another day

mornin fellow junkies. todays another day. some of us are feelin ruff, some of us are feelin great. i just want to re-asure all of you that the pain WILL go away. take it from a hard-core, main-lining junkie who knows. hell, if my pain went away, everbodys will. im headed to work now, and feelin great. something i thought was never gonna happen again. but i'll be dam, it did. you all stay clean long enuff, and your gonna get the suprise of your life....feelin good without. (unnerstand suzi & tammy?) it will happen---------

tf

[a549056]

you hit the nail on the head partner. we will prolly stay unknown. most people look at the addict as a weak low life junkie. to them i say....well excuuuuuuuuuuuse the f--k outta me!! let me look deep in YOUR closet and see whats lurking around.

  however, us junkies dont have time for the un-educated. and as far as bein weak, well, we're about the tuffest bunch a people around. a weak person wouldnt even attempt kickin heavy drugs. like my o'l man used ta tell me: "son, anybody can quit smokin--but it takes a real man, to face cancer" note: what that has to do with anything, i have no idea, but it sounded good.
   by the way, he keeled over from lung cancer

  ok--back to work folks--y'all stay tuff

tf

[J. E. W.]

What I was saying about clinic I forgot to say instead of dealing with my problem, or asking if they could help they shoved me under the carpet. But I think thats part of what opened my eyes.. So poop on them.                                          J.E.W.

[a549056]

hey there tammy---("la reine")

   everthing ok? (stupid question huh?) just checkin--

[Vicqueennomore]

Okee dokee as long as I have you guys....
but really what is "la reine"??? That one is new to me and has me quite puzzled......
How's today for you??
Finished really had a good post about the reality board games and the clueless world.....
I was once told by someone that the USA is the sickest(illness/ailments) in the world and we have our government and big time drug companies to thank. We treat symtoms (symptoms) and not illness. I think that person may have a good point. I would love to know the addiction rate in the US vs the rest of the world....just a thought for today...
To, keep the posts flowing, we need you...
Tammy

[a549056]

its a french word---see if ya can find the meaning---give ya sumthin ta do :)

[Vicqueennomore]

Thanks, like I'm not obsessed with this computer enough....now I have homework on it....ok, I accept your challenge. I will find out what it means.....
Tom, you are tooooo funnnny......

[Vicqueennomore]

Duh!!
I didn't even have to look anything up, I'm sooo smart.....
Being an addict, I learned how to dissect words and see if they would be a "good" drug or not...so, hence, I thought of the word "la reine" and la means the and reine is simular to reign which means rule which means queen....
Wow, I really do have a brain, does that mean I actually benefited from being an addict because of it I can now dissect a word and figure out its meaning??? (huge joke, cuz I can't really spell for ****!!!)

[Blackbelt]

Just told my wife that the help each addict wants to give the other is pure love.
  Speaking of LOVE . I'll bet most have been there9 at least for a weekend. Did you ever notice he or she was the first thing you thought of in the morning.
  Are drugs now the first thing you think of? I'm guilty so I either love the drugs or my head feelings more than anything in the world. Are you as sick of the lying and coniving as me?
  We have made them our idols folks, let's face it. I heard somewhere,"put no idols before Me." I'm forgiven are you?
   B'Belt

[hippy]

your post was great, i love the way you worked the board game
into it,the addicts board game lived out here at med help
everyday.
there is a larger percentage of people who just are sheep
and do what the shepard tells them to do, but addicts have this rebellion in them,
we just have to do what we do.

peace !!!!! keep america beautiful STAY CLEAN

HIPPY

[krazee8]

Hey everyone just wanted to say thanks for all your great insight and support.  I stumbled onto this sight in my elusive search for internet drugs.  I am not clean yet but reading your posts and comments and experiences gives me the desire to be.  Just need the willpower and strength from inside.  I have been reading all the post information for about a week and thought it would be rude to post because I am still using but realized what a great source everyone here is and wanted to tell everyone way to go on taking the first step towards a new life. Take care

[Esmith28]

Hey there buddies....Krazee...your welcome no matter what your doing...please just done come tell me ways to get my drugs besides my doctor...cuz I am looking very closely to see how I can fix this craving...I was in so much pain this am that I called my doctor and cried and begged the nurse to help me until tuesday (when I go get my block done to help my back) That F*(&*&^&%^*%^ hasnt even called me back..I am sooooooooooooooo hurt by that I cant see straight...I am going backwards here folks...my craving is getting worse not better...why?> what is wrong with me???? I am just sitting here crying my heart out because I am so torn between needing and also wanting...I am sooooo down...and my husband is going to walk in that door any minute and not be able to figure ot what int h hell is wrong with me and I dont want to admit that I am still sooooo bad in my craving and needing...I cant clean I cant interact with anyone..I am existing....God help me!!

[Erika_Ann]

LOOKING FOR YOU ON INSTANT MESSENGER. I NEED TO TALK TO MY NEW BUDDY!!!!!! MISS YOU AND HOPE ALL IS WELL--LUV ERIKA

[Erika_Ann]

I've said this to all of you before and Im going to say it again, you all mean the world to me. Im getting better but know that im going to go through terrible withdrawl (withdrawal) this weekend. :( I will need your support (to be honest) you all inspire me so much and put smiles on my face everyday. You all mean just sooooooooooooooooooooooo much.... I hope you all know that. Im a very expressive person and have really needed you all and not one of you have let me down. Do you have any idea how much that means to me? WELL ALOT  :)   You are all in my prayers and thoughts all day every day.
Love you all ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Erika

[Vicqueennomore]

Erika...hang in there hun.. I will be here all weekend too, my new addiction remember...guess what I did to get my man more involved with what I am going thru, I shared some of these postings with him and I really think he has a better understanding that I am going thru something and its not all in my head, maybe your's might get somewhat of an idea the same way....worth a shot maybe.
Anyway, I'm thinking of you and just wanted to let you know I am here too.
Tammy

[Vicqueennomore]

Good Morning Tom...
Thanks for the cheerful greeting, DAY 17-woohoo, never, ever thought I would get this far and to be perfectly honest, I have these forums and as you put it "my fellow junkies" to thank. Really!! I did this before (detox from hydro's) and I went right to the bottle (Vodka) because I didn't have this. I really beleive this is getting me thru...thanks to all of you!!! and a special thanks to you Tom for your zest and humor....

[Rex1]

Hey where are you?

Rex

[J. E. W.]

Thanks for the greeting..Your a great guy!!!!! You mmmmmmake us laugh when were down and really have great advice. and your doing this while your suffering too.. Give yourself a GREAT BIG PAT ON THE BACK from me to you..Id say hug but dont want your other half getting mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Hope you have a wonderfull day.....   God Bless...          J.E.W.

[FINISHED!!]

I was up pretty much ALL night last night with this poopy pain in the ankle. Rods & bones just don't mix when the rods are left out of the skin to snag on anything & everything. I think I'll go to Pep Boys & buy some curb feelers so I'll stop whacking them on things.

My fiance stayed up with me all night & we played games. We were playing "Life." About halfway into my $100,000.00 a year career as an entertainer, I noticed something. I bought a big house. Had 2 pink, plastic baby girls & got a $10,000.00 speeding ticket. Where is the space on the board that says, "You've become addicted to pain medication? Pay $75,000.00 & lose a lot of you turns at Life." Is "true life" blind to the all too common problem that we all here suffer from? Is a "normal life" without addiction & the problems we face associated with this? Is it possible that we are a super small minority of the populace & our problems are not reconized as that...problems, disease, pain & suffering? I also had a tornadoe hit my house while uninsured...DAMN! Can the majority of the world out there be completely unaware that we exist, addicted to the medications that their trusting doctors prescribed...sometimes too generously? The game of "Life" is more than a game to most...but how much more? It became obvious to me that the disease known as addiction is better left unreconized to the unknowing of the world. Celebrities such as Matthew Perry, Brett Farve & Eminem come forward & admit their daily battle with prescribed medications. Seems to me that these are dismissed with less thought than those celebrities that admit that they're addicted to illegal "street" narcotics. Does a doctors signature make a substantial difference in the way the general public views the substance to which one is addicted? Are the people of the world THAT unaware of the dangers of prescription medications...especially narcotics? What can we do as the recovering warriors of addiction to bring these dangers to the doorsteps of the unaware? Should we create a new board game called "Real Life" in which one suffers through divorce, death, addiction, loss & depression. A game that causes the player to wake up every morning & rack his brain to find just one more bottle of pills? Take unnessecary trips to the ER to load up on scripts. Risk freedom by calling in his own prescriptions. Lose everyone & everything he loved because of an affair with a narcotic pain medication? Scramble on his hands & knees, foraging through the dirty shag carpet to find that one pill that may have fallen from the now empty bottle the day before? What weapons can we arm ourselves & those on the same destructive path with to make the unaware...AWARE? These medications are KILLERS. They kill love, relationships, careers, families & LIVES. The question I have is, what can I do to make this epidemic known to the unknowing?

FINISHED!!

[Vicqueennomore]

clap, clap.....well said, my friend.
Where are the reality board games?
Monopoly should have a card in the Community Chest or Chance that says "GET INJURIED, GO TO DOCTOR, BECOME ADDICT, LOSE ALL YOUR PROPERTY AND MONEY"
Or Clue:
"The addict did it, in the pharmacy, with the stolen scripts"
I am so sorry for your pain and lack of sleep. Your fiance sounds like a great person....it helps to have a supportive partner....
Peace to you...
Tammy

[J. E. W.]

GREAT POST..And very true. Most of the medical field does realize we are here but they would rather sign a scipt than deal with the issues. Or like you said sweep us under the carpet. I had one clinic for about 3 month that would refill my vics.E.S. whenever I wanted. When they figured out I was Dr. hopping too instead of helping they sent me a letter and said I was no longer welcome at their clinic.. Imagine that..What a terrible world we live in. The only help we truely have is with one another.. We can and will make it as long as we stick togeather..          ( Ill buy you some curb checkers for those ankles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) You stay strong my friend.. And if you figure out a way to get our messages out (just how bad it does become..)Let me know. Im right there with you...                  God Bless...       J.E.W.

[lisabet]

Hey buddy...I'm still here, mainly lurking and reading all the great posts.  Have had the flu this week; just feel anti-social, I guess...smile.  How are you doing? Love/Peace, Lisabet

[Esmith28]

I have posted three times in three hours I need some help desperately...so here goes my third post again...
I dont know what to do...my pain is so bad in my back...I called my doctor..those who dont know my back doctor called my reg doctor and they were accusing me of going to both for same problem..which I did NOT anyway now I cant get meds for my back...I am on day 11 maybe...I am going FREAKIN NUTS...my job is taking care of VERY small children which is making my back worse but it is what I have to do right now..anyway...I called my doctor today and BEGGED for them to help me just until I got my block done on tuesday...that ******* never even called me....I am sooo upset about that, not to mention...why is my addiction also feeling stronger than EVER....I am so on the verge of losing my mind...I cant stop crying...I cant concentrate and I need some advice...I would go tot he ER if I thought they wouldnt treat me like an addict...I know they will not help me so why waste money I dont have?? Plus I dont have my copy of my MRI...anyone had this kind of mental ****..after so long???

[Esmith28]

Sorry the NEEDSHELP was because I need help not ness to suzie needs help...

[suzieneedshelp]

Ewwww the flu huh?  Hope u r better esp to have it this cold week!    It will be 14 here tonight brrrrrrrrrrr. and this is florida!
Let me see ya around ok ?
I still got a doosey of a headache.  Not the knife stabbin kind but enough to ruin my days.  
Peace  to you!
Suz

[suzieneedshelp]

Only sauggestion i have to is to get something to make u fall alseep/  Kava Kava is all  natural and if you take like 4 x's wut they recommend it wont hurt u and u will sleep!
I am so sorry.. u will be in my prayers!  But kava quickly builds tolerance and u can only use it like 3 x's per week.
Do u know yur pharmacist???
If so.. may be u can explain to him wut yur situation is and maybe he can talk to yur Dr.  To be desparate for pain relief and have dr.s jus think u r seeking a high is th e ultimate insult.   I woudl cal ur Dr. back tomorrow (in fact see who is on call tonight and talk to them!) and tell him how much u are suffering and that u will report him to the state board for malpractioce and wut about his hipocratic oathe??      TEll him first " Please Dr. i need your help!"
Best wishes and prayers for yur relief! and rest this night!
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

Wut i meant to say was .. always use kindness first ( u know kill em with kindness) and if you dont succeed then the other more harsh approach...
Peace!
Suzie

[Rex1]

My mothers a drunk
My fathers a drunk
My grandmother and grandfather on mom's side were alse drunks
My grandfather on my dads side was a drunk

Now I could blame all my problems on them and genetics.......actually I think I will do that -its their fault!

No, I went looking for it, you see, just like I did with everything else. I never played monopoly much, but I know that most games have risks, and I always seem to be willing to take unecessary risks for that high euphoric feeling that tells you with warm waves of buzz that it's all going to be OK - forget about your real problems!

Guys, somewhere around 10th grade, I got it into my head that unless I was high on something, life sucked. I guess I was trying to live the Steely dan song..."The cuervo gold, the fine columbian, makes tonight a wonderful thing..."

Then somthing strange happened - I looked around, and the party was over, my friends were gone, "youthful things" were over too, and I was an adult. But as Jeff Spicoli said in Ridgemont high (ya gotta imagine that stupid grin by Sean Penn) "Party On Dude". And so I did, alone, with neighbors, co-workers, anyone who wanted to party!

But the whole time, my loving wife provided the example for me, the living proof that people COULD be happy straight! She was boring to me.

Beer
Rum (ooohhhh Bacardi)
Ice cold bar drinks
Long Island tea

didn't matter, as long as it produced a buzz. But in 1996, I quit so much with help from God, my church, my wife.

Sobriety. mmm. Bored. Enter Vicodin.

"hey the doctor says I can take it - the pharmacist filled it and he's a professional. And my back does hurt. And if I get pulled over, i'm legal! It's my little secret! The buzz is back, that warm feeling" It's safe. My new god....

Until years go by, and at night, if I listen carefully, i can actually hear my internal organs muttering to themselves "this guy is an idiot"!

Then I stumble onto this site, I'm thinking getting off this **** is 3 on a 10 scale, and then I learn, no its a 10 on a 10 scale. Maybe an 11 or 12. Then I go through it, and im right, I was an idiot.

I got addicted to Vicodin because I am an addict. I am addict because I have to do everything 'to the nines'. Just leading a good life is not good enough for me - I have to have my little buzz going so I feel like I'm living like a movie star, or a sports star, or a star.

I liked the feeling I got, its that simple. But what i risked for that (argueably average) high amazes me to this day.

So now I'm sober again. No more life in the fast lane, no more living on Boardwalk! Was I ever supposed to be in that damn fast lane?

I landed on Vicodin. Do not pass go, do not collect $100.

Rex (sorry to ramble - good topic!)

[STC]

Hey, pon. Are you still out there? You have been a great source of support for me in the past and I was just wondering if you might be lurking around somewhere. Email me if you feel like, I'd love to talk to you again: ***@****.

Hope you are well!

[Esmith28]

Suzie you rock...I was at my lowest I have been in I dont know how long and I was really losing hope with the boards since noone was responding....and then you did, thank you sooo much for your support...glad to hear everyone is doing so well...looking forward to being back in that boat with ya soon...right now my ship is sinking
God Bless

[suzieneedshelp]

Believ me i know how u feel.. i remember my early days here and so searching seeking needing support and answers.. i would post and wait for responce. That can drive u nuts!
E-mail me ok..
***@****
Suz

[lisabet]

Hey Rex - I had to laugh when you quoted "Spicoli"...I swear to God, my BF just bought me "Fast Times..." the other day we were talking about how much we liked it and hadn't seen it for years...the next evening he walked in with it. I just watched it this evening, for the first time in a long time.  (If life was just so simple...smile)...and then the quote from Steely Dan, my #1 all-time favorite! I could relate to your post so much. (Also - I've had a lot of drunks in my family also...) smile. Seems we're on the same page (except you are recovering, and I'm kinda...uh, not! (but trying all the same).

Suzie - Hey sweetheart; sorry to hear you're still having those crappy headaches. I sympathize so much with anyone that has these all the time. (I tend to have about 2 major headaches a year)...the kind that reach a peak and then you have to throw up. My mom had them; she always called them "sick headaches"; I believe now they were migraines. She always had them every month around her menstrual cycle. I remember her being in a dark room with an ice-pack on her head. Thankfully, I don't have them that often, but I know I can't function with them, and even after the headache is gone, your head doesn't feel quite right for several days after that; can't think straight or anything.  If I had headaches the way some of the members of this forum did, I'd probably take anything I could get my hands on to get relief from them - I think headaches are the worst thing in the world to handle. Hope you're feeling better - please e-mail me if you want to talk.
Love ya, Lisabet

[Blackbelt]

You sound so much like me. Always wanted a little more frosting on the cake. If the cruise to the Carribbean was gonna' be good, I'd make it a little better--With a little help from my friends. To borrow a line or two.   Glad I'm not the only dumb ass in the world.
  God Bless Stay Straight  Day 3 wasn't bad. Somethings working in my favor this "last" go round of W/Ds
      B'Belt

[Blackbelt]

Sound better. Singing?how can you be unhappy when singing.I'm so glad our lives touched even in a small way. your posts have been an inspiration to all. I've got a pilled out sister who just cries and wants to feel normal. What the hell is normal? At one phase in my life all I wanted was a new pretty woman often-Was that normal? Once all I wanted was money. Normal? once just to gamble? I love excitement and positive things the easy--instant gratifying way. Not patience,prayer,exercise, hard work. Hell, I ain't normal and don't want to be ,but do want joy. years of LYING DEMONIC PILLS hasn't worked. Sure they brought some temporary happiness but that ain't joy. Hitting a home run is happiness not joy. God promises joy to His children if we are obedient. I strayed many times and lost my joy. Now it will take patience to get it back--Keep your frigging mind busy, don't dwell on poor old pitiful you who needs a fix. I've been selfish too long. And NEVER thought suicide unless I was coming off pills.What a selfish thought to make your loved ones live with that. Someone reading this is thinking that now. Accept Jesus which gives you the right to cast out that DEMON OF SUICIDE. Picture someone you love most explaining how you died. Kids,parents ,anyone.
  Folks I been in the trenches I know what I speak of. Do this-like I did- I tried to picture all the pills I took over my life
and know they would overflow the great hot tub I lost in my beautiful home(which I lost) from sitting on the couch eating percs When my 10 year old son would come to play. Hell no I missed it because I was happy pilled up on my couch. I should have been shot but God loved me through it and He will thru this. Krazy ain't krazy and I'm glad he's here but gleen this wisdom from all us hurting,loving junkies that want you to miss Both Hells.
  Sorry Tammy got carried away.  Let's keep "threading" our way til someone says otherwise. If I ain't serious this time Tammy sang on Fox,with a miocrophone and became new idol. Cute clue anologh Ms. Tammy.
   B'Belt

[suzieneedshelp]

If you have nerve damage from diabetes that is very severe unrelenting pain. i have friend with same.  You must get some pain control...Plz..be realisiti here.  I think it is soo admirable that u want to be drug free but to my knowledge if you need pain relief then there is just no other way and it is honorable to get pain management.   WEll just my opinion!
Peace to you!
Suzie

[J. E. W.]

Youbetter keep threading I personaly would miss your knowledge,wisdom,and humor. Your agreat guy and would be greatly missed.The Lord put you here for a reason so keep on threadin my friend.(keep comin back!!)Take care my friend..      God Bless...       J.E.W.

[Rex1]

Its been a pleasure having both of you guys here.

Rex

[J. E. W.]

How was your day today? Great I hope. Mine was good.. Got out and watched 2 of my grandkids in there kung fu class. Now there 4&6 so were talking funny.. The 4yr. old is a little on the chubby side and everytime hed do the kick hed fall down flat on his face!!!!!!!!! Then jump up and do it again.. I laughed though the whole thing.. hes a little comedian so I think my laughing was making him do it even more.. You take care my friend and let me know how you are doing. Day 14 coming up..     God Bless...      J.E.W.

[straightjacket]

14 days its a great feeling , im doing good it sounds like you had a great time with your grand kids ,kids are a trip , i have 2 boys 17 and 20 my younger boy moved out 2 weeks ago i worry about him he is alot like me when i was young , my older boy lives with his grandmother in buffalo ny he is coming down for the weekend cant wait , they are great kids they have been thr alot thats a long stoy ,has a great ending, keep strong best to you .

[Rex1]

Hope your feeling better...

Rex

[Rex1]

hadn't forgotten about you, SB.

Hope you're hangin in...

Rex

[Esmith28]

I am really over the freaking clifff...what is wrong with me...I have NEVER ever ever felt this way...I feel like I am not safe to be out of a straight jacket...I feel like I am dying on the inside....

[FINISHED!!]

Hey E,
What specifically are you feeling? Remind me again of where you're at in your recovery.

FINISHED!!

[Oxyclean]

I hate to break the thread, but I need to ask a question. I am on day 11 of no Oxycontin. I am starting to feel better except for my pain itself. I was wondering if I took any narcotics for pain, would that put me back into withdrawals? I have 4 tablets leftover from my taper. I would hate to have to go through that again, but this pain is killing me. And, once you are addicted to pain pills, does that mean never take them again? Thanks......

[suzieneedshelp]

G'mornin!   How r u?  How was yur night?  
Suzie hugs ya!

[Vicqueennomore]

This is a really good question to post for the DR here on Medhelp because I wonder like what would happen if in the future I need pain meds again after detoxing for a 2nd time after abusing them. What if I have surgery or break my leg or something, will I become addicted again even if I take them "as directed" will I still go thru this detox again?
Good, good question? Maybe you can post it as today's question for the dr here, or I can?????

[Oxyclean]

You can post it if you would like..... I can't seem to get through to the post a question lately. I hope you have better luck. I feel though that the people here on this forum speak from experence and know a lot more than my doctor who is new to the medical field!

[FINISHED!!]

Hey Suz,
  Check your e-mail.

[Vicqueennomore]

Wow...one question per day is the response I got, I guess now that I read the previous posts I see what they are talking about when they said they are limiting these forums now.
You are right about others here probabley knowing more than your MD. Well, I wait a reply from someone with you.....
Sorry to hear you are in pain.....

[Oxyclean]

I hope someone else sees this so low on the thread. I really need to know an answer seeing my doctor does not know the answer!

[straightjacket]

i know from my own past exp. when i have been clean for a couple of weeks and used for a couple of days and stoped it realy set me back i wont say to day 1 of wd but i felt like **** for days oxy was also my drug ,wish you the best.

[FINISHED!!]

Hey Oxy,
  If read my posts earlier in the month, you'd know that I went through a pretty bad surgery. They had me on a morphine for 2 days. I was over 150 days clean before that. I got home, took a couple of loracet 10 for a couple of days & stopped. I went through withdrawls!!! It's VERY likely it was the morphine (6 pushes of the button, 10mg at a time per hour = 60mg an hour) When you go through withdrawls, ALL pain is magnified to what seems to be 10 fold. If you can, withhold on the meds for as long as possible. The longer you go without the meds, the lower your tolerance & the less likely you'll feel much of the withdrawls. I should ask you what meds you have left. You mentioned oxycontin. This is long acting...true? You may be a little more prone to feeling some withdrawls symptoms with this med but I'm not sure. As far as never taking the meds again...I'd obviously say no. I was on 20 to 30 Vicodin ES a day for 2 years & got clean & now I'm back to taking them...RESPONSIBLY!!! A lot of us have GENUINE pain. The trick to being able to take them responsibly is to be TOTALLY HONEST with yourself at all times. You are an addict...as am I. I now know ALL about these devilish little pills & I've learned their secrets. They will NEVER rule my life again. I have regained my soul after a LONG battle & will never forfeit it again. If you hurt, you should seek relief. Living in pain can be just as depressing as living addicted. Make your choice but again...BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF AT ALL TIMES. I'll pray that your pain can be managed with minimal med intake.

FINISHED!!

[Vicqueennomore]

Any idea if you go like several months or a year or more, use as directed for a couple of days or only a week or 2, like non addicts would. Any idea if there would be a detox again?

[FINISHED!!]

Forgot to mention that I AM taking the meds again after stopping but only because the pain is immense. I switched from the loracet 10 to the percoset the doc gave me. I only had to take 1 pill yesterday & I've taken 1 so far this morning. Will probably need another in a few hours but only if the pain gets bad enough. Hang tough Oxy!!! You've come a LONG, LONG way. You have a tremendous amount to be proud of. If you have pain, take a pill but be careful not to fall headfirst into the empty pool of addiction again after coming so far. I know you'll be alright.

FINISHED!!

[Rex1]

Easy there, ok?

Tell us more about your situation, I cant recall.

Are you in touch with a specialist? What are you on and where are you in your recovery.

Withdrawal from pain meds in very uncomfortable, but it is usually not dangerous unless YOU make it so.

If you back pain is unbearable, can you take the medicine as prescribed?

Also, have you tired stretching excercises?

Rex

[FINISHED!!]

Even the "non-addict" can suffer withdrawls from just 1 week of use. This isn't as common however. With an addictive personality, I believe that we are more prone to feel the repercussions of 1 weeks worth of use than the "non-addict." This is just an opinion. If we use the absolute minimum that we can, then obviously those symptoms should be minimal as well. The good news is that our tolerance drops significantly with every day we're clean so we should be able to use as little as needed without a problem. I know that if I had this injury & surgery while at the height of my addiction, I'd be in big trouble as far as managing the pain. You can't get much pain relief while taking 20 to 30 pills a day. I think that as long as we are COMPLETELY honest with ourselves in the severity of the pain, the use of the meds & the risks that we ALL face in using them, they CAN be used responsibly. This is obviously based on an individual bases. Some simply CAN'T use responsibly & it's up to that person to honestly answer that question him/ herself. My only advice is to be careful not to be fooled by the medications or the pain. We are all now aware what can become of starting a medication intake responsibly.

FINISHED!!

[Oxyclean]

Thank you so much for your answer. Yes, I have read your posts and I have been thinking of you and others daily. I don't post much. But, I do read this forum daily. I feel people have a lot to offer, much more than the doctors because we have been through this first hand. You are very helpful to everyone even though you are in pain yourself. Thanks again and good luck to you and everyone else! We need it.....

[Oxyclean]

Thank you for your answer! I am so afraid of going through all that pain of withdrawal again! I just want to be pain free for one more day! Do you know what I mean? I have 4 tablets left from my taper. (They are only 10mg). I was taking 160mg twice a day. It took me months of tapering so I really don't want to mess this up! My doctor has cut me off so no more even if I need them. Good luck to you and I know what you mean by feeling like you are in a straight jacket.......

[FINISHED!!]

Thank you for the kind words. I AM in pain but I get such a high out of being here. I love the fact that helping someone else in need is also self-serving to a point. It feels GREAT when someone you've posted a comment or advice to posts back like you have. I have come a long way in my recovery but I still have a lifetime to go. Everybody here has helped me everyday to realize that we addicts are good people & we care with every grain of our heart & soul.

So was I right in the fact that you have Oxycontin on hand? Do you feel that you can take this for the pain & the pain only? Have you always taken them orally or did you do the "crush-n-snort" deal? Take a long look in the mirror & ask the person standing there if they can take this pill & be O.K. It's easy to lie to yourself but you're usually the first to know.

FINISHED!!

[Oxyclean]

Yes, I swallowed them whole as directed but took them for over a year for diabetic nerve pain and shingle pain. I am in pain daily and the doctors can not do anything more for me. I am too young to be taking pills for the rest of my life so I asked the doctor to taper me off them. Now I am kicking myself in the ass! I do feel better off them, but still in pain. Don't get me wrong I am addicted to these pills, but the same time feel that I need them.

My husband broke his angle/ leg two years ago and had two plates screws and pins put in too. It was awful for him, but it did get better. Still today his foot is bigger than the other but the pain has gone. ( he hates pain pills and only took 4 Vicodan and threw the rest away.) I was about to cry seeing that!


Thanks again.....you are the best!

[Blackbelt]

I'd like for you to do my laundry if you felt like it. Little humor--best medicine. New Chinese saying.
  WoW!Wow!  What resolve and strenght to type instead of swallow . You got my vote kid for strongest I've known. I'd have eaten those suckers and typed how sorry I was. You are really serious . Thank God.
  I have found that an addict who really needs them should have a friend monitor them closely. Keep a journal about how bad the w/ds were and read it occasionally. They really are a taste of hell. I went over 3 days and nights cold turkey off zanax and percs. Cried, cried, I was so pitiful(idiot) Yea , I got back on later. Ouch! I stubbed my toe where are the pills,I can control them--NOT. Be careful Don't tell yourself pain is worse just for the buzz. Ask yourself if something less would. I've never gotten a buzz from Darvoct and sometimes they help. I have a pill prone brother who calls darvocet ,Tic Tacs. If a doc won't give Darvocet change doctors. Sure they can be habitual or addictive but nothing like the others. I'm not a doctor but like many of you know more about this than they do. They have a tough job with folks like us but some are little gods. I told one once that doc backwards was COD not GOD.
  You're strong and know you're fighting a force we can't whip in the natural.
  I'll pray for you as I do for everyone on the forum.
       B'Belt

[FINISHED!!]

First off...WELCOME.
Secondly...It's not rude to post. Guess what? You too just took the first step towards your recovery. We can ALL offer up some great support if you're ready for it. We just need some info. What's your poison? How long? How much? Your age etc. Sounds like you might just be ready to tackle this addiction. Let us know. Sorry I didn't reply sooner. Just saw your post. I assure you that you're not being overlooked or ignored.

FINISHED!!

[kebby]

Hey Guy, I just wanted you to know that I too am thinking about, and praying for you. I too broke my ankle on Oct. 28th. I am now walking w/ out a cast, but am limping and it still is uncomfortable. You are so brave, and I can tell you, for me, the worst was over in 11 days!!! But, I did not have surgery. Please don't torchure yourself! If you take the meds as prescribed, I know you'll be fine. Then, every few days, wean off, and check your pain level. That pain is so terrible and real! I have had 3 babies, and I can tell you, the broken ankle pain has been way worse! Peace and Love to you. Kebby

[J. E. W.]

Havent heard from you. Hope your o.k. You be strong my friend,and know were all here for you..Dont let the trials of this world get to you. Stay strong for yourself and your son. He soooooo needs you. More than you can even imagine.. Ill be praying for you and your family..   God Bless...      J.E.W.

[FINISHED!!]

Try a spider fracture of the pelvis. That was the worst one for me. I'm not too concerned with my med intake at this point. Just took my first percoset yesterday & went all day on that one. Today I've had 2. I refuse to become a slave to any pill ever again so I'm not fooled by them any longer. Thanks for your kind words & support.

FINISHED!!

[Blackbelt]

Has anyone asked you what a La Big Mac is?  I guess only John Travolta knows.
  Buddy B'Belt

  I don't understand this "thread" deal. If I'm breaking rank then I apoligize. I been on so many pills I think I qualify for all, if that's how it works.

  Wisdom for anyone who reads this.  I felt so stupid when I use to waking up feeling like hell. Then one day it dawned on me .I had a hangover from narcotics. I only thought of hangovers with booze.
  Am I the only one who has been so stupid?
     B'Belt

[Vicqueennomore]

I guess I really don't understand how these therads on this forum works either. I thought you post on the day it is, or respond whenever you see something you have feelings about or can relate to or need to chat because you feel sh$%^*y.
I was under the impression that this was basically like a NA?AA meeting type forum. I guess it is strictly for med questions and answers, right?
I was interested in it because it allowed me to relate, vent, make connections with people so I don't feel alone in my recovery/addictions....
Am I in the right place??

[Vicqueennomore]

I'm like you, there are several threads that I can fall under so where do I go to keep chatting with the people that have pulled me thru "the tuff times" of this hell. If I don't have arthritis pain (sorry for those who do) does that mean I have to stay under the threads below even though each day one day gets archived. What happens when I run out of threads that I won't fall under, I can't talk????

[Vicqueennomore]

DAY 18....woohoo, I do feel better mentally today but I am starting to feel a little (scale of 1-10 pain being a 4) pain in my shoulder(car accident injury-seat belt)-whole reason for meds. I did take some tylenol about 10 mins ago, never worked before, let's see what happens now. But yes, mentally I do feel better, I feel proud, I went somewhere and was singing in the car(not drugged induced) first time in almost 3 years. Folks it does get better. If you can make it thru the first 3 weeks you are there!!! If you can't and you relapse, try, try again, you are here so you want to succeed!!!!
As usual, thanks for letting me share my success......I have this forum and the wonderful people on it to thank!!!
A549056-TOM is right when he says it gets better and lifeisbetter - you are right!!! I know I am only half way there but I made it this far by the grace of GOD (yup, you read that right REX1 & B'BELT)

[hippy]

you are in the right place and you
post are good reading , keep posting
and i hope your weekend is a restfull one.

peace!!!!!!!!! hippy

[Vicqueennomore]

Thanks hippy...
your posts are great too.
peace to you too...
Tammy

[J. E. W.]

Whered you go? Havent heard from you since this morning.. Hope your doing ok. Take care.         God Bless...         J.E.W.

[J. E. W.]

Hows those polar bears acting today??? I have 4 kids, 3 girls and 1 boy..And 7 and ahalf grandsons!!!!!!!!!!! Need a grandaughter!!! Id love to here your story about your son.. I hope your visit with the other son is good too.. Mine all live real close so I can see them whenever I want.. Sometimes this is good sometimes not.. I figured when kids grew up they wouldnt argue as much. Wrong!!!! I dont think we ever have a get togeather when at least one gets pissed off!!!!!!!!!        Hope your doing good today.. Weve got day 15 coming up.. For me its getting better everyday..How about you???   take care my friend...        God Bless...       J.E.W.

[Blackbelt]

Thanks Sweetness,
  You inspired me at the start. Didn't feel real welcome. I'm so happy about Vic Queen singing I could shout.I know Rex is also. I asked My wife tonight if God said,"Jim, I'm going to put you thru years of financial problems,loss of respect and totally break you down,but at least one soul will be saved from hell." How could I have said no?
  I'm glad I'm not the only grandparent here. have 4 and one coming.I've lived a lot of years but I'm not old. Question--How old would you tell someone you were if you didn't know how old you were? Eyes closed of course. I'd say 25 or30. I think in heaven we'll all be about 33. Great age. 3rd day just over. It has been the easiest in my life thanks to thomas Receipt,Exercise, and most of all God. I truly think because This addict(as you all do) is showing love from my suffering.And it gets my mind off selfish Jim. Folks we're here for a purpose and the REAL HIGHER POWER put you here.
    Question--Have we ever really really learned ANYTHING without suffering.  Pills, relationships whatever. God says come to me like little children.  Hey folks  He also said Don't love this world too much.  I'm pleasing Him there for sure.
     If any need any thing I can give please ask. My knowledge from suffering is immense.   B'Belt

[Blackbelt]

Thanks Sweetness,
  You inspired me at the start. Didn't feel real welcome. I'm so happy about Vic Queen singing I could shout.I know Rex is also. I asked My wife tonight if God said,"Jim, I'm going to put you thru years of financial problems,loss of respect and totally break you down,but at least one soul will be saved from hell." How could I have said no?
  I'm glad I'm not the only grandparent here. have 4 and one coming.I've lived a lot of years but I'm not old. Question--How old would you tell someone you were if you didn't know how old you were? Eyes closed of course. I'd say 25 or30. I think in heaven we'll all be about 33. Great age. 3rd day just over. It has been the easiest in my life thanks to thomas Receipt,Exercise, and most of all God. I truly think because This addict(as you all do) is showing love from my suffering.And it gets my mind off selfish Jim. Folks we're here for a purpose and the REAL HIGHER POWER put you here.
    Question--Have we ever really really learned ANYTHING without suffering.  Pills, relationships whatever. God says come to me like little children.  Hey folks  He also said Don't love this world too much.  I'm pleasing Him there for sure.
     If any need any thing I can give please ask. My knowledge from suffering is immense.   B'Belt

[J. E. W.]

What you mean..Ive been 29 for almost 19 yrs.now....... Day 3 and your doing great!!!!!!!!! who could ask for more..  If not for God can you even try to imagine wher wed be?!!!!!!!!! Take care..       God Bless...         J.E.W.

[straightjacket]

hi how are you great i hope i would like to tell you about my sones and my story e mail at ***@**** whan you get time i promice you its not boring lol be strong my friend,

[straightjacket]

15 days were on a roll .

[Bungee7]

Another day. Every day seems to get harder, not easier. Nobody in my life(no matter how supportive they are) understands how hard this is. But you all do, and I am so thankful for this forum. Just wanted to post that ;)

Thanks for listening to my non-sense(as all of you always do)


-Anthony

[FrankVaio]

I'm on dat 25 and I hear ya when it seems to be getting harder not easier. Today it's been a battle in my head not to make the call. I don't NEED them I just want to feel great. I think about the feeling of being dependent and not having any. That feeling it alot worst then the way I feel today. I'm going to the Gym in 45 mins to punish myself for even thinking about getting some OXY's today. After that I'm going to come home jump in the hot tub, eat, take a shower, and go to a NA meeting. So hopefully I won't have time to think about getting ****** up again. This is the hardest thing I ever done so I turned it into a mission to stay drug free even smoking pot and drinking. I want to see how it is to live straight since I have been getting ****** up for 17 years out of my 30. Oxy's for 5 years. Pills are the only thing I think I got addicted to. But since I haven't drank in a while I'm starting to think I was addicted to that also. I alway's feel like I'm hungry I got this weird taste in my mouth that I need something. I think I might be beer. But I'm trying to give myself a good cleaning before I go out for a few beer with friends (once in a while) I know this forum is for pills but we all have addictive personally's so we have to be careful we don't dig ourselves out of one hole and fall into another.
This forum with NA has been what kept me clean.....
Thanks everyone
Frank

[Bungee7]

Frank-

I can really relate to some of the things you said. Like I said this forum is great...we all know and understand each others feelings, its great! I wish I could meet all of you...
As far as the being hungry part. I hear ya! I was down to 123-125 in decmeber, now mind you I am only 5'8 but I should at least weigh 135-140. I could never eat, now that's all I do...I am so afraid of getting fat now. I don't know which is worse being addicted to pills or gaining more weight every week--lol.
Anyways, again...thank all of you for always being there.


-Anthony

[Blackbelt]

Need a little help from aanyone who knows. Day 4 and the devil hits me with a dilly. Really makes me want to pick up and never put down. Someone I love more than life admitted he has been smoking coke by himself for 3 years. He hasn't done it in a week and says next time he's going to rehab. Does he have a chance without going? No experience here I was killing myself the long way. Smoking coke is the short way. He dies I'll die inside. I need some advice and prayers.
  Love you all and can count on you, if anyone knows about this one thing please post.
     B'Belt

[FrankVaio]

He needs to either goto NA meetings and listen to everyone. Knowone has had a good experience with drugs so like you said he either has to quit drugs or quit breathing. He has a choice on only one of those,, the other will just happen. If he's not 100% into his recovery detox might be the best thing for him cause they have specialist there who WILL give him the tools he needs. Plus someone like yourself might have to give him the extra push he needs, you can't make him do anything but if he admitted he want to stop,,,,,,,,,then he wants help.
Good Luck

[InsaneinTN]

Okay...I'm here!  I'm B'Belt's crazy drug addicted sister. And I feel "okay," which is okay, but I can't help it...I WANT TO FEEL BETTER THAN OKAY! I think that I'm in mourning...my buddies are all gone, I'm stuck by myself who just happens to be my least favorite person in the world. I'm boring and need/want something to make me like me better.  What makes matters worse is that I am a Christian.  The Lord has seen me through Hell and Back more than once, so the only thing that makes me feel a little better is that Satan must really hate me which means that God has something special planned, but I made a deal with the devil for an empty I.O.U. and I'M SCARED BECAUSE I CAN'T SAY THAT I WON'T DO THIS WHOLE THING AGAIN.

[InsaneinTN]

Oh, by the way...the empty I.O.U.'s were all my pill bottles from the last 7 months...I threw them all away today.  Why was I saving them??? Sort of like little trophy's.  I've decided that I'm gonna pick up the Lord's yoke now...it's the easy one! Please pray for me and I'll pray for you.

Vicki

[J. E. W.]

You better e'mail me I can get into mine but still figuring out how to send. I just started on computer when I started detox. Mine is ***@**** . Feel good today..                 God Bless...       J.E.W.

[J. E. W.]

I dont know about that drug. Just wanted to let you both know Im praying for you both. You both know where to lay it and he WILL take it!!    God Bless...       J.E.W.

[teeitup]

Hello all! It's been a rough couple of days, my vascular problems are doggin me pretty bad. Been able to keep the hydro to 2 ES's a day so far.

The last few weeks have seen this forum grow dramaticly. Good to see more and more of us getting the courage to admit to our problems. Looks like everyone has been able to voice their opinions without letting it get to personnel. Addicts are passionate, so lets make sure we support each other no matter what we choose to believe in or if we still like to party but want to control our intake. Remember there is no right or wrong it's whats best for you! Be honest to the person in the mirror and good will happen to those around you!

The memember's of this forum seem to have become an extended family to one another. I'm sure most of us have family and friends that would do any thing for us, but for me I seem to be able to open up more to ya'll because I feel your support comes from within because of our common addictions. I don't think it's always fair to get on spouse's or family memembers who don't seem supportive, they are just ignorant of what it's like until they have been there.

Keep positive, help one another and vent when you have to. It's all part of the healing process. To those who can quit taking pain meds. are any other drug, I envy you, but please do not think less of those who can't. I have learned something from everyone who has had the courage to post, please continue myself and many others need you continued support. Thanks to everyone!

teeitup!

[Rex1]

Hey bud - hang in there.

Good to see you...

Rex

[hippy]

yo tee , great to see your down to 2
ya we all need help here no matter who we are,
we share our strengths and weakness's
for me the goal is to stay clean from all drugs.
tho pain can have a say it that decision.
some times totol abstenence is not possible.
just for today it is,
wether people are on meds or not i have respect for them and thier situatuin.
we should never judge other's or be presume anything.

peace !hippy

[straightjacket]

that is a good question for the doc. ,i think if you took them as derected and not abuse them for real pain you would be fine after that long of a period of time clean you body would respond to a low dose of med, mently i dont know it could triger you ,being addicts we need to keep are guard up at all times . best to you.

[unpilled1]

Anthony, hang in there buddy ... you're coming out the other end of physical withdrawal and the first thing that tends to get cranked up is the damned cravings and wantings. It takes a few days for your brain to start thinking right & breaking the thinking patterns that had gone on for months (calling in the Rx, getting, taking, plotting & planning to get more, etc,etc,etc) This is the tune that your mind has sang for awhile now and it will soon drop out of the top 40 hits - but you have to start thinking about the positive - no more pill misery, no more worrying about the calling, getting, hiding, planning ... remember WHY you wanted to quit & start giving your mind a new tune to sing as a drug free beautiful, productive, strong-willed person. I know it seems worse right now, but the withdrawal bit was just the beginning of this process - IT WILL GET BETTER - don't give into this demonic disease. P.S.(Did you get my email on Friday?) Don't forget you can call or Email me any time. We are here for you. Day 20 for me, that's a miracle!
Take care, -M

[J. E. W.]

Sorry I hit the wrong button.

[straightjacket]

i sent you a email .

[J. E. W.]

I didnt get it. ***@****  Ill keep checking..       J.E.W.

[InsaneinTN]

I am in a situation...I'm trying to stay clean, right?!?!  Well, I do have a bad back (already had surgery...degenerative disk disease..yadda, yadda, yadda), well, my point is tomorrow I have a docs appointment and he gives me 3 month's worth of OC's 40mg.  I want them for the pain that I do experience, but at the same time I don't want them for the pain...I've been med free for one week yesterday.  There is a storm going on here.  All I can think about is tomorrow at 1:45 p.m.  What should I do?

Vicki

[Esmith28]

I can totally relate to your situation..I have degenterative disc
at L4 and L5-S1 and a hernaition at L5S1 and I have not chosen surgery yet (it has been  a couple of years since I have known) and my doc was giving me Lorcet 10. I am soooo grateful after reading these post I never tried OXY anything..it sounds wicked, I amnot sure what your wanting to do at this point as it wasnt clear...if you think youhave come through withdrawl (withdrawal) and dont want to go to go through that again,. then ask for a differnet med....and if you think you can live without the meds then try to do it...I am in hell because I am soooo mentally addcited to the meds, but cant tget them now...long story youwouldhave to read back (just cant go into it again because it makes me mad all over :)anyway it is an ugly circle that kkeeps us chasing our tails...Email me if you want to chat
***@****
Good luck....
Elizabeth

[HarleyCat]

Hi, I have been thinking and praying for you.  I have read past posts, totally understand.  You only have two more days to hang in there, hon.  YOU CAN DO IT!!  We are all with you, no matter if you get more meds on Tues or not.  You are brave just to have made it through this rough patch.  I am proud of you.  If you want to email me ***@****

Have a great Sunday

Connie

[Esmith28]

Thank you so much, I took two of my hubbies over the last three days but I have not gone for my own so that is progress not perfection, Tuesday will not offer that option Ibelieve, becaus ethe doctor that cut me off ordered the block so even if they offer them usually (which has anyone ever heard of them giving script when they got a block done?) DONT GET ME A WISHIN'!
I have been better those days were terrible Ihope I wont go right back to that feeling, think Ineed a meeting every day to get hrough that cuz it bites...
Thank you for your prayers...
I told Hubby I have big problem,a dn he is being very understanding and trying to help...
Bless you !!

[Rex1]

You may find, as I did, that your marriage imprived rapidly.

In my case, my wife helped me through such a rough period, that I now look at her in a new light.

She's awesome. So is your hubby. Stay close to him, during this time, tell him what you are feeling, and also tell him you will be there when he needs you.

Very good byproduct of addiction indeed.

Rex

[straightjacket]

i e mailed 18 days stay strong my friend .

[J. E. W.]

Got it.. You got mail now.. 18 and going strong so far....              J.E.W.

[InsaneinTN]

I'm B'Belt's sister with the same problem...runs in the family! He's asked me to post for him.  MY ONLY COMMENT...JESUS IS THE TRUTH AND THE WAY...JESUS IS KING!!! Don't worry "big brother" (talking about the powers that decide who posts and who doesn't), this Believer won't bother to post anything more except I pray for you all in Jesus Name!

Vicki

Comment by B'BELT
My dear friends. I have been notified by the forum that I am not allowed to post, and I quote,"We have received
a number of complaints regarding your religious postings in our online forum." I guess I should have stuck to"higher power," in this politically correct society.
  I'll miss you all but want to thank you for your help making it seven days. Keep Fighting, you'll make it. I also hope some of my wisdom thru suffering has been of help to even one person. If I can help my address is ***@****. May the "higher power" bless all of you. I'll miss you, hope a few miss me.
                Blackbelt
  Vick , Will you post this for me. Jesus Lives.

[PunkRawkGurl1q21]

Each little message I read makes me want to cry. Partly because it makes me sad that everyone has to go through this and partly because I'm happy because now I know I'm not alone. Its so hard to deal with addiction when your so young. Just to give you a little background I'm 18, a student in college, and I was in a serious car wreck on October 2, 2002. I ended up having surgery to repair my knee and put a steel plate on my pelvis. I had a lot of pain from the accident and the surgerys and mostly because of the damage to my cyatic nerve. After a month of being on Norco my surgeon wanted to put me down to Vicodin. Unfortunately the Vicodin didn't work so they sent me to the pain clinic. The pain clinic gave me another prescription for Norco, put me on Duragesic pain patches, and gave me two lumbar sympathetic blocks. So I spent the second month after my accident on Norco/Vicodin and Duragesic simultaniously, along with Neurontin and amitriptalyne. After the second lumbar block my pain went away and I was discharged. The doctor told me to finish out the patches and didn't tell me anything about withdrawls. During the third month after my wreck I was feeling better so I figured I would just take the patch off. I got very sick but attributed it to the flu. I put another patch on just to ease the symptoms of the flu. I decided a few days later to try to stop using it again. I got very anxious, I couldn't concentrate, I was very depressed, and I felt really sick. Not to mention I felt like I had a 103 degree fever. I was really desperate for someone to talk to because I was home all alone so I called my ex-bf who knows a lot about prescription narcotics. I told him what was going on and he immediately realized I was having withdrawls. He said fentanyl is as addictive as heroin and the withdrawls can be pretty severe. He said I should call my doctor. I tried but I kept getting their answering service and no one would call me back. I tried to take care of it myself by wearing the patch past the 3 days hoping the meds would taper off and I would be ok. No such luck. I kept trying to call and finaly the day before christmas eve I was on the 4th day of my very last patch the nurse called my house and said my doctor was out of town she didn't know what to tell me. She said one of the doctors had suggested wearing the patch past the 3 days, blah blah blah. I told her it wouldn't work. She said she's have my doctor call me when he got back a week from that day. I didn't sleep at all that night. I didn't sleep at all Christmas eve. On Christmas day I felt so sick. I was exhausted and nausiated. As the day progressed on I started feeling really anxious. I couldn't sit still for anything. I tried to lay down on my couch but every part of my body in contact with the couch felt so hot it hurt. I started crying and I couldn't stop. I felt so completely sick. I begged my mom to take me to the ER. She finally relented because it was getting so bad I just couldn't take it. We live out in the country so it was quite a drive to the hospital. On the way all of a sudden I couldn't feel my arms and I started to feel like I was going to throw up. I thought I was just going to dry heave since I hadn't ate anything but I didn't. I threw up all over myself. It was so embarassing and the whole thing made me feel that much more sick. We got to the ER and explained the situation and the doctor was pretty nice. He said I was going through severe withdrawls. He gave me the option of taking a lower dose narcotic or something that was completely non addictive. I chose the non addictive one. They gave me a shot which was suppose to knock me out. (yeah right) I started feeling worse. Then they said I needed to go home to lay down. I almost told the doctor that if he sent me home like that I was going to go home and kill myself because I couldn't take it. I did make it home, but since it was Christmas day my family was all there. I layed down on the couch and my mom closed all the shades. My grandma gave me 2mg of Xanex but it didn't help. For about 2 hours I layed on my couch kicking and thrashing and crying and moaning. I couldn't stop it. It was so horrible I wanted to die. I accidentaly pulled a big chunk of hair out trying to calm myself down. I finally fell asleep. When I woke up I felt like ****. I did get a few hours of sleep that night. But for 4 nights after that I didn't sleep at all. The only kind of rest I got was when I would be sitting there watching TV and all of a sudden it was a half hour later and something else was on. It was scarry because I didn't remember falling asleep or waking up it was just like I lost a half hour somehow. I did that for 4 days. Finally the monday after christmas I got an appointment with my family doctor. On our way out of the house the pain clinic called and said they would call in a prescription for methodone. I said ABSOLUTELY NOT. I went to my family doctor and he put me on librium and ambien. So that took care of my physical withdrawls. But there was an aspect no one bothered to think about...I also had a psychological dependancy. The pain medicine was the only way I knew how to cope with the pain inside from my accident and everything I had been through. I went through a period of a few weeks where I just didn't know what to do. I needed a release. I needed something to make me feel ok. It was just too much for me to handle. Not to mention the physical pain from learning to walk again after 3 months. So the point to my story is just to give a shout out to everyone who's ever gotten addicted to pain medicine. WE AREN'T ALONE. It sucks to have to go through all this ****, but in the end its alright it just takes a long time. Sorry to bore you with my long story, but I at least feel better having talked about it. I was afraid to talk to my friends and family because I was afraid they would think I was somekind of freak or something. Thanks to everyone who read this.

*They say its over and I'm fine again. Try to stay sober. Feels like I'm dying. And I am aware now how everythings gonna be fine one day...too late?...time will tell. You say its over I can sigh again. Why try to stay sober when I'm dying?? I am aware now how everythings gonna be fine one day...too late...I'm in hell.*  Seether - Fine Again

[Son4]

Being off work and lots of time to kill! I am what you all call one of the lurkers !! I have been coming here several times a day for near 2 weeks now and I am learning sincerely learning that you all are NOT the scum of the earth you are ALL good people with a BAD problem and it has indeed been HELPED by the medical folks ! Its cheaper and less costly to them money wise and time invested to write you a script I am learning this now with my own DR ! They are trying to work up a bowel and stomach diagnosis on me while at times I have great pain their answer has been Vicodin at times the ES at times the regular , Having heard at different times about how bad this could get addiction wise I headed to google and found you folks and I want to let you know God may have used you all very greatly and has spared me the agony that you all have been through and are still going through! I have read all the posts you all have made for a long time and I think because I am FRESH at this I can see how far you all have come and you ARE making progress you truly are each day when you all post and CARRY one another its awesome maybe you all dont see that but its there ! I am very possibly one of many that from your expierence with addiction may be spared ! I am forcing myself to go longer between doses and taking less than I am allowed and pushing the DR to find somehing not so easy to become addicted to! I am doing better with this issue because of YOU all not the scum of the earth but people that are willing to share and help thats GOOD people not bad ! So all of you Ed finished Vicnomore Tammy lisabet all of you PLEASE keep sharing and loving each other You really do LOVE each other very easy to see and have great care for each other thats very very good ! I like to read too how God is moving in your lives and how some turn to him and those that may be angry with God are hearing that God sure does love them yet and only because man has desired not to have God intervene without the mans permission do we get and notice I said we get into the things that at times mess up our lives ! Sorry to ramble but I have learned much about people in the past 2 weeks and I was very stupid of the things of the world I guess I am 53 been over a good share of the world fought in 2 war zones and wondered at how stupid I could have been about people but like I said because of you GOOD folks here I am being enlightened LOL !! I mean thatand thanks again for sharing so others can avoid !! Finished you are missing your calling you need to WRITE !!! You have a hugeeeeee amount of talent !!!!! Truly I say God Bless you all and I pray he moves mightily in your lives and brings that peace you all are looking for it is doable just ALLOW him he will NEVER force himself on you !!!He cant he LOVES you too much !!! Son4

[FINISHED!!]

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for ALL of the kind words. Today has started off as a sad day for me, learning that one of our MOST VALUED members has been banned for speaking of God. You have lifted my spirits somewhat & for that I am greatful. Thank you Son4 for reconizing the work that is done here, regardless of beliefs, age, race or otherwise. We are a family of addicts & need each & every person here. If one does not believe in a higher power that is his choice. He has the same choice to overlook the posts from those of us that do. Please understand that this forum is a very important part of many peoples lives & recovery. To ban one for the mentioning of God is a midevil practice...a burning at the stake if you will. We all have our own tools in place to battle the addiction in our lives...be it the Thomas Recipe, tapering, cold turkey or God. We should be allowed to offer our tools to those who seek them. Again, it is then that person's choice to choose his weapon to fight the good fight. We have suffered a GREAT LOSS & I am sad for this...

FINISHED!!

[Son4]

Yes to all you have said I guess I didnt know when I made that post that Rex had been banned so glad I went ahead and yes I havent seen anywhere in all the threads I have read where Jesus or God has been pushed down a throat ! It is sad maybe the powers that be here will have a change of heart I think many will miss very good loving advice from him ! I will continue to come and read many know now my stand this is an awesome bunch of people and they are all GOOD !! Hope my above post doesnt mean that I cant come and read ?????

[FINISHED!!]

Please DO read...but also post when you feel the need. Your words are VERY encouraging & as I said, you lifted my spirits with them. Thank you again.

FINISHED!!

[straightjacket]

it is sad to here that people have been banned beacuse of ther beliefs , we can use all the help we can get , im sure i am not the onlyone who feels a great loss , GOD.

[Esmith28]

They were banned for speaking of GOD? I was speaking of God everyday, and I qupted the bible once...why wasnt I banned?

[MrsRat]

Reading your post above, one thing SCREAMED out to me. I also had "bowel/gut pain" for years (ok, most of my life) and went to doc after doc. Most of them just wanted to put me on Vicodin ES too. By the time I found one who knew to run a barium gulp, iodine push, CT Scan (request this test, it WILL find any probs that may be in your digestive system) ... well, by that time, the Crohn's Disease I have was so bad, I couldn't be put on maintainance drugs for it. They had to cut out a little over a foot of my small bowel.

I don't say this to scare you.  I say it so you know that docs everywhere tend to poo-poo 'gut pain' and just try to tell you it's IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome).  In a LOT of cases it's IBD (Irritable Bowel Disease), Crohn's Disease or Ulcerative Colitis. Both of those diseases cause almost identical symptoms, but once diagnosed as IBD, docs can do other tests to figure out which one you have. I actually ended up having IBS and IBD.

If your gut is hurting and spasming, Vicodin is only gonna stop the pain for a short period of time. It will NOT stop the spasms that cause a lot of the pain.  There is a drug just to stop them that your doc may consider if you are having them. It's called Donnatal.  It's a combination of Belladonna and Phenobarbitol.  I've taken it for years at bedtime and it does stop the spasms.

Please don't let your doc get away with not doing a CT scan like I described above to you.  The CT scan will see things that upper and lower G.I. tests, colonoscopies, etc. won't see.  I KNOW, I'm living proof of this. You may also wanna do a web search under Crohn's or Colitis and read up on the diseases and see if you have some of the symptoms (there are many and it varies in all of us). Also let me know if I can be of any help to you, my email addy is ***@****.

[Son4]

Thank you thank you I go to the DR tomorrow AGAIN !! I will sure bring this up and so far you are right on IBS ! I have had so many tests I think the DR I have is actually burnt out with me ! I do have an appt at the Cleveland clinic but not until March so  I think my DR is actually just trying to keep me quiet until then and the Vicodin does that !Thats why I searched for addiction because I knew that as it stood right now with 3 months of Vicodin I didnt want an addiction problem . I have saved your email and thank you again! Did you actually ever think at anytime during your ordeal that maybe you might have been 1 sandwich short of a picnic ??? I am kinda at that point and I even asked the DR do I need mental help LOL !! Anyway thanks and I will be in contact  SON4

[lisabet]

Hi, and welcome.  Yeah you're right - we're not totally scumballs and "skanky"....smile.  (Although don't we all feel that way sometimes?)... :)  Glad you posted; it really helps to talk and vent, and have people who understand where you're at. Thank God you were wise enough to realize that addiction could be a repercussion when taking meds for pain.  It happens all the time. In your case, with your "gut" problems, I'm sure you need the meds. Just acknowledging that you're afraid you could get addicted puts you miles ahead of most of us. It really can sneak up on you before you know it.  First you begin taking meds every 6 hours, then every 4 hours, every two....and before you know it, you gotta have it....all the time!!!! You sound like a really smart gentleman; with your med problems, don't let yourself suffer; try to take your meds as directed (that's what they're for; is for legitimate pain as you experience). Hope you keep posting. Let us know how your doctor visit went today. Take Mrs. Rat's advise (in upper post) - she's been there; INSIST on the tests she advised. That way at least you'll have peace of mind if all comes back OK. You'll be in my prayers.  Love/Peace, Lisabet

[Son4]

Thanks for the welcome !! I have everything Mrs Rat posted written down and sure will talk with the DR and yes scared me a bit to think I could maybe get addicted ! You are good people and have become a family that looks out for each other thats very good !!

[Patrice]

I am disgusted at some of the stuff I am hearing here..First Suzie tried to give out medical advice...Look lady, dont ever tell someone to take Kava Kava WITHOUT  a doctor knowing about it!!!!! All I hear Is MrM is giving bad advice..IMHO, he is the only one giving GOOD advice......Some of you people crack me up, you are willing to live in constant pain because you want to be "Clean and Sober"  I say BS to that!!!! E. Smith, you are in terrible pain, and if you doctor doesnt give you anything for your pain, I would sue him for malpractice!!!! The doctor who cut the person off of the path should be arrested, and having his liecense taken away, because people DO die from opiate WD....I just cant believe this board......Next, do you people in 12 step programs tell someone to quit taking their syc drugs because they arent "clean" Well, listen to people in your meetings, many an addict has committed suicide from quitting the medication that makes them mentally normal......Suz, if you want to live in costant pain from headaches that is insane, only an ignorant person would live like that.....Medications have been made for a reason, and if a person is an addict, so what, an addict is a human being that needs the same kind of pain relief as much as a person that is not an addict..So my good people, suffer, suffer, suffer, you too one day will commit suicide because you wont be able to handle the pain anymore..You so called "recovering addicts" are zelots.....Just think about this, if one of you so called NA people who tell other addicts "to take NOTHING no matter what" and that addict kills themselves because of pain, or a mental disorder, then their blood is on your hands.........


NoNaForMe

[g.g.]

YOU ARE A STRANGE ONE!! THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY,VERY VERY VERY VERVERY STRANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                  g.g.

[Threestrikes]

Be honest with yourself, is it the guilt that is making you lash out?  Justification to keep what you think is your best-friend(drug of choice) at all cost.  I'm new here but am so thankful for this forum.  I'm on day 13 cold turkey and I know, I come here when it gets so bad and read these wonderful, supporting posts and say to myself "I"M NOT ALONE IN THIS FIGHT".

You don't have to be either.

Three

[norcalwhiteguy]

I don't buy the idea of an addict is mentally the age of then they started their addiction. I have a hard time believing life experiences don't have an affect on someone just cuz they're high on pills. Addicts live in the same world as "norms" and experience the same problems as everyone else.