detox

[bugsy]

I am in my late twenties, and for the last 11 years have had 10-12 beers everyday.  I am in my 72 hour of self detoxification and am finding it very difficult to go to the restroom in either fashion.  Is this a normal effect from cleansing my body.  Also, can you give any indication how long the night sweats and irritablilty might last.  In any event I am determined that my addiction is physical not mental and I will never have a drink again!

[Anne2]

Hi Bugsy, most of the worst withdrawal symptoms usually occur between 48 and 96 hours but it is extremely variable depending on how much you drank and for how long and also your individual body chemistry. I am very worried about your last statement that your addiction is physical, not mental. Addiction is a DISEASE and drinking or using is just a symptom of that disease. I am a recovering drug addict and I used to believe that if I just got off the drugs I would be fine. WRONG! I got off and then relapsed. I would highly suggest that you either see an addictionologist or find some AA meetings and get a sponsor. You should probably tell your doctor you are detoxing from alcohol so he or she can assist you - there are meds they can give you to make you more comfortable if necessary.  Don't feel embarrassed to talk to someone - your problem is very common and people are a lot more understanding than we give them credit for. You need people around you right now. Good luck!

[tylerdurden]

Bugsy,

Please! Please! do not try and detox yourself.  Alcohol withdrawl is the worst withdrawl of any kind and it can kill you (no other drug withdrawl, like heroin and cocaine, can kill you  Although you may feel like you are going to).  What you are going through is very severe!  You may have hallucination, seizures, etc.  Please find a detox center and get help immediately.  It's great that you are finally stopping, good luck, but please get medical help.

Tyler

[Witchywoman]

I have a question that I've wondered about for a long time.
How much does someone have to drink, and for how long, to become physically dependant on alcohol?
Someone told me that if someone drinks 2 or 3 drinks a night, that they are going to be physically addicted and have withdrawals if they stop.
I disagreed with them about this, as I thought you had to have alcohol in your bloodstream constantly for a period of time in order to develop physical addiction.
Does anyone know the answer to this? Alcohol has never been my drug of choice (hydrocodone is what I have a problem with), but I remain curioius about this question.

thanks!

WW

[Francoise]

Tyler is right, Bugsy. Self detox from alcohol is very dangerous and potentially fatal. It's the seizures that can get you. Best you get back on some alcohol right away. You don't have to drink half a case, but if your normal consumption is, say, twelve a day, perhaps you should have nine. And stay on nine for several days. The perhaps eight for a few days, then six, four, two, one. You get the idea.

I hope you'll post again and let us know you got the message.

Francois

[PHILLYCHAD]

Warning!!! EVERYONE MUST READ THIS!!!

NEVER TAKE A DRUG ANYONE RECOMENDS ON THIS SITE!!!
THAT INCLUDS L-TYROSINE, ZINC, MAGNESIUM

I am barley able to type this because I took a drug that has been recomended on this site by alot of people...

This moring I woke and took(so did my girlfriend) 4 Zinc tablets and 4 Magnesium tablets. About an half hour later I was in the bathroom vomiting my guts up. I thought I was going to die! I have been through the worst detox's ever and nothing compared to what happend to us today!!!

Read on...

[PHILLYCHAD]

I called the poision controll center to see what was going on. They told me to go to the ER. I almost did when I saw my girlfriend throwing up yellow bile and having the worst diaheraah ever. We didn't goto the ER, we stayed home and just now we are able to move! I was doubled over in pain!!! This was more than an upset stomach! This was hell. I never sweated so much in my life!!! Water poured off of us in buckets! We both had chronic runs with one bathroom so you can imagine the horror! PLEASE NEVER TAKE ANYTHING!!!

[PHILLYCHAD]

i AM NOT MAD AT ANYONE FOR WHAT HAPPEND TODAY!I shouldn't have been so stupid to take anything that a doctor didn't perscribe. Then again, we all know my problem with taking things that my doc does perscribe! Anyway, maybe I took way too much more than I thought you guys told me to take. I took 4 100 mg's of zinc and 4 250 mg's of magnesium.I thought that I would be safe at that level considering that some of you take 10 pills a day. At least that's how I read it. Anyway I was near death today and I have done everything from H to oxy's to methadone. What happend to us today could have killed us so please don't ever recommend to anyone to take this stuff! You should tell them your experiance but recommend that maybe they talk to their Doctor before they take anything! Holy **** guys! I am so serious...This almost killed us today. I am still messed up 7 hours later. I'll check back later......CHAD

[PHILLYCHAD]

NEVER TAKE OVER THE COUNTER DRUGS LIKE ZINC OR MAGNESIUM WITHOUT TALKING TO YOUR DOCTOR!!! YOU COULD DIE!!!

[Wizard]

Thank God your still with us! I just went back and looked at the original pillpoppa recipe and what was stated was zinc in 75mg tablets and the magnesium in 37.5 mgs. or 10 mgs. I think you read the 100 mg number when pillpoppa was referring to if people had an addiction long term up to 100mg a day of methodone. I never used the zinc/mag method personally. I only used the L-Tyrosine B-6 recipe as it was the only one on the site then and I had good results. Common sense tells us not to take anything, period, without a Drs. advice but if we all listened to our common sense we wouldn't be putting street junk into our arms or up our noses or medicating ourselves. Again, thank God you are now safe and I'll keep you and your girlfriend in my prayers.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
Wiz

[PHILLYCHAD]

Thanx for the kind words. We feel much better. You see, I never really read the amount of mg's I should take. I screwed up and almost killed us. My point is, not everyone reads things throughly and look at what happend to us. I just want everyone to be careful...I never saw the 37mg's of magnesium. No wonder we almost died! 1000 mg's of Magnesium was enough to kill a horse! Just couldn't kill a couple of twenty-something drug addicts! OK gotta go.......to the bathroom! Thank WIZ! Chad

[PHILLYCHAD]

Bar-b-q! Sounds great! But I am still beat. Deb is cooking a pork roast in some sort of sauce. I'll leave the cooking to the expert. So, no one has asked me if I have been clean...Well, I have been.......sort of....The good news is we haven't done oxys in a long time. We tried them last month but we didn't like em' so we stopped. At least thats how I remember it now! I probably ran out or something like that! I seem to suffer from selective amnesia (spelling sucks, I know!). Anyway, like I said......we are clean...for now.........and hopefully for a very long time. I am going through the realization that I will be 30 next June and basicly havent done a damm thing yet with my life. Thank you Mr. Addiction! So ok, it only took me 15 years of drug use to realize that I fu%^d up...Now the hard part...Putting all this **** back together again. Thank god I have a girlfriend who loves me to death. I am also (don't thinkI'm corney) thankful that I can spill my guts to you guys even if you are faceless. I still sometimes picture you guys.....Ok, gotta go..Chad

[Wizard]

You go Bro! 30 days clean (sorta lol)is great news to be proud of. Spilling your guts is what we are all about too. It's amazing sometimes what a burden is lifted off our backs just telling our story to other faceless REAL people without getting judged for our past and only supported for what we TRY to do with our futures. You sound like you and your girlfriend on the right track for a long wonderful future. I wish you and her all the luck and Gods blessings in the world. Stay focused and you will succeed. keeping you in my thoughts for sure.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
Wiz

[jennyfla]

You poor dears, how frightening that must have been for you both!
Take care of yourselves, and thank you for the warning.
Good luck on your future detox, i'll be right there with you next week!  Prayers!
Lv Jenny

[niccee]

Some vitamins and supplements will make you sick to your stomach if you take them on an empty stomach. Zinc and magnesium are two that will.That is why it says on the bottle to take with a meal. The L-tryosine and b-6 don't have that warning on their bottle. I personally talked to my doctor about these and he said for me it was okay. Everyone else should speak to their own doctor. I am sorry this happened to you, but I am personally grateful to Thomas and pillpoppa because this has been a tremendous help to me. I have stated before that I did not believe it would work, but decided to try it anyway and was very surprised at how well it worked.

[bugsy]

Thanks for everyones comments; however, I am in my fourth day of sobriety and have had relatively no side effects.  I am not sure now if I was physically addicted to alcohol.  I plan on staying sober, although this has not seemed like a very big deal.  Alot of you seemed very concerned and I appreciate it.  Most of the concern was related to seizures, and though I was epileptic as a child I have shown no signs of this.  I guess I am just lucky.  Thanks for all your support, and I am feeling great.  Clear minded for the first time in 11 years!!!!  

XOXO
Bugsy

[tylerdurden]

Glad to hear everything turned out okay.  I have heard horror stories from doctors about alcohol withdrawl.  They usually give you librium and you should be able to taper down off of that.  A drug counselor once told me that 20% of alcoholics who go into detox will die even if you get professional help.  That sounds like alot but I figure he is probably talking about the 60 year old alcoholics who's liver is shot.  I think those people die because of the lifestyle instead of the actual withdawl.  Remeber what you went through.  I'm glad to know that you have had it with the alcohol...remeber to still get support and help.  Its so easy to relapse.  I thank God that I am not an alcoholic because I believe it would be ten times easier to relapse.  I was hooked on percocet and I got them from going to doctors.  I never bought them on the street...I didn't know anyone who sold them.  So if I get a craving at 10:00 at night there is not a damn thing I can to about it unless I want to go to the ER and try to fake an injury, and there is no gaurauntee that they will give me percocet, they may give me vicodin or tylenol #3 (I don't like those drugs) or worst just motrin(which has happened many times before)...which would take about 4 hours anyway and by that time the craving may be gone.  If an alcoholic gets a craving late at night all he has to do is go to a bar or liqour store.  So please take care of yourself and try to control whatever cravings you may get.  Hopefully, you will never look back.  Good Luck, bugsy!

Tyler

[cindi]

OMG  You and deb sure worry the hell out of me...I hope you are both ok now....Chad,,,,my dear one....you and deb both have my email addy...USE IT  lol    BTW  How are you guys doing otherwise...are you behaving?   I haven't been online much  when it is as hot as it has been I get in the pool and never come out  LOL.....love to all          cin

[Witchywoman]

Oh my God, Chad! I am so sorry for what you went through with the zinc!!  I am even more sorry if I was unclear in describing the amounts that I have been taking.  Yesterday, I went to see my Doc and told him about the zinc, and he warned me that zinc is a supplement that can be toxic if you take too much, but he told me the way I was taking it was fine.

I've been taking 400mgs of zinc a day, but spread out over the whole day, not all at once, and I take it with food.

I think you are very right to give this warning though...we should be very careful to ask Doctors, and to also do our research to be sure anything we take is safe.  Doctors are not always familiar with nutritional supplements, so won't always know if something is ok or not.

I hope that you recover from this soon, and I'm so sorry this happened.

WW

[PHILLYCHAD]

I woke up today and felt like someone beat on my ribs all night long. Every breath is very hard but we are 100 % better today. Holy **** guys! What a trip that was! I mean, I think that was worse than the third day of going cold turkey! We are going to take the next couple of days off and relax. I will check back very often today and for now on. Talk soon,  Chad

[cindi]

My little buddy chad,,,,,what would the world be without you....I, we certainly don't want to find out....rest and maybe you can have a barbecue,,I know how you get so excited about that..just like hamsters and small dogs   LOL     love ya  cin

[Francoise]

And don't forget that drug interactions with supplements can wreak havoc as well. For instance, certain blood pressure medications can be accelerated by a factor of FOUR by grapefruit. FOUR!!

Take it easy.

Francois

[cindi]

I told youguys before that I have faces for everyone      including you

[PHILLYCHAD]

Cindi...
I knew you were going to say that when I was typing earilier! I haven't seen you around latley. I hope all is well!?! I wanted to tell you that Deb and I were in a MAJOR car wreck about a month ago. I almost killed her and the little one. Did I ever mention Deb had a daughter? I don't remember alot of things. Anyway, I hit a car doing 50 mph head on...long story, I'll e-mail ya'

Wizard...
Thank man! 30 days clean...well, thank you, I appreciate what you said about not judging me. You probably know that I havent been totally clean...I met a person who introduced me to something alot worse than oxy's....Long story short, I am done with that, I made a mistake, and I am about to start a life I should have ten years ago! I am really greatful to think that maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there pulling for me. I have an entire family that for whatever reason is not, nor has ever been there for me. So when a person like you comes around.......well, you get the idea......thank you! Chad

[jennyfla]

Good going Chad and same goes for your girlfriend too!
My husband is in rehab and gets out tuesday, and i hope to join him in the world of sobriety.  Rephrase, i will join him in the world of sobriety!!! :)
29 years old, you're only a bab!!!  :)
Never look back, only look forward and see all the wonderful things you will be able to accomplish now that you and your girlfriend are sober.  Perhaps marriage, and the pitter patter of little 'chads' running about the house!!!  LOL!
My husband is 43, and has some of the same feelings, feeling as if he's lost so much of his life, and missed so much of our children's growing up.  They are 8, 5, and 1, plenty still yet to see and experience.  Our 5-year old is our only boy, and i hope that now they can bond finally.  It's been the hardest on him, and i hope my husband's attitude stays alive and healthy, it's been hell on earth these past 5 or so years, they've never even really gotten to know eachother.  One of the first things planned is 'fishing', that would be a great way to open up the door!!!
I keep telling him that life begins at 40, so you see, you're not even anywhere near really living yet, so stop beating yourself up, your wasting precious energy on kicking yourself.
None of us are perfect, and our lives are full of regrets.  Best thing to do is learn from our mistakes and keep moving forward.  Never beat yourself up, there are too many people in this world that are always happy to do enough of that thank you!!!  Praise yourself for kicking this thing, and use your energy in ways that are productive.  Keeping off the **** uses enough energy, stay focused, and you two are going to make it, i just know it!!!!
Lv Jenny

[PHILLYCHAD]

Hold on......I keep getting kicked off.......

[PHILLYCHAD]

I just wrote a long letter to you and got booted off! Ahhh so frustrating! Anyway, I just wanted to say that I hope when he gets out that he "begin's" his relationship with his son. I know that you can NEVER get that back. He has to grab him and never let go! The girls? They'll be ok! Girls always love their Mothers anyway! You know what I mean....Thank you Jen,it was very nice of you to say those things. I am just so angry! I hear what you say about using that anger for positive things but I find it so dam hard to do without direction. (i.e. see: "never let him go") I do have my girlfriend but everyone must remember that we are in this together....Two people who decided to spend their time high instead of making lives for themselves......Hey Jen, I have so much more to say to you but I just looked over at Deb and she looks very sad....Gotta go, Chad

[jennyfla]

Thank you for your advice Chad.  Yes, the girls will be ok, my oldest loves her dad to pieces.  She is a lot like him, a manipulator that knows how to play the game, so she will be fine.  My son doesn't, therefore, butts heads with his daddy.  My little one, well, let's just say she melts her daddy's heart!
Dad's seem to expect more out of their sons for some reason, making it harder on the relationship, and harder on the boys.
I hear some hurt in your heart over a possible hurtful relationship with your own dad.
My husband was ripped to pieces by his dad, mentally and physically abused.  I knew his dad, and he was a beast.  My husband is a sensitive, good soul, and i see the hurt in his eyes.  I will work with them to make sure their relationship grows stronger with each day.  They are both my favoriate big and little men in my life, and i want them to have the relationship between eachother that they both deserve, they are both very very special people!
I can't wait to see all the joy they will bring to eachother.  Austin is a perfect age now to get this daddy/son relationship going, they're going to have a blast together!!!!! :)
I hope Deb is feeling better!  Just keep those hugs coming, and she will feel better as time goes on.  Just with her knowing that you love her dearly, and that she isn't alone through all this, she will begin to see the light.
I am looking forward to having my husband back, and giving him the love he needs so very very much!!!  I got so caught up in being a mommy over the past almost 9-years, that i forgot about the most special person in my life, my husband.  He is part of the reason my dream of being a mom was made possible, what better of a gift is that.  My 3rd baby, little Kayla, was a true gift of love from him.  He didn't want anymore children, but felt that was the least he could do, was to give me another baby to fill my heart!  She almost wasn't, because i saved him from an overdose back in march of '98.  I had to call 911 to revive him, so i call Kayla our gift from god.  Someone was watching over my hubby that day, and many others!  He used to do enough drugs to kill an elephant!
Give Deb a kiss and a hug, and let her know she is in my prayers as well.
You are lucky to have eachother, and i only wish you both a very happy, healthy life together!!!!
BTW, my hubby went to high school in Cherry Hill, just across the bridge i guess.  He loved that high school, had a little too much fun there if you ask me!  lol!
Lv Jenny

[Wizard]

Goodmorning darling! I just wanted to say that I am getting excited for you as the day approaches. You know we forum people are just one big family here and as we watch the everyday events go down I can't help feel like we all live on the same block. Following each others lives and helping each other through the crisis'.  You know we will be here every step of the way during YOUR recovery and I hope your husband joins us on the forum because he'll need the support also. Have a magickal day today and God Bless you and the family.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
Luv, Wiz

[PHILLYCHAD]

Thanks again for the kind words! I find it very hard to sit here on a Saturday night and not being able to do what I normally do. Of course that is drugs, and then anything becomes fun...So here we sit, bored out of our minds...Life goes on though...

[cindi]

Yor posts were both awesome..thank god my husbnd was clean wen or kids were born and he has a wonderful relationshio with them both...he did his wild rebellious gig in his teens,,and now he is the the man I have always wanted to be the father of my children... (I knew as a kid it just would not be david cassidy)the first few months even the first year of being clean is the hardest..Chad  drugs are gone now,,,so you have to fill that void,,,,find someting you love to do      (have alot of sex)  serioulsy  you have to think,,what do "earth people" do since they don"t use?    jenny   things will all fall itto place  let it happen,,,God;s will...not Jenn;s eill or Chad's will...oh yeah  there is MY will  you Will get through this and you Will be fine,,,,,,,love to all  cin

[jennyfla]

Hey girl!
I'm just so frightened tonight.
Look below at my post to wiz and milo.  I sound like an idiot, but i have these real fears, and i think someone just needs to slap me or something!
I feel panicked tonight, and just can't help it.
I've been through so very very much over these past years, and feel i can't go through this again!!
My strong self is just not quite so strong anymore i fear.
Also, once these drugs and the alcohol are gone, my loving crutch for live's woos, i'm going be like a regular person again, and my strength just won't be there anymore.  I just can't handle anymore pain in my life, i've run out of stength.  
Sorry i'm so negative, but this is how i feel.
I had nightmares last night, can't remember about what, but they were continuous all night long.  I need someone to take care of me for a change, i'm so very very tired, i just can't do it anymore.  
I'm just plain 'pooped'!
Thanks for listening.
Lv Jenny

[jennyfla]

I know it hard to figure out, now what am i supposed to do?  I have some of the same fears once i get through this hell!
Stay busy like Cindi says, and it will get easier over time as you adjust.
Have you found any good meetings in your area that you and Deb could attend?
I plan on doing this with my husband once i get through the withdrawals.  He has to go for the 90/90!
Plus, the sex idea sounds good to me.  Of course, it's been such a long long time, and i fear we've forgotten how.
(Cin, i love the riding a bike comment, you never forget!)
:)
Lv Jenny

[Wizard]

Chad, Saturday night and it sounds like you are not sitting alone and I know if you think real hard Bro, you can think of something to do! Believe me when I say, you never forget how. BUT if you did, just think of the fun you'llhave learning all over again. It gets way better the more the fog lifts. If you need any instructions, let us know and we all will get together and e-mail them to you LOL. God Bless you and yours.
Jenny, I've been reading your posts and I want to tell you that I know what you are going through. The closer it gets to d-day, The more the "Dragon" will try to get you to think about failure.
You just have to know that it's the beast talking to you and not your heart. I've followed the progression of your post from the here and now to the future and although I'm not an AA member, one thing that I think they say is "ONE DAY AT A TIME" you must do just that. Quit setting yourself up for failure. It's what the "Dragon" wants. You will succeed Girl, because you want too, and you have so many "angels" around you. Peace be with you this weekend dear.
Cin, are you just trying to confuse me again? I mean writing all those posts still, "that are not helping anybody" NOT!!!!!!!! LMAO Moon River was a hit! Rainbows to you girl!
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on us all,
Luv Wiz

[PHILLYCHAD]

I made it through another night (sat) without using any drugs. Check this out! I was woken up this morning by this lady I know trying to sell me some oxy's. How whacked is that? Anyway, I turned her down....so I guess that's cool. I got this idea in my head to do them just tommorow. I have tried this so many times before! I think that "hey!, I'll just use on Monday's" but of course it never works...I end up staying high for about a month. So tommorow another chance for me to get high will arise. I swear to god that I don't want to do it! You see, here's the deal......You guy's know that I am on workmans comp., I have a ton of time on my hands. I am waiting for this case to be setteled so I can return to work. The problem: all this time The solution: a job The catch: I blow a couple of hundred grand settelment.....you guy's see! I'm screwed. What to do? I am begining to think that a simple job at a pizza shop would be better than all the money in the world. I don't know....The fog is lifting! That part is good. Awhile ago I got ahold of alot of methadone. The point is that Deb and I have been able to get high and detox without any symptoms. Well the methadone ran out and now we are clean. If I screw up again...I will have to go back into a rehab, that is something that I never want to do again! I don't mean to sound like a broken record but I am just so freakin' mad right now. I am so insanley bored. Life just seems to take on a better light when I am high. Funny thing is: it's all fake! This is real!........talk soon, Chad

[skipper]

jenny:
calm down!
recovery is broken down into 3 areas
1) physical: Take a bath, brush your teeth, eat properly, get
enough sleep, dress in clean clothes love your self. If you have
kids do the same for them.
2) emotional: take ownership of your **** as soon as it is brought
to your attention, stay positive, go to meetings, pray for what you
need.
3)spiritual- this ones easy, take care of step one and two above
and this intangable spiritual thing will come along in  it's own
time, in it's own way so drop any preconcieved notions where it will be at or what it will be about.

my first sponcer broke it down like this for me. he also said if i get confused, 90% of the things recovery takes at the start is right smack in front of you. if you find yourself looking to far in one direction or another, you are headed for trouble. (this does not include a pile of poision (drugs). when you think about it, getting clean is simple. the hard part will be trusting the future holds a place for you clean.

i know alot of the above is real obvious stuff. i had trouble with all of these things even though i thought i new them. the
most important thing is to take care of all the little things
that are right in front of you! these are the things that will
make you relapse, not the big deals!
best of luck with going cold (i always had to do things the hard
way too.) my thoughts will be with you in the coming days.
you'll come back a better jenny
kip

[cindi]

how about school for something?  I don't know what you do ,,,a skilled trade?   whatever,,,,maybe you can enroll in some vocational school and do something that interests you..computers or something....boredom gets you into trouble  the other night I almost got beat up by 5 or 6 bored teenagers..they were hanging in the street and would not move out of my way  I almost hit one  they came after me,,,stupid me thought they would show a little "respect" or something for a person old enough to be their mom..nope  they wanted me..the girls included..well I was not intimidated....maybe I should have been but I don't scare easily...boredom = trouble.....check out your ITT school or something  how about deb?  does she work?  she can do the school thing also...there is alot of things she could do  Practical Nursing School  1 year course and they make big bucks....child care, lots of stuff.....hair nails etc..just some ideas for youto kick around......my love to deb and you    cin

[jennyfla]

Thanks guys for your support!!! :)
I'm gearing up, i'm trying to get myself phyiced for this (i can't spell, can you tell?)
Saw my hubby today, he looks great, sunburned, but great!
He's aching real bad though, his knees (one he broke years ago), and his back is hurting real bad.  I gave him a massage, so he owes me, and i know he's gonna repay that favor 1000 x over coming up here real soon.
My question, is his aches and pains just injuries he's feeling, or is it still the withdrawal even though it's been a month.  He was hooked on a load of oxys and methadone about 50mgs.  He's sleeping fine these days which is wonderful, and he says he will be ok.  He has a job interview for friday, so i'm proud of him for pursuing this so early on. He should be getting unemployment real soon.  He can watch the kids after school for a while to save money until he gets a job.  I still bring the baby to work with me.  So could be still be in withdrawal?
Now about me...  How long will i feel like ****?  I'm taking thur and fri off from work and have the weekend.  Can i make it to work Monday?  I have to go to my two kiddies orientation to meet their teachers on friday evening, my husband can stay home with the baby.  I want to meet the teachers so that's why i must go and not him, it's important to me.  At worst, i can just use the old 'i have the flu' line so people don't think i'm the walking dead.  
I lied to my husband about how much i've been using.  I told him 40 mg and he awwed at that... if he really knew the truth (sigh!)  I'm so afraid of pushing him into relapse.
One thing though, i think him being in control when i'm so sick will be a great thing.  I've had to do everything for so long now because he hasn't been capable of much.  I need to back off completely, and stop babying him all of the time, it will blow his recovery for sure.  I need to change our relationship completely, and begin to trust him and give him a chance to prove himself...  He's a wonderful person and capable of so much more than he's been showing.  He really sounds ready to face the world.
He said he just grew up this month, and i think he's going to behave like an adult from now on.  He told me a few weeks ago that he has so much he wants to do in life, he doesn't ever want to go back to the world of addiction, too much time as been wasted...  This thrills me with all my heart because it was so difficult watching him waste away on that couch day after day.  Not just sitting there watching tv or reading, just sleeping ALL of the time... i never knew someone could sleep as much as that.  No more being embarrassed when friend's stopped by or my daughters parents or friends came by and saw him on the couch over and over.  I used to use the excuse that he suffered from depression, and he did, in a way...  He was suicidal before going into rehab, this is a complete turn, and i just hope it lasts this time...
I know i know, back to me... I am going to make it to the other side, there's no other way, this is how it's going to be...  I've slipped into another level of addiction, and i've entered a world that i've seen my husband be a part of for so long.. a world of not caring about anything, fighting to get out of bed in the morning (i can't stand that, that's the worst part of this whole mess)...  once i get up and move around, i'm ok, but's it's absoluate hell getting out of bed.  I'm late everyday to work, and i'm going to loose my job if that kept up much longer.  
I can't wait to be well again, and have my husband well and someone that i love with all my heart to spend the rest of my healthy, happy life with!!!  It's gonna be great!!!!!!
Help with my questions if you can!
Pray for me, i'm so scared!!! :(
Lv Jenny

[susanlea]

One day at a time.  Do not get yourself obsessed with your husbands recovery.  If he relapses it's not because of YOU.  He is responsible for himself and he knows this! Remember...the 3 C's in Al-anon and Nar-anon.....You did not cause it...you can't control it...and you can not CURE it!  This is all up to him.  Worry about yourself, you have to come first, if you take care of yourself, than your kids you will be alright. If you are ok your kids will be ok!   Your husband is perfectly capable of doing for himself.  Concentrate on YOURSELF.  It's time to be selfish.  I will WILL call you back later this afternoon before I go to my meeting.  I wish you were here.....why don't you just come up here to VA...with the kids and stay with me while detoxing?  I know when you are in withdrawals you wouldn't call me any bad names or abuse me....HA HA....I love you girlie and am praying for you.  If you need to call me.....anytime...whether it's 3pm or 3am.  DO IT!  You must have support at all times......But do not absolutely DO NOT worry about him.  I know everyone here, especially Wiz, Thomas, Milo, JB, Cindi, Kerri and everyone else I've forgotten at the moment would say the same thing.  When you decide to cold turkey...I am sure all of us here can make a plan that one of us is constantly monoriting the forum or IM, so you are never left alone....we are all here for you, and I KNOW I can be certain that everyone will agree........WE ALL LOVE YOU JENNY......Susan

[jennyfla]

Talked to the hub this morning, and he is so excited about coming home... i see something very very different this time around!
He said he knows people shouldn't work other people's programs, BUT he's working mine, he doesn't care!!!
He's coming home with all his new knowledge that he's learned, and he going to help me save myself. Does this remind you of the prince on the white horse kinda story???
Anyway, he told me that he will do for me what they did for him at rehab, and to just trust him.  He said he wants to look into my eyes and not see 'that'!!!  What he means his he doesn't want to see dialated pupils!  A friend came by last night and asked what was wrong, i looked tired.  I said no, this is what i look like when i'm really high!  
There's some great meetings in our area, and we are both looking forward to hearing some great speakers.  My hub really enjoys the stories, she said you'd be amazed because the people don't look like druggies at all... he is floored of what they've been through.
Another thing my husband's mentioned was he wants to go to the beach a lot.  I LOVE THE BEACH!!!!  He's never wanted to go, i'm thrilled.  Maybe, just maybe, we can actually do things as a family for once...  i was getting so tired of being the single-married wife/mom.  I always had to go and do everything alone.
I will trade drugs and alcohol for a happy, healthy robert anyday!!!!
Wish me luck, tomorrow's the BIG day!!!
Lv Jenny

[Milo]

I wish you all the luck in the world, & by all means know that I am here for you whenEVER you need help! -- Milo

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I've been gone from here for more than a week.  I've been in the hosptial since last Sunday and was released this afternoon.

I remember that my last post was concerning convulsions that I was having 10 days after some 10 days after my self imposed detox from oxycodone.  In short, I awoke in the ER to be told that I was 24 hour from death!  I was septic(blood infection) and had a 104 degree body temp.  All they could do was pack me in ice and put me on some very serious IV antibiotics for seven days.

My point is, I should have seen a doctor much sooner!  My infection started out as a swelling in both lower legs(cellulitis} and got out of control during the few days that I thouhgt that I could treat myself.  By the time I stubbornly asked to go to the ER, I was halucinating and had lost control of my bodily fuctions.  

I'm home now, but pretty weak and have weeks of convalescing to go through. Worst part is that emotionally, I'm whipped.

I just thought that getting this ordeal off my shoulders would help perk me up.  You people are the greatest listeners!  J.B.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

Just an update for anyone who cares. I had the best night's sleep that I can remember last night.  Aside from the morphine and Vicodin I had in the hospital, I'm free! I was sent home with a large supply of Xanax and Vicodin but have no desire, so far, to use them.  I want to live and recover more than anything!  Maybe the blood infection I had did something to my brain to make me feel this way, I don't know. Certainly, the scare helped!  I vaguely remember screaming for the the doctor and nurses to not let me die as they held me down in convulsions
Today, I am re-learning how to walk again.  I'll make it, God willing!  I noticed that my mind is pretty slow, please read between the lines here because I don't know for sure what my point is.  J.B.

[jennyfla]

I had no idea, i'm so glad that you got the help you needed and that you are ok... My prayers are with you, and take it easy for a little while!!!
((HUGS))
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Oh my god, JB!!!  I've wondered where you have been...
Man, that must have been an absolutely terrifying ordeal, I can't imagine what a nightmare for you to have to go through.

I for one and extremely glad that you made it through it and I am sure that everyone else here will join me in saying that.

Do you have any idea how you got the infection in the first place?

Phew...I don't know what else to say, except that again I am really glad you are still among us, and I celebrate the fact that you are free and have this renewed chance to experience your life.

WW

[jennyfla]

Well here i go to go pick up my hubby!
He sounds ok, but very restless.  There's some fear in his voice, but i'm sure that is normal and he will see a way through it.
Wish me luck, i'm as ready as i'll ever be to be perfectly honest.  I don't think i will ever truly be ready, but better now before it's too late!!!!
Too much to gain, nothing to loose!!!!!!
Deep breath...  here i go!!!
Thanks to everyone for the support.
Next will be coming back saying i am fine (i'll try to keep you updated if i feel ok), and my husband should be joining for support!  You are all in my heart and my prayers!
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Hi folks, just wanted to post with an update. I wasn't online all weekend, so haven't posted in a few days, but did catch up on everyone's posts yesterday.

I'm in the midst of some very intense crisis stuff in my marriage, so am a tad withdrawn and overwhelmed.
The good news is that I am doing ok with the meds.  I have been able to take the meds appropriately for pain without chasing a high.  I'm frustrated that I am so tolerant to the meds that I don't get the pain relief that I really need, but at least they take the edge off the pain. This is the price I pay for having used them for so long to try and dull emotional pain.

I was supposed to go back to work today (I've been off work for the past two months, ever since the surgery), but my Doc let me know yesterday that he wants me off for another month of so. I'm disappointed...I really want to get my life back to normal, but in a way it is good, 'cause my concentration is shot to hell with the marital problems.

Jenny, I know today is a big day for you and I wanted to say that you are in my thoughts, and I'm sending you huge ammounts of support and positive vibes.

love to all of you,
WW

[skipper]

hey JB:
been wondering what happened to you. i guess your lucky  you
lived this one down! closest expierence i've had to this is the
old junky "cotten fever." One summer i saved all the cottens from
the spoon everytime i cooked a shot of dope down. about 2 months
of humid summer cottons-well i figured it would be a "nice shot."
Wound up almost dead from bacterial blood infection. I've also
had neadle abcesses go systemic. none of this falls anywhere near
fun. sure hope you recover quick!

kip

[Milo]

Jenny-- Good luck, you know I'm cheering for you!
J.B. -- What a nightmare! I'm glad you're doing better & am very, very glad you're still with us.
To all my friends -- If you will, please say a prayer for my father as he undergoes surgery Wednesday morning. Wiz & Cindi have the details. Thank you!

[Wizard]

I'm speechless Bro. The "Angels" were watching for sure. I guess your job here isn't done.....to everyones advantage. As far as you saying you didn't know what your point was...let me assure you that YOU are the point. Thank God we have you! I'll keep you in my prayers. Get well soon.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on you and your family,
Wiz

[Wizard]

Good luck girl. Today IS the first day of the rest of your life for sure. And by the way I don't want to hear any of this stuff about you will keep us informed IF you are doing ok. I think I'm speaking for all here when I say we want to hear from you even if your not feeling ok. Hell, that's what we stay here for darling. It's a fact that you are gonna have some"crappy" times for a bit and that's when we need each other the most! YOU STAY in touch or I'll bombard you with spam trying to get you to stuff envelopes LOL. You and your hubby stay with us. God Bless and Keep you and you will be in my prayers.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on U 2,
luv, Wiz

[Wizard]

Just "know"! Rainbows and Wizard Dust at you always!
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light on U 2,
luv, Wiz

[Witchywoman]

I am having a moment here you guys...so I'm warning you that I about to get way mushy...

I'm just so struck by the unconditional caring and support that everyone on the forum gives...it is so deep and real!
When my mom was in her early recovery years, she used to say to me that she was very grateful she was an alcoholic, because it led her to AA, and she used to tell me that she's never seen a place or a people that were more loving than a bunch of recovering drunks. lol  She's been sober since the day after my 12th birthday, 26 years ago.
I now know what she meant.
As I get through this, I actually am already grateful that I am an addict, because through my addiction recovery, I am getting to see and experience a depth of compassion that I've never encountered before, and it is melting some part of my heart that has been guarded so much of my life.

Thank you everyone.

WW

[skipper]

hey you:
i've told this story beforefirst-
my first sponcer in a 12 step program told me "he was going to
love and care about me and there wasn't a damm thing i could do
about it!" pretty powerful words from some one who scooped me out of the gutter and took me into his own house to live. I just could
not look at ripping off another drugstore. i couldn't do any more
time. i did not have the strength to go another city block, i was
waiting for the police to pick me up and figure out what the **** to do with me. 20 years of the hell bound train of addiction and
i got an 18 year reprieve, because of this man. he was one of the
old timers who did things the way the old timers in akron did them. He didn't need the new treatment centers. He's been dead for
16 years now. Now i feel the intractable pain from 2 neck surgurys
will put me back on the hell bound train of iv drug abuse.
but then  i hear his voice in my head-
learn to love yourself
take care of the things in front of you
take ownership of your own ****
it's the little things that lead you to relapse, not the big deals


sure wish he was really here instead of in my heart. guess i'm
awfully lucky to have hime there. Your lucky to have a mother
with 26 years clean. maybe now you have equal ground to get to
know each other on.

mocha the cat is back home and returning to her spitfull self.

need all of you people
kip

[skipper]

Hey milo:
lets see now- your one of the older dudes that is either 50 or
damm close, if my drug addled memory serves me at all. That must
put your dad at preety close to my dad's age. don't know what is
going on tomarrow, but if you say pray-consider it done. hope to hear from you soon
kip

[cindi]

JB:   I had absolutely no idea you were having any type of problems such as the cellulitis,,,JB  do you realize haw lukcy you are and how lucky we are to have you back..Sepsis is nothing to play around with...As a matter of fact that is what killed my mom,,,,her resistance was low in the first place from the massive doses of prednisone she had been taking for her emphysema, so of course she could not fight off the infection I had been wondering how you had been but figured you were just taking it easy cuz of all the heat etc..at least you are back with us....as I am sitting here typing this and re-reading your post I got to thinking   and I am not saying this to be a smartass or anything but we addicts,,,will be the first to run to the Doc for opiates the minute we fart sideways..but in a situation that a doc really is necessary we tend to want to treat ourselves...and JB, in no way am I saying this re: your particualar situation,,,I have done it myslef  twisted my ankel and hobbled to the doc but got pneumonia and waited till I was gasping in pain before i called....go figure...anyway my friend,  glad you are ok  take it easy..and please take precautions against this heat....you are not far from me and we (Ohio) are miserable...and how is Marty?  God be with you both  and a speedy recovery         love to all   cin

[cindi]

JB,  I just read your other post,,,I read between the lines,,,,maybe I am wrong but,,,,each day we as humans, are so caught up in this, that and the other,  we complain about this one and ***** about that...then one day something happens that enables us to open our eyes and really take a look around...and appreciate every second we have on this earth...no matter how bad things get,,,it takes a tragedy or near tragedy to really makes us realize it is far better to count our blessings than to spend our time getting pissed off at things such as the person that does 30 in a 60 zone...my point....(of course you know by now I have to write a book before I get to the point) live every moment as though it is your last..we only go round once,,,love you my friend

MILO:   My prayers have been with you and your dad,,,,from your E mail to me the other day it sounds like he has the good on his side...and we are all pulling for him,,Tomorrow is the day he has his Surgery,,,,Wednesday...did you know that there is a "chief" Angel for each day of the week?  Raphael is Wednesday's angel and ironically Raphael is the angel of healing and creativity?  He is also the Guardian angel for the human race?  my prayers are with the both of you    you know how to get me if you need to talk  

JENNY..Remember,    One minute at a time....you can do this...like Wiz said,,the first day of the rest of your life, your lives....for better or for worse.....the two of you are on Jen,,,,What God has joined together,,,,Let no man put assunder,,,,,you also know how to get me if you need me...I will be online later to answer the mail you sent me.....about feeling like crapola.....it may not even be as bad as you think.....start your detox on a wednesday and have the angel Raphael help you out..he is also the angel for those in search of a spiritual quest....you know I love you and I am here for you....ok   Cynthia. (my real name)..means  Goddess of the Moon,,,,,all of you tonight  when the moon is out,,,,,,look up in the sky and look for my face..it, along with my love for all of you  will be shining down on you....

Wiz,  what can I say,,your magick is always surrounding me...along with your rainbows and dust...my love to all of my friends..and WW<<<<<<go ahead and get mushy,,,I would give you an angel but I have to ask you this first and I don't want to sound dumb or anything cuz I don't kwow a thing about the Wiccan religion but do you believe in angels?  if so...then Gabriel....the strength......love to all                 cindi

[Witchywoman]

Thanks kip..your posts always have a way of reaching straight into my heart.  The way you write really reminds me of all the old timer AA folks I met when I was a kid. My mom's sponsor was a lot like you describe your first sponsor.  She is now in her 70's, and has many years of sobriety, and she pulled my mom straight out from the grasp of death. My mom was in real bad shape. Drunk all the time, had blood in her urine, used to throw up blood..she was dying, that is the bottom line.  My mom would take me to meetings with her once she got really into her recovery, to help me see how good they were, so I'd not feel ashamed that she proudly proclaimed that she was an alcoholic.

I've not told my mom about my addiction. She knows I'm on the meds, but she doesn't know that I've ever abused them. I guess that would probably be a good step for me to take when I am ready. Like any dyed in the wool codependant, even after all this time, I have this irrational but deep seated fear that if I tell her, she'd be so upset that she would go back to drinking.
Oi..how's that for feeling all powerful? LOL  One of my best therapists used to tell me over and over when I'd say such things "You simply are not that powerful"

Kip, how have you been handling your pain? I'm still pretty new on this forum, so I don't think I know your full current situation. Are you on medication for the pain?
My biggest question is how the hell to take the meds responsibly, without doing the addict dance...I'm slowly, very slowly, learning a little bit about what it means to be in recovery and still taking pain meds, 'cause I really do need them. I'd love to hear more about how you are dealing with it.

I'm also so glad to hear that Mocha is back!!!! Give mocha a little pat for me, if she (or he) lets ya.  Two of my four kitties got their teeth cleaned today and they are giving me dirty looks for so deeply betraying them LOL

ok..that is my book for now.

WW

[PHILLYCHAD]

Wow! thats all I can say after reading all of the above posts! I hope everyone is ok...Chad

[susanlea]

Sorry to break the thread, but BIG issue on OXTCONTIN in this weeks People magazine, the August 13th issue with Prince WM and Prince Harry on the cover(not about them)  Thought you guys may want to take a look at this.......The widespread addiction is unbelievable.....love you guys, Susan

[skipper]

it's me:
i defer my pain. i'm trying (so far without much success) to
strike balence between pain control and whole hog oil-burning
junky. Right now i'm in day 3 no oxy. I've had 2 cervical neck
procedures in last two years with suicide attempt in between.
My neck is SCREAMING pain at me but no jones so far.(check out
my post above). don't if it's Thomas's & Pilpoppas vitamen/amino
acid mix or what.

i usually have no urge to drink ethel, but have current day-dream
of getting bottle of Mad Dog & 2 pacs of camel straights. by the
time i've walked to store, (usually after disagreements with wife)i change my mind and get ice tea to go.i can be a real ass-
hole when i'm in pain, so it's usually my defects of character that are the issue---progress not perfection.

keep your thumb on the plug
kip

[Milo]

Well, my dad's having major surgery this morning, & since he's in his late '70's, I'm nervous as hell. I thank everyone who has shared kind words & prayers & will keep you posted of course.
Kip -- I'm actually a little younger, late '30's. But sometimes I think I was born old! How are you doing these days?
-- nervous Milo

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

Cindi was right about my compromised immune system.  Diabetes, low red cell count, low platelet count added to the problem.  When you add opiods to the equation it gets worse.  I had no open cuts or sores so the infection came from within my body and spread quickly to my blood.  My kidneys took quite a blow to say the least! I've never been so sick in my life and don't want to go through this again.

I'd love to be able to care about each and everyones' problems here but I'm scared for myself right now and focused on recovering.  I'm going stay away from here for a while and heal up.  Thank you all for your kind support!  J.B.  I'll be back!

[Wizard]

Just letting you know that you and your father are in my thoughts and prayers this morning. God bless and keep you both.
Power & Magick 2U,
Peace & Light on us all,
Wiz

[Wizard]

Hey Bro, the same goes for you as I said to Milo. You take all the time you need to heal. You certainly had one hell of a blow to you system man. You just "know" in your heart that you are in our thoughts and prayers as is your family. I'll be sending the Wizard dust your way!
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Healing Light on U 2,
Wiz

[skipper]

hey good people:
If any one has been watching the tramadol posting they will know
what this is about. i fear i've really made a mess out of trying to help ?P-A!. I just got thru talking to the wife of the ortodox
serbian priest. Right now serbia is one of the most closed off
area on earth. Both electronically and people just coming and going. Imagine this addict reaching from around the world to us
for help & at great risk and grave consequences to him self. i
don't know about the rest of you , but it really sent a shiver up
my spine!
so far it seems i've just made a big mess, and i apoligise to all
other forum participants. i take full ownership of this mess and
will stay withit til it's delt with. I don't know about a serbian
translator being available. Ya hata appreciate my conversation with her (the Priest's wife). hi i'm a rcovering drug addict trying to find a serbian translator-- it took me 45 minutes to
convince her i was on the up and up.
well anyhow i feel like a major **** heal for boching this so
badly. I promise I will do my best to clean up this mess i've made. Again i'm really sorry!
kip

[Witchywoman]

Hiya Kip,
I am looking over posts, and trying to see any way in which you have botched anything up, and I"m coming up with nothing.

What makes you think you did anything wrong? To my eye, it looks like you are doing all you can to reach out to this person, across the language barrier and whatever other cultural and political barriers are in the way.

It looks to me like you are persistant and compassionate, if that is a crime, then arrest me, 'cause I want to improve my skills to match yours.

love,
WW

[Wizard]

Kip, you should of recieved my e-mail earlier but I'm going on record here on the forum to tell you:
YOU OWE NO ONE, I REPEAT NO ONE, an apology. You are going above and beyond the call of duty in this instance Brother. The situation is what it is. It's the cruel realitiy of the world we live in. I stand by what I said before when I wrote that I am ashamed that I haven't helped when I didn't feel good. You are one of the "ANGELS" of this forum...STAND TALL Brother. God Bless you and keep you.
P.& M. 2 U,
P.& L. 2 U 2,
Wiz

[skipper]

Thanks guys--maybe i set the bar too high for myself--but i'm 50,
i don't have time to fail---
this ******* world and it's pollitics--it all seems so useless &
senseless--
Let us praise the brave mothers of Belfast, for they cast their
differences aside- religion & centuries of hatered--please God
give me the courage of the brave mothers of belfast.
love ya both
lost kip

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

The ole wizard dust and prayers are working wonders!  I had to go back to the hospital yesterday to be fitted with surgical hose and I walked the whole way with only a cane!

Marty and I went back to visit the ward I was on and gave the nurses a bouquet of flowers and candy in appreciation for the excellent care I was given.  Lot of hugs and tears.  The head ward nurse said, "I promised you I wouldn't let you die, now it's all up to you!".  These people are angels and very special. Very special,indeed. And not thanked enough for what they do!  J.B.

[cindi]

JB:  I am so  glad you are doing better.....they wouldn't let you die and neither will we...we love and need you too much,,,

skipper....I'm With wiz and WW,,what the hell have you done so wrong and made a mess of..?   the only thing I can figure out is you have went out of your way to try and help a fellow human being in desperate need of help..hmmmmmm  now, if that is so wrong then our world is a bit back asswards..  this man lives in Bum **** egypt closed to ther est of the world and if he is caught then he is exiled to siberia or something?  I don;t know about you but to me your help has earned you one of those spots in heaven also...we love and need you here to....love to all    cin

[skipper]

i feel all locked up, shot up and cindi won't even talk to me
no more.

hope everthing ok with you. won't be able to get to my e-mail for
several days (next wed. or thur.). Nosy sister and mother in town!
Bad bad bad medicine. tummy aches & big pains in ass. will want to
bear **** out of sister before all over.

need all of you
kip

[niccee]

I have been following your post with this guy. I even made the comment to my family what a great person you are for trying to help. Please don't beat yourself up. I can't see a thing you did wrong. You have gone way way out of your way to be helpful.

[skipper]

Chad:
so sorry to here about your misfotuneate expierence with the zinc/mag supplements. I totally agree with any one running this stuff by their doc. first. now most docs will just laugh at you, but willlet you know if your puttin yourself in danger when it comes to vitmen supplements of any kind. I've had good result with copper, zink,mag,& manganese. one thing to keep in mind about supplements of any kind is not to overdo them! at the very least, your going to wind up with some of the most expensive urine in the world!
about turning 30--my 20s were the worst decade of my life! now my
30s were the best so far. my 40s were almost as good as my 30s. now i'm 50--- **** i'm an old fart & half the time it's great. Don't get caught up in the "all the time i've wasted using drugs" stuff. If some of it hadn't been *fun* you wouldn't have done it in the first place. if you are like me, you just didn't know when the party was over. (ever had the host ask you to leave-'cause everyone else had?) at the age of 43 i realized i'ld ****** up just one more thing! See i never planned to live past 40. I'ld been clean about 4 years when this happened. my first reaction was to run around like a chicken with my head cut off, no 401k, not enough advancement in carrer,no stock portfolio...

Chad: If your 30s (clean) aren't the best decade thus far, I will
buy you a hype full of what ever poision you desire. Now see you
do have one reasion to go 10 more years. all that other straight
people stuff wll come to pass when you are ready for it. Right
now just do the old one day at a time stuff.

i used to wake bewidered at
my actions and this world around me.
i was a small person in a world getting smaller.

now i awake bewondered to
a world that grows ever larger to me
the smaller and more humble i become.

see the possibilitys-
need you, need everone
kip

[cindi]

U are leveing for a few days too?  ****!!!!!  you and wiz wn't be around  I am sending you mail..........love to all  cin

[cindi]

SKIP  I sent you mail but I forgot you get it when you are at work Your wife knows about what is going on...i think I may have mentioned all my problems and my doc has not ruled out uterine cancer,,,,but guess what  I am not going to worry about it  i am seeing a doc in a few weeks,,I really have not been on the forum all that much   , my little girl came home from a sleepover writh a fever of 102 and climbing....i slept most of the day with her a beautiful sunny hot day   and I slept..i could kick myslef in the ass then iwent and rented a movie   Autumn in New York   a chick flick  hey doug watched his stuff the other day.....LOL and BTW SKIP      GILLIGAN would never forget about his buddy skipper..... what am I going to do without you and wiz the next few days........and KERRIE,,,was it you asking about MS contin,,,I think it was JB that gave you the good advice it is addicting but to a lesser degree than oxys etc.  I will send you some email later on today   i am going to throw dinner in the crock pot and get busy but my kear Kerrie I have not forgotten about you either..i love you all     cin

[skipper]

cindi:
just gone from work! will still post. may sneak in (at night) to
check e-mail or get away from family. Wound up in ER last night.
Neck pain unbearable. ER doc said get new pain Doc & gave me
shot of dilaudid. When you get that stuff IM it's hard to tell
difference from MS except it seems to last longer. Must go take
bath & get ready for mommy & sis!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[jennyfla]

Hi Guys!
I'm happy to here your dad is doing better, i've been so busy with my own 'life' lately, i can't keep up! Prayers!

Now Kip, i guess i missed something somewhere down the line, but i doubt it, would you please stop being so hard on yourself.
You are always here for me and so many others on this board, you just need to stop being so mean to yourself!
I don't know what you think you did, but i am sure it's not neary as severe as you think it is...
Just keep trying to be strong, and allow yourself your time to feel bad if that's what you want.  You are a person in a lot of pain, and i just couldn't imagine what you must be feeling!
You're in my thoughts and my heart!
Lv Jenny

[Witchywoman]

Cindi..ACK! I must have missed something, because I had not realized that your doctor is ruling out uterine cancer for you.

Oh my god woman..how are you feeling? You constantly amaze me with your wise words and loving, supportive heart..I've not posted to you much, but wanted you to know that though I don't know you well yet, I have a great deal of respect for you.

Can you say more about what is going on medically for you? I hope that it turns out to be nothing threatening.

love,
WW

[Milo]

Hey Kip, I'm right there in line with the others -- you are a great asset to the forum and a blessing in our lives! Don't ever forget...
WE need YOU!
--Milo

[skipper]

cindi:
i really aint locked up,
nor am i really shot up (right now)
but cindi still won't talk to me!!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[skipper]

Question:
whats more useless than junk to junkies who are clean?
Answer: other junkies who are still using!.

Just read this out of naked lunch by WS Buroughs. It sort of woke
me up to one of the ways i got clean. It is a whole lot easier to
avoid temptation, than it is to resit it!!!!!! Just hope someone
out there who needs to hear this does!!!
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[skipper]

Milo:
Wat's happening? Please post and tell us how things are going!!!

[Milo]

Well, without going into tons of medical detail, basically my dad is OK but is going to have to have chemo/radiation in a couple of weeks. Good news is that he's recovering amazingly well from surgery, and even better, the treatments should leave him completely free of cancer. I just hope it isn't too rough on him, but he's pretty tough. These past couple of weeks have been nerve-wracking to say the least, plus I've been extremely depressed. Feeling a bit better now, though, & hope to resume posting more regularly.
Kip, I was just thinking about you & your dad last night. What ever happened, & how's he doing? BTW, I agree with you that if you have to take pain meds to travel to see him, it is definitely worth it. With each year that goes by, I realize more & more how precious our time with our families really is.
-- Milo

[skipper]

Milo:
I'm pleased to hear that your father's health is in a more stable
condition. It sounds like his doc was a good cutter. both you and
your father will be in my prayers.
keep an angel on your shoulder.
kip

[Kerrie]

Hi everyone. Cindi, I hope everything turns out good for you. I will put you on our prayer list at church. I hate to even dump anything else on you all but I'm  in need of your prayers.
    I went to Vanderbilt hospital today to see a gastro specialist. I have to have a test Thursday to see if I'm a good candidate for the reflux surgery. He wasn't too sure about my doctors diagnosis on Friday of Colitis or possibly Chrones disease. He said the biopsies the doctors have done on my colon and intestines over the last few years are useless in checking for Amyloid. He said I have to have a surgeon do it because it requires a deep biopsy. He said my colon being so small and the inflamation (inflammation) sound more like Amyloidosis. I can't tell you how tired I am of all the biopsies and tests. he wanted to know why I've waited so long to have this surgery on my esophagus. Give me a break. Would he ask that if he'd had 14 major surgeries in 10 years? I don't mean to sound so weak but I've had a bad day with pain,I had to ride 2 hours to get to Nashville to see the doc and 2 hours back home. Then I'm leading music all week at vacation Bible school and I'm so tired. Mentally and physically.
  Cindi, you'll be alright. I know you will. I'll close for now and try to rest. I haven't been doing much sleeping lately because of pain and diahrea 24 / 7. write me soon.
  Wiz, send me some rainbows. I know there's always one after the storm but I'd love one to get through all this.
  God Bless Everyone,
     Kerrie

[skipper]

Kerrie:
did you say 14 surgurys in 10 years!!!!?
wow & i thought 2 cervical neck procedures in 2 years gave me some
pissing & moaning rights! one thing i've learned about surgeons
is they all like to use their sharp little knives to cut on you.
i would not be so bitter about my past 2 surgerys, but damm, i
have yet to realise any relief from them. This neuro surgeon of mine has gotten to the "end" of helping me. there is so little
left of one vertabrae that he (the cutter) can't put any more
screws into it. SO--- a pat on the back and "learn to live with it." I think i've been shoved out in the cold.

keep an angel on your shoulder,never mind what the sad folks say
kip

[Milo]

Kerrie -- Bless your heart. Without doubt you've had to endure more trouble, pain, and misery than any person should. I can relate *somewhat* (I wouldn't for a second compare your problems to mine, which aren't nearly as bad) having digestive problems all my life. Off the top of my head I've had barium swallows, barium enemas (not the worst day of my life but up there near the top), and of course the ever-popular proctosigmoidoscopy, which made me feel like I was the wishbone at Thanksgiving dinner! Have had chronic, severe indigestion (would probably be diagnosed today as reflux), chronic severe nausea (pyloric valve spasm), chronic diarrhea & IBS...problems pretty much from one end to the other! So my prayers and *empathy* are with you. After 30+ years of trial & error, they've finally worked out a regimen that keeps these problems under control. I sincerely pray that you will find relief also.
Kip -- The same goes for you, my friend, except that I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to be in that much pain. You seem pretty stoic about pain. I'm a complete wimp. I keep you in my prayers as well and hope you somehow find a solution to these problems. -- Bless both your hearts, Milo