don't really know what to do

a while back, i decided i was addicted once again to barbiturates. most people have never experienced a real barbiturate "high"...it's much different than a benzo "high"...if thats what you would call it. well, i decided i was going to stop...and yet here i am. i haven't quit taking them. i think i'm at a cross-roads where i'll either end up giving into the addiction and let the drug have me, or i'll get sober and never go back to it again. last time i posted, i don't know how similar this is to a benzo addiction. i've had benzo's and never had an urge to take them for anything other than what they were intended for. i do not seek drugs. really, i only seek this drug. i got hooked when i was 10 before i ever knew what addiction was. at about 15, i finally got off of them....but not by choice. thank god i did or i'd be dead...but it wasn't a choice of my own. it was made for me. now i'm an adult and that choice can't be made by anyone but me. the years i went sober...i'd still think about it. i'd think about how beautiful the high would be and how easy it'd be to find a doctor to give it to me...and one day i gave in. i didn't really intend to...i was at the doctors office and the opportunity arose, and i took it. i told him it'd worked in the past and he was more than willing to give it to me again. i didn't plan it before i went...just spur of the moment. now i'm taking a relatively safe dose...but the problem is that i take it daily and have for the past couple years. there is ALWAYS the urge to take more. thats the most dangerous part of barbiturates...more is never enough and a tolerance is built so quickly, but the lethal dose is relatively unchanged. anyway...i keep it mostly in check but who knows how long i'll be able to. i always thought i'd be able to keep the urge to take them again in check...that didn't work out so well. my point is i can't seem to stop on my own even though this dose is somewhat low. i've stoped smoking for 2 months after smoking more than a pack a day for over 10 years. that was even easier than it is to simply stop taking this medicine. from what i've read...barbiturate addiction is much closer to alcohol addiction than it is to benzo addiction. sadly i can't find anyone who can relate to me because barbiturates are dead drugs not used very commonly outside hospitals. but i'm sure a lot of people here can relate in other ways. so my question is when you're finding it nearly impossible to control your own addiction...and you truly fear giving that control to someone else...what do you do? whats the best option? i'm really getting scared of what will happen if i can't get away from this drug...but i don't know how to go forward. it's almost the response you'd get when you try to punch yourself in the face....generally you can't do it nearly as hard as you could punch a punching bag because of your own involuntary desire to NOT harm yourself....thats the kind of reflex action i get when i think about confessing my addiction to my wife and giving her control of my meds....or getting her support. once i take that step, i've got to quit. or if i tell my doctor. i'm not sure what to do....and i feel pretty alone in all this because i know my wife wouldn't know how to handle this even if i told her. also i despise myself every time i take a pill. every single time i do it because of the addiction...not to get high anymore. not to feel good and relaxed. i do it because if i dont, i start to get very angry and go a little crazy. i hate myself for allowing this addiction but i don't know how to fix it. since i'm completely at a loss as to what direction i should go...any advice would be appreciated.

[Kevin_Bacon]

What barb are you taking? I've been around for longer than I expected, and when I was young, I did my share. Why do think the pharma folks came up with benzos? Barbiturate o.d.s

You can't just stop. Switch to benzos (the result of finding an alternative to barbs -- hence their scarcity.) as soon as your doctor says to (barb w/ds can kill you), switch over when he okays it (you might have to taper off the barbs), and have him/her supervise a longish w/d from the benzo when the time comes. Get barbituric acid out of your system, under medical supervision.

What's the brand name? There are mixtures of fast- and slow-acting formulations (Amytal, Tuinal, etc), and they're, as you've found out, VERY addictive.

You need a doctor, preferably an addiction specialist, to get you through this. I know what happens -- you're so bombed on them, you can't remember how much you took. Then you O.D. and you might die.

Trust me on this -- you might have to follow a taper before you switch, but you can't do this without medical help, assuming you want to live. I'm not being a drama queen here --do it.

[scaredmom330]

I guess I am confused but explain to me the difference between  barbiturates and benzo's. are they the same meds but the barbiturates are just stronger? I agree you need to discuss this with your doctor and have him help you withdraw. you are killing two birds with one stone, the doctor will help you get off of them and then not prescribe anymore. Read the thomas recipie and amino acid protocol. Tell your wife, you will need her support and assistance in your withdraw. take it one day at a time, keep your headup and know there are so many people here to help and support you.

[10356]

I  would suggest being open and honest with your Dr. This was the only way I was able to get someone to be accountable and he is the one prescribing them.. I know of the anger you speak of as I had felt the wrath of a reds (barbiturates) anger from my step father many times.. I also had spent some time taking phenobarbital.. Your frame of mind when quitting will go a long way in remedying this.. Our minds are powerful tools and once used to make a firm commitment can be very useful in how we act.. Our attitudes change when we bring the change on ourselves and is not forced on us by running out early.. Find a meeting in you area for support NA or AA either will help you to get through the severe mood swings.. I wish you well on your journey.. lesa

[toejam_muncher]

keven_bacon:
the reason i haven't gone to the benzo's yet is because i'm somewhat affraid of replacing one addiction with another. i'd rather just stop, but i know medically that's not a good idea...plus i don't know if i can. also there's been a lot of horror stories with benzo's. when i was taking xanax, i would get really mad over the stupidist things. kind of like i do when i withdraw from barbs. but...i guess that really is the best alternative. xanax is the only benzo i've had...maybe if i'm brave enough to tell my doctor, she'll know of something that would work better for me.

as far as the difference between barbiturates and benzo's...barbiturates are closer to getting you very very drunk but even more potent than just being drunk and can produce euphoria.

[boogieman]

this is very simple. do you really want to quit? if so there is a solution. it works for benzos, barbs, opiates, alcohol and more. but you really have to want it. please advise and take care,   gm

ps---i've been hooked on butalbital so i can relate

[tarheelmama]

what's the solution?????

[Kevin_Bacon]

I'm back. The solution, as I stated earlier, is to get medical help -- you have no choice. If you stop cold, you'll probably go into convulsions and there's a good chance you'll die. You have to medically detox from these nasty, nasty drugs -- you're right; in some ways, it's like taking a pill that's half-a-bottle of vodka in one dose.This can't be handled like a narcotic addiction -- the stakes are too high.

Benzos are unrelated chemically. I doubt you can just switch. I wouldn't try them until you've safely detoxed from barbs.It is virtually impossible to take a fatal overdose of benzo's -- unless you throw alcohol or other downers into the mix. They're addictive, but you can medically taper from them (you can taper from benzos at home, if you really mean it).

How much of what are you taking? Start cutting back, slowly, and see a doctor.