down day

[Ariel0894]

I'm struggling with a lot of sadness and depression today.  Fighting hard to stay on 30mg but having lots of cravings.  My rent is due today but I can't pay it until next week, first time I've ever been that late and it's because my addiction increased so much within the past few months that I'm behind on everything.  Even so, I always made paying rent on time a priority, so this is a new low.  Just tough when you make the decision to get better and everything is still so hard. Any, could use some support, I think today is one of those days where it could very quickly become an emotional downward spiral.

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Check with your County's Mental Health Department.  They should have all sorts of referrals for groups, counselors, etc that work on a sliding scale basis.  You should not go without the help if you need it.  All it takes is a phone call....

[jifmoc]

YAY for reeses, my fave too.

And yay for the shift in your thinking. See, we never know how we gonna feel about something. If you jump, we will be here to "catch" you. You'll be glad you got the dumb thing over with.

Keep posting:)

[Ariel0894]

Well, I went out and got some vitamin water and a bag of reese's, my favorite.  Took a hot shower and making some food, it probably doesn't help that I haven't eaten all day and am hungry and dehydrated.  Getting ready to binge watch some Grey's anatomy.  Still crying a lot though.

Unfortunately I have no doctor because I have no health insurance because I spent too much money on my addiction and had to get rid of it a year ago.  (I have to pay for it privately, don't get it through work or anything).  So, so many vicious cycles I have created.  Prior to that I was seeing a psychiatrist and was on meds for depression and anxiety, it is definitely something I will go back to as soon as I can manage it.  In fact, I can't wait.  Therapy too.

I am tapering but starting to have some thoughts about jumping off on Friday.  Which is weird because up until this week I would never have even considered it really.  Honestly since Monday (ironically the day I joined this forum) something within me seems to be shifting.

Anyway, we'll see.  Scary stuff.

Thank you guys so much for everything.

[devisatedandscared]

Hi there, I'm with you. My depression has been the most difficult part of my detox. I'm just 9 days from 60 days off a heavy addiction to Norco. When I start to feel really overwhelmed, I try an remind myself that this day too shall pass. I will reflect differently on things tomorrow. I cannot change things that cannot be changed. I can only make it thru today and what that brings most of the time. Have you spoken to your doctor about how your feeling? I know for alot of people using an antidepressant has really helped during recovery. It takes a long time for our good feeling receptors to rebuild. I agree with the others..you have to have a distraction of some kind...myself I was benge watching soa...trying to keep my mind busy. All those feelings we have repressed for so long, unfortunately we have to deal with now. I try and think of it like therapy. No one likes talking about their ailments, fears, and sadness, but once its out if feels so much better...so journaling is a great idea to just put those feelings somewhere. Please keep posting. Your never alone here. Hugs.

[lulu747]

Agree with all above but also wanted to add this-
I felt depressed the whole time I was tapering.  This was one of the reasons I said F it and jumped cold turkey.  I felt SO much happier once the drugs were out of my system.  I felt like sh*t physically, but mentally and emotionally I felt amazing.  Weird, but true.
Just keep moving.  The more you move the better.  Maybe some vigorous exercise to get the feel good hormones pumping.
Or sex.
Or chocolate.
Just sayin' (:
Don't give up!!!
Lu

[Ariel0894]

Thank you <3

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Hun, we all have good days and bad days...even non-addicted people have those.  What I did was I started keeping a journal so I could go back and read my good days when I was having a bad one.  That has been helping to remind me of how far I've come, how far I still have to go but just knowing that each baby step is a step forward really, really helps.
  Right now your brain is really working on you....trying to trick you any way it can...it wants you to hurt, it wants you to feel miserable because it wants that drug!  You need to find ways to trick your brain into thinking about something else.  Keep busy ... even if it is just reading a book
  And do continue doing what you just did....post away cuz no where else are you going to find so many people who truly understand and know where you are coming from.
  You are going to be fine...truly!!!

[Jinx_777]

life sure does test us especially when trying to detox.  
stay strong and keep your goals in sight.  
when you get a craving, go for a walk.  
make sure you are getting enough vitamin D
don't give up and don't give in.  it gets harder and harder each time we fail.
withdrawal gets harder and harder each time.  it is as if our brain say's 'ahh haaa got you to use, now i know how to get to you'.  

[VICourageous]

This is all just part of the Process and it does take a long time to balance out..We did not become addicted over night so we will not be jumping for joy over night either.

Come on you Girls!!! Just keep on pushing..Life will not always be a piece of cake. In my 18m I lost most of my family all at once like my Mom, Dad, Dog and many more..I just had to stay close to this site for Support and UP my outside support..Then in my 23rd I had to have a Heart Procedure and ended up with 2 blocked arteries..ALL of this made me feel like I was going to just toss in the towel..BUT in the LONG Run it all made me a much STRONGER person then what I thought I was. I had to add more Support along the way too.. When we try to give it to our God the Bad guy will fight us all the way to have us back..NEVER let the bad guy win..Just keep on pushing and surrender it to your God. YOU will be better down the line..Just give it time and know that there will always be more bumps in the road but they will make you that much stronger. There are MANY of us on here that had to fight to get our life back and some still are..I am talking about the damage that drugs had done to the Body parts not just the mind..Be Safe and keep pushing harder.
Bless

[ariley13]

Hi there. There are always going to be bad days, weeks, months even and struggles in life. This is true regardless of whether we are clean and sober, or using. It's really hard, especially in the beginning of our sobriety to find the healthy coping skills to deal with these stresses and troubles. Just know that you are on the right path. You are doing great with your taper. You are on your way to being free from the chains of active addiction. There is no problem that can't be made bigger by using. Caving in and taking extra right now is not the answer. Please try to focus on the blessings in your life, no matter how small. (Like, how you WILL have the rent money, even if it's a little late.) I know it's hard to do when everything seems to be going wrong at once. It's all going to work out though as long as you learn from your mistakes and continue fighting. Please take care of yourself and try to keep your head up. We're here for you.

[kellygirll]

I too am having an awfu awful day I'm 30 days clean and I just can't stand myself now I have depression and anxiety which neither did I feel cuz of the pills now I'm being smacked in the face with all these feelings I'm feeling for the first time and life TOTALLY ***** plus I've gained a lot if wt and that's a whole nother  thing I'm feeling devistated over I can't take it I feel ya sister please don't give in keep on your taper scheduel they say it will get better love n light to you sweetie

[Jules0411]

Correction, That is 30mg not 30 pills!

[Jules0411]

Are you tapering off or just trying to cut down? I'm sorry. I'm new and don't know your history. I'm down from 200mg hydros to 30, day 3. It's been hell. How understanding is your landlord? If you've never been late, go talk to them or call them. If you have a good track history hopefully they will work with you.