Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
a bit discouraged fr0m this forum......
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a bit discouraged fr0m this forum......

from reading some posts i feel like i dont belong here, like nobody really cares cuz i guess i am not WDing..
i feel negativity and i at first felt like wow, these people really care but i dont know if i belong here. it seems like people get help but just because i am not sober doesnt mean i dont need help.
im sorry im so emotional from tapering- i feel like ****. i feel lonely. im crying out for help. maybe its just me and my own brain making myself feel so narcissistic.... does anyone feel me? i hate to sound needy and like a big baby, but here i am, a big baby in my own head BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(sorry,,  i know i am adding to the negativity)
23 Comments Post a Comment
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2083449_tn?1381358308
Hey Smartgirl! Sorry you feel bad! What is the issue? It has been a little crazy here lately, but we do care and will help and support! Have you posted before? I'm sorry if it was missed! Please tell your story and ask whatever you feel! I promise we will help in any way we can!! Take care!!
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Avatar_f_tn
We all care hun, and of course you belong.  Not everyone is clean and thats OK but everyone here wants to be clean and stay clean.  As for tapering, its so hard because we are not allowed to give taper advice but i can tell you i did do a taper and for me it was the best choice for me at the time so wether you taper or cold turkey or decide to go the meth/sub route the bottom line is your trying to get clean.  All your emotions are normal, and you are sensitive right now thats OK.  What is it that you need help with?  I can try to help:-)
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2107676_tn?1388977459
Hi
I can't see where you have ever started your own thread and asked for help.
Start a new thread and tell your "story" and we can offer you advice.
Make sure you tell us what you are taking, how much, how long. In other words as much info as possible so we can help.
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you son and dane- im sorry for sounding so desperate. i just feel lost. i was taking like 5-6 perc 10s a day. i am only 22. i was taking them since high school. its so crazy, i guess its really true that you cannot say, 'oh, this person is outgoing, loving, fun, talented, so they CANNOT possibly be an addict"!!!! but that is so wrong. so, i ave lost everything from this addiction. i have nowhere to go but up. im down to a tab 7.5 a day. its been hard, but it has gotten a lot easier as far as physicality goes. but mental, oh, the mental..... ugh, oh i forgot to add that i tapered down really fast. (wasnt my choice), but i knew i couldnt get any more pills. but now i am happy that i am doing this. (quitting). i guess maybe i maybe am not ready ? could this be it?
i thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring about a stranger. i am lost and feel a little "left out". how stupid. i feel stupid for feeling left out from this website. but its honestly how i feel and i am sick of fronting, lying, so here i am.
sg
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2107676_tn?1388977459
Awww sweety, don't feel stupid at all. It's so hard to be honest and then when you don't feel you got a reply it can hurt.
Most of us are really desperate when we first post on this forum.
You have done great tapering down to one pill a day and you are young and have your whole life in front of you.
Don't let it be ruined by pills.
How are you feeling now?  Did you go thru withdrawals?
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Avatar_f_tn
YOU are doing amazing. All your feeling right now is natural for w/d. Even though your tapering, your still having all the effects of detox. This mental sux , but is a par for the course. You have to go thru it to get over it. We are here for you every step of the way. We've all been in your shoes, life is SOOOO much better drug free. Keep posting and vent to us. We've got your back girl. Tomorrows a new day, just will get better and better.
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1881798_tn?1339683833
Your story is similar to mine, we are all in different stages with different drugs. Just typing your feelings is a great outlet. Best of luck and stay in touch.
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2083449_tn?1381358308
I totally agree with Pat! No stupids here, and we are all strangers until we become friends! You are so very young, I am over 30 years older than you!!  LOL! Are you getting your pills from a doctor for a medical reason? Are you ready to quit now for good? If so, we can help you through this! Since you have tapered well, it should not be that difficult! Just a few days of feeling like you have the flu! Then, the mental part kicks in! Are you ready to cut off all ties to your supply? Let us know and again we will get you through this! There are a lot of very nice and knowledgeable people here! Read as much and as many posts as you can! You will learn so much! We are here for you honey, yes, I can call you honey cause you are WAY younger than me (smile)!
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2107676_tn?1388977459
Lots of people here wanting to help you.  Please type your heart out to us.
The more we know, the more we can help and we all really do care.
I am so sorry your post got missed.  Unfortunately sometimes that happens.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi hun, as you just stated, addicts do not discriminate, we come in all shapes and sizes...LOL  You are doing great on your taper, you ask are you ready?  Are you?  I think you are, the mental is the biggest challenge of them all, just remember the pills just lead you down the dead end road, and fast, they turn on you like a hot potato, keep up the good work and keep on fighting.  You can do this, beat the demon.
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Avatar_f_tn
it really actually made me cry, in a good way to release how i was feeling. now i feel a lot better. lol, even just reading what i typed ten minutes ago, i feel just a little bit stronger.. wow, how amazing. i hope it lasts. i also forgot to mention a very big big part of my addiction. my supplier is a close family member. ,.whom i live with, but its the only place i can go now. now i see their addiction SO clearly. wow, how blind have i been.. its so sad. nobody really knows except that person. i have hid it so well. i am a dancer and athletic, and now i cant even do anything. but its all motivation to get back into shape. thank you thank you thank you for caring for your stranger friend.
i guess my big question is, am i not mentally ready to quit? is it because it wasnt my "choice"? ( they ran out of meds, so i couldnt have any either) it really came down on me when i stole some of their pills. i admitted to it like 3 hours after i did because i felt so guilty. i just sat and cried. its hard because they are such a loving person, they really want the best for me, i know they do, but, they give me these evil things? is it possible to love me, while giving me these things? i feel so confused.... thanks again for the words. if anyone feels like just kinda talking about their story or anything at all, i am here.
love
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Avatar_f_tn
thank you, thank you for the response. i felt so selfish to feel left out, but now i feel better. thank you guys. i am so worried because when they get all there pills again (from a doc) what do i do? i don't know i i will be strong. it has just become my life, and its weird, even as a young child, i kinda had an addicted personality. when it came to food, working out, anything. i MUST search deep, deep down. i know MOST of the answers are within myself... and i have come so far i just dont wanna mess it up.

you know its funny, about two months ago, i googled addiction, and stumbled upon a thread between magnolia000 and georgiagirl, does anyone talk to them??? and i followed her whole journey to sobriety, and then about two weeks ago, i spent about two hours looking for that thread again lol i wanted to see if she made it through. i felt so close to them. i wanted to be a part of the sobriety. the good life.

again, thank you from the depths of my aching heart. xo
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1926359_tn?1331591739
Hi Smart Girl!

You know- you are ready!  You are in a tough situation with your supplier being in the same house AND a family member.  However, you sound like a strong and determined girl and so you need to dig deep and find that love for yourself, that love for life and HANG ON!  I am a dancer and super athletic and I lost all of that whilst on the pills for 6 years.  I am back at it now and I NEVER thought I'd get here.  I've been sober over six months and there is just no comparison.  You gotta really want your life back, you gotta fight for it- and the way to do that is by being gentle and loving with yourself.  Treating yourself like a precious object will make you STRONG!  Beating yourself up will only succeed in making you feel worst.  You can't change the past, or control the future, all you have is THIS moment right now and the choices that you make.  And you have a choice about what you put in your body, no matter what the circumstance is.  Make a choice from love, darlin'.  We are all here for you.

Sending support...
Lu
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Avatar_f_tn
See there, A good cry is zoo cleansing. PLEASE don't start the pills up again, you don't want to repeat this dark time. Your in a tough spot with your living arrangement. I am sure these people are not bad people, but they are addicts and not thinking about the bigger picture. Would you consider going to an addiction councilor or na? I am worried about your strength when pills are available. I am many months clean and not sure I'd turn down pills if they were in my home. Have you thought about a temp living situation till you get a solid plan worked out?
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2107676_tn?1388977459
Before they get the pills have an honest talk with them and tell them that you no longer want to take the pills.  Tell them that there are times when you will be weak and ask for them but they have to say NO.  
Be totally honest and tell them what the pills have done to you.  
Hopefully they will listen and you will feel so much better being honest and confiding in them.
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2030769_tn?1343651274
Hi, i am glad you posted:)  Actually, I wish I knew how to express my feelings better, like you did. Getting it out is so important. What are some of the reasons you believe you want to quit?  How has it negatively affected your life so far?  I have found that admitting those things to myself and even strangers was a good start for me.  It started getting me to start looking at the pills in a different way.  It's a process.  
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1830012_tn?1336524593
I hate that u feel that way, I came here many months before i started tapering & felt welcome with open arms, but then again i mainly read every post. But Boy did i post while i was tapering & i felt the love that people have on this board. If ur anything like i was during my tapering, i was a emotional wreck! Please stay & give it a bit, The people on here are amazing i promise you!!! Stacy
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2211511_tn?1339662116
We are not allowed to give tapering advice? Idk that, y?
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2211511_tn?1339662116
everyone is different, TRUST, u are doing the best u can and that's all that matters. I too was somewhat in a position where I could/coudnt get em cause I stopped getting my unemployment i can Always find someone to buy from but it ended in me having to ask my dude for money and lie about what i was spending it on. I'm only on day 5 and i am surprised to be here! Keep pushing babe, u got this. I'm here if u want to vent, im a venter to lol <3
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Avatar_f_tn
thanks so very much for the responses. and i have to be honest, the supplier (the close fam member) has really bad memory so honestly, even if i told them to never ever ever give me a pill again, they would forget in twenty minutes.  i hate it so bad because i feel like i used & absolutely abused that fact. like i said, i stole one time, and felt so guilty i admitted to her that very night. so, its not like i take advantage of them, in fact, i take care of them for the most part. its so sad. i hate that i feel like i abused my relationship with them. ugh...but i have the future to look foreword to !!! i can change, i can change, LORD ALMIGHTY I CAN CHANGE!!!!! :) i know this is a part of the lords plan, i just NEED major faith, in the process of life, and of course, myself. i relate to each and every one of you. i feel the tender touch (corny, i know) of everybody and i regret beign negative. i apologize. i am SO happy i came here. tonight i am doing alright. the WDs were pretty rough, but this site saved me time and time again. im still not strong enough to stop. i need to get somethings figured out first, like a job, and stuff to do with my time....right? or no? i take care of the farm animals, which helps so much. i love feeding them, and taking care of them. also, i started a garden and maintain some flowers and plants. guys, its so great, i have started this all within the last few months. so i cannot say i havent made MAJOR progress. i also ended my relationship with a man i was with for over 2 years. we used together, and it was just bad. man, now that i type this stuff, its like i am realizing so much. i hope everybody n theirs are doing well....... xoxoxxoxooxxo times a million
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Avatar_m_tn
HI........tapering can be tuff to do so cudos to you for getting threw it ......you will know it time to jump when its time it is different for everybody but a general rule of thumb is once the withdrawals get bad it time to say adios and break free will be here to support you so keep posting good luck and God bless........Gnarly
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1801781_tn?1410753824
I think we will all tell you that detox is the easy part (I know that sounds strange) the mental part is the hard part.  You have something to fight when you are sick and feeling miserable and you think..just one more day and I will feel better and usually you do.  But the mental..ahhhh....that is the hardest.  That is why so many suggest aftercare...therapy, NA, AA anything that helps you help yourself.  

This post helped me when I was struggling with why I was not feeling great mentally after the withdrawals were gone.  

You have to remember how opiates work, and why you feel depressed etc. when you quit taking them and after you are over the withdrawals and often why we keep craving long after the physical withdrawals are over.

Opiates bound to the opioid receptors in your brain and body. They release their artificial endorphins to them, and block the bodies natural endorphins. After a while the neurons that produce the body's natural endorphins disappear. There is no need for them so they just don't rejuvenate like they would normally.

When you stop taking the opiates,  they leave your opioid receptors bare, and they are calling out for your body's natural endorphins, but there isn't any there at first. You body has to repopulate the neurons that make them, and this takes time.

Endorphins like dopamine  control your moods, anxiety, sadness, anger, happiness, pain etc.

You will slowly get your "old self" back as these neurons repopulate and begin increasing their endorphins production. After being off the opiates for a month, they should be about 45-50% of normal, and be back to normal within a year.
So hang in there, you will feel better and better as the months roll by.

Try keep busy and keep your mind focused on positive things instead of dwelling on the depression, anxiety, etc. that are only temporary and will disappear as your endorphins return to normal.

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Avatar_f_tn
Hi, I know I'm a little late, but I did want to say hi and welcome you :) I see that you have lots of interests that will help keep you distracted while going through this. Aftercare is very important, and there are lots of different types out there. NA and AA are the most widely known, but there are other choices. I saw a thread a while back that talked about different ones, maybe you can do a search here or on Google to read up on the subject. I go to NA and counseling.

I'm so glad you posted and found us. As cliché as it may sound, just think of today and making it through today. Tomorrow is in the future and the past is done. Sure, learn from the past and how you will change your behavior, just don't dwell on it.

Best of luck and keep plugging away!

Hugs,
Minn
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