counting down

Well, its thursday night - I have five more days until I can stop these pills and get to work on regaining my health, my peace of mind and my overall wellbeing. I have kind of ended up in a taper becuase my body started having big problems and pain due to the tablets - I have managed to lessen the amount of acetominophen and ibuprofen that I am ingestsing, and even thought that has meant hanging out on and off, physically I feel better - the leg swelling is way down, the ulcer hurts much less, my face is not puffy and my eyes are clearer and shinier. And all these improvements even while on sizable amounts of codeine - I can't wait for when it all stops.

I am so glad that there is no pleasure in this anymore, and no relief even i.e. there is nothing at all left in it, and i am in that place of surrender/resignation, depending on perspective, and accepting that this is well and truly the end of the road.

It has been hard trying to prepare for college exams while doing all this, and I know my grades will suffer, but I don't care, there was nothing more I could do, nothing more I could study, no brain cells or energy available for that.

I have been reflecting how addicton robs the life force, both in terms of motivation, but even just physically - all the signs of robust and vibrant helath and life, like an appetite for food, sex drive, renewal of skin, growth of hair, elimination through the bowels - all of these life forces have been so suffocated in me.  Apart fromt the lank hair and dry, sallow skin, I noticed I have no hair on my legs, and my last wax was weeks ago - my bowels are so incredibly sluggish - and as for feeling sexy, well I cant remember what that feels like LOL. It truly is a living death, physical, spiritual, menatl and emotional stagnation.

Five more days, and then I can let myself go through whatever I need to to come back to life. Gosh it is so hard going through the motions of college when I have all this other stuff going on. But I am getting through it, and every day closer I am feeling more excited and more relieved.

[flmagi]

Yeah, the stuff really does a job on us mentally & physically, and sometimes we don't even notice it's happening. I can't beleive the difference in myself.
Are you getting preparred for withdrawls? All the vitamins, protein, sleep aids, etc? Any support system, friends or family?  Of course, we'll all be here for you too.
Good luck and keep in touch.
Magi

[IBKleen]

Read this outloud, over and over when you start your detox. these are some powerful words:

"I have been reflecting how addicton robs the life force, both in terms of motivation, but even just physically - all the signs of robust and vibrant helath and life, like an appetite for food, sex drive, renewal of skin, growth of hair, elimination through the bowels - all of these life forces have been so suffocated in me.  Apart fromt the lank hair and dry, sallow skin, I noticed I have no hair on my legs, and my last wax was weeks ago - my bowels are so incredibly sluggish - and as for feeling sexy, well I cant remember what that feels like LOL. It truly is a living death, physical, spiritual, menatl and emotional stagnation".

[1234betterlife]

your post is very insightful. the words you wrote gut wrenching. if there is a doubt in anyones head as to what this disease is capable of. i think you have done more than just homework for your classes. you have a very strong case against your disease. i wish you all the best with your detox. i will be here if you need anything at all. i can't wait for you to come back to life. have a great day alexandra.

[oxypen]

your message sent me to tears, mind you I have been in tears all morning.  I'm going to print that out and read it over and over if I ever think I might one day take a pill again.  I've been through two days of hell, but already the swelling is going down.  As bad as I feel, I can already see some inprovement.  I know you can do this. I'm getting through it, mind you, i'ts one minute at a time right now. take care and message me!!!

[treglx]

Well said! Good luck and keep posting.

[exhostage]

Looking forward to reading your success story. and at the risk of sounding like a mother (which i am) you will feel good about yourself honey just give it a little time.