beyond ashamed, oxycontin & oxyIR

[4_my_kids]

Wow...I certainly never thought that I'd be at this place in my life. Ever. 10 years ago I had a serious injury that has left me severely disabled. Due to this I'm in a great deal of chronic pain 24/7. I had been on every narcotic known to man and NEVER had a single problem for 8 years. Then my dr put me on oxycontin and oxycodone immediate release for the break through pain. I can honestly say that pain wise it has been the best medication for me. Here's the problem. The effects of the oxyIR grew weaker over time, so I began having to take more of it. That would leave me with a couple of days at the end of the month not having any. I got the idea to cut some of the oxycontin tablets in half. I think I'd have been fine had I done that and only swallowed them. I chewed them. I truly don't feel like I've felt a "high" from any med in many many years. So that wasn't it. I moved states about 6 months ago and had to get a new pain dr. He doesn't prescribe oxycontin at all so he's weaning me off this month. On one of my earlier months of chewing half tabs I ran out and ended up in severe withdrawal and had to be admitted to the hospital. I am terrified of that happening again!!!  Honestly the worst experience of my life. I'm taking 80 of oxycontin 2 times a day plus about 6 oxy ir a day. He's putting me on 60 oxycontin 2 times a day, and 3 oxy ir a day for the 1st week. Then I go to 40 2 times a day. Then 20 twice a day. Then 10. Once a day, then nothing. Is this a good weaning dosage or no?  Am I going to go through the withdrawal symptoms that I had last time?  Burning body, chills, vomiting, diahrrea, muscke jerks. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!!!  I just cannot do that again!!!  Right now, this is my 1st day at a lower dose I'm not really feeling any symptoms, however my pain level is very high. Also, since I've turned into a drug addict with oxycontin, am I ever going to be able to be put on a different pain medication and not abuse it?  I'm so ashamed of myself and just feel pathetic. No one would ever think this of me, not even my husband. I wish I'd never chewed that first tablet. Sorry to ramble on here. This is the first time I've ever put this into words. For anyone that takes the time to reply, I thank you in advance!!!

[faith_hope_love]

I don't have any suggestions to help unfortunately on what to do but I will say this..you are NOT a failure, you are a normal human being with flaws and strengths.  You would be surprised if not shocked at just how many people all over the world are dealing with these same issues with narcotics/opiates.  And what makes it harder for you is your disability and pain.  You are stronger than you think you are.  Don't give up on yourself and love yourself, your children do.  Changing the way you think about yourself and these issues is KEY in getting better no matter which route you take.  Keep posting..there are alot nice people that truly care because they have been there.  hugs! lyn

[petroglyph54]

Same lousy doctor, more lousy care. Don't seem like your gonna get lipstick on that pig. Are you looking for someone else that might try to not only believe in you but try and help? I've had lots of shots some help some miss and just hurt and leave steroids in us that don't seem like a good idea. I'm still similar and have recently moved and am trying to find a doc soon or I'll be on the floor writhing in pain unable to leave the house. I hate going to the pharmacist, they all think every scrip gets diverted to the school. Signs of these times. Almost makes me wish I could drink, but that wouldn't end well either. I try to be grateful for the few years of extension of quality of life I've gotten, but it's really hard to not worry about pain issues. However there are some pretty inspirational people on this forum, who's pain seems just as serious as mine who have decided to quit and are glad they did. Keep reading other posts or check out the pain forum. One of the many tester's I've had said you'll find what works for you. It would be absolutely wonderful to find a way to deal with this with yoga, exercise or whatever. OTC's are said to be much more effective once free from narcotics? Is there a possibility of enough relief by other means for you? It would sure help to make enough endorphins or whatever to not have to deal with doctors or pharmacists or side effects or after effects or like me allergic reactions to pain meds, which arn't good at all. Keep reading, knowledge is power. There is help but ya gotta find it where it hides. Best of luck, find a different doctor. Merry Christmas, Read Pray learn and good health,

[4_my_kids]

To say that's its not working out would be putting it mildly. Since lowering the oxycontin, he also cut back the oxy ir from 180 tablets to 60. Why?  He doesn't believe in narcotics. He likes to give injections. I've had injections.....they don't work for me. So basically I followed my oxycontin dosage for the weaning, and used every bit of my 60 tablets of ir to keep the withdrawal symptoms at bay. I'm a little over a week into this, the pain is almost as bad as it was at the point of my injury, and am not out of ir and trying to suffer through this. I can honestly say if I had health insurance I'd rather be in a detox center. In the end, I did this to myself so its a price I have to pay. Its just miserable. The pain is to the point that its all consuming and the WS are literally enough to drive a person insane.

Thank you all for responding. It really does help to know that I'm not the only one. Being in this position, a wife, and a mom.....I just feel like a complete failure. To everyone including myself.  God help me.

[Ballgame]

Find a new pain Mgt dr.  It takes time so start that process now before you wean off.
My old pain Mgt place was weaning me off that fast. If you want to get off it best to go fast. Except mine was 2 weeks before each drop.
I found out my pain really was managed by meds but still had an issue. Taking too many.
Same with you, you take too many and run out.

[petroglyph54]

From your post I don't see anything to be ashamed about. I'm in a similar situation although maybe not as badly disabled. We deserve the best quality of life we can get. The pain is 24/7, which just can't be explained to anyone who doesn't already know. Your doctor doesn't seem to understand pain? The pain has to be addressed, you know it, I know it. Quality of life is zero. I certainly don't know all the meds out there, and hopefully your doc had something better. Just to take you off oxy's isn't going to fix the pain. I don't like narcotics personally but have become physically dependent during pain management and now have an even larger problem. As you say the meds become less effective, and I'm near desperation needing some pain management but have become crosswise with the narcotics. Also they have recently changed the formula for making oxy and I'm allergic to the new kind. I hope you find some peace and comfort, I think after suffering this much, we could really use a break. Stick around the forum, and keep reading. Knowledge is power. I have learned plenty here and it's been useful. No one understands your dillema better than someone who's also going thru it. Good luck, and try and find a more adequate doctor.  Frank

[Wolfmedicine]

Hello,

If I read your post correctly, this Doc is going take you from 10 years of addiction to zero in four weeks?  I'm afraid that you will have some wd and what about managing your pain?  My opinion only, others will disagree, is that you should find a compassionate pain management Doctor other than this guy and just be straightforward with him.

Your need for more Oxy to acheive the same results over time is because your body builds up an opiate/oid tolerance.  People with a high tolerance can take very large doses of stuff and function that would kill someone else.  As far as you getting meds that you won't absue, that's up to you.  Oxy is probably not a good idea however going forward.  Get your mind right and be strong.   Do not be ashmed or feel badly.  Many good people on this board have abused opiates, myself included.  We are here to help.  Keep us posted.

Best,

WM