cocaine

I am addicted to cocaine, I need help, but have no money to get any

[gizzy32]

how long have you been using. im glad you have no money to buy any, no offense intended, but you need to get off this ****, it almost killed me twice. i used for 5 years and couldn't stop. do you want to stop? have you tried to stop?

[dove3053]

I would be happy to donate to this cause. Here is my advice. Having used it many years ago, I stopped for some reason, can't remember why. Since then I have never had the urge to use again. You could put and ounce in front of me and I would walk the other way.

By the way when you stop using it you will have money.

Dove

[scampy22]

I have not tried to stop, I use it about 3 times a week for the last 4 years, I tell myself I am going to quit, but then I don't, I hate doing it.  I have money for coke but not my bills or rehab, I have even stolen money from friends, I went to the emergency room 3 years ago on an overdose/heartattack went to doc, said they would help me find a rehab, they never followed through, nor did I I have ruined my life I had an awsome job making 15 dollars an hour and one day I just quit, to hungover from the night before, now only work 20 hrs a week at 10 an hour, my life is ruined

[Flutterby111]

I fyou think you need treatment, there are plenty of rehab centers out there.  I'm not sure about insurance coverage, or if you have any for that matter.  But I've heard of a Rule 25 law that you can get from a local government agency to get covered in a time of crisis for help in treatment.  Otherwise start by looking up NA meetings if you think that'll help.  Narcotics Anonymous is a great source of support and information.  Google it and look up times and locations in your area.  AND< I agree with Dove, you will have more money when you stop! :)

[gizzy32]

listen, you can do this, but it's not easy. take it from me, you need help and this forum is a good start. talk to us and we will support you and give you suggestions on how to quit. i was bleeding internally and i was still doing lines as i was cleaning up blood. it's a deadly drug and i know you can beat it. it destroyed my life too, but i am 3 months clean, there is hope. are you willing to seek help, if not rehab, then n/a meetings are a huge step.

[Flutterby111]

Your life is not ruined.  It is salvagable.  I've been there too.  It sucks.  Coming down off coke is horrible.  ANd it causes major depression...Bite the bullet and get professional help.  It WILL save your life.  But it's up to you to take the first step....you have to honey.  We're all here to talk and support you but ultimately you've got some very important decisions to make.  Get off that ****.  It's junk.  I've even done it and been a weekend user-which sucks too....waste of life.  

[dove3053]

Sweetheart, you may think you have ruined your life, but I look at it as a bump in the road. You have come to the right place. That's a start.

Dove

[gizzy32]

i hope your still around, by no means do we mean harm in our words, we are just concerned and know you will make the right decision. is your stomach in pain with the blood?

[kris123]

I got to the point that I would write bad checks!!  I got in trouble and had to take a class and was lucky not to get in trouble - i would use about the same - it is hard to get off it but gizzy is right - maybe it is better that you don't have money to buy it.  You can do it - i have been clean for a long time - if me and gizzy can do it you can - i am here and so are others!!  

[worried878]

If hangovers make you do the coke....stay away from them while you quit...hanovers are a trigger for many as you feel so bad...you can do this...keep posting

[scampy22]

I think this is a good start, I will be on each day with a honest report of my uses, I just feel that I am already 27 and Its to late, I went to law school and failed because I was doing lines in the bathroom on break

[gizzy32]

glad to see you come back. being honest is very important and you can do this, but there has to be a serious effort. it's not too late, im 32 and kind of starting over, i have just had to heal. i quit college with 3 months to go to become a golf pro so i gave up a lot also. staying up for 3 days straight then playing in tourneys got tough, but i have already joined the course and will play again in a month. you need to have some hope right now and know you can beat this.  i have a feeling you broke down, am i wrong. my god, your still so young and now is the time to stop. there is a wonderful life waiting for you.

[gizzy32]

i sent you an email. look at your message box. it should have a red dot

[kris123]

I myself was 27-28 when I started over - i was the same age - i knew it was time to something when i was up all night and got in a reck and couldn't walk for two months - i would to lines in my mom's bathroom and even would go in to public restrooms and did lines didn't matter where - you will make it all of us will support you - i have been there i know how hard it is - i did it gizzy did it and you can too :-)

[gizzy32]

kris you have done so well, 2 years off coke now right? it can be done

[toxictome]

Welcometo the forum. you have come to a great place for help and support. You need to make the decision to stop. We will be here for you...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Good luck and keep posting!!!

[kris123]

Two years and a couple of weeks ago had the urge you guys did so well in helping me with that - I just had a major mood swing that week - the urge is gone it was really odd because it was the first in a long time!!

[worried878]

Hangovers  are a big trigger for many.....most quit drinking as well as their drugs..not all...i have a patient right now with a huge crater bed sore..she is 34...weird because when i turned her over I saw a tatoo on her hip and realized "this girl had a life"  I know people like this had a life but u get a bit distant sometimes in my profession...She is a veg state now with a feeding tube.....lives in a nursing home....Stroked out on Cocaine several years ago...thought it may apply here

[scampy22]

that put a scare into me
thanks,

So today is day one, hungover from last night, so don't have the urge to do any, I do have one problem I owe my dealer money, and I am afraid that when I meet with him to give him the money , I will get some, hopefully not.  Today I got off my *** and shoveled the driveway, I only work three days a week and lay in bed all day the other 4. I am back in bed now, but I got up and attempte to do something constructive. Thats all until tommarrow I think writing on here each day will help, I  can't beleive I am actually doing this online stuff, but I appreciate the support

[gizzy32]

have you ever thought about going to n/a meetings?

[scampy22]

i already broke, so now today is day one, ****

[gizzy32]

hey there, was hoping we would here from you again. listen, i know it's hard, but unless you get help for this it will continue. read some of my journals and tell me i don't know what this drug does, coke kills and your playing with fire. i don't want you to go through what i did. maybe it would help to read some of my journals and realize you may need help.

[scampy22]

Day Two, it's a start.

[newmanagment]

It is  a start, heck i am a 25 yr cocaine addict, and it is ALL one day at a time. Watch a movie, go to sleep , or wutever it takes to remove your mind from using. NA is a great way to talk it out, and if ya dont like to talk in front of others then LISTEN. you will pick up great tips on staying clean. This is just another chapter in your life if you let it be!! When you get clean work will come, money will come, and all the other stuff a clean life has to offer. Keep posting, we need people like ourselves to help keep us clean. We will be here to support you thru it all

[gizzy32]

i'm starting to sound like a broken record commenting on these posts about cocaine. day 2 is a start, but what will you do when those extreme cravings that bring you to your knees and you don't know how to fight it. you need some help, N/A meetings, maybe counselling. the best thing is impatient rehab, but many can't afford or refuse to go. if  this is the case check out some N/A meetings, you will learn the tools you need to get clean, it helped me for sure although i no longer attend cause this place is my N/A right now. keep us updated on your progress. day 2 is a start and good luck

[gizzy32]

hey, i guess im just checking to see if you had made it to day 3, i really hope you have as you know i am behind you on this. please keep us updated as i know it is difficult right now.  hang in there.

[scampy22]

Day Three, Yes, today I worked, came home, did the bills, worked out, applied for jobs and did a load of laundry, wow it feels good ttya tommarow

[gizzy32]

congrats on day 3, keep posting. keep busy and i know you can do this. we are here for you.

[scampy22]

three things crossed my mind

say its day 5-  thats a lie
tell you guys I am hopeless, and sorry for wasting your time

Last night I did coke, alot of it.  I was sitting at home alone, and made the call.


These are not excuses  just truths,

my boyfriend has been working out of town, I hate being alone, and I get scared at night I live in a not so good hood.

It was I who called, it is my fault.

I feel like ****, and I wish that I could just not have called, I am an addict, and I cannot do this alone, or with only the help of cyber friends.

I need help, and I am to proud and to scared to get any.

my whole face feels puffy and hurts, my head hurts, why can't I remember this vividly before I pick up the phone.

I really don't know what I am gonna do, I wish I had someone that lived by me that I could confide in, that would help me through, I will look online for help, but I am not going to a group meeting, thats for sure

[alldonepercs]

A meeting is what you need for support. You will meet people there that you can confide in. People who will think no less of you for being an addict. They are all there for the same ****. I would suggest that you look into going to one, Try it out what is there to lose. Don't give up on  yourself you can become a RECOVERING ADDICT. I know that it is tuff. Always the constant battle in your head of should I or shouldn't I use. But that all gets easier to deal with after time and the right tools that you will learn at N/a a/a meetings and talking to other recovering addicts. Don't be scared you know that you need help now the ball is in your court and you make the call like Lynn Doyle. Do whats right for yourself and your future. People don't like to goto their friends funerals if you know what I'm gettin at. People places  and friends need to change and you can meet some true friends at a meeting. Don't be shy and hide behind your straw and mirror. Make the right move.

[gizzy32]

damn, i missed this post today from you. i have been following you and im so sorry to hear you broke. there is one positive here girl, i told you that you need help, and now you recognize it. you know it's your fault for using and no one elses. that may seem harsh, but it is the truth. you are now left with the choice of reaching out to get some help or chances are you won't quit until you have lost everything or dead. i want to see you get clean and post on here saying how good you feel, because you will feel good again. not the first week, probably not the second week, but soon after just as that fog lifts and you are thinking a tad clearer you will know how good it feels to be clean. i am routing for you and am glad to hear you know what you have to do. we are all her for you if you would just post more. i have no doubt you can beat this, but you have to truly want it. best of luck to you and keep us updated

[scampy22]

alls well today is day two, I called my other and told him this is all my fault and I know he only does it when I call and get it, I told him I want help and he said he would help me, if I fail again, I promise I will go to a meeting, until then I really don't want to have to. Today I have two doctors appts, then working out, then going to ma and pa's for dinner.
I will report later tonight.  I should be good thought at least till saturday, I have to work tommarrow during the day, and bartend at night, saturday is going to be hard.

[feohmoon]

You are doing great ...keep it up and stay strong - Post often...it helps.  I see you have a very full schedule also...that prevents usage.  Take it one day at a time...don't even think to Saturday yet.  This can be done.
Best of luck!

[kris123]

I am also glad to hear you are on day two - take one day at a time!!  I have been there - i did coke all the time and lots of it.  Like feohmoon said,"don't even think to Saturday yet." so so true - you are not alone and i know that when i used it was when i was alone and i did a lot too!!  come on here post or call someone you trust

[scampy22]

Today is day four, I really want to go to the bar with my "normal friends"  but I associate drinking with using coke, so I think I  will have to find  a way to stay home

[gizzy32]

hey haven't seen you for awhile. i also had to give up drinking cause it was impossible for me to have a couple drinks and not use blow. your right, the 2 go hand in hand. congrats on day 4, but today is the big test for you, a very big test. you already know by going to the bar, your setting yourself up. if you have to stay home to stay clean, then make that sacrafice. only you are in control of this decision and im glad to see you know what the right one is. please be strong today.

[kris123]

it is always hard when you first stop!!  I took up weed but that only lead to coke - so i stopped

[scampy22]

gizzy, I failed.  So I will go to a N/A meeting this week, and Today is day one, and I will make it past this day four thing, and I will not go out unless it was pre planned or is an event. Sorry, I will post tommarow

[newmanagment]

dont be sorry, be glad your honest enough to come on here. not sure if giz is on, but he is inspirtation to us all!! best of luck, i like my NA , find one your comfortable with. cocaine is a strange and mysterious drug, and its pull last forever. i should know.....
best of luck and keep postin

[toxictome]

Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back in the race!!!!

Glad you came back.....

.I think you should try that NA mtg...this is a "WE" program...I could never do it by myself...and every time i tried to do it by myself.....I failed!

Nothing changes, if nothing changes...you now know that you can't do this alone..so time to change things up a bit!!!
YOU GO GIRL>...YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

[MizDemeanor]

Hi Scampy,
I just wanted to tell you a story that might give you some hope.....
My ex husband was a mainline coke user and alcoholic for about 10 years. He would shoot it anywhere he could, neck, between toes, etc. It got so bad he gave the dealer a watch I had bought him for a special occasion, that cost me more than I could afford (we were in our early 20's then) He wound up with hepatitis and a deviated septum (snorting) and then something inside him "clicked" and he decided to go to AA. He stopped drinking and doing coke. He got very involved with AA and stayed clean 15 years, even though we divorced.
Fast forward 15 years. He had remarried and had another child with his 2nd wife. They started having problems and he also had a pain problem. He knew better but he got some narcotic pain meds from his doctor. Not too long after that he was using crack. I am not kidding this man went from having plenty of money to being homeless and doing illegal things to get more crack. He knew he needed to stop but he didnt until he overdosed and found himself committed by his wife. He stopped again. That was 2 years ago. He has been clean since and is doing very well.
My drug of choice is not coke, but I thought if I shared a story of a hard core user who stopped twice in his life 15 years apart, that it might give you some comfort. Listen girl, 27 is a baby for real! You have TONS of life left if you can step away from Satan's dust. The very thought of coke makes me shudder just from the devastation Ive seen first hand. I also know it can be conquered "one day at a time". Please care for yourself, and know you are good enough to do this. You have made the first step and admitting you have a problem is a big one. Please keep posting even if you mess up. There are many good people here, they saved me too!
Peace.

[scampy22]

well I did it again last night, dammit, well today is day one

[gizzy32]

so did you not check out an N/A meeting. i told you this pattern wll just continue and get worse and worse. it sounds like your not ready to quit cause you can't make it past a couple days without blow. it will continue, and you already know how this is effecting your life. if you really want to quit you have to do something about it, coke is a dead end road. please consider getting some help, ive told you this a dozen times.

[MikeWithFamily]

I"m glad to see you are coming back here. Listen, I have an idea and believe, it is worth trying.
I want you to look in the phone book for a mental health facility in your area. One that has psychiatrist and counselors on hand. In my area of West Michigan we have a large mental health facility full of psychiatrist and counselors by the name of "Pine Rest Mental Health Facility". Unless you are way out in the boonies, and even if you are, drive to town and find that facility; I bet anything there is one. Walk into the facility and go to the receptionist and tell her you need to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Tell her you have no insurance, you money, but if you must see one in order to keep sane. (and I'm not certain that would be stretching the truth either because you are here desperatly trying to find answers and solutions). Anyway, tell them it is life or death that you see someone. I guarantee you they will have a pyschiatrist in that lobby as quick as possible to assist you. Once you are there, tell them your problem and he/she will take time to talk with you. While you are talking, ask if they have any programs that you can apply for to pay for your counseling and detoxing. More than likely, they will have a program available. I think every single mental health facility has some kind of public assistance fund to aid in situations just like your situation. I know. I am now in week 5 of my recovery. Taking Suboxone and seeing a counselor at Pine Rest. They had an assistance fund and I am using it. Mental Health facility are truly compassionate and caring full of people that WANT to help you. Please give this a try. I applaude you for making  an attempt to stop,but you need some help so go and get some. Don't dismiss this suggestion Scampy. Try it, what have you got to loose....and think about what you have to gain. Good Luck Scampy. I will pray for you.
MikeWithFamily

[scampy22]

Well seens how I live very close to Pine Rest, I could, we'll see, I don't think I could walk in and do that though

[gizzy32]

hey scampy, glad to see you still check in. are you still trying. i know you want this, but it's so hard. you should post more. take care

[newmanagment]

i dont want to be rude, but i just reread this entire post. i have to say, you are right where i have been,with steady everyday to every other day use. let me ask ya this, could you walk to a dope house right now to buy some dope?! then you can walk in to Pine Rest and get some help. you need this, for yourself. i can tell by your post that you want to quit, but uncapable of that alone. make that walk, do it now!! please, you are not in control anymore,and if you think you are reread this like i did. there is a life out there waiting for you. i have lived in the ghetto most of my life, and you will get out , when you start to make the right decisions. try this also, b4 you make a call, come on here and post that you are getting ready to use. stay here with us for one hour b4 you make that call, and see if ya dont change your mind!!!  but first , i want you to TAKE THAT WALK. we will be here for ya anytime ya need us... much love, you CAN do this...

[gizzy32]

amen. well said newmanagement. if there are no changes, this will just continue. we don't mean to sound harsh, but you have not even checked out an N/A meeting yet. this post started over 2 weeks ago and there has been no progress, get some help. either an N/A meeting or post on here more often. it is only you that makes the choice whether you really want this help or not. we care and that's why we tell you this. if you do not stop it will only get worse. do this for yourself and nobody else, you deserve it

[newmanagment]

scampy, where are you, i didnt want to make you mad. only to wake you up about the path your life is on. please repost, or maybe you took that walk to rehab? i pray ya did, but if ya didnt, no judgement. just post or message me ok?