blue, yellow, purple pills

My son and mom and dad are all napping and I am stongly considering fuking evryone over and gettin something...coke, oxys, hydro...I dont care.
See, I told ya'll I am not that stong.  I am really a loser addict who is too selfish and consumed to give a ****.  Why didn' I just die a long time ago?  Why the fuk was I given in life in the first place.  Oh.....so I can create misery and despair!  I am ready for the world to end...NOW  I simply don't want to be alive.
Hate me, love me, I am honest.  I am calling my dealer now....I will wD some other time.
Fuk me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

[slowlybetter]

I am new here but have read your story......don't give up!  Didn't you say your dealer was arrested?  It isn't worth it.  You have your parents helping you.  Your child needs you!  Once a child is involved a person doesn't have the right to think of themselves first.  You will be so glad in the next month that you didn't give in.  Try to distract yourself.  How about a nice long bath?  I know there isn't much that can help right now.  Have you tried the recipe and see if anything might just help you sleep through this terrible part?

[Gypsygirl66]

sad i posted to yyou below you r not a loser please if you need sspace do you haave anywhere in the house you can justt be alone? Stop thinking about the pills try to force yourself to think of something else, positive thoughts. Maybe take a break from tthe chaat room, and get some quiet time or movie, book tv?

[Mariyah2]

Hon, I know how bad you are feeling. Please don't call your dealer....just take deep breaths and let this feeling pass. Go right into the hot tub and put on some music. Enjoy the quiet of the house while everyone is sleeping. I know you can do it. Day 2 is the absolute f......... worst. I tried c/t before and made it to the beginning of day 4. I wish I had just kept on going and not let a moment of weakness win. I was feeling so miserable and wanted to throw everything in my house against the wall. I just didn't have the energy :0)  I am almost at 24 hrs and the chills are just started. I feel sick too my stomach and just came on the board real quick for a fix. Please...........you can get through this. We will both be clean together. Hold on tight!!!  I am going to go watch old stupid movies on comcast. See, I am starting to get grouchy now :0)  Hang in there.....it is for you and no one but you. Everything else will be for your loved ones once you get through to the other side. Keep on thinking of Jim Morrison's song "Break on through to the other side" and know you can do that.
Hugs,
Mariyah

[Gypsygirl66]

I'll be back sad gtta go get some quiet time mmyself

[sterling_silver]

I am new here. What is the recipe?

[Marce4]

We all go through those emotions. I went scouring the house when I was in w/d.  I looked in every jacket/pants/purse pockets hoping to find a stray pill! It would have done nothing! This is the lowest we feel in w/d sosad! Trust that it really will get better. I remember it like it was yesterday!  Stay strong and do whatever you have to do. Calling your dealer will just prolong the inevitable!  These damn things have cost you dearly!  Don't give in to this! Just keep fighting and let your family take over any duties you may have!  You just get yourself better!  Keep posting to....that definately saved my sanity!  Next week, go back and look at your old posts in the archives...you will see how much you have improved in that time. Someone posted one to me a few weeks after I went through w/d....I wasn't the same person and it made me feel good to see how far I've come! You will be there too!
Come on.....keep it going!
Marcie

[hydrocodonegirl78]

please don't do it...... I am feeling the same way you are feeling, like why should i give a **** about myself, when i suck so bad, and have destroyed so many things in my life.... And i still have to face 126 counts of felony drug charges, telling my family the truth, and dealing with the fact i have lost the love of my life, after 10 years together.....  Believe me I know how much you hate yourself..... It was only 6 hours ago i was searching in couch cushions, under rugs, jackets, in piles of dust under the bed for one stray little pill....

[jenny07]

OHHHH I remember those days..the day I stopped c/t it was awful. I searched my house, too that day...and of course found nothing. I did manage to struggle through it, though. I remember ripping apart couches, clothes in my closet..wow...I was going nuts trying to find a pill!
Then, ironically, after I quit, 2 months later I found a whole bottle of norco...in my closet that was waaaaaay in the back on the shelf. It had like 80 of them in there! HOW long it had been there, I had no idea...but I ended up giving them to my friend who was in a car accident and was actually in alot of pain. I was too afraid if i kept the bottle, I'd relapse...and I was too conservative to just flush them..lol
So it ended up working out. I knew my friend would never abuse them, which he didn't...and I knew I did the right thing.
BUT I still thank God that I didn't find them that fateful day....or else I don't think I would have quit!