feel like usuing

[dfr3]

do not have any pain pills so I know i wont but I feel like it.  not to go into detail but my father just really did something that hurt me so deeply!!!!!!!!!!!! and his grandkids!


what is my thinking process? like by taking poison{pills} it will kill the other person.

  mad but will not use today!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mom2rachie]

Well, you're talking about it annd that means that you have something you never had before, rational thought and the thought process to think it out.  
Probably by the time you got done writing that post, you made a decision to NOT use.  You can see that it will NOT solve anything so you typed instead.
We will always have fleeting moment when we want to get out of ourselves and use BUT we kow now that it will NOT make it better.  That is the difference.
This too shall pass.
The best revenge is living right.
It works if you work it so work it you're worth it!!

[dfr3]

thanx sounds youve been around the program for a while!!!!

[tzt2lady]

Hi and Im so glad you came here to talk about it.   Im so sorry that you were hurt today!  It really hurts more when it comes from someone we love.   And I know how we get about our grandbabies!  The ol' granny claws come out! lol!

Some people, when hurt, lash out at others.  This is how they handle it.  My sister is like that.  When she is hurt she will attack someone else.

Others, like myself and perhaps like you. will hurt themselves.  I've done it through overeating, smoking, and of course drugs.   My NA sponsor said to me one time after I had a fight with a boyfriend "so, are you going to go sit alont and smoke at 'em?".

Its a learned pattern for handling feelings.  

I am so glad you don't have any drugs and that you are talking about it.  You are showing those who are new how to handle it when they are hurt cuz we will all experience it.

hugs
tzt

[mom2rachie]

Yeah, I have 5 years sobriety from alcohol and "drugs" (mostly cocaine) and have recently (in the past 7 months or so found myself addicted to pain killers which started due to a severe injusry (same story for most).  I'm now on Subutex, weanin off although I just started on it and am back in AA as a VERY active member.  I could repeat the Big Book word for word but sometimes I forget to LIVE it.
I'm trying, day by day, minute by minute, second by second, to really live it!!
See, that moment has passed no?

[RCSLADY]

I also feel like using so I am taking it minute by minute here.  Today is day 4 and still feeling crappy.  No energy at all!!!  I have custody of my two grandchildren and they think I have a virus.  I do, it's called being dope sick.  I also keep reminding myself that this too will pass.  There is no way I am going to back done now because I really thing that day five gets better.

I keep on listening to what I call my "detox song"  Its Everybody Hurts by REM.  Youv'e got to hold on.  That is what I am going right now.  Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I hope to make it.  I used all my sick days when I was dope sick and on a mission to get pills.

I have an appointment on Tuesday for the Sub. doctor.  I amj still in the air if I should go or not. The last time I really detoxed I was on 90 mg of Methadone and that detox sucks.

We have to all keep each others spirits up and make our way out of the heelish lifestyle we have been living.  

[fishmeal]

Your thinking is that you want to drink "at" him.  Kinda like when I got mad at my wife and said, "I'll show her!"  I usually showed myself the inside of a jail cell.