine! :)
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

this has been going on for several nights...then I got the call today that my son's surgery is scheduled for the 30th of august..Of course everythig that could go wrong has already gone wring in my head.Nurses are terrible when it comes to stuff like this,..My doc told me my problems are getting worse in myback and she is concerned about the tylenol in the vicodin so she has put me on oxys on a trial basis..40 mg. bid...in am and pm..because of my state of mind i did manage to get myself 30 valium for an online pharmacy..i have not yet taken any but if need be i will...what I am about to tell you i have not shared with anybody but I am now able to talk about it because I trust all of you and the feelings have passed..but a few days ago the fear of losing my kids and husband had me so overwhelmed...I am afraid they will die before me and this I could not handle I actually for a split second thought about getting my life over and done with so I will never have to deal with losing my kids..I immediately called a dear friend of mine who is a psychologist and was with me through my addiction and recovery  (she was my director of nursing at the hospital) ..my husband is wonderful but if i said anything to him i would have scared the bajeebers out of him....no sense in doing that..I feel much better in that department (con't)

[cindi]

sorry this is so long,,,anyway,,,i did get some beautiful things from wizard and his kind and caring words helped me along to see that I am ok,,,I am not nuts,,,and my kids and husband need me....and if i did end my own life..( i would not have had the guts to do it anyway) I would not see my mom or my kids   I did manage to get myhands on some good pure dust...the best stuff around....Wizard Dust LOL  fooled ya huh...you have all beein so muh pain yourselves...There is no way i was laying all of this on you but,,,now I did..i want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for listening....to me...I am sorry this is so long but it felt good to get it all out      I love you all   cin

[jennyfla]

I'm so glad you had someone with you while you were going through that...  You must of scared yourself to death!!!
Please know that we are here for you, as you have been so many times for all of us!
It's ok to feel weak sometimes, we are only human.  This feeling will pass over time, and you will find yourself full of live again, and wondering why you were ever thinking that way to begin with.  The pressure must be extreme having a child getting ready for surgery. I have a feeling, once that is all over, things will start to look up!  Hang in there girl, you're far too special to leave this earth just yet!
Lv Jenny

[Wizard]

Welcome Home! All it takes is Wiz's dust and a couple of rainbows to get you to follow my yellow brick road? Darling you're too easy! (just kidding) Dorothy, remember this, click your heels 3 times and say: "There's no place like the forum, there's no place like the forum, there's no place like the forum. If you ever say you have nothing to contribute to us again I'll send my flying monkey over to you and have him make you eat prunes! WE NEED YOU, YOU NEED US...simple equation. God bless you dear and watch over you! You know you are in my prayers.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light & our Love 2 U,
luv, Wiz

[Witchywoman]

Hi Cindi,
I'm so glad you are back posting, and that you told us what is really going on inside of you.

It sounds like in the aftermath of your mother's death, the whole stable seeming structure of your world view is getting shaken to the core.  Like others have said, this is very normal when someone as close to you as a mother dies.  I don't even know how long ago she died, but that doesn't matter..there is no time frame for grieving....it just takes as long as it takes, and you have a right to feel all your feelings, even the ones you think might be "unacceptable".

I guess now is the time to pour the endless compassion you have for others straight onto yourself as well. Sometimes when the dark nights of the soul are upon us, it helps to remember that the most beautiful jewels are in the darkest, deepest caves.
Mine for the jewels within you, and know that we are here to support you no matter what.

love,
WW

[Angelica]

.......You need a little uplift.....Go read my posts here lately. lmao...  I don't even know what I'm doing half the time.  You and I share the same humor....  I know you will laugh.  Like why do I keep saying......go "grab the bull by the horns"???....we have more cows and deer, here than bulls..... and the typos, oh well, just that is enough to make ya laugh.
Well, anyway:  Out of all that I want to say this:...YOU WILL BE OK..... NOT MATTER WHAT.  I think you are going through....a little post traumatic blues.  If it gets too bad, please tell your doctor.  I don't mean to be silly.... I know this is serious, I just hate too see you sooo blue.  You always make me laugh.  My crazy sista!
Love,
Angelica.....go sista go .....hey, sista go... go grab some locha mocha chocolatttooooo lmao

[cindi]

WW,,,you are right about the grieving....It seems like Ihave been mournin the loss of my mom for a hundred bazillion years..She passed away this past Chritmas morning....after a long battle with emphysema....since the very moment of her death my world has not been the same..nor will it ever be the same..my heart has been shattered...I had never felt this type of pain and this is where my fears are coming into play,,i am so terrified of now losing my kids or doug...to lose a parent, sibling, spouse etc. is horrible enough but to lose a child...unthinkable...but this is where my dreams are at....I need to go before my kids..that is how it is suppossed to be..and my mom's fear of dying was not for herself but her fear was for me..she was so afraid that I may start using again..anyway,,when my mom died is when I came here..they got me through...my forum family....they all know how I am and they know just what to say to help me through my "mom" days..thank you for you kindness and warmth...and my sista LOL...thank you to... you have been with me from the start...you know me like the back of your own hand yet....we have never met  LOL and we do have the same sense of hummer  OOPPSS     I mean humor  LOL you are so full of warmth and happiness,,you always add sushine to my days when they are dreary....and you have gone to bat for me on various occasions right along with Brighty...remember the one person inparticular that got us all in an uproar?...i swear..If I had balls he'd make them itch...and then of course Wizard dust i what makes the world a better place to live.....love to all of you   each and every one of you      cin

[cindi]

my dear sweet jenny,   You always put yourslef on hold for other people...i am so sorry for not being there for you....I feel so selfish but sometimes my head gets so full I can't focus on anything...you are such a good person....and things can only get better for you..when i get down to florida all hell will break out with us on the prowl.LOL  we will all be ok....thank you for your caring and your concern.......love you    cin

[jennyfla]

Awww shucks, you always make me feel so special.
Don't ever worry about not being able to post, your words ring through my head every day of my life, you've really supported me through all of this, and some of the things you have said will never be forgotten!
I was only getting a little concerned wondering where you were!  You take the time you need for yourself, and get your head back together again!!!  Take all the time you need, we are always here.
Remember, with this crew, there is always someone around to lend support when one of us needs alittle time for ourselves, don't ever feel guilty!  We are all a team, we work together, we can't always ALL be strong all of the time!
Big huge (((HUGS))) for you, and you are always welcome in my house when you come back to FL!!! :)  I'd love to meet you in person!
Take care of your sweet self!
Lv Jenny

[Angelica]

.....I hate to bother you about this right now, but I'm looking into on-line pharmacies.  I need to fill my meds, and I am dragging my heels.....cause I'm tired of all the dam looks, and excuses at the local pharmacy.  
Did you see what Phillychad wrote up there to jennifer ......man that was good.  Thomas too.....
anyway, I emailed a few, but I am scared.  Just give me some feedback when your feeling better..... I trust your judgement.  Will say a little prayer for you tonight... I'm still thinking about you.....so is Wiz.
Love ya,
angelica

[cindi]

WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK ARUNN12 OR SO I SEND YOU SOME E MIAL.   LOVE CIN

[tylerdurden]

Hello Everyone,

Has anyone seen the news report today about the letter that has been sent out to doctors about Oxyxontin.  They are warning doctors about the abuse potential.  I have an idea.  If they are so concerned with the abuse potential why don't they turn the pill into a patch to wear.  This would be much like the fentanyl patch.  You can't crush up a patch.  Anyway.  

I am still trying to kick this addiction.  When I am on it I sometimes get very tired and want to quit.  As soon as I stop, twelve hours later the withdrawl gets so bad that I can't stand the cravings so I take it.  Anyone else what is going through what I am going through knows that the drug taste so sweet after a long while without it.  I start getting aches and paines, cold sweats, cramps, nausea, and I know it will all go away when I take the Oxycodone.  I feel like I am going crazy sometimes,  Maybe I should do an inpatient detox because I can't stay off it on my own.  

Its the whole thrill of getting high that I like too.  Going to the doctor and suckering them into prescribing me the pills.  Going to the pharmacy and getting the pills wondering if they will be able to tell that I was getting the pills at other pharmacies.  As soon as I hear the pharmacy tech call my name with the prescription in hand I get a huge sense of accomplishment.  Just getting the drug is a high itself.  

I am also mad.  Why do I have to deal with this.  Why do some people take the pain medicine and think nothing of it...and some people take the pills, like me, and feel like they have just discovered a buried treasure.  I know I can't get mad and feel sorry for myself but I think we all have gone through that.  Well thanks for listening.  I'm still new so I'm trying to get to know everyone.  Please help me anyway you guys can.  I know I can kick this thing with your support.

Thanks,
Tyler

[jennyfla]

Wow, do i ever know how you feel!!!!
I can relate, perfectly to all that you are saying, and feel many of the same feelings that you feel!
I've been abusing for a while now, and so was my huband.  We started with loracets about 4 years ago, then moved on to herion, and then found oxys.  I've been ok healthwise (as far as i can tell), but my husband was wearing himself down very very quickly.  Drugs and alcohol were killing him, and it had to stop!
He is in a 28-day program, and seems to be doing fine, but i know if i can't stop before he returns, he's doomed!
I have this great big weight on my shoulders right now, and this unbelieveable guilt, i just can't explain it.  I want to stop, but i like it too much!  The guiltier and more stressed i become, the more i want to use, it's crazy!!!
I wish i could be sent away for a short while to clean up, because i don't know if i can pull this off on my own!
I'm beyond ashamed, here i go and put my husband in one of the best rehabs in the country, and i can even kick this thing!!!
I wish you luck, but you have to really have a good reason and purpose for stopping.  You have to learn to HATE the drug!!!!]
Good luck!
Lv Jenny

[Angelica]

...That's fine deary.  Hey, I was reading the dangers of Xanex thread down below.....Its getting ready to go off.  I was lmao rotf....  We are soooo silly down there.  I just thought it might get a laugh outta ya...sister girlfriend...my homey!!! lmao

[tylerdurden]

Hey Jennyfla,

Thanks for your response.  I feel like why should I stop doing something I absolutely love.  But when you think about it...I remember the first couple time I took the percocet I was like, "OH MY GOD!!"  And that was only with one 5mg. tablets.  After a couple days it was one and a half.  And from then on it was on and off.  I am fortunate enough to be the only one of my friends to be addicted, my friends support me and they see what I am going through and said that they would probably never touch the stuff even if the legitamitly needed it.  Several months would go by before I would get another couple pills.  I wasn't dumb enough then to injur myself to get the pills like now.  And then I found in my parents room a whole bunch of tylox (oxycodone 5mg/APAP 500) because my mom had severe back surgury several years earlier and she hardly touched any of them.  I was happy to have found the burried treasure.  When that was gone I confessed to my parents and they forgave me and supported me.  I really didn't touch another pill until a year later I found some percocet in my dads drawer because he had some dental work done.  My dad was always getting root canals so I know he would have some scripts when he got home.  My dad would hardly ever get them filled because he had left overs from the first script he got.  See my dads a doctor so pain killers are no big deal to him.  He could care less if he had them or not.  He took motrin and tylnol most of the time.  I wised up and everytime he came home from the dentist I knew he would throw the script away.  So I went into his wallet and took it and got it filled.  Again I fessed up and again my parents understood.  

What I'm trying to say through all this is that I would pay $100 a pill to get the same high I got from them a couple years ago.  I don't get nearly the same high now, although I do take it with vistaril which increases the narcotic effect.  I don't think I would go to heroin although it is virtually the same thing.  I want to get off this ****!!  Now I like it but I am tired of feeling dragged down when I come off the high.  I am sometimes afraid to go to sleep at night because I am afraid I wont wake up.

As for you, jeenyfla, you did a good thing with your husband.  Maybe he will help you get off them when he gets back.  Hopefully he can show you the benefit of being sober.  Although when you are sober you have to deal with the problems instead of numbing it with the heroin and oxy.  I wish I could take my own advice!!  I know I can get off it.  I went twenty years of life without touching them.  My problem is that I am a college educated person and am now working on another degree in biology so I can go to med school.  I screwed up my class this summer by getting messed up before class.  I told my teacher I was on pain killers for breaking my ribs so he told me I could take some time off and take the final later on...he is also a physician and knows the effects of the drug.  Hang in there!  I will try to as well.  I hope one day we can post a message about our success and help other conquer this addiction.  For now I need to rely on the help of all the kind people out there.  Thanks again for your post!!

Tyler

[skipper]

cindi:
i guess it's my turn for concern. slow down! the answers are out
there! THERE IS A WAY THRU THIS & WE WILL FIND IT!
may i tell you  about my first 12 step sponcer & his death? The
man was one of the last of the old boys- put his heart out for any
one to look into. this man worked his program like the orignal boys from Akron. i was just one of the many people he pulled out of the gutter and brought into his own home. in the old days there
were few treatment centers & insurence did not pay for them. detox
was done at the county hospital and the only drug that could be used for the DTs was chlorohydrate. Many of the people he helped
repaid him by stealing his personal property. the 3 months i lived
in his house, his television set was stolen 4 times. one of the first lessons i ever learned: you do not loan money to new comers,
you give it to them. if it was ever repaid, far out, but never let
your love for fellow suffering addicts lead you to disapointment.
****- i stole from him too. I stole his love of all addicts still
suffering, his patience with new comers, & his light of faith that
never went out, regardles of of what ever personel circumstance that would try to thwart his mission: to locate & rehabilitate the
street weary addicts and alcholics.
in almost 20 years living a 12 step program his spirit, his love, and his forever open wallet touched and helped hundreds. I owed
this man my life. words fail to express my gratitude for this
wonderful human being, so full of the light of hope, strength, &
generosity. the last years of his life were spent mostly in Tanzanea. he worked an agriculture mission through the catholic
church. when the local priest told him he didn't think it "proper"
for a civalized man to dig in the dirt with the people they were
there to save, he asked "what then he should do?"  the priest seemed to think his proper place would be in the daily prayer group. he responded "pray all you want, please don't get in the way, i've got work to do! He died of african histoplasmosis, a fungal infection that starts in the lungs and ended up shutting down his kidneys. As he lay dying in his hospital bed in Sioux City, Iowa, a number of us brought a meeting to his room. of the hundreds of people who's lives he touched, helped, and saved, 12 people showed up. I'll never forget the excuses of some of the  people who didn't come- hospital and dying people scare me.... i'm going to a movie that afternoon. 13 years later i stll taste the biter disgust and contempt i have for these people. this wonderful example of what recovery can do, this man who never tired of helping suffering addicts, who made his love and concern available
to any one 24/7 and they were to busy to come and give this man
what he loved most, a 12 step meeting full of the people he put his own ass on the line for..... but then i hear him tell me, "i'm
going to love you and there is not a damm thing you can do about
it...watch out, you become the people you resent... there is a way
thru this, lets find out what we must do."

cindi, where did you get the strange idea that you have nothing to
say or offer this forum? Pull back, charge up your health, renew
the kindred spirit that helped me thru the worst summer of my life!
"until we learn how to find one another, we can't run away anymore." (tom rapp)
we all need each other
kip

[Angelica]

........ I aggree.  I can just see that I'm gonna have fly over there, and  have a little talk w/ Cin...lol  She is this forum.... and has been for quite sometime.  She has a very hectic schedule, and still finds the time to pop in and post w/ care and concern to someone in need.  A true friend indeed.
Angelica

[jennyfla]

What a great story kip, thank you for sharing that, i really benefitted from all you said too! :)
I think you're pretty special your own self, and i hope that you are feeling better...  you sound better than you did earlier in the week, and i'm praying for you!  We will all have our weak moments, just don't let them swallow you up, you're too special to ever loose!
Just wanted to say thank you!!!!
Love and prayers, Jenny

[jennyfla]

Wow, what a bright future you have ahead of you... Definately another reason to stop this madness before it gets worse!!!!
You will grow to hate the drugs more and more as they take more and more of your life away from you.  You have so much going for you, it would be ashame to have something as senseless as some little pills take away all your dreams, and they will if you don't clean up soon!
Your parents will tire of your excuses, and they will begin to trust you less and less, if it hasn't already happened.  Sounds like you have a good support group with your friends, look at them as examples of what life can be without the drugs.  
Keep reading all these wonderful posts on this forum, these people are just out of this world with all their advice and recommendations; a group straight from heaven!!!
You will need to fight harder than anything else you have ever fought for, especially going into the medical field, you will always have this hanging over your head, and the temptation will always be there.  I really hope that you can straighten up and know what is most important in your life, YOU, not the pills!
I'm talking to myself as i'm typing this too, so don't think that i am wagging an almighty finger at you, i'm working on myself as i type these words.
Good luck to you, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and know deep down what you need to do in order to have a successful life.  You sound like you are just sick and tired of the problems these pills are causing just enough to know what you need to do!!!!
Best of luck to you, and me too for that matter!
Stay strong, and stay with this forum, they really can help you help yourself!!!!!
:)
Lv Jenny

[bsw4saw]

After reading the comments I would just like to add that two weeks ago my 21 tyear old nephew died from an oxycotin drug overdose and less than one week later 20 miles away another kid broke into a house, stole a oxycotin perscription and ingested them.  He realized that he was in trouble and went to the local hospital for help but was turned away.  Feeling at a complete loss in dealing with his stupidity he took his life by jumping off a bridge.  Oxycotin has been on the market for approximately three years and has over 1,000 deaths attributed to it.  Young people are getting into and not understanding the full implications of what it can do are playing with fire.  This is a drug that is far too dangerous to be on the market and something has to change.  Where we are we never heard of oxycotin until two weeks ago, now the name plagues our thoughts.  Don't take it.

[skipper]

it truely saddens me to hear of the loss of your 21 year old nephew
and the other young person you also mentioned. i however must dis-
agee with your oppinions about oxy-contin. as dangerious as this
narcotic drug is, it's what enables me to live a relatively normal life. since 1997 i have been in chronic intractable pain from damaged and since removed cervical discs. in the past 2 years i've had 2 major surgerys to further stablize my spine in the cevical region. last winter my neuro-surgeon told me that one of the fusion sites had failed and i would have to undergo more surgery. two days later found me with a shot gun in my mouth! judge me as you care too, i had lost all hope of an exitence without +9 pain level. oxy-contin has been one of the only drugs that has allowed  me to function. instead of taking oxy-contin off the market and depriving people who truly suffer, how about looking into this problem a little more closely. the media (newspapers, magazines, tv, etc) have a howling good time going hysterical about this drug. maybe you don't see the connection here, but i do. you yourself claim to have never heard of this drug untill 2 weeks ago. maybe if the media had not made such a fuss about it--well maybe your nephew wouldn't have heard about it either.
i will pray for you and the rest of your family, as you deal with
a truly devastating loss.
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[BeenThere]

It's been 8 years and 15 operations and what I know about withdrawal is extensive . First compare the quality of life you have while on oxy then to laugh when you realize that withdrawal is the price you paid for all those days you felt like a member of the healthy. people around you wont ever understand how chronic pain can totally ruin you to the point of suicide . For 8 years I have gone on and off all the pain meds each one has a wicked withdrawals but its a small price to pay for so much relief .when you do go off oxycontin be smart prepare your self for two weeks of hell the first week is the hardest you need tons of fluids to flush out and add herbal vitamins witch you should have been taking all the way.
One help in this miserable week one is valerian root and B2 B12 and 3000mgs of C a day . Even though you will have diarrhea this is a must if you don't you first week could be worse X100.
So be smart plan for withdrawals plain to be very sick don't let this happen while you begging doctors to help its to late if you need to ask for more . Use it for life "Quality of Life" not to substitute .

[skipper]

BeenThere:
welcome to the forum! there is always room for one more, so come on
in! i do hope you will keep posting, as we all need each others expierence, strength, and hope. p,lease post a little closer to the
top of the forum. see it's real easy to get overlooked in the base-
ment." hope to be hearing more from you!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[MoonSista]

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[MoonSista]

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[b]hello[/b]

[Telby]

I have really enjoyed reading this forum. I am sitting here with a blanket wraped around me, last oxicotin was a hafe of and 80mg around 6:00pm yesterday.  I can feel the sickness coming on and I am so worried.  I have been sober from booze for the past twenty years but started with heroin in the mid ninties and now am strung out on oxicotin.  I hate this life and definatly need support getting out of it.  I read Thomas's detox recipe, I wonder if he has any thoughts about L-Glutamine to help with withdrawl.  I will continue to read comments and hope for better days.  I read somewhere that it takes 180 days free of opiotes for the brain to recover fully and maybe then the depression lifts and the sun can come out again.  I can't seem to get through 48 hours at this point.  I have a friend who has offered me naltraxon to bring me out of the withdrawl and give opiote blocker.  we'll see.  Telby

[Telby]

Another day and I wonder if anyone is out there.  Just writing is good for me and if it happens to interest anyone else that is cool to.  Reading all of the concerns about the dreadful withdrawls from opiates I thought of some things I have learned along the way that helped me in the past.  When I was addicted to heroin I kicked at home.  The medication which saved me was Darvacet 100.  I hated it because it upset my stomach and gave me bad breath but it did cut the "sickness" enough that I could get through it.  They don't stay in the system long and they are hard on the kidneys and liver (take no more then two at a time, more will not help a bit and can hurt vital organs). As much as I disliked them I found I was dependent on them once I was over the heroin. So I tapered off every day reducing my dosage at least by one and this was the only time tapering was successful for me. Being addicted to a drug I hated was really too much. NOw these oxy's are a problem for me. I have no access to Darvacet anymore so that's out - short term use of methadone has helped me in the past (no longer then four-five days) but I can't find any of that.  I mentioned the Naltraxon because I can use that.  It is a very potent medication so I know to be very careful.  It causes immediate withdrawl so it's important to be used after tapering down to no more then 40mg a day (20 would be safer) and going at least 24 hours with nothing.  I know to take less then a hafe of a dose and that while I am taking it it creates an opiate blocker so it is impossible to feel effects of oxycotin.  It is a committment to getting clean and staying clean.  My head is the problem, giving up this old hateful evil friend is harder then outsiders think.  My self esteem is so low at this point and my fear of living life and facing myself is tremendous.  I also know I cannot continue spending my days feeling like ****, looking for drugs, waiting around for drugs, and figuring out how to pay for drugs.  Oxy's are now $1.00 per milligram in this area so it's a minimum of $40.00 per day which causes other bills to be put on the shelf, more stress, more drugs and on and on.  Once I start to feel sick I panic and since I have no emotional resources I end up back on the phone trying to hook up.  I have taken time off work to get my act together so it is now or never time.  I have so little faith in myself and when I look into the future I see a black hole.  This drug family is definatly run by the devil, it is a slow wearing away of the soul and one looses the ability to feel joy.  I noticed that most junkies live in a world without color or art, it seems to get soaked into the drug.  I do want out and I will work everyday to build myself up so this time I'll get through it and be done with it.  I give all of you a great deal of credit, unless you've been down this road one cannot know the pain and misary of such a life.  God bless us all, Telby

[skipper]

telby:
you are "not out there alone!" the problem is when you post near
the bottom, it is real easy to get overlooked. i too take oxycontin
40mgs three times a day. my pharmacist tells me i'm not addicted to
them, rather i am dependent. when i ask the difference, he smiles
and tells me "you have a diagnosis, and more importantly insur-
ence!"

what a joke, i went almost 20 years feeding a drug habit by break-
ing into drug stores and clinics. to hear now that me and my ad-
diction are "legitimate" is somewhat amuseing. i am in intractable
pain so that is the reasion for oxy-c. i try to quit every 4-5
weeks for a week. when i do this i use Thomas's detox recipe.

i certainly look forward to further post from you Telby. please
post closer to the top. don't be afraid to break in on someone
elses thread.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Telby]

It was so nice of you Kip to respond to me.  I guess I'm not experieced with how to manuver my postings.  I originally wrote further up under hydrocodone but then I thought I should enter after the last posting.  Maybe among other things I could use advice on how to ask for advice.  In this area doctors have flooded patients with oxicotin but I have noticed some strange things.  The people who get scripts are usually on disability or have a medical card.  These people can have the actual pills delived to their front door by fed ex.  This is appalachia so there is alot of poverty, someone shows up at the door and offers hundreds of dollars for pills they didnt have to pay for and it is hard to turn down.  So there are people who have never comitted a crime i their life trafficing in narcotics.  There is no way a doctor is going to give me oxycotin for anything but there are many who get hundreds a month.  Pharmacutical companies, doctors and dealers are all getting rich while sick people like me are forced to pay too much and worry everyday about finding a pill.  This stuff effects the brain in our pain and pleasure centers so everything gets screwed up and it takes a long time to repair.  I keep trying to think what the healthy me would do because the sick me is not making good choices.  This forum has inspired me to force vitamins and minerals so I can start building myself up.  Yesterday I did one 40mg which kept me from being sick so I think I'm lowering my tolerance. Today I have done the same so the challange will be to not get another one later in the day when I start to feel like ****.  With this newest plane crash I can focus on other people's problems insted of my own pity party.  Thanks again for being out there somewhere.  Telby

[Sydney Smyth]

I recently got off a 4 yr methadone addiction with rapid detox,which was no walk in the park but I dealt with the sickness.Problem is now I just startred on oxycotin again,been on them for 2 wks now at 80mg a day.Now this dose is just sustaining me.I know the sooner I get out the easier!!I have to taper down at home and then I know I will have withdrwl symptoms.In the past after a 4yr oxycotin addiction I unsuccessfully tried to quit,the sickness was too much!!So being that I have only been on 80mg oxycotin for 2wks now I must get out now!!!Problem is I have no clue how I should taper off and also for how long,I'm thinking a week since I have only been back on for 2wks.Also I am hopeful the withdrwl will not be so severe tapering off and because I have not been back on for a long period of time.I just don't know how to do it and would really love suggestions!!Also any input or opinion as to how long withdrwl after the taper would be would be greatly appreciated!!I have to start the taper in the morning so yor input asap would really help!!thanks Sydney

[FLaddict]

Honey you posted on a thread from 2001.. you should scrool down and click back to forum. then click post a new question so curent members will see your post..alot of people skip over the posts with old start dates. And its very late so most people will not be on til morning.. so if you don't get a response please read in the morning after people have gotten up..

[Sydney Smyth]

Thanks I figured that out and did that hope to get helpful responses in am.

[sandyshore]

Hi: I am a mother . My son is addicted to oxycoten.I wonder if there is anyone else out there that can help me. I need help in trying to help him. This is very hard on me and cant accept the fact that maybe something else will happen to him.His addiction started with an injury and i feel he is a victim of the medical practice. I am sure there are lots of others out there like that. I need advice and help . Would like to hear from others that are in the same boat. Thankyou.