barbies

[toejam_muncher]

there aren't many people who will read this and fully understand my addiction because the days of barbiturates have long passed and they are so rarely prescribed anymore that their addictive power is mostly forgotten. almost 10 years ago i went through a severe addiction to barbiturates and they nearly killed me...or i nearly allowed them to kill me. over the past year or two i've started taking them again and recently realized that i've allowed myself to become dependent on them. they are as dangerous as any narcotic on the market...some even more so...and all this i knew yet still allowed myself to fall back into them. at the height of my addiction nearly 10 years ago i was still extremely high functioning. nearly no one knew of my addiction or even suspected it and yet i was taking nearly leathal doses daily. barbiturates have the power to send you into a serene euphoria where no problems exist and all of your inhibitions are stripped away. i say all this only to describe how i've come to build a relationship with the drug that i'm so addicted to. benzo's are nothing compared to a barbiturate, in my opinion...which i suppose is why benzo's replaced them. in any event i've decided that i AM addicted and i don't want to be an addicted again. i've decided to speak with my doctor about going off them...and am terrified of the possibility of seizures, etc...but it has to be done. last time i lashed out so bad at the people close to me that i'm surprised they can even still look me in the face. i turned into a moster during my withdrawl. now that i'm married and love my wife...i really hope i don't turn into a moster again. i plan to tell my doctor and my wife about my addiction and hope that this time i can stay clean for good. i suppose i'm here because when i was having problems with anxiety/panic...the forum really helped me. it's very possible those problems were caused not by mental instability, but rather by the barbiturate i can't seen to let go. last night i wrote something that describes how i view the situation. writing helped me get through my withdrawls last time...once the physical withdraw was over, the mental withdrawls lasted months and i never really let go of the medicine even after 10 years. anyway, this is what i wrote last night...

Barbiturate bliss
Calm the banes of this infantile mind
Falsetto kiss
You are the crescendo of my pain
Glistening veins
Carrying such bittersweet depression
And then something strange
I’m so alive while I’m dead
The world passes by
Drifting on with the better half
But here I sleep myself away
A decay that is the lesser half of yesterday
Valium stars could never compare
To the false promises you’ve made to me
Only a fool could have believed them all
So sit’s a fool in drool cloaked in red dilly delight
And so it comes
The empty of the bliss
A good-bye too soon
But not as soon as I’d hoped
Barbiturate bliss
Our marriage has been more pain than gain
And your sedating kiss
Has numbed my final bane


i guess the only question i have is how many people in this forum have ever had experience with barbiturate withdrawl first-hand? the hardest part will be admiting to my wife i have a "drug problem"...she knows i have an addictive personality but she has no idea i'm addicted to the barbs again. i told her that i used to be and i told how much i used to take, etc...so she knows what it was like...but she has no idea i'm on them again. i know she will support me, but i hate feeling like an 'addict'. it's not something i ever intended to be in the first place and never wanted to be again. anyway..any advice is appreciated. i just felt like sharing this with people who may have had similar experiences before i talk to my wife and doctor about it. once i do that, i won't have any choice but to stop...so i guess i just need to motivate myself to actually do it.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

First you gotta let a lot of youngsters know what a barbiturate even is ........ shades of the '60;s  - - dont see or hear much about them now.  I did a rock stars share then - but when qualudes were made illegal I got into coke more. And Ludes werent even a real barb. Lets remember those tuinals, seconals, amobarbitol, nembutals.......the list goes on. I have no idea what the textbooks say now about them. I dont think placydils were flat out barbs - but whats in a name. They were as sweet. And as bad for you.

So what about some more information? How many of what were you taking and how often? How would you guage your addiction? (1-10)  Did you get up and pop one while getting out of bed? What was your modus operandi like? How did you make this operate successfully for this long? And if you did run out - did you have the wd's hit? Did that ever happen? I am really just trying to get a feel of your situation so that I might possibly be of some help. I would imagine that you already know that early barb threapy involved getting the patient on a hefty dose of a benzo - usually valium - and then stabilized at that point. He would then be gradually weaned down from the valium dose. Dont remember if there was aftercare  (Besides a shrink) offerred.....the only pharmaceutical that I recall was phenobarbitol sparingly. And not very often for as harmless as it is compared to the addiction.

[TysonRed]

I can remember taking something called phenobarbital or something like that, which I believe was a barbiturate. I never took them for an extended period of time where I had any w/d's, but I imagine that you need to taper off them almost similar to with benzo's. Are you getting them prescribed to you, if so then you need to talk with your doctor about the safest way to go about getting off. I guess you have the previous experience so maybe you know how it works, but I do know that they are very dangerous and that is the whole reason they've been replaced by benzodiazepines. I just cant believe the now a days a doctor would prescribe them to you or are you getting them from some other source. All I can remember about taking some barbs was that they totally knocked me out, I didnt find it very enjoyable, thank god. I know how hard it is to admit any addiction to those that we care about, but you need the support of your family when trying to overcome any addiction. I wish you the best of luck, Im sorry I dont have any serious first hand experience about the withdrawals, actually I guess Im glad I dont have that experience under my belt. Keep us posted on how things go, all the added info can help us all understand a little more about this type of addiction. Oh yeah I had one question isnt the lethal injection a barbiturate, something like sodium penthol or something sodium. Alright well Im done rambling on, hopefully someone comes along that has some solid info for you. Take Care.

[10356]

aye....

[dominosarah]

You got that right when you say it is the devil itself.........bad memories with this......

[10356]

I'm glad to hear you tapered.. but wd is wd.. you know what to expect.. but if you implement some of the information on the forum.. like the amio acid protocol on the bottom right.. this will help with energy anxiety.. also exercising.. I know you will be sleeping the first few days but after that feeling sluggish.. force yourself to walk.. move.. this will also help with the physical..also help with energy and the mood as your feel good endorphins push past the brick in your head called barbiturates... Aftercare for you I would highly recommend.. not only would you be proving to your family that you are serious.. but it will help in reinforce your desire to stay clean.. you say you have excellent self control until it comes to your pills.. get clean and you will find you have lost control of much.. as this is the nature of barbiturates.. You can do this.. and be honest with your Dr. You can achieve much with the right attitude and desire... I do not mean to sound harsh but barbiturates have killed many.. I really do wish you well.. be honest with yourself and those you seek support from..

[10356]

A downer mom.. a bad one and when mixed with alcohol.. it is the devil it's self...

[toejam_muncher]

slothfulness and anger seem to describe me pretty well...whether i quit taking them or not. if i quit...all i want to do is sleep and yell at people. if i take them...i like to lay around and doze in and out of sleep...but i'm happy and nice...yet still i'm a sloth. its never ending. i'm just hoping that since i'm on a lower dose now, the withdrawls won't last nearly as long as the did last time. the part about me being the only one to keep me clean is going to be difficult. i have excellent self control except when it comes to my pills. none-the-less, it's true i'll have to be responsible for myself this time around. hopefully i can manage it.

[scaredmom330]

welcome,. Ok apparently I am dumb because I don't know what a Barbiturate is? is it speed ? I am trying to think about what a dr would prescribe then and not now. Sorry, also how many were you taking? If you are going c/t you might check out the thomas recipe and acid amino protocol. I have heard good things about both. Also stock up on plenty of juice, bananas and immodium ad. also plan on 1 week of really bad "flu". takelots of hot baths and exercise when you can. Take it one day at a time. continue to post and keep reading threads. take care

[10356]

Hey toejam.. take enough barbiturate"s and tha'st exactly how you feel.. not meaning to sound rude but just sympathizing with you.. I have a long off again history with reds and what not.. my last round with barbiturates was when my dog was prescribed them.. hey I'm a drug addict.. anyway he weighed 130lbs and I was able to manipulate the vet into more then he needed this lasted 5 yrs I dallied and long before that I used to steal them out of my step fathers drawer.. yes they are old school but they are powerful.. at least you will have the support of a Dr. I want to wish you well with your family.. but they are not the ones that will keep you clean.. you are and maybe seeking out counseling as barbiturates are not the kinda of euphoria that lends energy but one of slothfulness and anger.. I wish you well.. lesa

scaredandconfused1116

Go to the top of the page and repost on your own thread.. you will get more support as it will be easier to follow..

,

[toejam_muncher]

my advice for you is that my withdrawl was hell for me...but even worse on my family. as i said i turned into a monster. i have to credit my mom (i was only 15 at the time) for getting me off the pills the first time...but i regret what i put her through. i treated her with complete and total hate which i deeply regret and which i know i couldn't control...but it still doesn't make it right. the point is, she didn't give up and she didn't decide it was easier to just let me have the pills. eventually i got through it and regret the things i did and the things i said very much. so i don't know how similar your situation will be...but i'm sure your boyfriend will say and do many things he doesn't mean. you have to remember that addiction is very difficult to conquer but it can be done.

[scaredandconfused1116]

I dont have any first hand experience with addiction but I am going through what your wife will be going through very shortly.  My live in boyfriend and father of my child just informed me two days ago that he is addicted to OC's and has been going through withdrawals right now.  As someone who had no idea and thought everything was happy and perfect I will say please tell your wife soon because she needs to know.  With that said if you have any suggestions for me on how to be there one hundred percent for my bf that woul dbe incredible because I dont really now how to be there for him.
Thanks and good luck you will be in my thoughts and prayers