blast from the past

Hey everyone! Remember me? Well...im I don't know how many days clean, but im hating my life...is that normal? Its been at least 30 to 45 days off my lortab. I know its a mind F**k, but im always lethargic, muscles achy..and I think deep inside im pissed off I had to quit...because nothing has changed! I feel like azz, will I ever be the same?

[ImDONENoMore]

I remember you and have thought about you.  It's really good to see you again.

Now - THAT being said - yes I do think what you're feeling is TOTALLY normal!!  At least it was my experience - in fact, even at 60 days I felt the way you're feeling right now.

But you know what?  Those feelings passed each and every time.  Now is the time to trust that - hang onto that blind faith for just a little while longer.  You'll see.

And CONGRATS to you - it's really good to see you again.   :)

[irishann]

Hi hi hi! Sorry I dropped off the forum, it reminded me of doing pills...weird, I know! I just have feelings of going into a glass shop with a ball bat and just going bizerk! Im angry and unhappy in this life...I know it sounds" woe is me" but I remember my old, fun self and feel happy and now I feel awful, angry, no fun ....promise it will better?

[CATUF]

1.  read about PAWS: http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm      
     understanding PAWS was critical for me and got me off the roller
     coaster of quitting the going back out some time between 30 and 60
     days because it seemed i had hit a brick wall and life was worse than
     when i was using

2.  what are you doing for your recovery besides not-using?  it really helps
     (many would say it's necessary) to be in a recovery program.  give AA
     or NA an honest try . . . do what they suggest and go to 90 meetings
     in days

3.  30-45 days is really early . . .  it took time to get into addiction, it
     takes time to get out, and (as they say) "time takes time."

CATUF

[ImDONENoMore]

OMG I can not BELIEVE you just said that - the whole "giong into a glass shop with a bat" - my sister and I (wish we were closer though) - used to talk about that all the time - going into a glass/china shop, wearing a protective suit (of course) and smashing the **** out of everything we saw (okay moderators - A&E allows this word isn't it time we did too?) - but still - I totally get the appreciation of that kind of release.

It gets better.  Every day.  That simple.  :)

[ImDONENoMore]

Yup - big surprise - they deleted that awful word.  Expected.

[irishann]

Hey! Thanks for the info! I haven't gone to any meetings..I know it sounds lame, but my schedule for work doesn't allow much free time. I was finally honest (a little) with my boyfriend last night...he is 90 clean on lortabs, but smokes the mary jane. I really don't mind his pot usuage, cause I hate to smoke, so it doesn't phase me. But he was the one who threatened to leave me if I didn't quit the 'tabs, and I told him that when he is feeling crappy from w/ds..he gets to smoke and feel better...and I know just one pill is stupid to consider, but it kind of makes me mad....really, really mad! And jealous! But im an adult, and I can change my situation...but what can I say? I love him

[irishann]

Hey..I forgot how to send u a private message...no offense to anyone.....

[ImDONENoMore]

no biggie ann - just click on my screenname and then click on send a message.

[gnarly_1]

hi I remember you.......so you feel like s h i t yet its sorta to be expected I agree with CATFU
your still early in recovery it took me 90 days just to start to feel better but I ended a 16 1/2yr run on the stuff....I have noticed a few things ...I have been here almost 2yr longer if you consider lurking in the background but leth of use X dose X age all plays into how long it takes to get better I also agree you have to be pro/active in your recovery your not going to get anywhere siting on the couch both N/A and A/A have great programs that are free and almost around the clock if you could just give 1hr a week to recovery it would be a start the more you put in the more you get out but I know with everyone's bizzy schedule that an hr a week is realistic more is better but if I can get everybody to one meeting a week im doing better then now this shouldent be considered optional it is vital to your recovery give it a chance anyway its good to here your still sober work on your recovery you will find things get a lot ezer good luck and God bless......Gnarly  

[cleangimnow]

Funny you say that about coming here- it reminded me of doing pills part. I have the same problem here sometimes. It comes in waves...but I thought I was crazy for thinking that the forum did that to me. I have the same range of clean time as you. It sounds like all the same feelings. I'm glad to gear this is normal. Im past the man I feel better stage and now I'm at a point that Im just kind of pissed off about it some of the time.

[ImDONENoMore]

I agree with gnarly (as usual)....aftercare, aftercare and aftercare....those who have succeeded are doing it.

[irishann]

What are the meetings like? What are they about? I wish I could get my fat a z z of the couch and go walking, go to the gym...I would be willing to try anything. ..I will look for meetings in my area. So will the aches and pains and the lethargy go away? Im a sad sad sack!

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay, well I know you're not asking me directly but.....

YES the lethargy goes away and the overall sadness and hopelessness goes away too - the problem with convincing anyone of that is that all of these promises can ONLY be confirmed with time.

But it happens.  I promise you that.

[irishann]

Hey..I sent u a private message..but, I have to say..I've met with my doctor, told him everything....he says he feels like a complete azz hole because he kept me on the pills for so long, so I am KLEEN! I have no access to anything for a slip up. I just can't believe the trip im on! I hate it! I hate it

[ImDONENoMore]

Yeah being clean IS a whole new high isn't it?  Best high yet (no matter how hard it fuckign gets)...................................(ok sorry AGAIN, MH Moderator, for my language - jesus)

[ImDONENoMore]

Sobriety - a whole new trip.  And a one worth taking.

[cleangimnow]

Totally worth it. I've never made it this far and I stil feel better than I did using. I even found some old stuff today and didn't have to think hard about chunking it in the trash.

[ImDONENoMore]

that is exactly what I'm talking about - the pills are only important if you MAKE them iportant.  

[irishann]

I know...I guess I just wanted to hear from friends that this is normal...and maybe one day I can smile again and actually mean it! Love u all

[ImDONENoMore]

I know - we all need to hear it - at least I do.

And you'll smile again - and when you least expect it.