does it get better?

Hi, im new here and have struggled with opiate addiction for about 6 years.  I started off by getting a script for 120 of the 5mg hydrocodone for a mild back injury (I knew that I didn't need that many).  For some reason they gave me energy and a nice euphoric feeling rather than knocking me out which is what happens to most other people I know.  The energy was just what I needed since I was taking 21 college credit hours that semester while working full time and I also had to drive 1.5 hours to school and work and 1.5hrs home everyday.  I quickly began using the pain meds just to get through the day and began increasing the dose which quickly led to purchasing norco 10s from a guy I worked with and he ALWAYS had more.  After burning through my life savings and racking up the credit cards my family conducted an intervention on me but I was already looking for a way out for a while.  I was placed on 32mgs of suboxone daily to start with and over the next 2 years I tapered down to 2mgs daily then I jumped off.  The prescribing doctor told me that there would be absolutely no withdrawal from the suboxone but I found out that was a big fat lie.  I lasted 1 month off of the suboxone before I relapsed.  My relapse lasted 1 and a half months before I found a new sub doctor who started me on 12mgs.  I recently tapered down and quit the suboxone and once again I lasted a month before I relapsed.  I am only taking 30- 40mgs of hydrocodone daily and am tapering down again to quit- I've been taking the hydros for about 3 weeks.  The only reason that I took the hydros was because I just don't believe that I'm going to get any better than I felt 1 month after suboxone and believe me- 1 month after quitting the suboxone I still felt like microwaved crap!  I really just need to hear from someone who's been in a similar situation the truth about how long it takes to get back to normal after suboxone.  I'm not even sure I know what normal is anymore but I'm pretty sure the way I felt was not normal.  Somebody please help reassure me-  I don't want to be an addict anymore but I know I will fight this for the rest of my life.  Thanks for any help, suggestions, or advice that can be given.

[Innerstrength67]

Hi lovetunafishing. I know you asked for someone to respond who has been on sub and I haven't but wanted to say hi and to tell you that you have come to the right place. I was a hard core vicodine addict for two years, landed in the hospital to detox, went out again. So I know what it feel like to relapse. But the reason I relapsed was because I wasn't getting any help. I wasn't doing aftercare. Putting down the pills is the easy part. Well maybe not the WD, but I have found living life without pills is challenging at first but each day it does get  better. It's a choice. You either keep poping and it will get worse or you have to jump in. Addiction is like a merry go round and we have to be pretty sick and tired before we jump off.
Hope this helps.

[laurel453]

i don't have experience with sub but i will let someone who has, a note about your post....Also, YES, there is hope.... i have seen a lot of people coming off suboxone here and  it takes time... the lack of energy and motivation linger for quite some time but they get back to feeling well ... did you have any kind of aftercare to prevent your relapse ? you need some help and not being alone on your recovery, much more considering the prior relapses, give yourself any chance now, pls..

[Innerstrength67]

The bottom line is this. It will only get better when you put down the pills. It will not, if you keep popping!

[lovetunafishing]

yes, I have had aftercare- NA and AA meetings along with an outpatient rehab program.   Please don't judge- I just can't get past the higher power thing as I am an atheist.  I have no problem at all with religious people except when they are in my face pushing their own personal views.  I have tried opening my heart to spirituality but as I have a strongly scientific background I seem to have a hard time accepting that which I cannot see.  If someone with similar views has succeeded in their recovey I would love to hear from you and how you came through this hell that many of us deal with.  Thanks to all that have given suggestions- every little bit helps by increasing my will power! thanks to all!

[lovetunafishing]

Also- Suboxone is NOT a good idea for anyone who is considering using it as a way out of a vicodin habit.  It may be wonderful for a heroin or dialudid habit but I think it is the devil and gets its claws way to deep into you and contrary to what I have read it does give you somewhat of a high or euphoric feeling.  Some may disagree but this is simply my experience and we are all different.  My sub doctor told me this time that the withdrawals would only last five days- totally a lie.  I told him that I was still struggling with some lingering symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, and panic type issues and he told me that it was all mental- would not give me anything for sleep or anxiety and simply told me it was all in my head and I just needed to rework the first three steps of AA and that would solve it.  Well, I did rework the steps with a sponsor and I still have the same symptoms and now he thinks that I am just lying, dreaming it up, and drug seeking eventhough I have never had a problem with any sleeping pills or anxiety medications.  In fact, he put me on klonopin when I started the suboxone and told me that I would be given in again when it quit the sub but now he has decided that all I need is and antidepressant and to work the NA or AA steps to solve my lingering symptoms.  I'm no doctor but I do know that I don't feell right and now they look at me like I'm drug seeking.  If i was drug seeking I sure as hell wouldn't be going to an addictionologist to get them- i' m just trying to be honest and ask for help.  Paying over $100 per visit to be told to go to AA or NA is very frustrating especially since he knows that I already go.  WTF?

[atthebeach]

i think you would be interested in this thread.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Addiction-Alcohol-Drug-Rehab/My-Faithlessness-The-atheist-way-through-AA/show/1583658

[donewitis]

"but I think it is the devil and gets its claws way to deep into you" Yet speaking of God is a problem?

I know a guy who has like 34 years clean/sober..for a period of time he also had a problem with "Higher Power"...he would walk in the room(s) and say..that radiator in the corner is my higher power. Period. It worked for him....
He was a great friend.

i have 42 days opiate free..I can hardly believe it after 4 years daily use of oxy. I was looking into Rapid Detox...possibly Subs..really scared and really ignorant. Thankfully I found this forum and they said calm down...take this a step at a time. I am very glad that I didn't get involved with the suboxone but be that as it may..you now have to build yourself, your body, your brain receptors back up...and that's where Thomas's Recipe comes in..also see Amino Acid Protocol..(Bottom right hand side of this page) these things help with the w/d. But "you have to be ok not being ok for awhile". I just look at it like, hey it took 4 years to get me to this place...Acceptance is key. You can do this..
Please keep posting..there are many here who have know more about sub..and they will be here tomorrow, Im sure.
Wishing the Best for you. for your life

[atthebeach]

but I think it is the devil and gets its claws way to deep into you" Yet speaking of God is a problem?

i had the same thought
you believe in the devil but not GOD?

[atthebeach]

oh yes addiction is the devil, right from the pits of hell

[morkalith]

Hey there,
  Unfortunately, people are going to judge you not only for your addiction but also for your beliefs. I am Wiccan and my boyfriend is Atheist and we go through this all the time especially since my father and grandfather were both ministers. I am not going to judge you for either and am here to offer support and understanding. I have read too many posts on here where the posts are soooo judgmental and ignorant. I have RSD or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy and I suffer from chronic pain daily. I was diagnosed over 3years ago and have been on all types of different medications. The only medication that seems to work is pain medication and that is just how it is. The reason these drugs are made are for people who are in dire need and suffer from pain. If you are not in pain any longer and aware that you have a problem then you've already made the first step which is admitting that you have a problem. Please don't stop looking for a good doctor who will listen to you and help you with this. They are out there. It took me over 2 years to find mine. Oh, also I should mention that I am also 19 weeks pregnant and my doctor is helping me manage my pain throughout my pregnancy safely. You are paying the doctor to help you not to say it's all in your head or it's mind over matter. That's a load of ********. Find a different doctor, PLEASE!
   I have been researching Suboxone for a friend of mine for a while now because she is also addicted to pain pills and can't afford her habit anymore. So she is going to go to the Methadone clinic in her area which provides Suboxone therapy as well. I don't know if she will ever be off of everything because for one she is an addict and for another she is a waitress and that is very hard on her body so she is constantly hurting and the desire is just too much for her.  I think Donewitis mentioned how long it took to form this habit and overcoming could take just as long. The fact is that if you are an addict you will always be an addict just a recovering one. That is ok and nothing to be ashamed about. If you need to stay on the Suboxone to stay away from pain pills then so be it, do it. At least that way you are managing your issue rather than spending your hard earned money on the black market. You will also get alot more support that way. I commend you for what you are trying to do but don't be so hard on yourself. Take your time and most importantly take care of yourself. I can't stress enough the importance of finding a good doctor that you can have an open and honest relationship with. That in itself will make you feel so much better. Good luck to you...Blessed Be, Jennie