Xanax And Norcos are consuming me.......

I dont even know how to put this, but ill try my best. my parents started me on ridiline and prozac when I was only 8 years old, and I can honestly say that I dont have very many happy memories from my childhood and cant stop thinking of how messed up ones parent would have to be to feed thier child a pill instead of raising them. I started taking vicodin when I was about 16 and its all progressed from there. I really didnt have that much of a problem at first because it was all about me just getting high . I also started smoking pot when I was only 14. Things started to go consistantly bad when I started stealing pain pills from my grandmother, which I feel horrible about by the way. Also, I have never really felt any love in my life and the first time I took vicodin it made me forget about all of my depressions and I was happy. But as soon as the effects started hitting me the depression and anxiety was worse than ever. Then came the xanax. My freind gave me one because I was trying to get off the norcos and I wish he would have never done that. To make a very long story short, im 22 years old, male, and ive been taking norcos for about 5 years and xanax for about 4. Ive cut down to taking a half a norco a day which seems like nothing compared to most people but I only weigh 110 pounds, and Ive cut down from taking a whole xanex bar.. 2 mg,s.. to only a quarter which is .5 milligrams. I know that Im a really intellegent individual but I feel so stupid for letting myself go down this long harsh road. My mind wont stop, and im really serious, I cant stop thinking about a 100 things for even 10 seconds. I try to go to sleep early and end up just laying down and thinking all night and I hate it. Im so depressed and have though about death alot lately. I just dont know who I am anymore, I feel like if I completely stop taking everthing that I will lose my reason to live seeing as ive never really been in a very loving relationship. But I also feel like if I keep taking this poison that its going to kill me slowly and painfully anyway. Im actually a decent looking guy buy have no self esteem or confidence. Im probably typing way to much **** for people to help me with, but I jsut want to know if theres anyone out there that share similar problems with there emotional and physical dependencies. I have summed up all of these feelings in writing in about 15 minutes, and this isnt even the half of it. PLEASE HELP ME im so  F ing lost and beside myself that I dont know what to do, so ill go back to playing my guitar right now and await a response. I know this is alot to respond to but Id really appreciate it if anybody did.        

[leeisgettingclean]

Hey ma, we all have been were you are now. I am a 24 year old guy and i was taken 15-20 pills (10mg) a day for close to 3 years, its hard to quit yes, however you have already tapered yourself down to such a low amount, now it just a mentall block. You can quit were you are at right now with little to zero withdrawal. I  also took pills for my self esteeem , i to am a cute guy but when i took some pills i felt even cuter, smater, and more socail. We just have to learn to do and feel these things without pills. you be alright bro, just hang in. The only thing i do not have any imput on is the xanax, i hear that is not to be c/t

[daisy699]

Hey! Well welcome to the forum you definately came to the best site for some uplifting advice!! You ae NOT alone   most of us on here have been exactly where you are right now, I to came off h and benzos almost 90 days ago and I can tell you do not go off xanax ct!!! I was in a detox and they monitored me very closely b/c of the amount of benzos I took it's very dangerous to just stop! You could end up seizuring and it could be fatal! Have you thought about getting some professional help? It sounds like your doing a great job tapering off and your at the jumping point to stop all together w/o much wd's. but the depression side of your addiction and not to mention the mental part of the addiction can really bring you down,I suggest looking for a therapist to work through the issues w/ u also an NA /AA meeting would be a really good place for you to find some real good support! I promise you if you go to a meeting talk to sm 1 about what's going on you will have many ppl WANTING to help you!! Keep your head up and hang in there PLEASE!!!! IT WILL GET BETTER!!! ; )

[newstart730]

Thank you for posting here, and please know that you are not alone.  I, too, started using norcos to numb depression (and PTSD) and I understand a lot of what you are saying.  I have quit and relapsed and quit again- through the journey I have come to discover the underlying issues to my use.  It sounds like you are already understanding part of the emotional issues that have fueled your use, so you are on the road to healing.  However, this is not something you can truly conquer without additional help.  Have you looked into a therapist?  They can truly help treat the core emotional issues, which is what you need right now.  Also, as far as the xanax, withdrawals can be very dangerous (seizures and worse), so I would speak to your doctor about a taper plan and be honest with him/her.  He/she might suggest an anti-depressant to get you through the initial emotional roller coaster.  Most importantly, I know what it is like to feel deeply depressed and alone, but it is important to remember that there are ALWAYS people who love you.  I don't know you, so I'm not sure who they are- you say that your family is not supportive, but they could be teachers, coworkers, neighbors. You may not realize it right now, but they are there and the people on this forum are here.  You are not alone and you are cared for.  Please consider counseling and meeting, and best of luck!

[recovery911]

Hi there thanks for posting your story, congrats on trying to stop using and you are doing great by cutting down, but I really think that you need to see a psychologist ASAP. You have major depression, anxiety and also if you were taking ridiline at one point in your life is because you probably need to deal with that illness as well because what you are describing the part were you say" my mind wont stop, I can't stop thinking about 100 things for even 10 sec." and the fact that you can't sleep. It all sounds like you need to be seen right away, and I know you are tired of taking medications but sometimes (like in your case) you need to take them but the right medications under supervision and as prescribe.
I really hope you get the help you really need.
Good luck    

[bjb456]

Dude, I am with you you on the Norco front.  I have been abusing them for 4 years but not insanely, basically 2-4 a day.  I just posted for the first time here today because I am very alone and lost and feel as though I will not be able to function without my "little yellow friends".  My mom was addicted to Codene for years and suffered from Bi-polar disorder and severe depression - she took her life when I was 19 - I am now 31 and cannot believe that I am actually showing similar patterns because I was never like her.  I am engaged to a beautiful girl and always get compliments about how handsome and great looking I am, all those compliments are garbage to me because I feel like garbage due to the fact that I have let these little pills take control of my life, I never in one million years would have thought I would be where I am now - you are only 22 and have your whole life ahead of you man - I am almost 32 and hope to have people tell me the same, that's why I posted here today because I can tell there are great people here that can help me(us) get through this ****.  Hang tight bud...I am here for you!

[BIKERDAD1963]

you have summed up just about everyone here. The norco will be the easy one. The xanax is a bad one. If you are serious about the suicidal thoughts than you need to get in and see someone. We arent doctors here that can help with something like that. Is the xanax a script from a dr. If so he is the one to go to and talk to about all of this. Good luck and keep us posted and dont do anything else until you see your doctor, please.