Xanax

[Dan]

I have been on Xanax - 2mgs a day for 9 years.  In July of this year I started coming off this drug.  Today I am down to .5mgs a day.  But my problem is I can't seem to get any lower. I try to reduce (.37mgs a day) but the withdraw is so bad I go back to .5mgs. Any suggestions on how I can continue reducing the dose without the withdraw?

[to chad and von]

Thanks.  An excellent and inspirational short post.  Only such severe and chronic pain that it interferes with your life for a long period of time, or has you in agony, is worth risking sobriety.  In NA they teach that once addicted, even if you have true pain and prescribed narcotics, you shouldn't use unless you must.  Then, you must have someone dispense the drugs to you.  Also, you need extra meetings, etc. to keep from "loosing the demon" by taking even just 1 of the narcotics.  Congrats on meeting your first test!!  Beware, there will be more down the road!

[To sick and scared from Neena]

My brother in law passed away on Thanksgiving day and I've had a headache ever since.  In-laws, etc...Short version, my headache became so interable that I actually called my hookup.  Just for one...she said whatever...THEN I SAID, NO, I WON'T DO THIS AND HUNG UP THE PHONE.  I took some Alieve and very little relief, but my knowing of my strength against the Vicoden ES made me feel much better.  Just a short positive story.  Hope it helps someone.  My pain was real...but I have an addictive personality and CANNOT put myself at risk at all.  I hope some of you can join in my release from the demon.  Good Luck, each day.  Neena

[cindy to sick and scared]

my heart goes out to you.  Right now I am praying that you look into your own heart and see the path this is leading to.  This disease knows no social or monetary boundaries.  Look at poor Robert Downey Junior.  Everything to live for, a new chance at a wonderful career, and three months out of his prison cell he may have blown it forever.  J.B. is right:  prostitution is prostitution.  If you continue to see your boyfriend, you will see this other evil doctor, and he will laugh at you, knowing your secret.  Believe me, your boyfriend will find out.  We cannot tell you what to do.  Should you tell him and risk losing him?  It is up to you.  I was addicted to cocaine ten years ago and I also have done things I was not proud of.  Thank God I found a wonderful, caring man who I was able to be honest with and got out of that hellhole.  Sweetie, you are heading for disaster.  You need more than just addiction help.  Please go and see a therapist because you will lose your soul.  You are already losing your self esteem.  Your boyfriend  is going to uncover the real you very soon.  The addict inside of you is going to make a fatal error.  If you truly care for him, tell him what is going on before it gets worse.  Again, only you can make this decision.  God bless you.  Nobody here is going to judge you.  We are glad you have found a place where you can be honest.  Please keep us informed and let us try to help.

[cindi]

to Tom,

Several years ago I had access to most any drug you wanted.  I was a nurse on a surgical unit.  My using started with Buprenex and stado and gradually over a year escalated to well over 600 to 800 mg. of demerol, dilaudid, etc.  I was busted and sent to rehab.  Thank God.  the initial withdrawals lasted 2 weeks and cintinued for the next 6 to nine months.  I have no recollection of the first 3 days in treatment.  I could not do it alone without medical help.  please do not try it....get professional help.  when you pop 10 vics a day or percs the withdrawals are baby withdrawals.  like you i was on massive doses.  the nirses in treatment referred to me as a walking pin cushion and could not believe the drugs i had in me.....No, I am not boasting,  now when i look back I am scared as hell.  I too live with chronic pain,  A few years ago i did the percocet thing from the hospital and was arrested  in alot of trouble.  Today i still live with the pain and yes i do take vicodin or ultram on occassion.   I have to be extremely careful and really thank God that my dr. won't give me more than 10 at a time or whatever because I nver want that obsession to return.  Please do not do this on your own.        cindi

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

You raise a good point about how far one can go for drugs.  Many years ago in Germany I dove headlong off a moving train while in withdrawals.  My sole purpose was to get morphine for the injuries and it worked.  I also knew people who would swallow broken up bits of razor blades for the same purpose.  I could have oral sex anytime I was holding drugs by any number of women and mind you, I'm nothing close to being a doctor.  The point is that it's truly insane the lengths we will go to when numbed by opiates and the panic of withdrawals.  Take yourself for instance,  you are dating a doctor for drugs and have let one of his coleagues coerse you into a humiliating sex performance for stronger drugs.  Is prostituting yourself on the corner next?  Hope not.  You have to believe that you are better than that!  The problem with addition is that the methods you choose to obtain your drug of choice escalate along with tolerance to the drug itself.  Ever hear the old saying, "he'd kill his own mother for a fix"?

[sick and scared-still]

Thank you all so much for the caring.  However, my problem is a little more complicated than I have let on.  I am dating a doctor.  He is still an intern, becoming of all things a podiatrist.  Rarely are narcotics prescribed for foot problems, except for extreme cases. Before I met him, I had been addicted to cocaine and vicodin, which of course, he knows nothing about or would drop me fast because of his "reputation."  Love comes second after the career. I met him at a party, and needless to say, the addict in me was immediately attracted to him.  He actually is a good guy, but I have to tell you, You all have no idea how doctors really are.  They are quite aware of the power they have as far as prescribing.  While most of the ones I have met went into medicine with honorable intentions, there are so many temptations out there that they become monsters.  Here is my sad story, shortened so it is easier to read.  I have had back problems in the past and about six weeks after I started seeing him, I mentioned how my back was hurting.  Now you have to realize, he is not a fully fledged doctor yet, but able to prescribe.  He is extremely paranoid about the dea, etc.  However, he did prescribe me 20 darvocet.  He is not allowed to prescribe to himself, but he can to family and friends, if it is "legitimate."  As far as I know, he has never abused this.  I thought I had hit the jackpot.  Of course a couple of days later, I told him the darvocet weren't doing the job.  He suggested I go to an orthopedic.  I basically whined about not having the time, and can't you give me anything stronger.  He prescribed 30 vicodin and said he couldn't do any more.  I really like him and don't want him to see the addict in me, so i did not approach him again.  Here is the scary part.  He has a doctor friend that is a neurologist.  At a wedding reception, I mentioned my back problem to him and the fact that my "boyfriend" was scared to give them to me.  He suggested I stop by his office.  I did, not realizing what I was getting into.  He gladly prescribed me 60 vicodin, with three refils and then, and here is the awful part, said if I wanted more, he would like oral sex.  Yes, I did it.  I am so embarressed.  I know this story sounds insane and it is.  That is why I am scared.  How low am I going to go for this disease.  Is he going to tell my boyfriend?  Do I tell?  What the hell do I do?