ambien abuser for a wife

[ihateambien]

Any advice for dealing with a long term ambien user/abuser?

Kid gloves?
Tough love??
Nag a lot???

Refuses to acknowledge addiction.  
When told she has a problem, she compares it street drugs, says it isn't that bad.  
Will sometimes admit to being dependent on it for sleep--is an insomniac.  
Will often go on binges 8+ 10mg pills a day in some cases.  When this happens, she likes add alcohol,too.
Has 2 or more MD's RXing for her.
Cries and complains that feelings are hurt when i talk about it.

[ladee07]

I just read your story, although i am years late I would like to know the outcome... Did your wife ever get help? I'd like to know how you did it if she did.

[allalone]

Go to an Al-Anon meeting...sounds like you may be alittle co-dependent (no offense, many "partners" of addicts are).  You will find alot of people in your same situation...and you just might find the answer(s) you are seeking...

Good Luck to you.  Hope this simple answer was helpful--

allalone

[emilyanne]

You poor thing...you sound really stressed. Well, she obvoiusly DOES know she has a problem, if she is hiding bottles of pills, and switching bottles, even though she won't admit to YOU that she has a problem. Believe it or not, recognizing you have a problem is a big step...which she obviously does, but she just won't ADMIT it to anyone. You are right...she would just doctor shop anyways. I read another post where someone gave the advice to a person sick of their spouse messed up all the time that they should join a group themselves...and learn how to deal with your own life, and move forward for yourself, should you decide that you WANT to try to make this work. I am a big believer in marriage vows, and better or worse, HOWEVER...once you have done all you feel you can do to help her and make the marriage work, then you ALSO deserve to be happy, which you are not. There IS a line there, ESPECIALLY if you have a child involved, and if the mom is barely "there" and messed up so bad she can barely have a conversation with you...THAT IS DANGEROUS TO THE BABY!!!! I would suggest joining a support group AND seeking personal counseling to get an outside opinion on your situation...someone proffessional who can evaluate, give you suggestions, and hopefull help you to make the best decision for you and your baby. I feel for you...my husband was VERY supportive during my addiction/withdrawal, and thank God I got out of it finally (been off pills since Dec. and will NEVER go back,,,never even lasted a week off the pills...NEVER...until now...but my husband would have eventually gotten to the point where he said enough is enough. Keep coming here to talk to all of us, and we can try to help you, and we can try to help your wife if she ever decides to log on here. Does your wife work? How does she function at all during the day? Is she your child's primary care-giver when you are at work?
I would say maybe the good old fashioned tough love, and ACTUALLY kicking her out, might straighten her out...if it gets to that point. You main job right now is looking out for the best interest of your baby...he/she needs you to do that!!

[ihateambien]

thanks.

yeah, I can't count her pills, she hides them, switches bottles and stuff.

Already aware of the wanting to fix it angle.  I want to get through to her. I believe her family tried an intervention a few years ago, but I think she just ended up telling everyone they didnt know what they were talking about and got rather upset for ganging up on her.  Her family really wont talk about it.

quote
"calling her doctors to report the abuse so they stop prescribing"
Not sure this would work--she'll just shop for a new MD. + I'm not sure

quote
"Even if somehow you are forced into quitting, if you don't WANT to quit, then you'll end up using again."
Aint that the truth...I've tried to quit smoking at least 10 times.  But I like cigs. :(

quote
"temp. moving out"
I'd have to kick her out (we live w/ my parents).  First would be the "you're abandoning me," followed by the "you're giving up on me/you don't love me anymore," then there's the issue of our newborn son...

Right now I'm really stressing out.  I don't want her near the baby when she's cracked out on ambien.  She physically looks different, is clumsy, and struggles to maintain a conversation.

[Buaidh No Bas]

For yours, your wife's and your child's sake, you MUST do something, immediately.  Kicking her out is NOT out of line, although you cannot kick her and your child out, rather, kick HER out, alone. (hash terms, but how else to say it?) Take care of the child yourself (well, you and your parents, if at all possible). Obviously, you cannot let her take your child out of the house in her state.

As is always stated one usually does not realize they need help until they hit rock bottom. If being asked to leave you, and your child and moving out of your parents house until she gets clean would NOT be her rock bottom, I can't see what would be.

Yes, it sounds awful, but I really think it would be the best thing you can do for all your sakes. Obviously, there's no guarantee it would work, depending on how strong-willed she will be to try and maintain her facade of a non-addict.

This is simply my opinion, and I am in no way deluded in thinking that I am any more qualified to offer advice to you in your situation than anyone else. I'm just stating what I think.

All the best,


BNB

[emilyanne]

Hello There,
Welcome!! What a tough spot you are in...sometimes I think it is probably harder to be in the shoes of the loved ones of  abusers, rather than be the abuser! If I were you, I would keep a journal. Each and every time you speak to your wife about this, write it down, in detail. How you did it, what approach you took, what mood she was in at the time, etc ( the mood part will help you to figure out whether you are picking the wrong times to bring this up, etc ) Also write down EVERY DAY whether or not you have noticed how many pills she took, and even count her pills and compare with the dates on prescription bottles to figure out how much she is taking. This will help you stage a sort of intervention later on, should you decide to, because you will not just be sitting there not able to give examples. You will be sitting there with daily logs of PLENTY examples of her abuse. It she hasn't responded by then, and you love her or are willing to stick it out with her, as  you should try to do, hence your marrital vows, then there are tough love options...calling her doctors to report the abuse so they stop prescribing, temporarily moving out, etc. BUT, IT HAS TO BE SAID: Any drug addict has to be READY to stop, and has to WANT to stop, to have complete success with it. Even if somehow you are forced into quitting, if you don't WANT to quit, then you'll end up using again. I would bet on it. So, just keep in mind that the biggest thing is YOUR WIFE making the decision, the steps I listed above might help in the meantime to help her recognize her problem...I am NOT an expert, by any means, and just giving my opinion of what I have personally seen work with myself, along with many friends. Good luck to you, and again...welcome!! You have come to the right place for support, and I would suggest that you tell your wife about this site, and tell her that she doesn't have to admit to being addicted yet, but just to look this site over, read other's stories, etc. Never know...