dance with the devil

after 11 straight years of sobriety i hurt my back badly one day, sufferd a lot of discomfort for over a year and one day a friend gave me a pill, that pill made the discomfort go away.i asked him to get me some more.

i have just had my 9th straight night with zero sleep, all my muscles and bones ache, and my mind is busyer than ever all night.

my back is better (chiropractic 2 times a week for 4 years) and i know if i use any more pills its recreatiional.i dont want that.

living sobre has been the best thing in my life ever, and i am paying a heavy price now for playing with opiates.they served a purpose, they allowed me to function for the last 4 or 3 years without much discomfort, but the de tox is way worse than i imagined. i dont even know exactly what i was taking as some 'deals' were different to others, i didnt care as long as my back didnt hurt .opiates mostly i believe.

so cold turkey im waiting for a good few hours sleep, it cant be much longer?

theses pills are tough tough tough to give up. not because i want to have fun with them but because i KNOW 1 pill would allow me to feel better and sleep.

this forum has helped me know im not alone, thanks to all who have posted in the past week.
good luck with your own de tox, its not easy, but it does get a little easier each day, and the end result is well worth waiting for, but momma its a tough road.

ive seen lots of movies where people withdraw, know i know exactly what it actually feels like.

it sucks.

no need for anyone to respond, i actually feel ok, im just amazed how tough the de tox is.

every cell of my body aches i toss every 22 seconds in bed as NO POSITION is comfortable for more than 22 seconds, and my mind wont shut up.

but i know there is light at the end of this dark dark tunnel, and i can see it

love and respect to all those that seek sobriety.

[Lookyhere]

Pretty dangerous not knowing what you are taking. I take it 10 days abstinence from any of the "opiates". That is great. You sound determined to detox of these pills and never take them again. It will get better. It is difficult to make any predictions cause we don't know what you were taking. And the last thing you want to do is try and find out what they were. You mention 11 yrs of sobriety. Are you working a program in your life? Going to meetings? So you must be familiar with how it works? I can realate with the 22 seconds max. in any position. why 22 seconds? did you actually time it? or it's just close enough number. Do you not fall sleep at all, like at 3-4 am when you are eventually so tired that you can't fight it any more. Keep up the good work. Any questions, any, come here and post them, please.

[justlikeyou]

yea ive been doing 12 step for 16 years.

love it, much better than my family of origin :)

and it lead me into all sorts of therapy, most of which helped me a lot.

22 seconds was not timed it just feels like 22 seconds. and yes your correct, i do seem to fall asleep about 4 am for a couple hours, but im not certain because at that point i am very close to tears.

[justlikeyou]

and have been close to tears and more desperate than i have ever been in my life before for several hours.

[Lookyhere]

I understand. There are members here who have some remedies to help out w/d symptoms. For restless leg, vitamins, valerian root stuff, maybe something else.
I detoxed a-lot w/o anything to help.
Lat time I detoxed i was "baker acted" (mandatory hospitalization in a psychiatric ward for a observation up to 48hrs) in a institution. I wound up staying for over a week. They did not give me anything for the first few days. Then, i would get a few .5 ativan and a small dose 5mg of klonopin to help me sleep. None of them worked. I would do pushups at 3 am. I would pace back and forth in my room at 2 am. But what did help during the day is reading a book. It got my mind of the matter and put some other thoughts in my brain, not just the pain. It was difficult to get myself to read but i pushed myself and did it. ANd they had no hot baths there, just luke warm showers.
Did you try a hot bath. That helps a-lot. Sit there for 20 min.
Also, drink hot tea. Get some herbal tea, soothing and relaxing tea. Watch a movie.

[justlikeyou]

sounds about right, no fun at all, why you de toxed so mant times?  you still havent figured it out yet?

[Lookyhere]

I was addicted to Heroin. I did not know about NA.
This is your first time detoxing?