drug addiction and emotioal and mental maturity

[hippy]

my question is, how much does drug addiction early in life
stunt one's emotional and mental maturity.
Im thinking of a line in N.A. that says grow up or die.
Also  being around addicts most of my life , the one's who have not addressed the issue of growing up,  seem to be stuck
around the age of 16 around when they started useing to escape life.It seems to me two big things most drug addicts have in common
is the propensity to be immature and irrsponsible.
it seems like we missed the boat growing up when we were supposed to learning how to be mature and responsable.
Along with getting clean , it would seem to serve us well
to incorparate these two things into our lives.
So many of us have been so irrsponsable to the point of
destroying our lives,and famly's, by spending all our money on drugs.
there are a lot of other things we do that fall into this
type of selfish selfcentered behavior.
I have seen the doctor here at this fourm talk about cognitive
therapy, which i think is about being aware of oneself and making mature changes.
My experence in dealing with the 12 steps is simalar
they taught me to take a honest look at myself , beginning
with the fact that i started out with a lot of denial and
the blaming of others for my problems, i no longer do that.
I would think that if i did i would continue to relaps back to
useing drugs as an escape from the emotional pain this type of
life style brings with it. might the doctor have a small list
of  behaviors that we could incorparate into our lives that
would help us avoid relaps once clean.

[bmac]

I have been getting high since I was 13. So yes being young effects whether you have a mark on you in adulthood. I started with beer then pot then cocaine then percodans then K4's then well you see the point here. In 1989 I became a pain patient and this continued but with doctors watching over me. I take my drugs/meds as prescribed and I always will test negative for other things not approved of my doc. I have never been to a AA or a NA meeting but I know of the plan and if it works, thank God! I know that it is OK for me to be on these Drugs and I trust my doc more than anyone now. Whether you are in AA/NA or just doing it thru a doc, being real and true to yourself is most important in any ones life. Being a good person comes in alot of different packages and I for one love that each one of us is different. May God Bless you all!  Bill  (bmac)

[doner]

The part in your post about being honest with your dr. caught my eye. Im coming off methadone(its been a long but successful road so far)Recently I have been very depressed/angry/paranoid. Especially paranoid.Wont eat wont leave the house that kinda stuff. My boyfriend has been keeping things together since I have been in this state.(about 2 wks)Anyway back to my question.I do not have legit pain and abused pills recreationally. My boyfriend took me to a dr. Friday stating that he is afraid for my life. I told the dr. how I felt anxious,paranoid, depressed(had an actual panic attack in his office) but I didnt mention the part about my drug abuse for fear he would send me to detox.I came too far on my own to get sent away from my kids for 28 days. He diagnosed me with panic disorder and depression and gave me paxil and xanax which I have chosen not to take.Did I make a mistake in not telling him about my drug abuse? Any replies would be appreciated.Thank you

[bmac]

No, you where smart. I am only honest with the one doc I trust. He knows everything. I am a pot smoker and two months ago I was kicked out of a pain docs clinic because I kept testing positive for pot well since then I am back with the old pain doc and he doesn't care if I use pot or not because it keeps me from taking more meds. Once you find someone you can trust be open but in your sistuation you might need those xanax's, as for the paxal I don't take anti depressants, in my opinion they are BS. I get depressed when I take them. If you need to vent, vent on babe. We are always here for you!  BMAC

[mrmichael67]

The only difference telling that doc would have made is you being prescribed meds with less abuse potential.  Instead of the xanax, maybe he would give you trazadone (at least for sleep).  That is about the only thing that would have accomplished.  Having the xanax handy for when you might need them is good.

[pepsi4]

I know what you mean about some addicts appearing to have "stunted" mental and emotional personalities.  But I've seen that sort of behavior in people who didn't become addicts until they were "adults".  I can't imagine what it would be like to be an addict at 14 or 15 years old -- just the thought scares me.  I guess anyone who becomes an addict while they are still growing will be immature to some degree -- it makes sense  

Personally, I knew I had substance abuse problems years ago -- I'd go years at a time with abusing anything, but I never let myself think "gee, I've gone through school, have a great job, great spouse (once I married), great friends -- so I must not have a problem like those "other people".  Self-acceptance is really key -- my DOC was alcohol -- I struggled with it off and on for years -- when I finally really accepted myself, the alcohol was no longer a problem

The one concept I REALLY don't understand is how any addict can not KNOW that they have a problem -- you don't have to be a genius to figure it out.  I understand people not wanting to admit it, but I've heard people insisting they don't have a problem, and can tell that they really believe that they don't.  I just don't get it…. Can someone explain that to me?

In any case, the important thing is to get off of the stuff -- and however you do it successfully is the way to do it.  Sorry, guess I'm kind of rambling here..

Bmac, what are K4's, btw?

Peace to all -- thanks for being here

[southernbelle]

regarding your post....to me, that was always a conflicting thing.  the pills seem to help me BE responsible, not irresponsible.  i'm able to function with them...i pay all my bills, take care of my man and my daughters...i don't know it's crazy.  i din't start using until my mid-twenties when i had several surgeries.  then i had my wreck recently and hurt my neck really bad.  now i'm dealing with oxycontin, which i feel is nothing but the devil.
it's so good to be back here.  i hope nobody has lost faith in me.  i am so sorry i failed and haven't gotten better.  the best word i could use to describe this place is COMFORT.  it just helps in so many ways.
we've all said it before, and we've all been there before, but this time, for me -- it's SERIOUS.  i don't have insurance anymore, no choice but to w/d.  i've got almost twenty 20 mg oxycontins left, and after that --- i'll have to detox here at home.  i don't know why, but i'm more afraid than ever before.  god, i'm so scared.  maybe its because this time i know it's for real and final.  but, it's a relief that i don't have to worry about work anymore.  i can w/d and not have to worry about calling in sick or what my boss will think.  maybe i should be glad - it's finally happening and i'll be free!
i've rambled too much already.  i love you all.  my email is ***@**** if anybody would like to email me some encouragement (OR IF YOU NEED ENCOURAGEMENT - we're all in this together!)  LOVE YOU ALL!

[southernbelle]

what are k-4's?  just wondering....

[bmac]

K4s are dilaudid(sp?) on the pill it had a crooked k and a 4 for 4 mgs I guess sorry I didn't explain.

[southernbelle]

thank you --- just didn't know.

[jack daniels]

hang in there...you can do it...

[southernbelle]

thanks, Jack.  You are a sweetie, truly.  
it's going to be tough, but i know i can do it.  everybody (including you, jack) -- please tell me it won't kill me to w/d from oxy.  no health conditions that would interfere or anything like that, i'm just scared.  tell me it won't kill me.  i know it sounds silly, i know it does.  tell me i can do it.  my willpower and strenght are **** this time.

[jack daniels]

it's ok ...YOU CAN DO IT...IT WILL NOT KILL...i'm clean 6 days now and it is wonderfull!!!!  go for it..email me if you need me..i'm here...GOOD LUCK...IT ONLY LAST 2 OR 3 DAYS...JUST GO FOR IT!!

[bmac]

Hey I cold turkey'd methadone and Morphine so It ain't goona kill you. You might feel like dying but it ain't gonna kill you.
My email address is posted all over this forum so if it gets too tuff email me, I am up all the time. I am a vampire, I never sleep (yeah right)! There are things you can do before hitting an ER at the hospital. Take care! Bmac in Bama

[jack daniels]

WHAT THE HELL HAVE WE GOT OUR SELFS INTO...GOD BLESS US ALL....

[mrmichael67]

You mentioned your neck injury so I am assuming you might need to take something for it.  With you losing your insurance, have you thought of checking out www.needymeds.com?  I know Purdue has a patient assistance program.  Bmac can tell you all about it.

[bmac]

I called needy meds and they told me to have my doc phone them. I received a script in the mail with Purdues address on it and was told it would be here the day before I am to run out. Believe it or not I have full insurance coverage too. They just take your docs word on it. My insurance goes when my divorce is final, soon I hope! Needymeds rox! Thanks MrM    Bill

[bmac]

Hey Jack  We be addicts brother. Drugs can kill you know!
  Peace to everyone this beauitful afternoon, it is 70 and sunny here at the lake and I hear the birds chirpin and the catfish ajumin, youz guyz wanna come over?    Bmac

[jack daniels]

i would love to...

[bmac]

It would release the mind bro! Hang tuff! It gets better, I promise!   Bill

[jack daniels]

i am doing great 6 days CLEAN from taking 80-120 mg of oxy a day ..for over 10 years..went cold/T on monday .....well maybe not great but very good anyways...man it's 93 here..hot as hell

[jack daniels]

i had the guts to flush my medS down the crapper...i still can't beleve i did that...i have a hard f...head....yes i'm patting my self on my back...i'm so glad...i will never go back..NEVER!

[afriend]

Jack, you are one tough dog, my respect goes out to you. I detoxed from herion and oxys and it was BRUTAL. At one time I was a four state boxing champ and I ended up in the hosp. from dehydration and a sickness that I'll never forget. Guess champs can be pussies too! Right on, for your achivement! P.S. Southernbelle, don't mean to scare you, it was much easier the second time with the Thomas Recipe and keeping lots of fluids down! Also, I,m sure the herion didn't help!  ha.ha! afriend//////

[bmac]

Withdrawals won't kill ya remember that. It does get better. The Thomas recipe saved my life so you need to be taking it. It helps the mental ****. I remember cold turkey and I wasn't man enough to finish it. I used phenobarb and clonidine. I was over the physical part in a week after that. The mental **** went on 51 days until I went and was put on Kadian, Morphine SR. When that first 20 mgs hit my stomach I was hooked all over again and still am. I have broken out all over my body and switched to Norco 10 and now I am waiting on my docs office to open tomorrow so I can switch to Oxycontin. The cycle never ends until U end it brother. I know withdrawing Jack and I swear it gets better. You and SouthernBelle need to be using the recipe, you especially because it is good after you go thru the BS first. Hope you find the strength to do what I couldn't do! Peace, Bmac

[afriend]

If you can start tapering (spacing them farther apart) it will help with your detox tremendously. (Some can taper, some can't) If you can't, it's ok. I was crushing 5, 40 mgs, 3 times a day, at the end + the H. Probably doin quite a bit more than you, huh? You'll be fine..keep postin!.....afriend///////

[jack daniels]

i did the recipe, most of it anyway....but the thing that saved me was HOT Baths!!!  7-10 a day....they helped big time....

[bmac]

Hot baths are great but at 6'2" it's hard to find one I can fit into. Really, I wish I could take a bath. I would need a hot tub!

[jack daniels]

it's a little hard i'm 6'1" but it works..

[afriend]

If I look back, detoxing was the easy part, staying there, is whats hard! Best wishes, guys/gals,,,,Love, hugs, friends  afriend///////

[bmac]

It has been so long since I remember straight, I have forgotten it. I am sure it is alot different than it use to be. You are lucky afriend, really blessed! Bmac

[afriend]

I'm sorry if I misled anyone, Im still fighting the battle. With pain issues, it makes it tough! I know that you also have pain issues that you have to deal with. I have that loveable addictive personality and seem to get pain somehow mixed with pleasure. Sometimes, I can control the meds, alot of times, not! It's not a losing battle but one, hardfought to win! Have a good evening bmac and all! friends,,,,afriend////////

[KimH]

I want to apologise to everyone! I had no idea that the comments I posted went into the doctor, and that it was for people to ask for help. I thought it was like any other forum and I was just posting a comment to everyone. I thought to ask a doctor a question was a different place on the main page, and this was just the patient forum. I am so sorry if I stopped questions from other people. I can be an idiot sometimes. Kim H

[LadySongbird]

I am now on day 21 with no meds. I can't use benzodiazapines as they are not good for me at all. I am now doing ok with the withdrawl but as afriend said, the hardest part is staying there. This is such a well informed group that I am hoping a question that is not about drugs but about a stiuation that can lead to relapse, really stressful, might be answered. Is anyone familiar with any way to get help with housing or moving or anything else. My house is being auctioned July 29th and I don't even know where I am going to live. Not to mention the fact that I only have a little over $500> I am scared. So scared. I am to the point of e-mailing everyone on my list and asking them to contemplate buying me a drink but sending the cost of it instead. I am afraid of relapsing but I am very steadfast in not wanting that anymore. If anyone knows of ANY programs or anything else, please please e-mail me or post. Please I am scared. Sorry to change in here. I am just very scared. My e-mail is ***@**** or ***@****. Best to all and thanks to anyone that can help. Hope all are doing well. God bless -----  Deb

[MethMan]

Hello,
I think it would help if I knew which state you were in.  There are several state level programs designed to help but are restricted to the residents of that particular state.
That said, here is a very good place to start.  I'd start as soon as possible so that you avail yourself to the widest range of options; one that you'll be comfortable with instead of having to settle for.

The website is: http://www.chapausa.org/

Hope it helps.

Peace,
Methman

[percsnomas]

HIPPEE,  i think there must be a link(mental maturity & addiction,etc), as i've read several times, that an abundance of people that get clean, "simply grew out of their addiction". I believe that applied to me as well.


KIMH: Kim, some of the most constructive discussions have come from "non-question" questions......... so please don't feel bad(we've all done it).


LISABET:  Hey Lis, i just read your response below, and have to tell you......."pathetic" is a word that definately doesn't belong.  Unless of course, someone is pathetic because they, like millions of others, enjoy/ed not only pain relief from a narcotic, but the warm fuzzy feeling as well. It's probably difficult to find a better anti-depressant than an opiate(at least initially.....); I'd say "human" would be a better word.
The important thing is if we realize there is a problem, to work at it, and change that behaviour. Hardly "pathetic" in my books.


You know, i was playing soccer with my 2 and 4 year olds on Saturday, and stopped for a moment...to just watch my lit'l ones run around with such enthusiasm.  This might sound korny(but i don't give a ****); and was overtaken with a complete sense of happiness. I had a million thoughts, like "flashing back" to when i played soccer(which i did for many years as a kid growing up...GREAT memories), to simply enjoying the day.  It reminds me of one of Hippees' posts several months ago, regarding that tree at the side of the road. It probably doesn't sound like much, but i wouldn't trade "that feeling" in for all the money in the world.......and it just wasn't possible for all the years previous, in my  perc- numbed state!
Well, as i was day-dreaming, my kids got into the red-clay rich sand in the goal.....deciding it was a good idea to throw it all over each others heads.  All i could see was two pairs of eyes(just the whites of their eyes)wide open with excitement.  Of course i wasn't too happy, but couldn't help but chuckle inside, as i scolded my newly formed "pumpkins"(that is what they looked like) After getting them home and upstairs to the bath, and as i was crouching on the floor next to the tub, another memory kind of hit me from no-where.....of when i was in the throes of withdrawal last August, laying on this same floor(after one of my 3 a.m. baths....too far to go for the hot tub), and thinking I'll never get better.  Well guess what??  I got better.

It is a lot of work, and painful, but my God is it worth it!!!
Sorry for the tangent,.....................

I hope you have a great week!!!

percs

[bmac]

You post where ever you feel like it and if somebody says sumpin to you, tell them to take it up with me, OK?  Bmac

[pammy0690]

You are a dear.  Truely a great man.  I love your outlook on life, addiction, recovery everything.  You are blessed to have great kids and a great wife.  In a few months it will have been a year!  Way to go bro!  You are truly an inspiration!  Pammy

Bmac - Howdy!  Missed you this weekend!

[wannabclean]

After 3 years of heavy partying and daily hydro use I am attempting to quit.  I know this sounds bad but its nice to know I'm not alone.  Everyone in my life thinks I've quit already.  I'm starting tommorrow so I hope you all keep posting because just knowing I'm not alone gives me comfort.

[Laurcette]

This is for Anyone:
I have chronic back pain, but I also have a problem with my pain meds.  I was wondering if there is any way a person that has had a problem with medication in the past can take them responsibly ever again?  I've been off my meds for one month, and 4 out of 7 days am experiencing debilitating pain.  My doc wants me to go drug therapy before she'll Rx anything else.  Any thoughts on this?

FYI:  I was Rx 100 mg Oxycontin a day, but was taking triple that dose.  I was on this dose for one month before they cut me off, but was addicted to percs last summer, too.  I've been on pain meds for about two and a half years.  Help.  I think they can be wonder drugs for people who can take them without abusing them.

[NotDarkYet]

Yes, I think I have definitely 'stunted' my maturity level since the beginning of my drug abuse.  I heard (I don't recall from whom) but the age you start using (segue-way into addictive behavior) is the 'end of the line' for your maturity level.  I dunno if I go that far, but I can really understand that.  In the past I even became angry and bitter when I would see people my age with nice cars, good jobs, families et; etc;, and all I had to show for my life so far, was track marks and a chip on my shoulder.  Drugs and alcohol helped me cope, period, they were the proverbial crutch that I could lean on (and probably all this has stemmed from growing up with a alcoholic father who was very abusive, so mean that literally when I was a kid I shut myself off emotionally, subconsciously turned it all off, so it reached a point that when the hits came I didn't even cry or flinch- even scared him sober sometimes!) but I carried so much baggage that finally when I was drunk and/or high I felt liberated, I felt like I could fully express myself without feeling socially retarded.  In the end, my level of happiness all depended on how high I was because without all I felt was this huge black void.  Then the kicker after the addiction set in was now I had this but a ton of issues that I had never properly dealt with (I didn't know how, so I self medicated and the people I drank with or got high with- they became my family) and, all of a sudden, I'm way out in left field saying, 'now what?!'.  I'm sure everyone here can relate to this, addiction is always born out of some kind of pain, be it emotional or physical or both.  I've never blamed my dad for my problems, never have scapegoated him to shift the blame of my own previous mistakes.  Maybe there's a sign of some kind of maturity, because I always felt that if you're pointing fingers outward and blaming the world, then you'll never truly be able to confront yourself.  I realise those years had a part in my behavior but I've known of people that have gone through worse than me and never turned to drugs or alcohol as a answer or escape.  It's my trip.  Now I remember where I was and who I was as a daily affirmation to hopefully sway myself with the temptaion comes.  Hopefully I'm growing up, I really don't know... time will certainly tell but I'm on 2 months w/o the needle fixation and it feels like that alone is a huge step!

I hope everybody else is doing really well with their lives and working on their recovery.  Today I'm getting some blood tests results back and I'm nervous as hell, was painting my bedroom but I couldn't really focus- my stomach is in knots, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Take Care!
-Chris
'NotDarkYet'

[terter]

I have a ques. A friend of mine quit a 20 a day habit of norco 10 around the same time as I did 5/11 about 10 days ago she started taking (she says) 4 to 6 norco a day just for pain then 6 days into it she was taking up to 20 again that lasted about a week give or take a few days for the last 3 days she took about 2 tablespoons of methodone and stopped its been 2 days and she says she has no w/d is this possible??? We were quiting together but I think she might have went back. I'm just wondering I have my self to worry about. thanks

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

Well folks the pain got the best of me over the weekend--A friend of mine gave me 28 Vicoden E.S.--I really really thought I could take a few to get my pain under control and then "save" the rest--HA!--I went through those puppies in 2 days--It's a miracle I'm not in Tylenol induced liver failure--I do feel a certain amount of guilt but I'm not beating myself up!--Hopefully I can learn from this and move on--I DO KNOW I can come here and "confess my sins" and not be judged.  Soooo it's back to square one--So much for being able to take the damn things as prescribed--Peazy you are still my Guardian Angel--Gracie maybe you can learn from my mistake because those two days of hydrocodone "heaven" were not worth it!Take care thanks to everyone for their support--The wonderful people here have made me not want to give up and to pick myself up and try again--I'm going to keep trying until I get it right--Love and Prayers
N.O. Lady/AKA Mystere

Anne

[peaz]

What a great attitude!!!  You are doing everything right---putting the relapse behind you and looking forward and not thrashing yourself......You can't un-do it so let's MOVE ON lil' doggies......LOL
    What we need to do, now, as a preventative measure, is come up w/ a DEFINITE plan of what you can do--perhaps what Dr. you can see for a non-narcotic med, and how you can avoid this pitfall again when the pain gets to be too much for you.  Yep--you need a PLAN.  I'll think on that a bit...
   I'm SO glad you posted because I was just about to write one of my famous  " You need to check in w/ Mama" posts....I have eyes in the back of my head, ya know.  (you can't BELIEVE what goes ON back there sometimes!!!!LOL)  Anyway--I will be thinking of you and I hope you post a lot in the next couple weeks for all the support you will get here will give you strength.  
  You are SOOO right--the 2-day high AIN'T worth it!!!    Get that tattooed on your forhead!!   LOL  You won't forget that lesson, sweetie.  Hang  in there  Lovw  Peazy

[motox4fun01]

Hi,
I saw your story about methadone in a post below.
I was wondering how long you have been taking the methadone and how long you would reccomend as the maximum amount of time to use methadone as a detox tool.
I started taking 20mgs and am down to 12mgs. I have only been taking for the past 4 days. I plan to decrease 10 percent a day till i am off. Will I get w/d symptoms when i stop?
I was injecting oxy IV and was at approx 80mg oxy a day when i started the methadone detox method. I get the 10mg pills from a friend. I feel a little achy, but not near as bad as without the methadone help. Any answers would be GREATLY appreciated.
James

[percsnomas]

Hey Pammy.............missed ya lately!!

Just sharing my experience(s), thats all;  Great, NO......Grateful, YES.

Hope you(and Mr. Rip) are well!!!!!!!!!!

[jack daniels]

7 day clean....."smile"  what a trip!!   god bless all...jack

[bmac]

Hey I am a pain patient and I take my meds correctly. Oh course after 100's of withdrawals and alot of pain and suffering you can learn to take them the right way, I promise. It took me 12 years to learn this but now I have .

Hey all youz guyz I really love you so much, You have made my life complete! You know who you are damn it! You guys are the greatest!   Bill

[doner]

Methman or mrM could best tell you all the facts of methadone as I only know about it from personal expeience,but am happy to share my thoughts with you. I started on 80 mgs(way too high) and used them for way too long.6-7 mo now.You however have a plan that could very possibly work. From whatI understand meth has a longer half life therefore takes slightly longer to get physically addicted to.(dont quote me)I would suggest no longe than 2 wks. Your plan sounds even shorter which would be even better. At he end of your use you may still feel some sort of wds but will probably be from the oxys. Still a fair trade as oppossed to quitingCT. Just try to steer clear of prolonged meth use. Just one small nightmare example for you. About 2 mos ago I ran out of meth. The pain was unbearable and I was willing to do anything. I snorted 2 oxy 80s and it didnt even touch the pain of the meth wds. I would hate to see you where I am now.Tapering so sloowly almost to the point of boredom and still have a long road ahead. Use the meth a as a tool not as a cure and keep it short. Good luck in your journey    Yours, Melissa

[percsnomas]

Catchy handle.

Yes people can take their meds responsibly(and after they've had difficulties with them in the past); but only YOU can answer that one, with respect to your situation.

Seeing that you worked your way up to a pretty hefty habit, i would urge you to be real honest with yourself when you answer it however.  Having gone through a couple back surgeries myself,and thousands and thousands of percocet, dilaudid, oxycontin, etc, i would also have you ask yourself, how much of the pain is real(versus, "feeding the addiction" pain).

Chronic pain patients should not suffer either!!! You just have to get real honest with yourself, cause if it is not all real(which i was convinced mine was), you are only fooling yourself.

What are your back problems?

percs

.....oh, and seeing that you've only(not trivializing that) been off a month, with the type of narcotic(OC's) and the amount(up to 300 mgs), there is a very real possibility that you are not through all the withdrawals......therby, exacerbating your pain.  Just a thought.

[suzieneedshelp]

Heya Peazy.  I miss you still.  Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.  Your posts reflect well on how u r doin..Hope that is true..that you and yours are well...
Yes, I too am so impressed N O L Lady at your "in the day attitude".  I know myself when i relapsed i thought it was the end of the world cuz my disease wanted me to just give up by making my crazy mind think the worst of myself and so just wanna say f__ it and go out forever.  But one person spoke of me and  my "recovery" still and i was so amazed that yes.. i still was in recovery.  Then i learned later how much an integral part of the recovery process relapse can be for so many of us.  So just like i am truley beginning to believe that i really can start any day over at any moment...I can always continue my recovery with new insight after a relapse.  I hope i don't have any more of those needs to learn that just that way though again!  But if i do.. i too will recover.
Love,
Suzie

[socalgirl]

I everyone.  I have been adddicted to tat/cheva/the big H...the devil himself since last Oct.  I have been trying to quit for months now.   but ..no excuses..there are two of us and I believe it reqaly is harder when a couple tries to stop.  I have had to hide my keys, the phones, wallets, atms cards, checkbooks everything from my boyfriend  but it's not all his fault cause once it's in the house I can't say no to it.  I'm just as ready to do it to excpt aai have no more $ so it is a bit easier.   We are quitting tommorrow for sure.   His family is suspcious. He has lost so much weight he is like a walking skeleton and me for some reqson have bloated up.  Down to my shoes that won't go on cause theyare so swollen.  I have never heard of this..maybe some of you out there can explain it.  
I guess I just wanted to tell a little bit of mu story and hope that some of you can help me thru the next few days.  This is my thrid trip down the road so I know whqt is coming. That just makes it harder..or shall  iI say easier to stay on the ****.  
The leg kicking and not being able to focus my eyes to read a book or even look at the Tv guide are the worst for me.
So any of you  out there feel free to write me at ***@**** and put some little sign in the message spot so I know it isn't junk mail like a code word..like a friend going thru the same.
It would help me to read your stories and how long it took you to feel better .....maybe just aa little talk so I know I'm not
alone.
The first few days are the worst.  I have no way to get anymore..lack of money but I not only have to deal with me I have to keep my boyfriend from getting any too.  I made it 36 hours last attepmt. Plates got thrown and there was lots of yelling beofre I said **** it go ahead and call I'm out of energy plus of course deep down I want some too.    
Anyway I love this site and it makes me feel good to know I'm not the only one out there who feels messed up and lost...and in serious debt??

I'll be waiting to hear from some of you and good luck to everyone out there!!!
southern cali girl

[freeirder]

i have quit and relapsed many times..but each time i relapse it is easier to quit b/c i know that i am about to become addiced and have withdraws if i dont do something quick...but i find the best thing to do is to just keep a positive additude and keep looking foward. knowing one day i will finally get rid of this monster. i know i am getting closer and closer everytime

[Calzy]

That is some good advise but you posted your coment that was last looked at in 2003. Please resend your comments on a new post or question, however it reads, and everyone will have a chance to see it. Not many ppl will look on this old post.