feel so sick

[dfr3]

last nite i counted my pills.
and i want to be sober before my sons first bd. its really important to me.  So i threw 22 pills out.[flushed them down the toilet.}  then i checked the toilet and thought may i could still get some. SICK I KNOW. i have these moments of strength when i think i can do this.  now i am down to taking 6 pills. 10, 1 and 4 o,clock. then i take a valium to sleep.  please pray for me my sons first  bd is july 12 i can not think of a better present then a sober mom.

sorry if i sound selfish i know you all suffer too!!!!!!!!
i just hope we can win this fight.  

on a lighter note i got green tea coming out my you know where.

[justlikeyou]

after going cold turkey over the last 12 days id reccomend reduction very strongly.stick with it (it will be very tough) but by his birthday you might be feeling good?

keep reducing keep reducing keep reducing.......slowly but consistantly.

[Tim2H]

hi,
I am on day 4 and it really isn't "day on the beach." My wife flushed 37 down the toilet. I was ok for the first 36 hrs and then it started and I started thinking about the toilet pills. I was obsessing about turning back the clock and not flushing them and played the scene over and over in my head. I commend you for having the courage to do that and I know just how your feeling right now. It is tough and something of a unbelievable personal challenge. I am trying to look at it as if it were a game and I am the good guy. Keep me posted on how you are doing. My wife is bringing home some meds tonight to just take the edge off. She is going to start me on some kind of fast detox for only 1 week.
Tim

[fishmeal]

Have you check into looking at google typing in, suboxone, detox, your town/city.... they might have some free clinics around where you can get help??  You can actually work on suboxone... I was on for 5 weeks and haven't had one in six days and feel good, sleeping well. not a ball of fire but comfortable in all respects.  It is an opiate in kind of a reverse form and sleep is very good on it.  I was taking 4mgs 4 times a day whick was half a pill.  You really don't have to feel so sick.  Give it a thought??

[emilyanne]

You can def do it by July 12th!!! If you quit cold turkey now, not only would you be clean by july, but you'd be feeling awsome! I am not saying it's easy, or that it's the right way for you to go, but even if you ween, you can ABSOLUTELY do it!!! Ask FLaddict to help you with a taper plan if you don't think you can go cold turkey...what and how much were you on again?

[emilyanne]

sorry, just reread your post and saw you were taking 6...you listed the times you take them...are you taking 6 at a time or just six in total? W/D is torture, I know, but you really can be DONE with it and feeling awsome by your baby's b-day!!! We'll help you!

[road2recovery]

that was courage..I have had them fall in toliet on accident thank god in the bottle and took them out..But you go girl..That is the best birthday present you could give, for you and him..
wish you luck

[ohsnap]

Good luck with everything.  Hopefully you have a strong support system through all this.  I remember when I flushed my vicoprofen down the toilet in November...it's STILL something I think about to this day.  Guess that's part of the addictive personality in me.  It's all a part of our sickness.  I hope you win your battle, for you, and your family.