a daily medatation book is agreat tool in the begining of recovery as well always.
i have mentioned it before, na has a daily reading book, it is callede just for today, today medatation is on making ammends
by the way ammends is somthing that can waiy don't rush into
making amends, most new people think they need to do a fourth step and an 8 step make amends, .
step one is always the place to start, acceptance of the truth
i am an addict , i have used aginst my will, ,i have hurt people i love
aginst my will , meaning that is not what i wanted to do.
anyway back to a daily medatation book my fav is ( each day is a new beginning ) it always seemed that that little book was right on time, inspireing me just when i need it., when ever i thought i was done with staying clean ,i would read a medatation that would help me get back on track, it was like a miricle.
hazelden sells them as well as barnes and noble. they are in the misnamed self help area of the book stores.
if it is not practical it is not spirtual.!
humilty means being who we are and not who we think we are.!
it is not what we used that makes us an addict but why we used.!
unconditional love is allowing others to make mistakes
and still accept them and provide encouragement. !
Very nice hippy. Good mornin to you... Jessearpy...im wakey wakey now. Call me baby... How is everyoe doin? Is sat night the worst for ya? Old party syndrome? Temptation is strong.
Have a good day..make it yur day..its all we have!
I really enjoy your posts and I am interested in your take on things.
I'm sure it's my poor tired brain, but sometimes I have a really, really hard time understanding you because of typos. Could you do me a tiny favor and just reread your typing?
I think I finally do get the jist of most of what you mean to say, but sometimes not.
I don't mean to be critical, please don't think that.
Please feel free to ignore this if you want.
yeah, get it together man wouldja? hahaha...KIDDING!
i only wish i could be as spiritual as you...i just cannot get into anything like that. i need something to believe in. i read the stuff you write, and i think to myself i need to become more like him. can i force myself to think positively? i've gone to the meetings, and i always end up feeling like i don't belong...that i don't believe what they believe.
how did you go from being a down-in-the-dumps addict, to a spiritual, positive addict? did a light just click on in your head one day, or was it a slow transition?
you guys are right about my typeing , i will take more time and make it correct, my wife has always bugged me about it,
saying you know so much but your grammer makes you look dumb.
so i will try harder to get a handle on it.
groovy , as far as na and meeting s and getting it together,
it takes time but there are short cuts.
number one meetings can be boring and bad , but that is not the importan thing, finding a group and makeing it your home group is the 1st step , it is a big surrender but the pay off is huge'
reading the chapters in the na basic text is very fulfilling.
two chapters that i recomend , are the just for today chapter ,
and the chapter on recovery and relapse. read them over and over.
when ever you go to a meeting it is alway good to talk about today and talk about the truth.
if the meeting stinks talk about it, when the drugs were bad i was the 1st to say we got ripped off.
same with a bad meeting say somthing.
when ya get involved with a home group. it is the groups purpose to talk about recovery and how it can become a more attractive group ,
a place where a new addict would want to come back too.
i had a shirt made that said NO DUMPING. because the meeting where i was going was nothing but a dumping ground for selfish , self centered addiccts.
in order for people to get better they have to get a sponser who knows what the hell is going on and how to work the steps
i had to go to clevland to find a sponser in 1885 who knew what was up.
all the people in philly were cluless at the time/
the home group is the healing principle and it takes pain out of your life , it just takes a little time.
hippy has been here as long as i have, which is about a year and a half. he is one of the most thoughtful, generous, intelligent people here, REGARDLESS of how he spells. it's the people that are negative, petty AND can't spell that are really irritating.
meditation, if done properly, clears your mind of all the clutter that builds up. i like it because my mind races with all the things i need to do, haven't done and am feeling guilty about. it has taken me years to get anything out of it, and even now sometimes i cannot relax enough to get there. for me, i needed a really good teacher/mentor to learn the techniques that work for me. yoga is also wonderful. it's the making time part that gets me. it's funny, i say i don't have time for this or that, but i have always had plenty of time to find my meds. i hear people on the forum say they don't have enough money to go to detox, yet the same people have probably wasted thousands on their little habits...priorities...that's all it is.
I totally did not to pick on Hippy. I thought a lot about mentioning the spelling. I just want to understand him. And I do think he's very thoughtful and insightful. I don't even think it's a matter of spelling, it's just typos.
Please don't be mad at me.
you are correct, i just have to go a little slower and check
my grammer, and i will take the time to do it , and i know
you have a sweet heart , and are caring.
i hope you have a wonderful rest of the day
the same goes for groovy.
you guys are good people.
If a person is in a profession where drug use is checked and licensure is required is it considered "safe" to attend these groups? Can someone lose thier livlihood? Is there trust? I have never been to one. I have been addicted all alone for over 10 years.
yes that is my name , and i don't know how to use the spell checker, my son hooked up the system before he went off to collage last month, when i went o clevland i was 26 and i was about 2 years clean at the time, and the man i went to see was 15 years clean in na. and he was one of the trustee,s in the
na world service, and had written a few of the na phamplets.
and part of the basic text.
speaking of vampires i love anne rice and have read all her books.
so have you read anne rice and all her vampire
books, they are very good.
i really really liked memnoch.
so i gather you are in some pain
what is it , i was just wondering.
pain is somthing i think a lot of us are to
i hope yous is not to bad , i know my experence
with bad pain is like drowning, or being trapped in a box
you can't get ouy of.
i have been lucky, a lot of the pain i have had
went away for some reason or another.
somedays i think it was just a miricle
that it was lifted,. of course when i was surrering through it
i thought it was always goung to be with me.
and that type of hopeless thinking just made the pain worse.
Are you there? We need to chat!!! LOL ;)
I will be able to be on my computer for the next hour or two hopefully.
Thanks bmac. I gave up on this place after nobody would help ME when I needed it. Give, give, give....take take take take take. Its a two way street. I guess everybody else was on the cul-de-sac that day.
I know the feeling.I hope you can get this under control.
I know pain is a terrible thing.I know this all to well.I
am going back on the meds today myself.It's Kadian for me.
I need the support here also,I just hope after the past two
weeks I can find it here.But time will tell.I'll be here
for awhile,got to get my daughter from school.See ya.
Hey, sweetie---Don't think I'm yelling at you or judging you but after reading your post, I'm scared for you. I think your bf WILL bring up the dealer thing, no matter how good you or the meal looks, and I think you should consider being straight w/ him. If he's quit narcs, then he will understand how hard it is to quit (he probably relapsed a time or two, right?) plus the fact that he cares for you--are you sure he wouldn't be understanding and helpful?
And you're going to end up selling everything you have of value for pills and then what? What about when you run out of stuff to sell? The fact that you're combining the different kinds of meds and strengths is scary, too, and at ever-increasing doses....I know you've thought of all this already, Alissa, and what you really want is some help and advice. There is really only one answer---quit the drugs in any way you can. I realize you may not WANT to spend 28 days in detox, but if it'll get you a winning start, you need to consider it, don't you? You have your whole life in front of you, and you're too valuable to let it all go down the drain. I'm sorry if I'm too preachy--I just care. Love, Peaz
I have to go to my group therapy but I'll be back this evening if I can take a number to get on the computer....My daughter is using the word processor for a short story and my husband wants to pay bills, so it might take me awhile, but hopefully I can get back to you. If not then tomorrow morning. Take care and have a nice dinner w/ your "beau".
Being bored makes this all that much harder.I know that feeling.
I have a lot of house work to do but at this point I get it all done in an hour.Mr.Mom you know.Just hang in there and don't
think just because you are doing things you don't need to do that it has any effect on this forum.We all need this place,using or not using.
Surf and Turf will not subsitute for the truth...you sound like you are where many of us were at one time...if you want your relationship to continue and you want to grow old with him...get off that stuff...taper if you can. You hit it on the nose...either way you look at it...you pawned tose things for the drugs...that should tell you where your at...we are here for you if you really want to quit.
Good morning! I finally got the computer back, so I'll briefly run through my "drama. I started working in the pharmacy probably in 1995 or so. At first I was just a tech, learning the ropes, and gradually, through self-study and field experience, got my national certification. (I'm really an English teacher, but ran away to Alaska to work on the Pipeline instead of teach, but that's a whole 'nother story..) I really LOVED my job---it was challenging, fun (at times) and my boss and I really got along well. I was working full time, w/ lots of overtime and started getting REALLY stressed out. Also. I had a problem w/ some bone spurs in my foot, which I guess was the impetus to the drug abuse. I copped a couple hydro one day, found out it not only took care of my foot pain, but I felt great! And after a few months and bigger dose I felt even greater!!! I'd never been on an antidepressant before, but I didn't need to after discovering the vikes...To make a long story short (most of which is fairly similar w/ all of us addicts) there came a day when I was working w/ the owner/RPH and he accused me of taking a couple of percs from a script I'd just filled that morning. Oddly enough--I HADN'T taken them--
Yeah,I have my dream job lol Can I carry a backpack?lol The real funny thing is,when working in the nursing home,I had access to everything,but no interest.Now i think about the lost opportunities I had lol Now thats sick!I hope today is going well for you.I missed all the fun last night.Im such a party pooper without my energy in a pill lol
...hey brother, i've been thinking about you with your upcoming surg...is it still Monday??
Not that my opinion matters, but i don't count your upcoming med use WRT clean time. CLEARLY ITS ATTITUDE, AND YOURS' IS RIGHT!!
Quite a literary post, sir! Those are things I don't miss--counting, stealing, hiding, lying,over and over again. How did we accomplish anything w/ such preoccupation? Hope you're sailing smoothly today.Peaz
But I had taken thousands of other pills. I NEVER thought I'd get away w/ it for as long as I did--over two years, I guess. I was VERY careful not to take CII'S, which were inventoried every month (physically counted) because the discrepancy would have been noticed immediately. As it was, we did total store inventories every two years, but the thing is--the computerized results were just filed somewhere and no one ever compared the am't dispensed w/ the am't ordered. I remember one day I walked in, and my boss said." We have to count EVERY SINGLE controlled substance today." I NEARLY **** AND THREW UP right there!! I thought my time had come. But I waited through the following days and weeks and NOTHING happened. Anyway, back to my getting busted; though I hadn't taken the percs, I eventually confessed to my addiction, and I was given the Treatment/Jail Option and I chose the latter. I had really tried, over those two years, to hold my dosages to a minimum, and I did a pretty good job. I was up tp 10 or so a day of various strengths (whatever was closest that day) Not horrible, but still a struggle. Sorry this was so long. Peaz
..ok i'll bite.."If i were a percodan where would i hide?"
....i'd lay dormant at the bottom of a suit jacket pocket, in a closet, next to the other suit jacket pocket, full of them...waiting for the clammy fingers to take hold of me for our usual first-ride of the day
....i'd nestle into virtually every pill bottle that calls medicine cabinet home..
....or i'd hang in the coin-tray or ash-tray in a car..again waiting impatiently
....i'd cluster in a desk drawer at work, or go all out for optimum security in a briefcase
....i'd be in overcoats, sweat-tops or any garment that has an orifice representing a 'resting' spot..only temporary of course
....i'd precariously hang from the top of kitchen cabinets, hoping not to contact too many angry dust particles...again waiting
....i'd be wedged between pages of a non-favorite book or under a can of Chunky Soup(yukky flavors please)
....i'd split to pieces after my usual acid swim, with my toxic byproducts remaining safely in a large sponge-like filter
....i'd disseminate throughout this vast network and attach to any willing and able receptor(GI tract included, i dont care)
....i'd play hide and seek on those cool pleasure centers...never staying too long
....i'd make it real hard to find these pleasure centers, as it gets confusing with all the tracks from previous visits
....what a bonus, id get to consume not only body, but soul as well, while hiding in this large skin-covered shell
....you see, if you look hard enough, you can find me...anyone interested
I go in to have the pre tests Monday.If they come back all
the way they should, it will be in the next 10 days.If someone cancels I will fill their spot.As for the meds it is mental anyway,I agree.Thanks for the thought,I will let everyone know the day of my surgery.The doctor let me see the knee he is using.
Rocket science stuff I mean.Ugly looking little titanium sucker.
My favorite so far is Peazful Easy Feelin' (Eagles) but it was posted before the contest started so I don't know if it's a legal entry.....Egads, I'd hate to get disqualified.....So how about: "Peaz Come to Boston" Whoo-ha Loggins (is it Kenny? Dave? ) As a DJ I should know this stuff.... Keep those cards and letters comin".
Peaz and percs you ladies are tooooooo much.
Talk about a kid in a candy store peaz. I had never taken a vicoden until recently. I didn't realize you only had to have a regular looking RX form. They sure didn't do very good inventories then!!! I bet they do now! ;)
What the heck is a percodan. Is it a percocet without the apap. Maybe with some IBP?
Never heard of them.
Keep jokin' it up in here. Something to keep it lively. ;)
BTW - I don't think Al will be back to read it though. ;(
That's how I got started many years ago with percodans.I knew a girl that worked in a RX.Every friday she called me and gave me 20 percodans,every friday for 3 years.She said the pharmacist
was cooking the books and letting her take many many every week.
Also in my area back in the 70's two pharmacists got busted for
writing their own scripts for their friends.They both got 15
years a piece.I hope it was worth it.
Just my little RX story.
Bmac answered your question about the percodan. I thought I was probably boring people when I wrote all that so I left a lot out. I totally forget to put the ultram part in... Anyway---can you expound on why Allisa won't be reading it, or is it personal? Perhaps not my business.
Anyway, my boss DID ask how he could prevent pilfering like this in the future, and I said," How's about LOOKING at the inventories when they're done??" I think he thinks I'm just TOO sneaky and too good of a liar to hire back, and I can't blame him for that. We're all smooth as silk when it comes to getting our DOC, aren't we?
I am now officially confused about the percs/peaz thing, so I will consider myself an "oxymoron" (Hope you read Thomas' joke or you'll think I'm on crack...It was a doozy.) Gol dang it!!! I just start posting and having fun and my daughter needs the computer AGAIN!!!At least she's first in her class.... Gotta go Love to all--Kiss,kiss, hug, hug, screw, screw...Peaz
Wait a minute ... you voluntarily CONFESSED to the Pharmacist when you didn't have to? What were you on that day? Man! You also said you chose the latter option, meaning jail -- did you mean the former option of treatment? Your pharmacist was an arch **** to turn you in like that.
I've known many pharmacy techs that get caught, But, rarely does the RPH drop a dime on them. I simply don't understand how someone can narc you off to the cops for volunarily confessing to a victimless crime. The kicker is, despite what they say, many, many pharmacists are stone Rx junkies of the first water. I used to know a guy whose dad was a pharmacist. We used to raid his hidden cabinet in his bedroom and find every CII and CIII narcotic, barbiturate, amphetamine -- even pharmaceutical cocaine packed in HUGE test tube-like containers. We ripped him off mercilessly, but everytime we went back for more, there were even more drugs in place of what was taken. Pharmacists are not paragons of virtue, they are as fallable, hypocritical and dishonest as the next man. And you'll never catch one of those pricks confessing ...
Thomas you are a crack head, once again!!!! LOL You have to read my other post up top.
She didn't got to JAIL. She went to rehab. With empty pockets!
Peaz, to your 1st question, give it time or e-me.
Bmac and everyone - where in the heck was I in the 70's. Oh, maybe the result of a BIG percodan night on the town.
I didn't go back to my post, but like Chezz said, I chose rehab. My boss, WAS, in fact, a recovering addict/alcoholic---had done exactly the same thing I did, and has re-entered the profession and been sober for over 20 yrs. now. So when I confessed, it was because he said he knew (in his gut) what I was going through and could get me some help. If he would have taken me to court, had I rejected rehab, I would have just been made to get in a 12-step program (1st offense) PLUS I would have had to pay restitution which would have been in the thousands of dollars. My point is, he was actually very understanding. I confessed because I had "felt out" others who worked there to see how much they knew, and two people had said they'd seen me steal pills (I got reckless near the end) and so I knew they could expose me and the writing was on the proverbial wall. I waffled for days, could I worm my way out--his word against mine w/ no real proof vs. the gig is up, face the consequences and get this monkey off your back. All of this ruminating going on in the height of withdrawls...It was SWELL. Chezz--what's your email again??? Peaz
Good One!! I am having a hard time being creative and thinking of more. I really DID tear a glute the other day and it's killing me....Is that where they got the saying,"Pain in the butt?"
You sound good today. Did you say it was SNOWING? I realize you're north of me, but....It will be close to 70 here today so I'm lovin' it.
And you're on day 52?? That is so AWESOME. Do you have your energy back or are daily functions (not THOSE kind) still a chore? I have a lot of ambition lately, but part of it is due to the Wellbutrin, I think. It's a slight stimulant. The one problem area for me is a GOOD NIGHT'S FREAKIN' SLEEP. Istay up late and read, exercise, and still I cannat for the life of me sleep through the night. From what I've read, this symptom may hang on for years.
So have a good one and if you have any sleeping secrets, share them w/ me, 'K? Paz y amor---Peaz
P.S. Hey!~! That could be "Peaz" y amor....
I thought u said u were having a hard time being creative??
Torn glute....hmmmmm, lunges, leg press or squats?
Yes it's snowing like crazy; we are only 1 hour from the Rocky Mountains(Banff, Lake Louise).... my kids(2 & 4) are soooo excited.
Thanks for the congrats; i have to count when someone asks or am wondering , because, like yourself, i stopped keeping track of the everyday counting a while back.
To answer some of your questions....yes i have generally lots of energy(there are definate 'flat' spots some days). Mind you, i work out 5 times/week(before these stupid pills, i'd trained for almost 20 years in the gym); eat lots, including 4-5 protein shakes/day, plus creatine, vitamins etc.
My life feels pretty normal again!!!!
Now as far as the sleep goes, it sucked until my Doc put me on Trazadone(I was never a real good sleeper)
From my understanding, it is a non addicting anti-depressant, when in low doses serves as a sedative. I AGREE!! It's worked very well. It's an old MAOI, thats been around for years.
I don't feel any cobbwebs in the morning either.
I no longer dread going to sleep.
I forgot to add, i was getting some pretty bad headaches up until a couple weeks ago(several/week), but those have eased.
Now i just have to figure out how to stop grinding my teeth so bad(day and night)....
Yeah, lunges, squats,and leg presses---all the above. I treated it "gingerly" today while I worked out and it's tender but bearable. Letting it stiffen up certainly doesn't seem to help.
I get headaches all the time, too. My neck gets out of whack, and if I get an adjustment at the chirop. they usually go away. It's irritating waking up w/ a throbbing head, eh?
Have you talked to a doc about the teeth-grinding? Is it a TMJ thing, do you know? My mother had the same problem and they fitted her w/ a mouth-guard (inner) type thing that at least was a cushion between her teeth for sleeping. No wonder you get headaches.
Ah, to be young again and get excited about the first snowfall, like your kids. Actually, the first one is okay, it's the other 942 that get to me... Later--Peaz
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