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drugs and friendships
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drugs and friendships

i want to know how to keep friendships in tact when...the friend you have was the one getting you the drugs and you have decided Not to do them anymore and they are still doing them and you kinda distance yourself because of the temptation...and your friend is aware of this but getting pissed off more and more because you are withdrawing from them...but they have no desire to get clean...i still care for my friend but just dont want to be around the drugs...any help or suggestions on how to handle this without hurting her feelings?  she keeps thinking i am mad at her for some reason even tho i tell her i am not...ahhhhh...thanks!
Tags: friends
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15 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
i had to end many friendships when i got clean. i ditched my best friend cause it was my only option, i could not be around that ****. it was hard to do, but the only way i could stay clean. hurting her feelings is better than continuing to use. maybe u could sit down with her and tell her that you care for her and if she is really a friend she would understand that u can't be around drugs. your making the right choice here, but as long as u continue to be around drugs, chances are u wil eventually use. just tell your friend the truth
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Avatar_f_tn
It is really hard when you are first trying to get sober. I am a recovering alcoholic who has not had a drink in over 4 yrs. The friends that I have today are not the same friends that I had 4 yrs. ago. When I first got sober and was trying to hang out w/ my friends b/c they were partying all of the time, I felt really guilty. Some of them did not understand why I could not hang out w/ them. But I had to realize that this was my life and I was getting sober for me and not them. Your true friends will understand and the ones that don't, I hate to say it, but are not really your friends and don't have your best interest at heart. I ended up losing most of my so called friends b/c what I realized is that they didn't really care about me, they just wanted to party w/ me. Today I have true friends in my life. Most of my friends are in recovery and the friendships that we share are amazing and based on real substance. I know that it is hard right now, but you just need to tell your friend that you love her, but you cannot be a part of her life right now, and that if she really cares about you, she will understand. But also remember that people that are still using don't think very clearly either.
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Avatar_f_tn
Well, I hate to say this....but I think part of the recovery is ending the relationships like that. It will not help you to stay clean if you are around people that use and especially if it is/was your supplier. It would be like trying to get drinking yet being a bartender.

I know this friend is special but were you friends before the drugs or did you become friends because of the drugs???

A true friend would NOT be upset with you for getting clean.... you may feel like you are w/o friends for awhile b/c you might have to sever all relationships to get clean but it is worth it. Maybe if your friend sees you do it and sees that you are willing to separate from her/him in order for you to get clean they will #1 respect you more #2 be more inspired to get clean #3 see they will have your support & knowledge on how to get clean in the future.

If you want to talk further about it please PM me.... I have had some experience with this one.

JoAnn
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Avatar_f_tn
sorry that should say quit drinking yet being a bartender
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286124_tn?1214942128
i know what you are going through. one of my best friends was my supplier. she didn't do them though, she would just sell them to me. some friend right. anyway, i begged her not to sell them to me when i was going through withdrawl (withdrawal) 3 TIMES and when i made that phone call, she did not hesitate to supply them to me. i have to cut all ties with her really soon. i do not want to, but it is my only hope. good luck with your friend, and they are right, if she is TRULY A FRIEND, she will understand.
lisa
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Avatar_m_tn
Well it is times like this you realize who your real friends are. A real friend will put the other person first. I have a friend that was quitting smoking and we knew if we got together she would really want to smoke. So we stayed away, kept talking until she was quit for good and we both understood. ?? What doesn't your friend get? Doesn't she want to help in any way at all for you? Ask her.
This is a time for you to be selfish a little and do just what is good for you. And everyone around you should understand.
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447130_tn?1225474466
Per Narcotics Anonymous: "we have to change our playmates and playground if we want to live a sober life"

I hate to say it but all the friends on drugs have to go until they are clean or you will never stay clean. Temptation is too great for us addicts.

You need to make new friends who don't use. Try AA and NA, it's a great place to find sober friends. I have found the best friends of my life in AA.
Good Luck!!
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Avatar_m_tn
to anyone planning on attending narcotics anonymous please respect their language.  "we are presented with a delemma when na members identify themselves as alcoholic addicts or talk about living clean AND sober.  the clarity of the na message is blurred, to speak in this manner suggests that there are two diseases, that one drug is separate from the rest requiring special recognition.  na makes no distinction between drugs.  our identification as addicts is all inclusive allowing us to concentrate on our similarities and not out differences."  na never uses the terms alcoholic or sober as this has to do only with drink (alcohol).  this message is read at the beginning of most meetings...
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401095_tn?1351395370
I have also felt the distance between a friend of mine who used and i told her i quit...we talk here and there...i am not even sure if she has a problem with them   i hope not...i think she felt kind of guilty or something for introducing them to me as a buzz thing...dont know.....best i think to distance from those who use recreationally...one day they may want help...and u can help them...life is funny that way sometimes
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Avatar_f_tn
yes, this friend was my friend BEFORE drugs...and she does respect the fact that i have been clean over over a month now and says she is cutting back to eventually get off of them too...she is a very difficult person to say the least...takes everything personal...to heart...even when i tell her she has done nothing wrong i just was going thru hell (wd's) and didnt feel like being social...she just doesn't get it...i also work with her...only one day a week tho and lately she has been giving me the  cold shoulder...im guessing because i haven't been intouch with her like i was before...and if i tell her i dont want to be around her because of the drugs she will be like...oh my gosh..we are adults..and if you dont want to do them i respect that...but i know that she is on a "high" when im around her...even at work...its 24/7 for her...and the temptation isnt really there for me...i really dont want them...i almost wonder if i resent her a little for offering them to me in the first place...and i am a big girl i could have said no...
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352798_tn?1399301754
It is a major decision to get and to stay clean. It has to become your priority in life or you may not succeed. If this means changing friends then so be it. If they are a true friend, they will see this and respect your decision. If they don't see this, they may not be as close a friend as you thought.
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Avatar_f_tn
I like how GTMI worded that!
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Avatar_m_tn
as gtmi says " it is a major decision to get and STAY clean".... means sometimes we have to write off friends that are still using. i have made life changes. changed jobs, cars, neighborhoods,and the only real friends i have are ones from years ago that never started using, the rest of em dont talk to me ne more. seems that when ya lay it on the line and let em know ya  wont tolerate being offered drugs, they tend to stay away. but hey, there are alot of people in this world that actually dont use dope, so make some new sober friends!! as for the resenting ya friend thing, your right , you are a grown girl, and make your own decisions, but it is also natural for you to feel a little resentment to the one that started ya off. best of luck on your journey!!
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Avatar_m_tn
A real friend would support you 100%.  And not offer them to you , or take them around you.  
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Avatar_f_tn
she doesn't offer them to me or let me see her take them...(i can tell she is on them tho...looks strung out sometimes)...and i feel really bad about the whole situation...i haven't talked to her in almost 2 weeks and i do want to call her but i know when i do she will have a major attitude and that is what pisses me off...i have a friend since elementary school and we can go months without talking and then when we do its like we talked yesterday...this girl is not like that...she gets pissed if i dont talk to her...i dont understand it...doesn't she understand that i do have other things to do too?  i have told her...its summer i have 5 kids in and out of the house most of the time with friends...never a dull moment!  ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
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