any more ideas?

[lilo964]

I am a 26 yr old female from Alberta,Canada. I have been addicted to codeine for the last 4 yrs. I have detoxed numerous times in this period, however...I tend to relapse.I am just finally realizing, that for me, there is no safe amount. I cannot control my use and take appropriately or as prescribed, so therefore....total lifelong abstinance is what is required for me to really kick...so this really is the last time.I am tired of the cycle, Im ready to make the conscious decision to make this a thing of the past. I should also mention that I have an extremely addictive personality and I think I may also have some underlying depression and eating disorders that contribute to this tendency to medicate.The codeine has been a vice off and on for 4 yrs, however, prior to that, I was also addicted to percocets for 8 months and was on such a high dose(50mg oxycodone q4h) in such a short time(i reached that dosage within 6 months of first use) and was so naive and inexperienced with these things that I didnt know anything about withdrawal,detox.,any of it. I was so terrified of the illness I would experience when I ran out that I made damn sure never to run out. To feed such an intense habit requires dedication that I care not to even think about even 6 yrs later...anyways, I was referred to a Methadone program and was successfully weaned off with little to no w.d with a 8 month program methadone and 0.1clonidine daily.I requested the dose not be taken above 90mg(in Alberta all patients are started on a 40mg dose,increasing by 10mls every 3 days until the right dose is reached to stop w.d symptoms,but also not cause any unwanted side effects of euphoria.After I completed my methadone program I did not seek continued help or supports as I felt I was no longer at risk.Silly me.I was fine for 8 mnths. Then one day i got a pretty nasty headache, care of a pretty heavy emotional load I had no way of anticipating. At the time I did not see this as a relapse. Boy, was it ever!My motherinlaw at the time had been known to buy otc tylenol 1s, she used them for the rare aches and pains advil just wouldnt help,and I decided to take a few.What was the harm in a little tylenol 1 afterall?o.k,well to be honest I think it was 5 lil T1s I opted to take.(this is also why c.t is better for me.taper...well if they say to take 2 I take 7..so...you get the point.im not the first or last to do it and if you know what i mean...your not alone!)...Well,my old friend felt so good in my body. The headache was gone, and the feeling I had tried so hard to chase before was back again.You see, at first opiates feel great. There is no pain and even moodiness is eleviated...but the more you develope a tolerance the more you need to take,until it get to the point where it doesnt even get you high anymore.All it really does is make you sick,whether you take it or not,just that the not taking it is the worse sickness of the two,so you keep using. Well I had gotten to that point when I went on Methadone, so to have that feeling again...from something otc....you bet your relapsing *** I bought me the biggest bottle I could find that night.I never really viewed it as a relapse, it was otc afterall...not a triplecate script like the others were....so justifiable right?Well I will skip all teh boring details other than I took 8 like clockwork q6h and by the end needed 8 q4h...and let me tell you by the end of that high doses acetaminophen even the most diehard junkies gonna be feelin that.My kidneys hurt and I was getting an intense pain in my right upper quadrant and thats enough to scare anyone.I took the first of those t1s in february of 2008.I detoxed, finally february 2010.I was clean for 4 months.Then a "friend" of mine offered me an oxycodone 20.I didnt think at all before I grabbed it and swallowed it down.So,this brings me to now.In the past year I have struggled off and on with weaning,tapering,cold turkey:both with clonidine and without.if you can take 3 days super sleepy,than clonidine a definate must...so.hres my ??.I remember coming off the t1s and that was after 2 yrs continued use round the clock.It was hell for 4 days at least that I remember.Anxiety, sweating,rls,cravings.It was hell.Now, I have done a few days off and on c.t this time....but i am jumping off @ 4 tylenol 4s every 6 hrs(so 240mgs 4x a day)...is this going to be worse??and any ideas how to make it through and not have to do it again?I have obviously done this many times and so I know what to expect timeline wise......at least im hoping same timeline as before.but I wanna know what has helped people STAY clean.oh,and I have read alot on the immodiumad thing but this is my first try with it,but feels like it has helped some.

[mookie377]

Hello :Lilo,im John from Tononto,ontario. I also have muck of your history.I was a tractor-trailor driver,and herniated my L-5-s-1 disc at the low spine.Aside from the injury.I have also used t-3,t-4 and Percocets. I never really liked the codeine as it made me red and itchy,but the oxycodone the drug in percocets and oxycontin,i really injoyed the Affect of that.In the A.A. text-book it says we really used because (Even though in was injurious we after a time coudnt?didnt care) Are addicted life was all we Had and Knew.Honey my biggest obsticle for me getting clean was(Not doing it Alone) This disease likes it when we  have no ALLIES?Clean friends in our corner) Honey get yourself a FEW clean Woman in recovery to help you get-off ,and more importantly. Stay-Off John in Toronto

[Oxy480Jim]

You are very lucky you still have a liver. You said you felt it hurting before, which means you are damn lucky to even be alive today. All it's going to take for you to kill your liver for good mat very well be one more acetaminophen overdose.

That is really all you need to ask yourself,  Do I want to live, or do I want to die?

Quit  CT.  You really don't have much choice. Only this time, take the second step and go to AA or NA  and set up the aftercare to keep yourself  clean. for good.