day 11. struggling

[jilliebean9021]

Emotionally the past two days have been a struggle. I can't seem to make myself happy. Even when my mind is wrapped up in cleaning, playing with my girls;  or relaxing. Im sad. All I keep thinking is "is this really how I will feel forever?' On top of that my anxiety is up and down. I wake up with a racing heart and then o calm myself down and im fine for an hour or so. Then it happens again and again.  Its like a vicious cycle. Getting through my days seem endless and very very dark.

[jethro733]

Forget what's in your head and live each moment as it happens.  Easier said than done right?  It's tough during this stage because you're feeling again, and you aren't used to it.  Feelings are thoughts and don't worry your head will sort it out and stop going crazy with them.  Doing whatever it is you do that gets you in the moment will help immensely.  Really that's all there is,  lots of moments strung together.  It can take a while to teach your brain this lesson again because we've trained it to escape.  It will come back though.

[Tswana]

Hi there try to look at it not as the bad way it feel's now but part of the big picture of recovery. What your going through now is NORMAL!! Some people get euphoria then crash to where your at now, but most of us??? Its the same route as you. This is the body Healing and the body KNOWS where it need's to start first in order to put us together again. And it's NOT where YOU want it to start no matter where you think it's worse (eg, i have chronic pain and i'd LURVE that to go first, but my body is busy fixing something else) you see?

There is an infinite ''order'' in which our body heals sweetie and what's happening to you now/? That's the most COMMON problem when healing and the anxiety? your gonna get day's when you feel your losing it, heart attack symptoms except it's NOT your heart.

Breathing feel's like it's not happening (this is also anxiety and breathing i to a paper bag will help as what your actually doing is OVER BREATHING and need to get more carbon dioxide in to you hence breathe in a PAPER bag only) And feeling very down is also so normal if it wasn't happening it would be a miracle!!

unfortunately, depression and it's family of symptom's ALL come to visit for a while, nut they do pack up and go you just have to be patient. Try not to question and fight it too much as this means thats ALL your going to think about all the time and what you think about you become.

Take exercise each day, i don't mean go run and jump up and down in a Gym, walk walking is the ONLY exercise that work's your brain as well as your body, look on youtube for some ''Motivational'' videos of people and Audio book's. As well as the well known American's like ''Ekhart Tolle' there is a UK Guy i watch a lot and so do many American's called Ralph Smart.

This guy does NOT pretend to be a 'GURU' like 'OSHO' who is a Famous 'Indian'' guy. What Ralph Smart does is share ''His Journey'' to a way happier life and the truth and he alway's makes that point by saying so. Not sat there being called 'MASTER'' Like Osho?

And on Ralph Smarts web site nfinitewaters.net/about is a lot of' Positive affermation pictures with some fab positive words and i print them out and look at them or put them up around my home so there in front of me when i feel like giving up. Another good one on youtube which is an Audio book by a USA Guy is this....''100 Ways to Motivate Yourself by Steve Chandler Unabridged Audio Book '' i

I often listen to it and i have 2 pairs of head phones so i can use the speakers which i use to play meditation and relaxation music or nature sounds to listen to all around my home all day and night. There are 8,9,12 hour ones or 1,.2.3 hours and i go to ''The Amazon Rain Forest'' by playing 12hour's on my speakers.  

And this helps beak the negative thought cycle, or Zen Music, Meditation, i got a HUGE list of channels i 'Subscribe'' to and it's all free!! Dance Music all sorts, and the head phones, one set has a real long USB Cable on and i lay on the couch and relax listening to what ever i want and all you do is put what you want on 'loop' by using the button on youtube

So you don't have to keep going back and fore to the PC.  Or if you have a Mobile with headphones you can do it on there. And i just got a wireless speaker cheap that can be used with smart phones with blue tooth on but i should think as lone as its a device with 'Blue Tooth' function it should work and it can be used in the bath or shower room.

Magnesium is also good for anxiety and helps you to sleep. You can use Epsom Salts in a bath or as a Foot soak ( This is Magnesium Sulphate) A Magnesium Chloride spray on your body or take Magnesium Citrate none of these will harm you and the Mag Citrate may give you the runs if you use too much. But this is not a problem just take less.

Also Essential oil's, Lavender, this will help relax you i put this in a Humidifier (few drop's in the water) and on all my Radiators and peppermint oil this is a Pick me up you can do the same with this or put them on a cloth and sniff. Always dilute any oil before you put it on your skin in a carrier oil, Grape seed is the cheapest one and Lavender you can put directley on your skin and in a bath or put in a spray bottle any oil and spray in to the air and on you.

Bach Flower Remedied are another one to try and don't eat JUNK!!! and avoid sugar as all this will artificially raise your blood sugar and give you a lift for a few minutes but then you crash and burn and feel worse. Try to get out in Nature and really look at the plants and leaves, study then close up look at all the tiny veins and things you just over look usually this is a great help to try and see beyond  ''it's a leaf'. Change any regular walking routes say going to the store (leave the car at home :-)  and walk a completely different way and look at things you never other with at all. Look up at the top of old buildings you'll be surprised what's up there no one see's because every ones too busy rushing every where.

BE GRATEFUL Gratitude will make you see in a more positive perspective keep looking for things to be grateful for and be glad you can move around your not bed ridden and you cat Children, i love kid's but the Hospital messed me up doing an operation so i haven't got any :-(

But that don't mean i'm not grateful for the kid's that live in my street my Brother and Sisters kid's, kids i see every where no matter who they belong to their still a gift. Type ''HEALING CRISIS'' in to your search engine and read this will explain why and whats happening to you and sleep whenever you can.

And drink plenty of water and Herbal tea's Chamomile helps you relax and i love all different fruit ones my lates can't live with out is ''Twinings Fruit Sensations'' I don't know if you can get it in USA but Twinings sell on line. Love <3 Tswana xxxxx

[ricart70]

Great advice from overhead!!   Just don't be thinking this is how you are going to feel forever. That is what kept me going back to drugs for so long. I did not put enough days in to start feeling the results.
  You could turn a corner any day and you will turn a corner if you just keep going....so keep going!!!   11 days is awesome. If you did those you can do this ;)))

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 11 days!!!  

What you are feeling is only temporary.  Recovery is a process and right now you are in the not so fun part.  Brighter days are coming your way so hold on tight and keep moving forward.

[IBKleen]

Hi Honey, What you are feeling is so normal at this stage. All of your emotions are flooding back--things you probably haven't felt in years. Please just hang in there and don't let your darn disease win! It won't be much longer and you will get to feeling batter.

[ROSYouralright]

Hey sweet pea! You WON'T feel this way forever. Things WILL level out!! It takes TIME  (dreaded word) to heal after all the abuse we put our bodies through!! You are doing really good! Most important thing is DON'T GIVE UP!! NO TURNING BACK!!! We are here rooting for you... You'll be feeling better before you know it!

[spider6]

Hey there, hang in there kid!  This is not how you will feel forever.  It gets better every day.  Just keep reminding yourself that........also remind yourself that if you have to do this again....it will be that much worse.  You don't want to do this again.  I'm 169days today.......it gets better. Hugs

[takingmylifeback2014]

Hi!!! Hang tight you are in the thick of it all and it will get better. I am 42 days clean today and I'm struggling with anxiety pretty bad but it's gotten better. We will have good days and bad days! Try keeping yourself busy and not stuck in your own head. Put the earbuds in and listen to music ... look at those girls and try to be happy! Don't worry you will not feel like this forever! This is not the new you! I always thought and at times still do think that! Lol
You will feel better! We have to put in the work and it's not easy but well with it!
Please keep posting!