cancer

well, my last lab workup should signs that the cancer is still there.

this is why my support system at home with quiting the drugs is not 100%.

But now more than ever is when I want to be narcotic free.  sometimes the pain in my abs is unbearable, but ibuphren helps and it does not last all day.  it comes in bouts.

this is much easyer to handle than the w/d's.  I wish I never got started on these damn pills.
if the doctors had just explained things a little better I could have been the one to make the descion, not him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well can't go back now.

ONLY forward.

keep me in your prayers.

as far as weight JK I am female 5'3 and was 115.  

but most of that is muscle mass.  before this nightmare I was a heath fanatic and fitness instructer

still crazy about my health but my weight has plummted to 105.  which sucks and I have lost alot of my muscle {hard work] due to this illness.

HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER WLB

LOL JILL

[wantlifeback]

I just got chills reading this post....i think of things like this all of the time and more so this week.  I keep saying to myself that what i am going through is better than have a life threating illness and then i hear you have one.  It breaks my heart to hear this...  when i was first diagnosed with RA i was almost in a wheelchair, i still went to work every day with a smile and people would always say how do you do it....i would just say we have to make the most of every day we have and don't take anything for granted.  Somewhere i lost that feeling but because of you i am going to start to look on th positive side.  I will pray very hard for you tonight and every night and i hope you get better soon.  you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!

[dfr3]

What a nice posts thank-you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
sometimes I feel sorry for myself but I know so many people who have fought cancer and been in remission.  Infact my neighbor just beat breast cancer.  But, my mother died at age 44 from breast cancer, so who knows.  The good thing is I have three georgous children in case they need to take everything out.  I would die if I could not have had children.  so thats the good news!!!!!

NOW if I could just beat these pills that would lower my STRESS and life would be better.

PS
PLEASE tell me how you took the clonidine.  how many mgs and when.

YOU all in my prayers too!!!!! and everyone who suffers

big hugg
jill

[beachtowel]

Jill if its not to personal what kind of cancer is it.......

I just had a cancer test for myself and a lung exray which I am very nervous about..........

3/4 of my family has died of cancer I suspect I will too one day.......

[dfr3]

I have uterous cancer.  My tumor was removed then they did radiation to the spot and chemo pills.

I have had numerous paps and the last one came back abnormal and the doctor said I had new growths.  sorry if that is TMI [to much info]
I pray your tests come back normal!!!!   what kind of cancer runs in your family?  all lung?  and do you smoke? second hand smoke is so bad too!  but I am sure you know.

The last couple of days I have not tryed to ween anymore just staying on the four pills.

I think I will try to go down more once I get more info on my tumor.

I try not to get to stressed out, which I believe is the cause of  all cancer.STRESS STRESS STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My oncologist just asked me if I needed something for the pain.  I told the new girl in the office that I can not take the opiods because I tend to miss use them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  then I thought to myself TEND bad choice of words.  I felt like screaming I AM AN ADDICT.  Its funny how when you really have legitamate pain or disease everyone wants to comfort you with meds.  In the past a dream come true,  now just a pain in the AS  S!!

OH WELL no pitty pot for me.  one day at a time.

please keep me posted on your results.
I just know I will beat this because I refuse to leave my children motherless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL
JILL

[avisg]

sorry to hear about your cancer , my son is a cancer survivor .did you have a hystercotmy.
Avis

[wantlifeback]

one of my old bosses had that same cancer, she survived to come back to stress me out (worst boss i ever had) but i would not wish it on anyone.  I believe if you try to stay unstressed that is a great idea.  I think you should stay on the 4 pills until you know more also.  I would hate for you to put your body through trauma and it have a bad effect on you....take care of yourself first...you are so brave and you are not asking for pity just support, and you have it here for sure.  I will pray again tonight and every night for you and everyone else.

Beachtowel:  i hope all turns out well for you also...it is a scary thing!

[Pill Popper in AL]

i can feel your positive vibe just by reading your post.  i will be praying for you daily and i will send good positve thoughts your way. just breathe and exhale all the stress. i have to "visualize" doing this so it will work. I am the worlds worse when it comes to freeking out about every little thing, and this seems to help me. ((((((((HUGS))))))))
PILL

[ClaudiaKishi]

If your suffering and have cancer, why not use them? You need them..Why are you making yourself suffer? Who cares if you tend to misuse them, you have cancer!

[FLaddict]

I had cervical cancer when i was 20 I know how scary this can be.. you sound very strong though. I had similiar, tons of paps, biopsys that hurt really bad, and then finally surgery.. its been 7 years and its hasnt come back.. for awhile i got checked every 3 months now i am back on my regular yearly exams.  It has made me start to spread the word about the Gardasil vaccine.. telling my clients that its another way to protect their daughters. and urging my friends to get it who are still young enough its a big deal to me so they all do it..
Good luck to you.. you will be in my thoughts.

[dfr3]

Hey Y'all,

sorry have not posted just been totally depressed.  I did not have a hysterectomy, but I think that is the next step!

I am not to upset about that since my husband and I have three beautiful children.  we were actually done at two but our little one snuck in.  my husband had talked about getting a V, and I think my little boy heard.  He is one now and just a GOD sent.

I have just been having horrible nightmares Like I going to leave my children motherless.  My kids do not know.  but we decided to tell them that I was getting Fixed, if I have to get the hysterectomy.

which my oldest daughter will be happy. she loves her little brother but she does not want any more brothers or sisters.

just staying on the 4 pills a day right now.  but even they do nothing for my mood.  the depression is something I think my body needs to work out.  I am just going thru the motions of running my household.  but inside I am just NOT in a good space.  SORRY to be a downer.

thank god for you people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for all those fighting the good fight GOD BLESS never give up!!!!

[bettie1976]

my boss had a masectomy at 41 and still it traveled to her liver and a year later she was gone. my grandma died of lung cancer. I can definitely sympathize with you and Im so sorry to hear this! I thot last time you posted you said there was no cancer? Did they mess up? Im soooo sorry hun...Crossing my fingers and toes for you and saying a prayer right now.
get better....we need you. :(

[bettie1976]

i had a complete hysterectomy in march. maybe you can do that too before it spreads? And do it fast! It really was pretty painless, they went in thru the vagina and took it all out from there. a few cuts on my tummy and thats all. I was on less pain meds after my surgery than when i was before it. It was amazing! By the way, if you go the vaginal route (which Id recommend to anyone having one) I was up and walking 4 hours after the surgery. It wasnt bad at all. good luck to you. I hope you get all that c r a p outta you before it spreads!

xoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxooxooxoxoxo!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bettie1976]

oh and make sure they take the cervix out too so you dont wind up with cervical cancer

[dfr3]

WOW, i did not know hysterectomy surgury had gotton so advanced!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, the dr. did say I was cancer free.  than they kept doing papsmear tests, one just came back abnormal, no big deal that happens alot, but the test said it was cancer.  Since i do not have any insurance i did not have a hysterectomy.  but i should have, now it seems that will be the next step!  credit cards here i come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanx for posting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[bettie1976]

is there anyway to get state insurance? Mine paid for my hysterectomy completely. and yes, no longer do they have to cut a big hole in your belly. Its done laprosproscopicly thru the tummy ( two teeny cuts) and then they take everything out the vagina. Mine found endo on the uterine wall and other places and my ovarian cysts were causing me pain so if I can get one for that then you can surely get one for cancer!!! good luck and do it fast before it spreads! xoxoxoxoxox

[dfr3]

no, I am one of those people who are paper wealthy.  I have alot of assets[property] but no income at the moment.
we have one of our properties up for sale but no offers. I have my house on the market, its been 8 months and not one offer.  it is under priced and we offered to hold the mortgage.  the market just stinks right now.
we also have our house in NJ , but the guy renting it is soooo nice we want to sell to him.
He however is not legal so he is trying to get money to put down and we would hold the mortgage for him too!  we are actually losing money on that house every month. but I won't let my husband kick them out because he just had a baby and has two other children.  he is a hard working kid and works for a lumber co. witch is really slow now.  but we have known them for years. my husband is a builder and he bought lumber from the co. for years.  He is just trying to make a better life for his family.

so. it will all work out.  even if I have to put my surgury on a credit card, when things pick up i could pay it off.

thanx for caring

GOD BLESS