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186166 tn?1385259382

christian relapsed

i have been here for 11 months now...not many of you were here when i first came.

i guess the purpose of this post is just to vent.  there is nothing that any of you can do to help him...hell, he cant help himself.

my son christian is a crystal meth addict.  he was diagnosed with HIV last march and married in june.  neither of these two things are enough...nothing is ever enough.

i am physically sick as i am writing this...his addiction and lack of wanting to help himself...makes me puke...literally.  this has been going on for 10 years now.  

during his first visit to UAB...seeing his HIV specialist...he was told that he could NOT do meth and expect to do well.  it will actually lower his cd4 count and could change his status from HIV to AIDS.  was that enough?  hell no.   his g/f married him...knowing that he cheated and acquired HIV.  doesn't he know how lucky he is?  is she enough to make him want to quit?  apparently not.

i'm sick and frucking tired of hearing his promises...his lies.  i am sooooooo sick of him that i truly hope that he looses everything.  going back to prison would be a huge relief off my heart.   dont tell me you want to quit...show me!  if someone wants to stop doing drugs...they frucking do something about it.  they just dont talk about it.  I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I HATE WHAT HE IS DOING TO HIMSELF...HIS WIFE...AND HIS FAMILY.  he is the most selfish person that i have ever met.  how can you have a wife at home and stay out all night doing meth?  and God know "who"??????  he is a disgusting piece of shiat.
39 Responses
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Avatar universal
what is it that oxy has done that he deserves to be kicked off a site that is full of fellow addicts who are here to help guide and support eachother
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
we all love you and are here for you..

and i know i don't even need to address it, but oxy-moron will get banned soon enough. so until that day, i hope (and i know you will..) just skip over his stuff..

if there is ANYTHING you need, please just say so.  my heart breaks for you...  and please, please vent anytime... even if it's 15x a day.

we are here for you... and love you.
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Avatar universal
could not agree more
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Avatar universal
whatever.....no drama wanted or needed here.......nuff said.....it's all good...i just felt like she needed to be defended right now,b/c of what she's going through and has been through.....it's all good....no harm done....cindy
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Avatar universal
whatever.....no drama wanted or needed here.......nuff said.....it's all good...i just felt like she needed to be defended right now,b/c of what she's going through and has been through.....it's all good....no harm done....cindy
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Avatar universal
i was reading through her posts and saw that she was angry and some off ilt was directed at another member who was going through a detox thats it chick
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Avatar universal
i dont thibk lizzie is or has ever tried to attack anyone here. she has always been a caring and compassionate person  who is always willing to try to help......cindy
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Avatar universal
aww sweetie, you have been thru so much. as a parent i often wonder just how much it would take to "break" us . i don't think it can be done. a mohters love endures all, pain, hurt, anguish, happiness, the whole gamut. but dear, you seem to have always dont the right thing. just follow your heart, as we all do with our children and it always seems to be the right thing to do. it will all work out, you have to let it go....you can't fix him, as you well know. you just have to take care of yourself right now, and protect you. i know the pain you are experiencing, i have 2 daughters and one of them gave me pure hell for awhile with drugs....scared the hell outta me. but i always think that kids always come back to their upbringing, it is just a mattter of when he hits "his" bottom and has had enough. and this is something that only he will know when the time is right and can only do on his own, no matter how much we as mothers want to do it for them, we can't. all i can do is pray that your pain, suffering, and anguish will be comforted from somewhere deep within. my heart breaks for you, hun.  and i will continue to pray for you and your family, with much love.....cindy  
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Avatar universal
not been myelf i know exactly how you feel the frustration the anger and the sadness off been let down again and again i went in search off a site that offered help on our side so we can try get a better understanding off what the **** goes through an addicts head and why they cause so much damage there is a brillant site called crackreality.com and its just for the family and friends off addicts and believe me all our stories are the same i understand your anger but there is no point been here and attacking a person TRYING to get clean anyway have a look at the site ive mentioned and remember what christian means connected with christ god bless and goodluck sadly christian needs to walk alone.  i also have a son with the same name
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Avatar universal
Ok, wow how time flies.  I guess it has been 11 months.  I was here your first day and what a day it was.  Thank goodness you gave up the capital letters!!  Hang in there, and I will pray for you and Christian.  You know, my ex freaked out when he saw I was going to the HIV forum.  I was trying to follow your sons progress without asking about it here.  God bless.
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Avatar universal
i just want you to know i have read several of your posts you have encouraged me greatly i am so sorry you are going through this with your son. You are a strong women and you will make it through this dont ever give up. If you ever need someone to tak with i am here take care and keep it up. Sometomes its good to let all your anger and feelings out. we are here whenever you need to vent....kris...msinsane
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Avatar universal
I was here the very first day you posted.  I have been here the whole 10 months with you, fighting my battles along side you.  My heart breaks.  It took me losing everything, my home, my husband, everything, for me to give up vicodin.  Be strong, he will come around.
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
aawwhh sweetie...I MISS YOU SO MUCH! ! ! !

thank you for the comforting words...i have sooooo many ppl here to thank for helping ME last night.  hubby was out of town and i was here alone...it meant alot to me to have ppl reaching out to me.

woman...dont do it...lolol...not worth the trouble!!!!  

thanks marce

big hugs sent to you,
kim
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Kim. I just read this post and I am so sorry and really sad for the hurt and anger you must be feeling!  I wish I could give you brilliant advice or comforting words but I can imagine how painful it is to watch your child throw his or her life away!  My son is 16 now and I've caught him with pot/drinking and cigarettes....if that is the worst I will be truly lucky but somehow, I have a bad feeling this may just be the tip of the iceberg!  

Kim, you have been a strong influence on your boys and on me since I've known you here!  I am so sorry, (speaking as an addict), that we ALL have hurt and broken the trust of those we love!  You do NOT deserve this so please vent away!

(BTW....I am so tempted to say something to that OXY person, sounds a little passive aggressive to me...like someone else I remember!)

My thoughts and prayers are with you Kim....please stay strong as you always have been!
Peace
Marcie
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Avatar universal
I am so sorry Lizzie....take care of yourself hun.

xxoo
{{hugs}}
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388261 tn?1215399844
Wow. As a mother myself, I certainly understand your pain and anger. I have an 11 year old son, and sometimes, I turn around my addiction and think, what if HE were doing this? And it scares me.

You love and love a child so much, that it actually physically causes you pain when they are sitting there hurting themselves.

You know Lizzie, I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation. I mean, I think me being an addict, I will be able to spot the signs of drug use very early. But, what the hell do you do? Sit back and watch them continue to kill themselves?

That is exactly how my Mother and Father feel about me right now. I am on a good program, tapering off, and finally getting the much needed support from family. But I think what's happening to you, has to be one the the hardest things to go through as a Mother.

Vent all you want. You have every right to be angry. It's that damned thing called a Mother's love getting in the way.  : )

I hope your son get his head out of his arse cleans up. But sometimes, you have to let them go in order to live yourself.

At least that is what my parents did with me. But, I got lucky, I had a son, and was on again off again clean and sober. I just do not know what I would ever do if I had to contend with my son doing drugs. Well, besides kick his a$$. : )

Anyways, I wish you all the best. Right now, you need to take care of your pain. If he doesn't care about himself, then how can he care about his actions towards others? You will always love him, but right now, you just don't like him. (What my Mother used to tell me)

Peace  : )

Helpful - 0
387782 tn?1205120241
I know I havent been here very long, but please everyone...we are all here to support eachother and keep eachother on the right track. Let's try to remember that. Im sorry Lizzi Lou for what you're going through, you have been extremely helpful to me, everyone here has...i dont want to see any of you upset since you are all helping me so much. We are all good people going through a lot right now and we all just need to stick together as much as possible. Good luck everyone, you will all be in my thoughts tonight as I try to get to sleep. I have so much on my mind, wish me luck.
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Avatar universal
I'm sorry you're having to endure this heartache. Meth is an especially nasty drug due to all the toxic ingredients that go into making it. It will destroy a person in good health, much more someone who's system is already compromised. If your son doesn't care about his own health and what it's doing to him he should at least have the common courtesy to consider what it's doing to you, his Mother. My best wishes to you and him both.

As far as oxysponge and his life partner are concerned, just try to ignore them and hopefully Medhelp staff will take the appropriate measures to put and end to their lovefest and childish behavior, for the good of us all.
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Avatar universal
Again, back to the top.

Good Night................Sam
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Avatar universal
Naw man, All I want is to support and help being supported through my detox and addiction issues.. I am bigger than this.. I will admit that the comments she made has upset me, but NO MORE!  I am commited to get clean, and obviously he son isnt and she takes that out onto me!

GOD BLESS EVERYONE TRYING TO GET CLEAN
Helpful - 0
218451 tn?1274994552
Pillow Fight,

In this corner, weighing in at probably 150 lbs Lizzy Lou!!!
In this corner weighing god knows what? Oxyaddict420!!!!

I want a clean fight! Fighters ready? DING! DING!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I just think this should stay at the top for awhile. WAKE some people up, ya know?
Helpful - 0
186166 tn?1385259382
thank you sam.  dont worry about it...i am used to hearing "the addict" doing the talking.

i will look for the post.

kim (lizzie lou is my chihuahua that is in the picture with me)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I just wanted to say once again how sorry I am for you, and certain people shouldn't come on certain posts, especially as emotional as this one is, just to say ha, ha in your face. How rude!

Again hang in there. Pray, and have Faith.
I had a post with a very hopeful, inspirating, blah, blah, blah message I found in a book of mine, I am going to put it at the top again, and I would really like you (Lizzie or is it Kim?) anyways I think you would like it.

          Sam
Helpful - 0
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