cocaine addiction

[Loulou268]

Hi, im new to this forum, my ex fiance is addicted to cocaine/alcohol, he stopped just before xmas after a year of using it heavily every day. Before he was addicted he used it for about 4 yrs when he went clubbing. He has tried contacting me but i reject his calls because i dont want to go through the trauma of his addiction again. I would love to be back with him but i am unsure if he really has quit. My question is what chance does he have of relapsing when he has done this with just help from his family who have no idea how bad he was & has no knowledge of addiction. I got him a therapist but he just tells him he,s doing fine even if he isnt, he only speaks to him by telephone (thats if he still has contact with him) he has no meetings or steps or sponsor, im very doubtful of his recovery. I would also like to ask if it is normal for him to have no emotion & feeling flat so to speak after around 10 weeks of abstinance?  

[10356]

We all run the risk of relapsing but I can tell you with aftercare it helps not too.. I have tried to quit drugs with no therapy over and over again.. traded addictions more then once.. It was not till I was forced to seek therapy that I for myself wanting to be clean.. You know your ex you know his pattern.. Yes you can sound flat after 2 months clean but when getting clean for yourself.. there is usually a lot of joy also as the freeing of the mind and body is a high within themselves..  I know when I stopped on occasion and was not happy with it.. that is how I would sound.. just my opinion.. others will be along I'm sure.. I wish you well.. lesa

[sway1]

that flat feeling is normal when your heart isn't in it. i agree with lesa. he has to want this for himself, get it for himself, learn to live that way for a while. only then would i risk myself emotionally if i were you. keep posting. lesa is brilliant! find gizzy32 as his problem was mostly cocaine. there's alot of knowledge on here and support as well. take good care.   sway

[gizzy32]

I don't blame you for not wanting to got through this again. I would suggest if you are planning on getting together again that he needs to build trust again. Ask him if he is willing to see a counsellor, got to N/A meetings or come on here for at least a start. I used cocaine for 5 years and since you put he is addicted to cocaine/alcohol, if he is still drinking the chances of him staying clean from coke is slim to none and without support it will be next to impossible. The relapse rate for cocaine is extremely high and alcohol contributed to many relapses of mine. It sets something off that cocaine cravings become so intense I could not beat them.

As far as your question is is VERY normal after 10 weeks clean to feel like this. It took me quite some time to recovery even though I started to feel so much better after a month clean. After stopping coke activities clean don't seem fun, it sets off cravings, which leads to more relapses. Cocaine gives a huge dopamine bump in the brain giving that energy and euphoria, after a heavy user stops there is significant loss of this chemical in the brain and that's why there is a lot of depression and no motivation at first. He can heal, but it takes time and learing tools on how to STAY clean. It took me months to get back to feeling good. I hope he sticks to this.

[Loulou268]

Thankyou for your replies. He desperately wanted to stop but i think he wants to go back to using only when he is out drinking, i dont think that is possible. I think his problem might be he is only half heartedly wanting to stop.

[stilltrying1965]

i have used coke before but not my choice of drug  but you will recive a lot of help here and sway is right Gizzy is the person you want to speek to he will be along soon just hang in there his advise is invaluble he knows all there is to know about coke and yes it is normal to feel flat after being off for 10 weeks but should feel good aswell like lesa said i would be if i had stopped using coke for that long i know i have more better days than bad ones and iv only been clean of heroin for 34 days so his progress is very good good luck

[Loulou268]

Thankyou, i was hoping you would reply to my post as sway said in her reply that you had a cocaine addiction so you would be best anwering my question. It is just so confusing i suppose because i expected him to stop & be normal straight away. He has no remorse for the destruction he caused me but i guess it will all take time. Thanyou again, it helps a great deal to be able to speak to people who know what im talking about.

[gizzy32]

I wanted to quit cocaine so bad, I mean I really tried. That is not a good sign that he has no remorse, addiction feeds off denial. 10 weeks clean is good though, I have heard statistically if an addict makes it 3 months clean our chances double at staying that way. For me I could not have done this without some help and support. Keep us updated ok:) Until you experience a real cocaine craving it's impossible to even understand what happens cause it's not even a craving, it's so bigger, for me cravings are easy to beat, but not coke mode.

[10356]

I would seriously reconsider getting back together if he has no remorse for what you had gone through.. this was my first emotion after getting clean.. remorse for hurting the ones I love.....

[Loulou268]

I say 10 weeks clean but i havent seen him or spoke to him, just had a few phone calls but i didnt answer, It is his family who say he doesnt use anymore but they had no idea he used drugs till we split up & i told them because he asked me to. Im starting to think maybe he has relapsed, they wouldnt know. maybe that is why he still has no remorse, i txt him a week ago & his txt back was cold & blaming me even though i know it wasnt me. I know its not my problem & i do try to detach & get on with my life but i still care about his wellbeing. It is just so out of character all this behaviour.

[ScotJoanOfArk]

I agree with gizzy & lesa the first emotion we felt was guilt anger at ourselves for putting ourselves & family through  the pain of our heroin addiction i felt & still feel remorsful for the pain &suffering we put our familys through..........................

[10356]

From everything you are relaying it really does not sound like he is in recovery.. I'm very glad to read you are watching out for yourself.. drug addiction is a life long battle.. your heart really has to be in it for it to be successful... I'm sorry you are hurting and of course you care about his well being.. but he has to care as much as you...

[gizzy32]

I am heading out for the day, but you can send me a message anytime. I just wanted to comment on your last sentence about being out of character.  I had a lot going for me even though I still partied and did some drugs, but when I found cocaine it completely changed my thought process during my use. It rewires the brain and does serious damage to the nervous system. I created a couple health pgs here about cocaine that might help. If your guessing he relapsed, your probably right. Cocaine kills.

I want to tell this story before I leave. 2 weeks ago I met a girl on here and her brother overdosed on cocaine and died. It touched a nerve for me, she called me and asked me to call her mother, also this young man that died mother. It was very upsetting and I know she would do anything to have him back. What I am saying is if you suspect he is back doing coke, even though he is not ready to quit, sometimes there are drastic measures. This is a life we are talking about and I overdosed and almost lost my life to this drug so it's a sensitive issue for me. Have you thought about an intervention to get him some help? I will get back to you, I have to get going.

[Loulou268]

That is so scary. Im going to speak to his sister, he wont let me help, iv tried. he just tells me he,s doing great when i know he isnt. i got him a therapist & spoke to drug services & clued myself up on addiction as much as i could but then he left so i passed care onto his family, i explained how bad his addiction was spending around £500 (around $900 if you,re american) a week but i think they thought i was making a big deal out of it so they cut me off completely, my friend tells me his family think everything is ok with him but il try & let them know again, he wont admit to me because he wants me to think he is clean. thanks to all for your help.

[jt808]

anythngs possible and i can only say from personal experience that i used it for about 4/5 yrs as well pretty heavy and i quit on my own it wasnt easy but when i wanted to be done with it i was able to do it with no help it didnt happan over nite i relapsed a few times but it was def possible for me and i did it i do not kno his situation or any tht stf but only u can prob tell if he has changed. good luck and hopefully he is done and done for good

[Loulou268]

I am so glad i found this site, it has sort of broke the ice for me. I had a word with his sister & she told me they are aware of how easy it is for him to relapse but they said he is ok & has had a few slip ups. She thinks the reason he is so defensive & the reason he avoids me is because he is ashamed & feels guilty about the hurt he caused me, she said at the moment he wants to put the guilt & shame aside & consentrate on his recovery. He still works every day as he always has throughout his addiction. I think he wants to face me but doesnt know what to say, thats what the phone calls have been about, i answered once & he hung up so i thought he was just confusing me more & thats why i didnt answer. He still has no support system but his sister thinks he,s ok, i still think they dont know the extent of his addiction or how powerful cocaine is. The reason his family cut me off was because they were ashamed of what he put me through. They all including him think by cutting me off then im saved from the distruction, they dont know that im left to pick up the pieces, it affected me too, just a sorry would make all the difference but  his recovery is  priority at the moment. i doubt we will get back together, he cheated on me & that is why he started using heavily, to numb the guilt, he done it again while using so really i think he has destroyed my trust, im kidding myself to think it would work. Thanks for all your help, iv been stuck in limbo for 10 weeks, you all have helped me a great deal.

Louise...

[ScotJoanOfArk]

That is what we are here for.To help & support that is what MH is all about. We have only been here just over a month,but without this site.We would still be fighting our addiction but since we came on this site me & my husband have never looked back so stick around even if its just to help you We all share & care my friend god bless you & the very best of luck you Kim &James X heroin addicts

[Loulou268]

Thankyou Everyone, iv learned alot about cocaine addiction on this site, iv just been reading a few health pages, it explained alot about his behaviour, i think because its only me that notices his behaviour his family think im over reacting, they only see him once or twice a week & he has always been quiet & deep so they dont see any difference. I think i need to learn about addiction & how it affects the addict so i can understand his behaviour, i need to understand it wasnt my fault even though i know it isnt i still question myself thinking was it my fault & did he behave like that because he was unhappy with me. Its so hard to take in all the chaos caused through his addiction. Its great to be able to speak to you all, my friends & family dont understand what its like & i cant explain. Only an addict or recovering addict can give me the answers that im looking for. A huge thanks.

Louise