Avis, IBK, Domino, Worried, GoingtoMakeIt and any other old friends.......I'm back. Day 5 clean.....did the whole ride again----was pretty ashamed, but secrets keep me using so I'm done keeping quiet. I lurk a lot but never posted cuz what good am I to someone who's clean if I'm using!
When I decided pain meds were needed again (stupid, stupid me!!) I did well for a while and then BANG!!! Into the dirt I fell.........."Hey, if one is good then two is better" etc.....next thing ya' know you're going through pills like pez candy. 240-280 mgs a day, not good........Sigh..........why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer when I know how good it will feel to stop?!?
anyway,, done with the pity party. Overall, doing pretty good. I'm talking to someone about this nasty little secret and it's nice to not have to feel so guilty. I should have kept talking to you guys but YIKES!! ....what is this, like time number 4 relapse for me in the last 3.5 years since I've been here.
anyway, hope everyone is well.
Hey congrats on day 5. Greebs you should be proud that you did not keep ita secret. You came here addmited you relapsed and need some support.it takes a lot of courage to addmit a relapse. So i commend you for comeing on here and for being so truthfull.You are a strong individual and you can get clean again.I wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery,,,,,James
Hey Greebs....what's done is done and all you can do is move forward from here and learn from it. You know deep down you can't use pain as an excuse to take them. I did that for a long time myself. It might not even be so much of an excuse but more of that we know better than to keep thinking we can take the prescribed amount "this time". Tolerance will get us every time.
I know that you know all of this but you really need to find alternative ways to deal with your pain. They come out with new ways of treating pain all the time so never stop looking.
There will almost always be another time in our life to where we will have to take pain meds, and when that day comes, we have to have someone hold on to them for us. We will never be able to trust ourselves with pills again so we shouldn't even try. There's no point in taking that chance anyways.
You've been through this before so you know what to expect. Stay mentally strong, post often and tell yourself every second of everyday that failure is not an option. You will get through this!
Long story short, I am EXACTLY where you are.. i was clean for a year after using Lortab for 2 and a hal years... had a horrible day w my back, thought I could handle one and YEP here i am again 6 months later. I took my last one yesterday morning and thats it I AM DONE.... FOREVER
I have been beating myself up for days and months at that matter on how big of an idiot I am. I too live by the Quote... Failure is not falling down, its not getting back up!
With that said, I am done beating myself up over it and you should be too. It is what it is and we cant change it! " We are getting back up"
I am on day 2 of No Lortabs, do i feel great No, WD's are nothing compared to last time.
What keeps me going is knowing... A what i did wrong... I cant take even one
And B... It can be done and I was happier in my clean time than I have been since I started taking the pills years ago.
I am trying to apply Mind over Matter and so far its working well.
This website got me through the first time, dont know what i would have done without it, and I beleive it will get us all through if we continue to lean on eachother.
I am here for you, and I beleive in you.................Big Hugz
Hey! I'm sorry this happened to you. I had it happen so many times that I lost count. So, what you do now is get back up, dust off and move on. Were you doing any therapy or meetings? Aftercare can go a long way in helping to stay clean. You have to find something that you can and will stick with in order for it to work. It's amazing to be clean and actually like it, and it can happen for you. You have to give yourself a real chance though, so find some support, and get moving toward your recovery, and get on with your happy life that you deserve.
Attitude goes a long way toward staying clean too. You definitely know the drill here, so it's just time to do it! I believe you can!
Hey Greebs .....good to see you back on the forum but sorry its under these circumstances
I had my years of Russian roulette with the pills for 10yrs chasing pain away from my back
cant tell you how many times I stoped and started back up the last 6 1/2yr they put me on methadone for pain control....took the buzz out of it but it did work well for pain...I had no idea what I was in for when I detoxed....I was sick for 3 mo and dident feel like myself again for 6mo
you would think that would be enough to keep you off the pills and keep them off your mind but I still get cravings now and then.....there not as bad or strong as they use to be but like Sara says you can never drop your guard....I always feel for people like you....you really give it your all and these dam pills bring us to our knees ....I never judge and I never take my sobriety for granted I just want to let you know I will support you 100% and know you will concur this monster again so today is day 6 the physical symptoms are probably gone but now starts the mental mindscrew....dont know if you believe in aftercare or not I can only tell you it has helped me if you haven't tryed it give it a go its made the difference between me using or not ....I wish you all the best with your recovery and a warm welcome back...just remember we dont shoot our wounded your here to heal I truly hope this is your last detox you deserve a better quality of life...good luck and God bless......Gnarly
Ahh Greebs.....have you finally realized that you cant do this by yourself? I am happy to hear you are finally talking to someone about this. Your "secret" has kept you down long enough. Time to pull your big girl bloomers up and stop this insanity. Make you the No1 priority and hold that clean time sacred. Do whatever it takes to keep it that way. You got it in you so no more secrets. You can do this!!
Congrats on 6 days!!!!
How is the sneezing going? Do i need to remind you of my wd's??!!! lol
Be good to yourself girl, lets make this the last time you do this okay? sara
Greebs, glad you posted. I have read some of your responses and know you genuinely want to help others here and have over the years.
I hope you find the aftercare that will help you stay on track with your recovery. Whether you use a 12 step program, a therapist, religon or just talking to a crystal ball....I suggest you get with the program, knuckle down and start living your life.
I wish you the very best and wanted to lend my support.
Greebs! You rock! You could have just kept using but no, you decided to post and be honest. Way to go. Never feel bad that an addictive substance can get the best of you. That's why they call them addictive. I am not saying (to others) that it is an excuse to use. Just don't feel bad about it. Acknowledge your weakness and get on with life.
I am here for you. PM me anytime. I do respond.
You know I am here to support u .I know u can do it you just have to get everything into place to give you the most support .I dont post often anymore but send me a PM you know I am always here for you .
Yes I was just thinking that ! The class of 2007 ! And Greebs don't be so hard on yourself I and I'm sure almost everyone on this page has relapsed , no shame really ! Welcome back and you have my and I'm sure everyones support .. Jimmy
Hey, it's the old gang here-like Jimmy said: Class of 2007!!! Plus other, newer people too....it's great!!!
I'm really willing to talk to the counselor this time. I'm finally 'there'. I can't do this by myself :-)
Thanks for taking me back (again). I posted my Day 7 post a bit ago with my minor screw up. I'm still counting this as Day 7-and I'm really feeling solid about it. I don't know what finally broke, but something did. The counting, the scheming, the guilt, the shame, the misery, the panic when you have to go to the Doc and get the refill and take the drug test because you know you HAVE to find something so you have the meds in your system.......what a NIGHTMARE!!!
I really was losing me. It really is true-everytime you relapse you fall much farther, much faster and end up a worse mess each time.
It really was 'do or die time'.
I'm so happy to see everyone here again. I'll keep posting and let you know what my new counselor has to say.......
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