feeling down

[sosad5306]

Ugh, have been through my first day.  Better in some ways, worse in others.  I feel like I have a life long struggle ahead of me and that is overwhelming.  I have taken a sleeping pill, a flexeril (musc relax) and 2 xanax and I am still wide awake.  Pissed b/c I only have one xanax for tomorrow and I feel like I will need it most then.  I am scared. I am drinking a beer in hopes that that will push me over the edge to sleep.  Alcohol has never been my problem.  Right now, I am desperate and although I disagree with using any potentially addictive substances, I know better than to fall into any more traps.
Most importantly, thank you everyone for all of your insight and support.  Sh!t now I am getting tears in my eyes.  I just don't know what I would do without you.
Lizzie lou, especially...god, my heart just goes out to you tonight.  
I will try to check in after my bath but no telling what the next hour will bring.  Right now I feel close to death.  BUT and that is a big but....I want this.  

[sosad5306]

Sorry, I guess I am just needy tonight!  I wish the forum was rockin right now.  Oh well

[FLaddict]

I am here dear..sorry just catching up on posts from today I missed.. I will be around for a while so just post to me and chat..

[FLaddict]

be back in a few minutes gonna run to get a milk shake up the street at the drive thru ice cream place..

[HUBBY CHOO]

Hey, Im here, dont get caught up in these posts. you are not as bad as you think, you dont have much longer to go, maybe 1.5 - 2 days, tops you should be doing really well, this is probably going to be the toughest time so it is important to stay strong now, positive, watch a movie, when ur hugry eat, tired = sleep, want to walk, then walk, 3 am, who cares, dont stay in bed and make yourself crazy by saying to yourself, i cant sleep, move to the living room, relax, watch tv, dont worry, we are here.

love choo

[FLaddict]

so i guess no milkshake for me.. damn him..

[sosad5306]

Yum! Enjoy the milkshake!  I can't wait until I can at least enjoy such simple pleasures in life.  I won't be on for a few b/c I am gonna get in my parent's whirlpool jacuzzi/bath.  Oh, god, I can't wait.  
I don't know if you read the post between me and addictedtolortab (Georgia) and Marcie but the face pouring is really getting to me..you know, runny nose, watery eyes, sneezing, yawning, I call it face pouring! lol!
How are you feeling today?  Are you off you DOC or are you tapering.  Sorry, so many people and my head is just messed up.  I know you have been posting longer than I have, I just can't recall the details!  Enjoy that milkshake!

[FLaddict]

none for me.. stuck without a car... got outside with purse and keys.. no car.. hubby took mine and i can't drive his..
I am tapering.. I am ok.. just the sleep thing which could just be stress.. gonna take lunesta in an hour..

[sosad5306]

Damn, no milkshake!!!  
Choo, thank you!  I have been in a panic about what I will do in the middle of the night b/c sleeping is a joke.  To hell with everyone!  If they were going thru w/d they would go for a walk at 3 am too!  Hell, I might just do that!
Walking helps...gonna take a bath....just took another xanax and two more sleeping pills... i know to be careful w/ what I mix, just want to not suffer and want to sleep.

[thelida]

You'll be OK.  Just do whatever you can to get through tonight.  My boyfriend has been real restless too, along with running out of valium, and couldn't get xanax either. But hes made it so far.  The past few nights hes said he's not tired, so we watched a few movies, I passed out before him, but wolk up in the middle of the night with the t.v still on & him passed out next to me.  So even if you don't think you'll be able to sleep, lay in bed, watch a couple of movies or something, and you'll probably fall asleep sooner or later.  

[FLaddict]

I am so mad right now... he does this all the time.. i sent him a message yelling at him.. he has his own car.. that i can't drive..

[sosad5306]

Fladdit...I feel you.  I moved from Ft.Pierce/Pt. St. Lucie 2 years ago and I lived w/ my ex (bf at the time) and his car was a piece of sh1t and he always took mine.  But i couldn't drive his b/c it was a stick and I would end up stranded!
Thelida:  thank you sweetie, for your support!  I know you are going thru a struggle yourself with a loved one who is an addict.  We are all here to help each other!

[Peete1974]

Hang in there you are stronger than you think.  Do anything you can to keep your mind off of the fact that you are not taking the pills.  There is a really good website for games called pogo.com if you like to play computer games and chat with people it is the place to go for a bit of fun.  I am a night owl so I will check back off and on if you need to talk.  It's time to take care of you now so go and spoil yourself.

Peete

[sosad5306]

Thank you!  I will go check out that site...games are good, they are fun and take my mind off of this hell.
ALL - I am gonna check in and try to sleep for a few.  Doubtful.  God, the sleep i used to get with some pills....ughhhh.  I just have to stop thinking that way.  
Thank you all so so so much for your support.  it truly means the world to me.  By helping me you are helping my son and I will forever be indebted to all of you!
Love,
Julie

[Peete1974]

I have a really good deep muscle relaxation that might work for you.  Or at least give you some relief.  Starting with your feet tense the muscles and hold for 5 - 10 seconds and then relax them.  Work your way all the way up to your head.  Tense every muscle you have and then let it relax.  I have a really good file that walks you through it if you want I can send it to you.   Let me know how things are going.  

Peete