Wondering how others cope and keep the faith??

[kellkell2184]

So today I relapsed and took around 10 tramadol 50mgs today. I was down to 4, 50mg trams and I messed it all up. I am so ashamed of myself I want to be off of this but don't want to feel the pain its just to much. I know I am a coward and I did this to myself so I don't deserve anything else but the pain that goes with detoxing. Where do you find the strength and faith and how do you cope with all of this?

[minn66]

Great post, Free!

Kell, take it one minute, hour, and day at a time. Thinking too far ahead can be overwhelming. Believe me, I know. All we have is today. The past is the past, tomorrow is yet to come, and today is the Present. It will get better, and annoying as it sounds, it takes time. Build on each success, regardless of how minor it may seem. Another thing, think of what you need to do different this time. Learn from this experience. You can do this. Make sobriety and being clean your top priority. You can this!

Hugs,
Minn

[Dane74]

Relapse is part of dealing with addiction.  It stinks i know and the shame and despair we feel is awful, but now look into WHY you relapsed and ask yourself what are you going to do differently.   For me, i relapsed and i had to hit bottom and scare the crap out of myself before i realized its time i needed help.  So don't beat yourself up over it, take it as a learning tool and learn from it.  You are not a coward you came here and asked for help, thats courage if you ask me:-)

[Ahbh]

Hi Kell - u and me are in the same boat.  I too am having the realization - again - that i cannot handle pain meds.  I abuse them and then travel down that wonderful road of wd.  I still havent had the courage to make the commitment to completly dropping the tramadol.  One thing I do know is u and me are here seeking support.  Thats gotta be better than be in oblivion.  Right?  Be proud of urself.

[jlannspr]

I don't have any magic words, I've relapsed 3 times. You have to find something that means more to you than the pills and the high. For me, it was lying, stealing, and being broke. Hang in There and just get over the hump; worry about the rest later.

[kellkell2184]

Thank you all so much I really needed to hear this especially from people who are just like me. I have heard this from my rehab doctor, and therapist but for some reason it sinks in more coming from people who have and are living the life I put myself in. So far today I haven't had anything and after I counted I had 900mgs of 50mg of tramadol yesterday. I scared myself because that's 18 pills in a 24 hour period. All i can do now is thank the lord I am not dead and pray he will be merciful on my soul..

[selfinduced]

Great post free! Kell, don't give up. Tomorrows a new day, dig the heels in and start again.

[Bad_Obsession]

My new favorite quote!  "The pain is part of the recovery, suffering is optional".  I LOVE IT!
Really give that quote some thought, Kell.

[Bad_Obsession]

And don't beat yourself up because you relapsed.  EVERY SINGLE PERSON HERE has relapsed.  Just accept it as part of the process, look at it to see where you went wrong and what you can do differently this time so that it doesn't happen again.  But please, don't beat yourself up over it....that will just drive you to using again.

[Bad_Obsession]

I know you've probably heard it a hundred times here...but honestly, take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time.  The pain sukks...yes.  Totally bites.  BUT- it's not going to kill you.  Remember the old saying:  What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger"?  It's true.  The WD won't kill you...and it does suck...but it's the price you are going to have to pay to live a drug free life.  There's no way to sugarcoat it.  
One thing that helped me....I made a list of everything I could think of that I hated about my drug addict life.  My list was 4 pages long, front and back.  I also had my 6 year old son trace his handprint at the bottom of my list.  Anytime things got hard, or I thought that I wouldn't be able to make it, I read over that list...and put my hand up to my sons hand that was traced on the list.  1- it helped me to remind myself why I was quitting.  2- It would take so long re-reading the list, that by the time I got to the end of it, the feeling of wanting to take pills had subsided.  I must have read that list 50 times a day...but it really did help.  Please...just keep in mind that WD will not kill you.  Then it's just a matter of wanting the drugfree life more than the one you have been living.  Get motivated and STAY FOCUSED!  You know why you want to quit, and that you need to quit, otherwise you wouldn't be trying....just keep those reasons fresh in your mind.  Stay strong...and good luck.  And check into some AFTERCARE!  It really is a life saver.