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Xanax

Dan
I have been on Xanax - 2mgs a day for 9 years.  In July of this year I started coming off this drug.  Today I am down to .5mgs a day.  But my problem is I can't seem to get any lower. I try to reduce (.37mgs a day) but the withdraw is so bad I go back to .5mgs. Any suggestions on how I can continue reducing the dose without the withdraw?
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Avatar universal
I had a female type surgery (day surgery) and was given Vics ES, only 10.  No refills.  I am only taking them when needed maybe one or two a day.  Am I going to relapse on these ten pills?  So far I feel no psychological need for them.  I feel like I can use these 10 properly and move on.  I was told that I would not have withdrawals from such few pills, but no mixing with booze.  I feel very insecure right now and frightened. Neena
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I believe that you are going to do just fine.  You already know what the answer is.  Just hang in there awhile!
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Woke up this morning, much stronger emotionally.  Thanks for your post. And your forgiveness.  I know the few pills that I slipped up with will not send me to Hell again.  It has only proven the strength of them to me.  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on. I have life, and I should hold on to it.  Neena
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Avatar universal
You are forgiven!  Don't beat yourself and learn from your experience.  Feeling guilty is normal.

In my area we have schedules for AA and NA meetings.  They will state if they are non-smoking, open(you can bring guests and even children), closed(alcoholics and addicts only), even straight or gay meetings, women only, men only, teen, etc.  So it's all pretty much covered.  My group is AA closed, smoking and adult.  Many in the group are addicted to both alcohol and drugs so I feel very comfortable there and that is very important.  I tried NA but had a hard time connecting with the group.  You have to get around and find your home base and make friends.  Once you have made some friendships, things start to fall in place and it gets much better for you.  The fellowship will tend to keep you very busy and focused on recovery.  Give it a try, it's free!
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Avatar universal
I am writing to you in shame, as I took 2 Norco today.  I spaced them out...at least 6 hours in between.  I am so incredibly mad at myself.  I had been doing so well.  I have no excuses, other than a headache.  Now, my question is...will I withdrawal from these two that I took?  The pills did work wonderfully, as usually in my bad addiction days it took much more to relieve the pain or get the high.  I feel like guilty and am extremely mad with myself.  How long till these two Norco are out of my system?  Someone please say a prayer for me.  I had been clean for a month.  I will seek out a NA meeting tomorrow, but it has to be smoke free and I have no sitter for my daughter.  No excuses, I know...I am writing to you all for help and for hopefully someone to tell me that I have to take this day to day and not condem myself for the slip-up.  I am tired of beating myself up.  Neena.  Please, God forgive me, I will try harder tomorrow, as it will be a new day.
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Avatar universal
Not too long ago I had to face the fact that I needed pain meds for real pain.  Motrin, Alieve and other OTC drugs were inadequate for the level of pain I have.
I went to my doctor and leveled with him about my struugle with pain and the fact that I am a recovering addict.  Thankfully he understood my problem fully.  He said that there is a big difference between drug abuse and being drug dependent.  I also take meds for diabetes and high blood pressure, therefore I am dependent on them for my health.  The same goes for pain meds.  But to be on the safe side I have let my wife have control of the pain meds.  I still do not trust myself with a full bottle sitting around!  Recently(last week)my doctor said that he wants me on a longer acting narcotic, possibly Oxy Contin because the short acting drugs like Lorcet and Percoset are too hard to deal with as far as getting the level of pain killing correct.  I told him I would consider this but that specter of addiction was always in the back of my mind. The point of all this is that with proper supervision, even hard core addicts can be successfully treated for chronic pain as many studies have shown.

Be well!
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Avatar universal
Thanks.  An excellent and inspirational short post.  Only such severe and chronic pain that it interferes with your life for a long period of time, or has you in agony, is worth risking sobriety.  In NA they teach that once addicted, even if you have true pain and prescribed narcotics, you shouldn't use unless you must.  Then, you must have someone dispense the drugs to you.  Also, you need extra meetings, etc. to keep from "loosing the demon" by taking even just 1 of the narcotics.  Congrats on meeting your first test!!  Beware, there will be more down the road!
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My brother in law passed away on Thanksgiving day and I've had a headache ever since.  In-laws, etc...Short version, my headache became so interable that I actually called my hookup.  Just for one...she said whatever...THEN I SAID, NO, I WON'T DO THIS AND HUNG UP THE PHONE.  I took some Alieve and very little relief, but my knowing of my strength against the Vicoden ES made me feel much better.  Just a short positive story.  Hope it helps someone.  My pain was real...but I have an addictive personality and CANNOT put myself at risk at all.  I hope some of you can join in my release from the demon.  Good Luck, each day.  Neena
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Avatar universal
my heart goes out to you.  Right now I am praying that you look into your own heart and see the path this is leading to.  This disease knows no social or monetary boundaries.  Look at poor Robert Downey Junior.  Everything to live for, a new chance at a wonderful career, and three months out of his prison cell he may have blown it forever.  J.B. is right:  prostitution is prostitution.  If you continue to see your boyfriend, you will see this other evil doctor, and he will laugh at you, knowing your secret.  Believe me, your boyfriend will find out.  We cannot tell you what to do.  Should you tell him and risk losing him?  It is up to you.  I was addicted to cocaine ten years ago and I also have done things I was not proud of.  Thank God I found a wonderful, caring man who I was able to be honest with and got out of that hellhole.  Sweetie, you are heading for disaster.  You need more than just addiction help.  Please go and see a therapist because you will lose your soul.  You are already losing your self esteem.  Your boyfriend  is going to uncover the real you very soon.  The addict inside of you is going to make a fatal error.  If you truly care for him, tell him what is going on before it gets worse.  Again, only you can make this decision.  God bless you.  Nobody here is going to judge you.  We are glad you have found a place where you can be honest.  Please keep us informed and let us try to help.
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Avatar universal
to Tom,

Several years ago I had access to most any drug you wanted.  I was a nurse on a surgical unit.  My using started with Buprenex and stado and gradually over a year escalated to well over 600 to 800 mg. of demerol, dilaudid, etc.  I was busted and sent to rehab.  Thank God.  the initial withdrawals lasted 2 weeks and cintinued for the next 6 to nine months.  I have no recollection of the first 3 days in treatment.  I could not do it alone without medical help.  please do not try it....get professional help.  when you pop 10 vics a day or percs the withdrawals are baby withdrawals.  like you i was on massive doses.  the nirses in treatment referred to me as a walking pin cushion and could not believe the drugs i had in me.....No, I am not boasting,  now when i look back I am scared as hell.  I too live with chronic pain,  A few years ago i did the percocet thing from the hospital and was arrested  in alot of trouble.  Today i still live with the pain and yes i do take vicodin or ultram on occassion.   I have to be extremely careful and really thank God that my dr. won't give me more than 10 at a time or whatever because I nver want that obsession to return.  Please do not do this on your own.        cindi
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Avatar universal
You raise a good point about how far one can go for drugs.  Many years ago in Germany I dove headlong off a moving train while in withdrawals.  My sole purpose was to get morphine for the injuries and it worked.  I also knew people who would swallow broken up bits of razor blades for the same purpose.  I could have oral sex anytime I was holding drugs by any number of women and mind you, I'm nothing close to being a doctor.  The point is that it's truly insane the lengths we will go to when numbed by opiates and the panic of withdrawals.  Take yourself for instance,  you are dating a doctor for drugs and have let one of his coleagues coerse you into a humiliating sex performance for stronger drugs.  Is prostituting yourself on the corner next?  Hope not.  You have to believe that you are better than that!  The problem with addition is that the methods you choose to obtain your drug of choice escalate along with tolerance to the drug itself.  Ever hear the old saying, "he'd kill his own mother for a fix"?
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Avatar universal
Thank you all so much for the caring.  However, my problem is a little more complicated than I have let on.  I am dating a doctor.  He is still an intern, becoming of all things a podiatrist.  Rarely are narcotics prescribed for foot problems, except for extreme cases. Before I met him, I had been addicted to cocaine and vicodin, which of course, he knows nothing about or would drop me fast because of his "reputation."  Love comes second after the career. I met him at a party, and needless to say, the addict in me was immediately attracted to him.  He actually is a good guy, but I have to tell you, You all have no idea how doctors really are.  They are quite aware of the power they have as far as prescribing.  While most of the ones I have met went into medicine with honorable intentions, there are so many temptations out there that they become monsters.  Here is my sad story, shortened so it is easier to read.  I have had back problems in the past and about six weeks after I started seeing him, I mentioned how my back was hurting.  Now you have to realize, he is not a fully fledged doctor yet, but able to prescribe.  He is extremely paranoid about the dea, etc.  However, he did prescribe me 20 darvocet.  He is not allowed to prescribe to himself, but he can to family and friends, if it is "legitimate."  As far as I know, he has never abused this.  I thought I had hit the jackpot.  Of course a couple of days later, I told him the darvocet weren't doing the job.  He suggested I go to an orthopedic.  I basically whined about not having the time, and can't you give me anything stronger.  He prescribed 30 vicodin and said he couldn't do any more.  I really like him and don't want him to see the addict in me, so i did not approach him again.  Here is the scary part.  He has a doctor friend that is a neurologist.  At a wedding reception, I mentioned my back problem to him and the fact that my "boyfriend" was scared to give them to me.  He suggested I stop by his office.  I did, not realizing what I was getting into.  He gladly prescribed me 60 vicodin, with three refils and then, and here is the awful part, said if I wanted more, he would like oral sex.  Yes, I did it.  I am so embarressed.  I know this story sounds insane and it is.  That is why I am scared.  How low am I going to go for this disease.  Is he going to tell my boyfriend?  Do I tell?  What the hell do I do?
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Avatar universal
Methadone is available in a liquid. Cherry Flavored. I take the diskette form disolved in water. They are a tiny bit bitter. I mix my liquid with orange juice and and don't taste the bitterness one bit. Methadone is very safe with a low order of toxicity. Probably the best for chronic pain.IMO
DAn..
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I come off with pomposity to make a point. This disease of opiate addiction is a killer. Only a few people here realise this. Treatment for this disease is the utmost of IMPORTANTance to save lives. Drastic measures are needed to stop this disease. This is not a game to see if you can forge a script. Anyone can achieve this with a little practice. Treatment early is necessary to save jobs and lives. Do not wait.
Dan..
ps: sorry if I HURT your feelings no name. Mine aren't hurt.
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Avatar universal
Dan, I don't mean this to hurt your feelings (but of course it probably will) but you need to stop being such a pompous ass. If you could just cool it a little and think about what you say before you post you wouldn't come off so..... Well sometimes you kind of rub people the wrong way.  Oh **** I'm not wording this the right way at all.... I think I better quit while I'm ahead.
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Avatar universal
Tom,I get my weekly doses in one ounce plastic bottles that are sealed after they fill them with my dose. The dose that works for me is sixty milligrams. The quicker you can find the dose that works for you the more positive results you will get from the program. LAAM, I have never taken so I cannot comment on it. My clinic does not offer it. Please do not listen to regular Joe's off the street,comments about the programs. These guys are not like you and me and they are usually on MMT because they are required. These people that I am referring to did not voluntarily enter a program and give false and opinionated information that gives opiate antagonist therapies a bad rep. They are usually comparing it to their drug of choice and use methadone for the wrong reasons. I hope I am making myself clear. Anyway, if you look at methadone for whaT IT IS A medicine to correct an imbalance in your body. I think you get the picture. TRY to get liquid methadone if at all possible. Better for dose increases and decreases. The other tom is also comparing methadone to something, I am not sure what. But its obvious to me he does not know the true purpose of MMT. Pain relief and stabilisation of an imbalance. Well Tom #1 please forgive me if I come across like I'm preaching,but I am trying to pass on info that I feel is important.
                                                                
One last statement. Never use methadone to achieve a high. That is why some people say negative things about it. They enter a program to replace a drug that was getting them high and most clinics are very observant. And will not allow dose increases if they see you are buzzed. Be honest with the prescribing doctor  at the clinic. Be prepared to give up hydrocodone. You will only be allowed(thats up to the clinic doctor)to take prescription meds that are narcotics rarely and at prescribed doses. Another thing I forgot to tell you about. You asked me about employment drug tests. Did you worry about that in the past? Methadone shows up as methadone-not an opiate. I know this because when they give random U A 's they always know if I am taking hydrocodone>> opiate positive. An opiate positive can and will cost you $$$ and a removal of take homes. Prescritions on file will save you though. After I started methadone,ALL my chronic pain went out the window. I have to stop typing Duty calls. My best to you. Dan...
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Avatar universal
Wow - your situation sounds a lot like mine!  I covered myself well too, perfect scrips, well-timed dates, quantities that mirrored "real" RX's in case they were checked up on, etc..  Like you, all this the prosecutor claims is evidence of the business agnle he is trying to push.  

What he has yet to mention is that I got caught because I ADMITTED to my primary Doc of my problem and asked for advice.  If it were a business, why would I admit it and go to Detox??  
The advice I got was to go directly to Detox, which I did within a few hours.  If I had just gone to Detox without calling my Doc, or if I had not told my Doc how I was getting 3 times the amount prescribed, I would probably not have legal problems now.

I was in Detox about 12 hours when they came to arrest me.   Nice Doc, huh?  My wife was a saint.  Within a 24 hour period she learned I needed to go away to Detox which I then went to, a half day later she came home to a house destroyed by the police with a search warrant, had to hire an attorney, bail me out, and drove me right back to the Detox center.  

Anyway - you aren't the first to recommend a 90 day program.  My atty wanted to suggest it to the judge too, but I nixed it.  He didnt argue too much when he gave me another bill, and I explained if I was away for 90 days I would have no money to pay him these extra charges, and I'd probably lose my job too.

I would think of a way to make the time if I only could be sure it would work.  But I'm not convinced it would.  I'd rather try another short 7-10 day deal with this new buphenormine stuff.  Have any of you had personal experience with it?

And what is LAAM you refer to?  I've tried methodone for pain relief before - 2 x 100mg at a time I believe if I remember right - but for some reason didnt stick with it.  Might be an option.  

I did do something today that I read about on this site.  Doc gave me a month's supply of my meds, so I filled them and gave them to my wife.  (..of course I took out 10 pills for myself as a reward for today, but I gave her all the rest and my Oxyfast too!)  She will not give me more than the bottles say, and I'm not getting them anywhere else, so this may be a good interim solution.  I may regret this tomorrow but it seemed like the thing to do.  

Thanks again everyone for writing.  I read this stuff for a long time before posting the other day - I bet there are many, many people reading this that are helped or encouraged because you take time to do this.  

By the way - went to see 102 Dalmations today.  Save your money.  Even the kids were bored with it.
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Avatar universal
No you didn't hurt my feelings just made me more of a believer of what a pompous you are.
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Dan,
I don't need methadone myself, but I was wondering what the liquid tastes like?? is it nasty tasting?? I can't take my soma or xanax without drinking it with coke because the pills are so bitter tasting, don't know why they don't put a coating on them..anyways, how is methadone for treating chronic pain? does it work better than other opiates, like vicodin or oxycontin? or do you have to not be able to control your intake of those before you would even be considered for using it for severe chronic pain? Thanks, Beanie
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Avatar universal
btw: sorry for calling you an sob in my previous post. I guess we're both passionate about the subject and don't hesitate to express ourselves. Besides, both being a ripe 47, I dare say we can handle a few spirited exchanges without wetting our pants. The good and the bad point of bulletin boards and e-mail systems is their fire-and-forget spontaneity.

One question on take homes: are they dispensed in little sealed beakers, like the little coffee creamers, in, say, a MacDonalds breakfast? Sounds like you have to guard those things with your life once you get your week's supply ... I still must admit to not liking the daily reporting aspect of the clinic. I know it's too important to let that stop me, but maybe it would be worth asking about LAAM to cut down on all the commuting. I certainly am looking forward to stabalizing my body chemistry and handling my pain with a safe, clean, reliable solution. I have a phone interview with the director of the Third Street Clinic in Santa Ana on Monday. I'll keep you posted. Take care.
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Not in Texas. I am trying to change that perception. I have gone down 75mgm's w/out difficulty just now starting to encounter and having to face issues that went unsolved for twenty years. Detox is no more tricky to myself than any other opiate withdrawal. I am just trying to solve problems that I have had but never truly faced. Dealing with life on its terms is what is tricky not the detox,
Dan
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Avatar universal
apology acepted ... hey, this methadone detox really does sound kinda tricky. Not having been on a long-acting opiate, I have nothing to compare it to. Do I take it from your post that you can't be board certified in Chem Dep. if you're still on a maintenance drug?
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Avatar universal
the legal aspect of your problem is/was a carbon copy of mine: I had developed a scam for "legally" purchasing boat loads of Vicodin from reputable pharmacies -- all to feed my own habit (I've never sold a pill to anyone in my life). But the quantities were so high, the rx's so numerous that the DA refused to believe I was just feeding my own addiction and insisted on prosecuting me for felony possession with the intent to sell. Making matters worse, the judge said it was the most sophisticated small-scale operation he'd ever seen. In any other circumstances, I would have been flattered. Anyway, one reason I suggested the 90-day house-arrest detox and recovery program is because even some pretty hard nosed DAs will accept this in place of jail time. It kept my ass out of jail and, really, while I'm not the model AA member, in the physical and mental shape I was in at the time, anything less than 90-day residential with morning-noon-and night 12-step meetings just wouldn't have solved anything. I can truthfully say that, while I still have a long way to go, those 90 days taught me more about myself, my disease, why I used and why I had always failed to recover in the past. Those 90 days also gave me my first taste of true sobriety since I was a teenager. Up until that time, I thought sobriety was just withdrawal without the runs.

My heart goes out to you, Tom. With all this on your plate, you're also sole support of your family. I was in the same position and I kept telling myself that, regardless of how much help I needed, I had to "stand and deliver" to keep a roof over my family and milk in the fridge. But you know, it was just more than I could shoulder, no matter how responsible I felt or how much I blamed myself for everything. An hour after my wife left with the kids, I finally just reported to the detox ward, and four days later, the residential group home run by the court-appointed electronic house arrest outfit, and put myself in their hands. All the things I thought would fall apart without me somehow didn't. In my absence, relatives and friends came forward to help my family and I was able to focus on my immediate problem. Because it was an electronic house arrest program, after a few weeks I was able to resume work while living in the group home. Funnily enough, my employer never had a clue any of this was going on.

It sounds trite, but the way I got through that period was by applying the One Day at a Time" principle to everything I did, every single day I was in the program. I don't mean this just in terms of not using drugs, but in coping with all the other challenges I had in front of me. Sometimes, I got through the day by focusing on just the next hour, then the next, and so on. Repairing your life is like building a pyramid: impossible to do when thought of as a whole - but very do-able when attacked block by block by block.

Ask your lawyer about the residential program. Usually, if you don't have anything too bad on your record already, the DA will let you plead down to a suspended sentence with residential house arrest as part of your drug treatment plan. Good luck, my friend. Post anytime you want to talk. I'm usually around and there are plenty of other good folk here with lots of good ideas and more than a few words of wisdom to share.
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Avatar universal
http://cp.gsm.com/fromcpo.asp  

This is a good site to get drug info. Thanks to who ever posted that for us.


             John B.
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