celebrating 30 days today!

[YesLife4Me]

Never in a million years when I was in active addiction would I have ever believed this was even possible!   I tried to quit hundreds of times and couldn't make it past 2 or 3 days at most.    Then I started believing that there had to be a way out of the grips of this unmanageable life.   I kept on fighting.  Sometimes I made a week, two weeks, or even three, but didn't completely surrender to the fact that I could not manage my useage.   Those darn pills would call out to me like a roaring lion!!    What I did learn was that you learn something about recovery every time you relapse... it becomes harder each time, each withdraw is different, some harder, some not, but most of all the toll it takes on ones mind and spirit is the hardest.   We all are human and we suffer from a cunning and baffling disease.  The only way out is to stop putting the poison in us, go through detox and not use again.  The mental ups and downs are challenging, but the more you push on, the easier it gets.   I was so envious of others who could make 30 days.   Couldn't figure out how they did it.   Then surrendered to the fact that I had to accept the process.   I made a list of reasons to not use, the consequences if I went back, started meetings more regularly, made myself accountable to others and cut my sources!!    

The first 10 days are the hardest until you come out of the fog and fatigue.  Each day after gets clearer, I promise!  I quit waking up thinking about using first thing.   Then life starts to take on a new normal routine.  The cravings still come and go.   Days 16 and 23 were the worst of those for me.   I now pray for God to enter my mind before I wake up and get into my own head first.   Life still keeps coming with its good days and bad days, but knowing I am present in the moment and have tools to help me keep moving forward keeps me focused.   I laugh so much more and find enjoyment in little moments for that is all life is, but a bunch of moments creating memories. I want a string of memories in minutes, hours or days that aren't centered around using instead.  It is so freeing to not be focused on that anymore!  I meditate and ask for guidance and direction and to be put where I need to be at the moment.    

Thank you to every one of my MH friends that have picked me up, encouraged me along the way, gave great advice and kicked my rear when I needed it!     To those just getting started, hang in there, even when it feels like you will never get through it.    I promise as others did before me that there is life after pills and the effort you put into it is well rewarded!    

[YesLife4Me]

Thank you everyone.  This has been a journey I tell ya! LOL!  Stories like this kept me believing that is has to get better or nobody else would be doing it.  Hope, trust and faith has carried me through, along with all of you.   Even the newer ones.  You remind we of where I been and I am happy to be an inspiration to you as well!    I am going to carry my chip with me daily to keep myself in check and treasure my hard work.   :)   My thoughts are clearer, I don't put things off like I used to, answer my phone, enjoy talking to others more, feel more like myself and find little things in each day to appreciate and yeah, even laugh at silly stuff too!    

[Bubulous]

Yeah in my case it didn't get much easier.  My PTSD and cycles of bipolar started spinning me around.  My OCD also kicked back in, it only does when I get clean.  It hasn't gotten too much easier yet but I am holding on to hope and I fight the addiction everyday along with my mental problems.  It gives me a lot of hope to hear that life has gotten easier for a lot of people.  Someday I believe it will for me.  NoLife4Me I did love that post and it was very uplifting.  Anyway, thanks everyone for the remarks, it really helped me yesterday.  I was a little manic but I didn't let it get out of control.  I have 147 days today so today it could get easier maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day but I believe that it will now.

Thanks,

Larry

[dominosarah]

Congrats on your clean time!!  You are doing great.  Always keep that Guard Up!!

[hayls0324]

Thank you do much for posting your story. It's very inspirational, I'm on day 8 and almost at my end, things like this keep me going! You should be proud!

[freebird227]

There is nothing more refreshing than the Newcomers zeal for Recovery. Thats why it works... One addict helping another...One day at a time.. Happy Happy Joy Joy... Now, guard you cleantime as if your life depends on it.....because it does sweetheart. Awesomeness ~

[Teresa1717]

Hold that 30 day chip tightly and keep it close to you!! I keep my 60 day chip in my wallet and pull it out probably once a day! (never went for my 30 day chip) And in 9 days Im going to get my 90 day chip and I may just make a necklace oiut of it! hahaha Kidding :)

[atthebeach]

such a beautful post. congrats on your 30 days. you are doing so awesome. i am so happy for you and so very proud of you. you put your hand to the plow and kept pushing forward.
keep on keepin on... many more blessings are to come.
debbie

[annonnus22]

I havr been reading all of your comment on my post and all of your post. U are such an inspiration to me..u was once where I am now on day 8 thinking the same as me..(that you couldn't make it)..u give me hope and your advise has helped me a lot..congrats on day 30 I'm not to far behind..and I'm GOING TO MAKE IT!!!.stay strong and plz keep posting and encourging me and others as well that there is hope and that it does and WILL. get BETTER!!!

[ImDONENoMore]

Great point, notordinary.  I always put off stuff whenever I could when I was using.  But not anymore.  You decide to do something and it's true, you just do it and you don't overthink it.  Great point.

[notordinary]

Look at her. Wow a month ago you probably couldn't keep anything straight.
Lol
Now she is writing books. You can see how far she has come. I'm very proud of you and happy for you. Life is wonderful now. Just a few behind you girl.
And i am like you full of life and feeling GREAT.
I'm laughing, at stupid stuff. But as we get clean it is the little things right.
Like going to the store and not rationalizing it
Should i go? No I'll go tomorrow. Well tomorrow never came for me. Now i just do it.
Great job, you truly are a inspiration to everyone here. Stay strong.

[ImDONENoMore]

Congratulations from me too!!

[Pat1956100]

Congrats on 30 days.  You have been such a positive influence here and I am so glad you have stuck around to help everyone.

[YesLife4Me]

Picked up my 30 day chip!   Wow is that such a good feeling!!  

[clean_in_ks]

30 DAYS IS FABULOUS!!!  So much growth in you......it's really great to read your posts.  You are helping others as you grow.......
You have shared that things you resisted in the past...you are no longer resisting but embracing!!  Good on  ya!
And also sharing how important cutting off all possible access to your sources, not keeping secrets cause you realize they keep you sick and the HUGE rewards and encouragement that are to be found surrounding yourself with others in recovery!
In reading NA's big book text I'm rediscovering and learning SO many gems and tools.  We may not be able to cure our disease....but we can RECOVER......and it looks so good on you!  
I will be clapping really loud from Ks as you get your 30 day chip today!!!

[toothfairie]

congrats on 30 days!  so proud for you!!!  that's awesome!!  and i love the line in your post "I want a string of memories in mins, hours, or days that aren't centered around using"  Great post!!  keep up the good work!  

[ang_811]

Great post. Congrats on 30 days clean.

Wake up every morning and tell urself ur stronger than yesterday.

[YesLife4Me]

It's easier to deal with cravings when we share our secrets with someone else.  We have an outlet we didn't have before.  We can now reach out for help.  And when we know we are accountable to others, it makes the desire not to use much stronger than the cravings.   :)    

I know I'm not cured.  I know I still have to be on guard and keep on using the tools I have been provided to stay the course.  The devil is always knocking at the door and I'm sure I will be tested.   But for now, I will enjoy my place on the pink cloud.  

[jonmom2012]

I am so happy for you!!  What a great personal accomplishment and a tone to set for the New Year.  I am sure that dealing with the cravings is less tormenting than the burden of the secrets, guilt, running out of pills, wondering how or when to quit.  30 days is a place full of hope and excitment about the future - soak in the feelings - you earned them!

[Fireby29]

Congrats on 30 days!  It's a big accomplishment.

You did the hard work, you told your secret, cut all sources of pills and got aftercare.  These are not easy things to do, but they are critical to staying clean.

Bryan

[YesLife4Me]

Thank you again for the kind words.   I don't feel like a beacon or inspiration... just trying to share my experiences and hope that someone else grabs onto what has been shared with me so they too can escape.    

And yes, time does start to move quicker.   Hours and sometimes days pass without thinking about pills nowadays.   In the early stages it's hard not to think about how it will give you an escape, but I promise, it just makes things worse.   Life does get easier... not always better, but easier because my mind is not in a fog from pills, in withdraw, focusing on when I can take more, how I feel, how to get more, worrying about money, and carrying this great burden of shame/guilt.    I do get minor wd symptoms from time to time such as sneezing, chilled, yawning spells, and achiness.   But they come farther and farther apart.  And you know what?  When those happen it reminds of the fire I went through with the jaws of life chasing after me!!    I think Oh No it is starting again!!   Then when it passes in a few minutes, I recall how awful it was and that I never, ever want to go through that again.  

[YesLife4Me]

Hang on sweetie!!   You are at the peak of your withdraws.   Tomorrow will start to get better.   If you take ANYTHING, you will restart the process!!   I know..tried all kinds of ways through this hell.   Tried going around it, under it, over it, sneaking through it, tip toed around it, jumped up and down, walked the tightrope, white knuckled it...you name it!!     Surrendering the process and being ok with not being ok for a few days is soooo worth it!!    Remember one is not enough and neither is 1000.   PM me anytime you need support.  

[Andie015]

Larry...it does get easier. Think of all the time you spent getting pills, thinking about pills,budgeting your pills for a maximum high each time you take a "round", the money you spent on pills, where are your next pills coming from, when can you get your refill, if I told the pharmacy I'm going out of town can I get them a day early, think of all of the plotting and dishonesty to everyone. Now imagine your life with NONE of this terrible sh&t clogging your brain and stealing your time. Trust me..when you finally get clean LIFE DOES GET EASIER AND BETTER

[Bubulous]

It's been a while,
I am glad you stayed strong.  I loved your post.  Something I realized  about a month ago was that they say life gets better everyday that you win the battle.  But something I never heard was that it gets easier.  I have been trying to make up for the last six years of "escaping".  I feel like I am just out of high school most days.

Congratulations!!!!
Larry

[Andie015]

My story is very similar to yours. And getting through those first couple of weeks feels like a couple of months. When I finally got to 30 days it started to move quicker...then it was 40..50...then 60. Every ten days goes by quicker and quicker. I am still getting some physical wd symptoms...shakiness and not sleeping well. So everyone out there just starting and asking how long wd lasts...I'm at day 62. They are obviously not anywhere near day 1-10 but they are still around. Congratulations to you!!!  It's a huge accomplishment and a huge milestone!!!  Now watch the time fly....!!!!!