at the Point of no return now

[Raj786]

Hi, my name is raj. I posted around a month ago here and asked some questions about a Codeine addiction that I have since around 1 year now. Many of the guys told me good information about withdrawals and the tips were all great and enthusiastic. But sadly, I haven't quit the drugs untill now I have slided down to the "point of no return at this moment"

Drug users as everybody know, go through different stages of addiction. I was physically dependent on Codeine even the last time I posted here anyway, and took a lot. (more than 600 mg of codeine at least a day with huge quants of soma thrown to potentiate the high)

Here's the other regularly seen addiction sideffects that have also been part of my story.

1. No job, since at least 2 months, sitting at home.
2. Have sold of some valuable stuff like a mobile, my gold chain (even a ring I got my hands on), ipod etc [the idea was to get enough cash to buy a lot of the stuff [codeine] and tapper down to being clean, i couldn't get it work ever.
3. For the massive credit card debt I had run up, I had to tell my father my story and he paid of my debt for this time, [i am 23 n turn 24 in march, this is not of course the way i thought i'd be when i grew up], i feel the shame of it so much!!

i say i am beyond point of return in sense that today, i procured the last amount of cash I could procure without, how can i explain going completely overboard. I have bought 5 bottles of codeine to tapper on...
[here in India, we still get it codeine in the good old cough syrups. Tylenols n vicodin's aren't sold here, in fact codeine is not used for pain at all, tramadol is used, and the harder stuff like morphine etc in operations or for very very deserving cancer n other illness patients]

My plan is simply to take only enough to keep WD's at bay n reduce the dose, until i can kick it with managable pain.The same thing as i said i have tried at least 3 times before n i didn't stick to it. But the difference is, this time, i really don't have anyway of getting money to buy and continiously use drugs  in anyway which is acceptable. I know people here know what I am talking off

Even the med stores don't like selling anymore, they want to stop selling to me in fear of getting caught n all (yes, codeine is prescription only, apparently it's caused some trouble for youth already in the 80's n 90's then they completely controlled use of it in pain meds n for cough syrups, only if the doctor says so. I have begged n convinced them to sell to me for just a few days more, so even if can get a running money supply, i won't be able to get any!! So, it really is now or never for me now!!

Now, i know nobody can do it for me but i am just writting here to sort of get it off my chest and share it. Don't know what i am asking here at all guys :)  ll??!!!  (on a note of honesty, i did take enough to get high today last time, lolls not the first 'one last time' at ******* all!!!!

As the world knows Drug use has a pattern n so did i when i was experimenting with codeine about a year ago for my "heart ache - yes, love", sleeping trouble,  etc.(of course i was too smart to get in trouble i thought. And it's all ******** about 'this wonderful drug i had found', it's more thearaputic than trouble causing. If only i knew, the world's general opinion shld be taken on somethings without trying to be smart n analysing etc unfortunately, drug use of any kind is also one of the things tht the world is right about. To rid me of the drug habit now, I must not get high ever on codeine n even soma. Then quit it, after these bottles are over, chances r the misery will be lesser this way!

Bluntly, if i don't quit, i'm headed for the streets and the rest!!! : robably means that i will have to  start living on streets, committing crime for my fix, switch over in a while to brown sugar(the brown clored street heroin which is sold off quite cheap on streets here in India, around 1,20 US $ a bag, then slide down 90 degrees, i know people do  make it back from there, but i know myself, once there, it's end of the line for me Hope GOD helps!!!

[not that I don't like the opiates n m stuck in only cos of wd's, that's the worst part!!]

p.s: great community here thanx for reading already. As you know one tends to lie to 1self also when in a habit like this n just had to write down the truth for me to see, not fool myself, thank you again....

[abadaddict525]

Sounds like you have formulated a plan and are making the appropriate steps to kick codiene. I commend you on coming here! Its much easier to be honest here than with family, coworkers, etc..

I am new to all of this too but today is my 7th day without any hydrocodone! I have to say that posting here has helped me tremendously. Just reading everyone elses post and seeing that i am not alone has helped. Also, seeing people actually making it through without using.

I wish you all the best and good luck.

Keep posting your progress!!

[Raj786]

Thanx and Congratulations, Abad, yes, the knowledge that you are not the only one in the whole wide world at present who's going through the same situation, offers real relief. Even if you are the only one of the kind in your own world. But hey, if you made it through hydro then it's doable, giving it my best actually it's not matters, have to give it a honest shot with results, thanx again, bye ...

[DOA]

    Raj  in  your  country  do  they  have  hospitals  or  places  to  go  to   detox  ???   Do  you  really  think  you  can  do  this  on  your  own,  there  has  to  be  a  place  that  specialize  in  drug  addiction   and  can  monitor  you  while  you  detox,  Personally  when  i  ordered  a lot  of  vic's  or  perc's  like  2  or  3  hundred  i  always  looked  at it  like  i  would  never  run  out  then  BANG  there  gone  !!   What  im  sayin  is  you  might think  you  have  enough  then  take  an  extra  here  and  there  and  before  u  know  it  there  gone.  I  think  u  need  profesional  help  and  get  into  some kind  of  treatment.  good  luck

[DOA]

Sorry about the double spacing.

[Carlieridofboy]

First off, I'm sorry that you are going thru this. I know what you feel like, and deal with it everyday. You must not even think about switching your drug of choice... one addiction is hard enough, and let me promise you something... heroin is not to be fooled with. I also started my addiction off with Tylenol 3's, way back in high school. I use to eat them like candy. Then I moved on to oxy's, and then ofcourse I hit rock bottom on heroin. I know what it feels like to pawn away all your pocessions just for one more fix. I know how it feels to empty your bank account, take out loans, and beg for money. The only real advice I can give you is to follow thru with your plan. I told myself a zillion times that it was my last time using, only to use the next day. Just mean it when you say it. Don't worry about what others think of you- instead worry about what you think of you. Make yourself a promise, then stick with it. I find that spending the money that I would of used on other people is theraputic. I mean, I put my family thru hell, so everytime I have the chance to buy them something, I do. Please, don't resort to heroin no matter how cheap it is. It wont always be that cheap. Once you're hooked, and it becomes everyday life (which happens very fast), there wont be anything cheap about it. Not to mention most dealers are pretty cool about prices in the beginning... they don't become jerks until after your hooked. That's always been my experience anyway. Hang in there!

[Raj786]

Hi Doa,

Yes, there are detox programs but the government aided one's are no use really and the private quick detox under local anasthesia is there, but now i can't pay for them n nobody will pay for me, it's gotten to the point that even my blood relatives really really hate me and only will support me so much [ not their fault, when I calm down n think about it, I have been a true grade A *******, have fooled  them about so much that now they really have lot of hatred for me ...]
From, the therapy point of view, there is the best help available free. There's a local charitable ogganization [Lion's club if u know, it's world over] n city's best doctors do come there to treat patients for free, so tomorrow [wednesday] i have another appintment with an excellent psychiatrist, she's the one who opened my eyes to reality to be honest, I was still fooling myself that i am in control of the situation so, yes this professional help is there...

n Carlier, I know what you are talking off, my story indeed[i hope there's a twist in the tale n I go back], and as i said this is my last chance for absolution without loosing everything, it starts today with 7 bottles now of codeine syrup (tht is 1400 mg) n 30 soma tabs, [ a lot]
I'll know in another 7-8 days, how I did. Thank you for listening again, everyone.
i just wanted myself to be really really aware of the truth n posting here has done that much at the very least, thanx for this wonderful ssupport guys,