cant stop

[killmypain]

I dated a doctor for a year or so. He prescribed narcotics for endometriosis pain and left me several prescription pads so that I could write my own prescriptions whenever I wanted. He had me on percoset, adderall, and whatever else I wanted. When he started being inappropriate with my teenaged daughter, I said goodbye. I had no idea just how far he'd taken things with her, I just had a bad feeling and said goodbye. I wrote my own prescriptions for a couple of years after that but eventually ran out of paper. I have detoxed 3 times and it seems to get worse every time. I've been buying my pills illegally for the past few years and I can't afford it any more. I'm broke. I can't hide my problem anymore, I have to stop. I HAVE TO! I am currently taking about 50 milligrams per day of percocet. My family is suspicious but don't have any idea the extent of my problem. I have made my final purchase and have a few perc. 10s to help me wean off but I need help. I can't turn to anyone who knows me. Is there anyone out there with words of wisdom to help me through the next week or so? I want to crush up all these pills and stick them up my nose. I want to crawl in a hole and die. I want to sleep through my detox but I cant. I am a single mother. I work full time and go to school full time. I have to function every day. I've been using these pills for so long now, I don't know how to make it without them. Can you help me?

[bbyblue]

if you cant take time off work...im sorry to say it but it will be impossible to wd...and someone will have to care for the kids. its tough im not gonna lie. prob the hardest thing you will do.but if you can get through a week you will feel much better...but w/ health problems you need to talk to your doctor. Lastly, you NEED NEED NEED a support system. otherwise you will just talk yourself into using when the detox gets too rough. i know how it feels iv'e been trying to stop Heroin for 5yrs. and today when i make it will be 3 days.

[quinn1970]

You are definately right about the acetaminophen, It totally destroys your liver and drinking alcohol with the percs isn't doing double the damage its more like 4 times the damage.  I have been using the same way and I too worry about the damage ive done.  I sent you a message to your inbox, you can reply if you like, if not take the best of care and I wish you the best of luck and I know you can do this, heck you've already done it before right? God bless.

[dominosarah]

If you dont have time to be sick, make the time to be well~~

You dont have to live like this anymore.  Surround yourself with sober healthy people, get involved with some sort of aftercare.  The mental part is the hardest part and that needs to be addressed.  Try and stay positive thru this.  You can take back control of your life where you will no longer be a prisoner to the meds.  I am really glad you found this site and dont feel alone anymore.  I remember coming here and feeling the same way over 3 yrs ago......Keep posting~~sara

[killmypain]

Dear Quinn

I have actually made it up to 6 months before (once). The worst for me is the first week. Later, I feel like I can take 1 or 2 pills and stop again but I never stop again. I always get worse. I started using again in January and am now worse than I have ever been. I have gone 24 hours twice in the past 2 weeks and it was awful. I have to tell my family and friends that I am sick. I make up stories about "female problems" but that's not going to work again.... I don't want to lie to people but I have to do it one more time. This has to be my last time. I'm seriously afraid of what I'm doing to my body.... my liver, my kidneys...... Percocet is often mixed with acetaminophen and I know that that stuff is really bad for you in high doses. Not to mention I also drink alcohol.

Congrads on making it 8 days! I hope I can do it too!

[killmypain]

I think this website is wonderful.

Less than an hour ago I was alone in the world. This battle that I am about to fight, I have fought before and lost. Although I am still unsure of HOW I will make it through the painful withdrawals, I know now that I will not be alone.

Thank you, total strangers with your kind words of support. Thank you for allowing me into your private lives, to see that I am not the first person to visit this hell and survive. I am ready to do this now.

[new2thisAZ]

Definitely check the boards and search for "percocet" or "vicodin" withdrawal. You'll find all sorts of personal experiences and advice.

I was able to work during my w/d (although not well). I was taking up to 60 mg of Percocet and 50-60 mg of Vicodin a day. I tried cold turkey and failed. A lot. A very rapid taper worked better for me. It was still VERY tough and lasted longer than cold turkey would... and I still had to eventually deal with the last day I took any pills... but that method worked better for me.

All the advice is GREAT. Pick and choose to find what works for you. Most important for me was to stay hydrated when I didn't feel like drinking, stay moving when I was exhausted, to go to work when I thought I couldn't. The hardest part for me was to keep the irritability under wraps and to try to control the restlessness. The OTC homeopathic Hyland's Restful Legs seems to have helped a lot of people. The other tough thing was to manage the anxiety that would come when I REALLY wanted to use. I found half a Benadryl could help a little with that - I didn't have a prescription for any anti-anxiety medications.

And most of all, to KNOW that you CAN get through this.

[quinn1970]

I can only speak for myself.  I was never able to wean off my pills because as an addict I had no control. Maybe weaning off would be better for you because of your work situation because wd's can be brutal (at least for me they always are).  I dont know how people can work through a detox and I admire the ones that do.  If you do decide to taper though I think you should have someone hold onto to your supply and only give you what you need when you need it.  I never had that luxury. Even when weening yourself off you are still going to experience wd's when your finally done.  I cant comment on how bad they'll be because I've never done but maybe someone can come along and give you some advice on that.  You mentioned you detoxed 3 times, how far along did you get before relapse?  What was the worst part of it for you?  

[gnarly_1]

HI Welcome to the forum sounds like you had enough in more ways then one so it time to set yourself free of this madness a couple of pills is not enough to taper on so you will be just jumping C/T this is not necessarily a bad thing it gets it over with in about a week usually 4 days of hell then you turn the corner.....many of our members have had to work threw withdrawals ....on one hand I tihk it helps it gets yourd mind off how lousy you feel
keep in mind this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental ....be ready to fight on both fronts
look to the lower right of this page look up the health pages and the thomas recipe get the stuff it suggests it will lighting the blow of your withdrawals also pick up a case of gatoraid
you will need to force the fluids will detoxing get use to the saying ...'''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile''...the symptoms are only temporary.....you might want to rent some movies the nights of no sleep are the hardest to deal with but again only temporary a hot soak will give you some releaf form most of the other symptoms this will get you started keep in mind this is a battle one or lost in ones own mind go into this with a positive attitude it makes the difference between suffering or discomfort we have more keep posting and reading the posts your will get threw this the next week will set you free good luck and God bless......Gnarly      

[justneedtotalk]

You are definitely in the right place.....I was in the exact same situation as you are in now.  I thought that I could not tell my wife or anyone that I had a problem with pain pills.  I tried hundreds of times to quit.  I would detox for a few days or a few weeks but ALWAYS turned back to pills....Mostly, because I could not explain away my withdrawal symptoms and I was weak.  Many on this site will tell you that secrets keep you sick.  This statement is very true.  It took me many years to realize that this disease is bigger than we can handle on our own.  I finally broke down and told my loved ones....It was probably one of the most difficult things I have had to do but after their initial shock they were extremely supportive.  

If you look up at the upper right hand corner of this page you will see a Health Pages icon....navigate there and find the Amino Therapy Protocol article....This has many vitamins and suppliments I used this last time and they REALLY work.  Exercise and good diet is also important throughout this process.  I finally got to the point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I was tired of planning family trips, outtings, and vacations around pill supply.  I was tired of spending hundreds of dollars and driving across town and risking exposure to buy pills.  I was tired of lying to my wife, I was tired of going through detox over and over.  One day almost four months ago I read a post on this site about how wonderful life was on the other side of addiction....I gobbled down the rest of my pills and once again dove into cold turkey from a 120-180 mg hydro habit.  I cannot even tell you how my life has improved.....I laugh, I cry, I finally enjoy life again without having to gobble down 100 dollars worth of pills.  I no longer count and plan....I actually laugh.....truly laugh.  I am no longer in that fog all day.  You can do this, you just have to really want it.....Good luck and God bless!

[killmypain]

Thank you for your words of wisdom.... I'm so afraid. I don't know how to live without these pills. They have become like a best friend over the past several years. The physical pain of the withdrawl is almost too much to bear and coupled with the emotional toll.... I wish there was some way to sleep through it. I work as a waitress and the last time I detoxed I almost got fired! It's important for me to at least be able to pretend to be happy. I can come up with a million reasons why I need to keep taking these pills..... but I really don't want to. I want to quit. I need to quit. How is it possible that this is so freaking hard? Just stop taking them...... I understand that we aren't supposed to give specifics on the weaning process but is it a bad idea to wean? How much worse is it to go cold turkey? How much easier is it on your body to wean? Is it really less painful? If you do wean, how long should you wean? a few days? Should you only take it to help you sleep at night and suffer through the days? AHHHHHH! I'm so confused!

[1spartan]

There are alot of different ideas on detox found here and all of them (just about) have merit. The hardest and easiest thing in the world to do is quit.  First though,  if your endometriosis pain is bad enough, you may not want to detox and go thru constant pain. If you're ready to quit however,  get ready for a few rough days followed by a few more below avg. days then into the get better days.  No matter how tired you are, stay busy.  There is nothing worse than not being able to go to sleep and torturing yourself by trying. Make sure you take immodium ad... it will keep you from having an upset stomach and may help with w/d's.  Drink non caffeine drinks and stay away from any stimulants (like sugar, ect.)  Hot baths and a pool if you have axcess to one will help.  Most important, stay mentally tough... if you can do that, you have it whipped.