drugs as a substitute for intamacy

for those of us who are addicts and have abused drugs,
i was reading in my sunday paper( magzine ) section
an article on a famous tv actor. he was sharing his thoughts
on why he abused drugs, and he said it was a substatute for intamacy.
i have read that porn is a substitute for itamacy.
but i could see his point, drugs  take away the
pain of lonliness, or at least mask it. i always took drugs
because it made me feel better,and it masked all my pains.
wether emotional, or mental. but drugs in the end always
cause more pain.the pain of isolation,the pain of living a secret life.the pain of living outside my own personal boundry lines.
when my wife's parents where bedridden and dyeing over a  3 year
period our love life went out the window  because she was crying herself to sleep every night, because of the pain of taking care of them, and somewhere in the middle of this nightmare
i started to abuse the meds-vikes and this helped me
get past the lack of an intamate relationship with my wife during
this nightmare of a time. the vikes crushed my sex drive and i was abble to deal with the situation.  in reality i just made a bad situation worse, for myself. but it helped me cope.
well they died and i finally got clean. im sure there are addicts who can relate.
i  rationalized it by saying  at least
i stayed true to my wife and did not find releif with another woman. looking back this is warped addict thinking.
in the article the actor talked about the courage to change.
courage is something we all need to internalize., and incorparate into our recovery.

[groovygirl]

Good morning...I can very much relate to the sex thing...even on small amounts of bup, sex is the very last thing on my mind.  My husband is being patient, but I can tell it is getting to him.  I don't know what to do about it - I don't even miss it, and we used to have a very healthy sex life.  I feel like I have to force myself to do it for him, and then I end up feeling pissed off.  I'm too young to be in this slump.

[groovygirl]

Can anyone tell me where it is?  I'd like to check it out...thanks!

[hippy]

good morning, ya if you get that info on the new a-fourm
let me know where it is.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!michael

[DIRTBAG]

Ouch, this thread is hitting home for me too, I hate being touched anymore and have for along time, my old man is getting used it.  When I start to come down I like beign close but somwhere along the way I talked myself into that he is the enemy and if he were more understanding of my secret I would'n have to live this way but in reality I chose to live this way instead of try and communicate, I just bottle it up and pop pills.  Peace peagravel

[groovygirl]

Hi - I wanted to see how you're doing today.  Did you have a good weekend?  I also wanted to thank you for all your help last week.  I think I have most of the computer issues figured out.  That Trojan virus is a nasty thing.  I can't understand why people think it's fun to f' up someone's computer.  Well, it could've been worse.

I hope you're doing ok...

[mrmichael67]

I am doing alright.  I have been having A LOT of pain the last two days, but otherwise things are fine.  I am glad you were able to get things straightened out.  These people are losers that have nothing better to do with themselves.  The guy who did it is probably butt ugly and hung like a pimple and is mad at the world because of it.  I say guy because I think it would probably be a guy.  I hope you are doing what you can to make sure it doesn't happen again.  Believe me, you aren't defenseless with these things.  Some do sneak in there, but definitions to recognize them usually get made real quick.  So, they usually have a small window of opportunity.  I am glad I could help.

[groovygirl]

I'm sorry to hear about your pain...what's it from if you don't mind my asking.

[hippy]

yes, and yes,
me and my wife are very simalar in that area
always to the extreem.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DIRTBAG]

So hippee do you like sex now?  Did it come back to ya? Are you making up for lost time? I'd like to know but I just hope this little note makes you smile.... Dirtbag/peagravel/longhauler/Debbie Hows that for a signature Peace

[mrmichael67]

I have had two spinal fusions.  The first one was a butcher job.

[OxyDout]

thank god your sex drive is back, that has to be the most miserable thing, and just WRONG, if something makes your sex drive go down, and you just don't want to anymore, DON'T DO IT, seriously, lets think about that one........ Although sex isn't the entire relationship, it can very much ruin a relationship......  either way, i'm glad to hear its back to normal.....

[Witchywoman]

The return of the sex drive, and the normal intensity of the sexual experience is just one of the many wonderful benefits of getting clean.  I remember in day 3 of detox my sex drive shot way up ( the return of dopamine means a higher sex drive, and opiates surpress dopamine). My husband was happy, lol.

GWH is right, if something surpresses the sex drive, the natural power of life coursing through our veins, usually that means it is not healthy for us.  One exception is the ssri meds for people who are severely depressed. They do surpress sex drive, but sometimes folks needs those antidepressants and they can mean the difference between life and death. I went off prozac many years ago due to the sexual side effects, but I waited till the depression had subsided for 6 months first.  I find 5 htp and SAME don't hurt my sex drive and still help the depression quite a bit.

I didn't post over the weekend 'cause my new laptop is totally frelled. It has been restored 3 times, and finally has been sent back to the manufacturer for them to figure out what is wrong. Virus scans, even the online one mrmichael suggested, said the system is free of viruses, but I've heard there are sneaky ones out there that can't be picked up by most scans. I can only get online from work now. I hope that I get my new machine back and in good working order soon! I do have an old and slow laptop that I can use if I really need to.

Happy Tuesday to everyone.
love,
WW

[hippy]

good morning gwh, love is better than sex, love and sex together are the best, there was a time i could not imagine not makeing love  all the time, but like you said relationships don't
survive on that alone.my wife needs to be paid attention to,
and lot of affection. i think a lot of woman fall into that catagory.
my second wife and me made love everyday we were together
almost 4 years. but the relationship failed . we are still freinds, she is my sons mother.she  met a guy in philly a few years ago turns out he is irish catholic six foot 2 and was in my home room in highschool. i don't know him, but i here he is a lot like me.
interesting how people are attracted to the smae types of people.

[DIRTBAG]

You sexy thing!  I am so impressed with you posts, you have such a gentle spirit and your comments, well I can that you have taken your experiences to heart and made positive changes in your life, I'm looking forward to feeling again and finding my gentle side also and any other side I have other than the numb side. See Ya dirtbag/peagravel/longhauler

[OxyDout]

i agree, its very weird how people fall for the same type...............  and yes, sex is not the only thing in a relationship.

the original post said, I think..... that people used drugs as a replacement for intimacy.  I definitely see that in a lot of circumstances......

[groovygirl]

Hi Longhauler...did you have to change your name again because of the "imposter"?  I like your newest choice.  Does "peagravel" have a special meaning to you?

Hippee - Your posts always brighten my day...it's so cool how you remain such a positive force on this often depressing forum.  I always know that when I start reading one of your posts, it is almost always about being a good person and having hope...thanks for that.

P.S.  Glad to hear your back in the saddle again...hahaha