addictive behavior and substituting

so as you all know i am on day 10 with out my pills......it was hard.....and it was probably the worst experiance i have ever gone thru in my life.....the physical was probably the worst feeling in the world and the mental roller coaster was just as intense.

But i stayed in good spirits through out the whole ordeal....i didnt want those damn pills in my life anymore...they robbed me of a good 3 years of my life......they robbed the people i love of the real me for three years....i loved them....but now i hate them....i used to thing they were the best things ever made...now i know they are the devil in pill form.

so i made it thanks to a strong will, determenation this board and a very special girl.

tonight is the first night i am spending alone since detox....i have an Rx for colodipine for my anxiety......i really only take them when i need them.....not every day......but there are days when i do need more then one.....which is fine thats how my doctor tells me how to use them.

but here is the problem i just took a few extra......yeah the anxiety is baaaaaad.....and it didnt go away after the first one so i took another........i did this when the wds were at there worst for obvious reasons but im not in the WD any more really.....yeah theres still some but very mild.

i know im walking a fine line here and part of me is kinda thinking to myself dont start this.....your substituting....but the anxiety was real.

what do you guys think is it my addictive nature taking over.......is this ok bc i havent slept in days and i just want to feel normal for awhile maybe get more then 2-3 hours of sleep if im lucking?  are those all just excuses i tell myself cuz im an addict

[HenryS354]

Congrats man!!!

You really have come so far!!! You have a lot to be proud of.

Your mind can play a lot of tricks on you, creating perceived anxiety that can seem so very real at times, just to get what it wants.  Just tread with caution.

The fear you have is very legit, and actually a good thing.  Its when we dont fear the cross addiction that we are in trouble. We can never let our guard down ever again.

If you take your meds as directed or less, you shouldnt have a problem.  I have a script for a low dose of xanax that I maybe take once or twice a month if even that.

You know what the signs and symptoms are, just keep a lookout for them!  And remember that any reprieve that you may get from the klonopin now is only temporary. Anxiety is a part of the post acute withdrawal process, as well as erradicate sleep patterns. The only thing that truly cures this is a lot of patience and some time!

I promise you, it does get better!!!

Henry

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your clean time!!  Be careful of the other pills you have.  They are calling your name and i have a feeling part of the anxiety is coming from that.  WD's are no fun and sleep is usually hard to come by for awhile but it does come back.  Anxiety is also another thing but there are other ways to deal with this instead of taking pills.  Just please be careful........sara

[gnarly_1]

HEY dude congrats on 10 days....I have been in chciago most of the time or I would have posted to you...as for the clonipine if your taking them as directed you not abusing them
if your taking extras its the addict in you coming out to play...your right its a fine line but thats why we define abuse as not taking them as directed ...benzo's can help withdrawals
but they have there own spell they can put you under there highly addictive and its very eazy to become cross addicted wile detoxing....you best bet is to take as few as possible and if you see yourself abusing them get rid of them asap..you have came to far to fall into this trap good luck and God bless....Gnarly

[jayeye]

i know i have to be.....i never want to go back to that place i was.....this past week showed me a power within that i never knew was there.

a big part of me knows i am strong and smart enough not to let it happen....but i am so scared of going back to that dark place......things are the best they have ever been for me right now.

[jayeye]

ur right i know what you are saying is true.....i know they are just as addictive....i just have to know i can take as directed........keep reminding myself of the place i was in.....and know im not ever going to go back there.

i guess this is the part i find out how strong i really am! i need to keep reminding myself that i do have what it takes to beat this awful illness that has plagued my family

[HenryS354]

Congrats man!!!

You really have come so far!!! You have a lot to be proud of.

Your mind can play a lot of tricks on you, creating perceived anxiety that can seem so very real at times, just to get what it wants.  Just tread with caution.

The fear you have is very legit, and actually a good thing.  Its when we dont fear the cross addiction that we are in trouble. We can never let our guard down ever again.

If you take your meds as directed or less, you shouldnt have a problem.  I have a script for a low dose of xanax that I maybe take once or twice a month if even that.

You know what the signs and symptoms are, just keep a lookout for them!  And remember that any reprieve that you may get from the klonopin now is only temporary. Anxiety is a part of the post acute withdrawal process, as well as erradicate sleep patterns. The only thing that truly cures this is a lot of patience and some time!

I promise you, it does get better!!!

Henry

[vicki595]

Hey John~    Still can't sleep,huh?   I'm up a bit late myself ...

I had a ton of anxiety when I came off the pills I took,so I know how you feel !   It won't
always be like this...This is the mental part that just bites !!!  I only want to say go easy.
You know the benzos are slippery so try not to depend on them too much or,I should say,use them too much.   You're in a really vulnerable place right now...

Okay...well I'm going nite nite...talk to you tomorrow~
V.

[jayeye]

i can see it getting a little better everyday....but there are some things that i feel are neeeever gonna go way......my energy level ***** right now...i plan on starting the gym back up on monday......i used to be such a gym rat (got me so upset looking at pictures of myself pre addiction on of the many reasons i stopped).....i really want to go but i sooo dont feel up to it even though i know its gonna help....just got to force myself to go...hey i got the med leave thing going for me so i got plenty of time.


and the sleeeeep its killing me.....ive watched the sun come up ever since i stopped its 130 in the morning and im not even close to be tired....and i refuse to use anything to sleep besides melatonine and valerian root.......i was doing the nitquil thing the first 7 days...so i am NOT making that a common practice....and one of the nights i did take it i didnt sleep a wink

ive been taking tylenol for the achs it helps....but we all know i dont need anymore of that in my system lol.........its just in the house and im to lazy to go get motrin