Aa
better today
Hey everyone...
Feeling much better today. Even responding to a few others in need. That seems to help. Well, giving back always helps, right?
Today is day 6. After my frightening experience last night (which did moderate after I asked God for help and thanked God in advance) I got one xanax and took it last night. I rested very well, I did have some sweats I noticed when I would stir, but I just said, toxin coming out, and went back to sleep.
Yesterday my knees killed me. I understand about this backlash pain when you stop the drugs. I could hardly walk. I'm 51 and my 80 yo father was doing better than me. I started the ibuprofen. Still hurting today but much better.
Just keep pulling for me, as I do all of you. I feel better this time because I am single (last time I detoxed it was during a inadvisable relationship and the guy complained after I quit (as he wanted me to) that I wasn't the same person. I told him of course not. It would take a while and then I would be the real me. D I V O R C E....and I started back. At least I don't have that excuse, but I'm good at rationalizing anything. Always was.
I've started praying again. I haven't prayed outside of a church wall in years. I want God back in my life. He has listened to my cry. I'm very thankful for all the wise, loving, accepting, and truly helpful people on here. God bless you all.
R.
Feeling much better today. Even responding to a few others in need. That seems to help. Well, giving back always helps, right?
Today is day 6. After my frightening experience last night (which did moderate after I asked God for help and thanked God in advance) I got one xanax and took it last night. I rested very well, I did have some sweats I noticed when I would stir, but I just said, toxin coming out, and went back to sleep.
Yesterday my knees killed me. I understand about this backlash pain when you stop the drugs. I could hardly walk. I'm 51 and my 80 yo father was doing better than me. I started the ibuprofen. Still hurting today but much better.
Just keep pulling for me, as I do all of you. I feel better this time because I am single (last time I detoxed it was during a inadvisable relationship and the guy complained after I quit (as he wanted me to) that I wasn't the same person. I told him of course not. It would take a while and then I would be the real me. D I V O R C E....and I started back. At least I don't have that excuse, but I'm good at rationalizing anything. Always was.
I've started praying again. I haven't prayed outside of a church wall in years. I want God back in my life. He has listened to my cry. I'm very thankful for all the wise, loving, accepting, and truly helpful people on here. God bless you all.
R.
I've been to both NA and AA groups mainly as an observer in my town, and I felt accepted and I too, saw the wide variety of walks of life represented, and I was impressed by how those different social strata and educational levels simply ceased to be among the regulars. On the other hand, working in churches my whole life, I have often seen how people get off on gossip and cause others great grief and I just don't want to get into that. I know it is only a possibility and probably not going to happen.
There is another issue. It is kind of like a church service in a little country church and I get a lot of church in my job. I've seen the most active church workers be the most vicious. I just don't want that worry.
ALL that said. I realize right now it may be the only option as far as a place to go and share. So don't hesitate to keep pushing me that way. My "brain" is already doing that. It is my pride that is saying wait and see.
R
There is another issue. It is kind of like a church service in a little country church and I get a lot of church in my job. I've seen the most active church workers be the most vicious. I just don't want that worry.
ALL that said. I realize right now it may be the only option as far as a place to go and share. So don't hesitate to keep pushing me that way. My "brain" is already doing that. It is my pride that is saying wait and see.
R
Congrats on getting over the hump! You're on you're way!!
Lets keep it going. You wrote"I respect the AA/NA program, but living in a small town, I have some concerns". The second A in those initials stands for anonymous. The people who go to the meetings in your town are there because they need to save their lives. I go to both AA and NA and don't give it a second thought. Those fellowships are a positive thing. Addiction is a disease, not a social problem. when you go, you're working on recovery from a true disease, nothing negative about that. In 1983 a friend and I in AA started a meeting at work way up on the 13th floor of our building downtown. The meeting has moved in the last few years, but it's still going. We had US attorneys, city councilmen and down and out street ppl at the same meeting. In all my years I've never heard of negative feedback from stopping using by attending an aftercare group. Our lives depend on finding a true program of recovery, and to work on our recovery every day. I don't know about you, but I might not have any recovery left in me if I go back out and use.
I hope you find something that works. Hold your head up proud, you are now in recovery and you're doing fantastic today!
Lets keep it going. You wrote"I respect the AA/NA program, but living in a small town, I have some concerns". The second A in those initials stands for anonymous. The people who go to the meetings in your town are there because they need to save their lives. I go to both AA and NA and don't give it a second thought. Those fellowships are a positive thing. Addiction is a disease, not a social problem. when you go, you're working on recovery from a true disease, nothing negative about that. In 1983 a friend and I in AA started a meeting at work way up on the 13th floor of our building downtown. The meeting has moved in the last few years, but it's still going. We had US attorneys, city councilmen and down and out street ppl at the same meeting. In all my years I've never heard of negative feedback from stopping using by attending an aftercare group. Our lives depend on finding a true program of recovery, and to work on our recovery every day. I don't know about you, but I might not have any recovery left in me if I go back out and use.
I hope you find something that works. Hold your head up proud, you are now in recovery and you're doing fantastic today!
Just curious...are you a limousine driver or lover? I have a penchant for Cadillac limos from the days when they were made in the factory and before the downsizing in the late 70's.
As I mentioned in another post, I work as a church music minister for two congregations and this is a small town. My bosses know I have a problem, though they don't know about this last year-long relapse. My addiction doesn't really affect my work until I go to get clean and then my emotions and my creativity are affected for a while. I was "sick" last week and now am starting two weeks of vacation, and even further to that things won't really kick into high gear till September, so this is a great time to do this. The mental part (no motivation, little energy quite often, etc) have always sent me back. It's like my ability to compose or improvise just goes. This time, while I am so thankful for those God-given talents, I am not going to go back to work planning on them being a big part of my arsenal. There are plenty of good published musical selections and nobody really listens to prelude and postlude music anyway!
I respect the AA/NA program, but living in a small town, I have some concerns. But I have gone to meetings. I know without really investing in the program that isn't that helpful. I am thinking about it. I have relapsed three times. I wish I could afford counseling and that this area had a good abuse counselor but neither are true.
Thanks for all the support!
As I mentioned in another post, I work as a church music minister for two congregations and this is a small town. My bosses know I have a problem, though they don't know about this last year-long relapse. My addiction doesn't really affect my work until I go to get clean and then my emotions and my creativity are affected for a while. I was "sick" last week and now am starting two weeks of vacation, and even further to that things won't really kick into high gear till September, so this is a great time to do this. The mental part (no motivation, little energy quite often, etc) have always sent me back. It's like my ability to compose or improvise just goes. This time, while I am so thankful for those God-given talents, I am not going to go back to work planning on them being a big part of my arsenal. There are plenty of good published musical selections and nobody really listens to prelude and postlude music anyway!
I respect the AA/NA program, but living in a small town, I have some concerns. But I have gone to meetings. I know without really investing in the program that isn't that helpful. I am thinking about it. I have relapsed three times. I wish I could afford counseling and that this area had a good abuse counselor but neither are true.
Thanks for all the support!
Congrats on day 6! Sounds like you are doing great. I am so glad to hear that you resisted temptation with the online ordering. That's a tough one! Keep on keepin' on my friend!
PS: Have you looked into aftercare? I know a lot of people say it's not for them, but having someone who you can come completely clean with, face to face, is cleansing. Just a suggestion.
Congratulations on hitting that 6 day Mark! That's AWESOME! It's that first 4-5 days that are physically overwhelming. Now comes the mental fight. It's tough, but YOU CAN DO THIS! I'm glad you're reconnecting with God. It's a great thing. We need to lean on the Lord sometimes to get through this. Sending prayers and support.
Dan
Dan
correction...
my frightening experience when I almost reordered online was day 4 not day 5. day five was fine.--R
my frightening experience when I almost reordered online was day 4 not day 5. day five was fine.--R
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