feeling lost and scared

I have been lurking at this form for a couple of years now.  I have been clean since 1998, but have had medical problems that have required pain meds more then once.  I have had back surgery, and recently breast reduction surgery.  I am coming off the pain pills now, but I find the fear is my greatest enemy, I have been on 4-6 vicoden per day and am now at the point where I am ready to quit.  It has been 3 weeks and my fear is overruling my faith.  My original addiction was to Morphene and Speed and I ended up in a straightjacket in a detox center.  I have a job, mother of 2 girls and my husband runs a business.  I guess right now I feel like a phony, I know I took the pills for medical reasons, but I feel that old addict brain kicking in giving me so not good adivice (if ya'll can relate).  I ask for you prayers and support, I know I can do this I am on a small dose it's just the mental **** that gets to me.  I really do respect how kind you all are to each other and I guess I'm just reaching out for some understanding and advice.  I do go to meetings have a sponsor etc..but I feel really weird about the pill deal, I feel like I can't talk about how I really feel and that makes me feel different, and that is not a good place for me to be.  Thanks for listening, I look forward to getting to know all of you.

[bmac]

Welcome.I came here like you,looking for answers and help.
I found it and have learned so much about myself in the process.
I am sure you will get some good advice and sharing asap.
There are a lot of caring addicts here and that's what we are.
and that's why we are here.Post on !and welcome.\
                            bmac(Bill)

[Tuss-ex]

I have been fighting for a long time myself.  I think the loneliness (sp) is the hardest part and where this forum comes in real well in that area.  You are far from alone...things are tuff sometimes.  I go from feeling better to tired to crying alone in my car.  It is crazy sometimes...  My biggest advice is to talk to whomever you can, those people you can trust.  It has been the difference for me this time in making it longer.  This thing that we have loves the dark in the dark it finds strength and exploits every weakness, drag it into the light.

Keep fighting don't worry about long term things now just go day to day hour to hour.  I have found comfort here, and the suggestions on dealing with w/d and what comes after have been very helpful.  

I will keep you in my prayers...If I can go this long anyone can..believe me...

God Bless

[bob s]

girlrobin --

hang in there. you are right. the biggest part of addiction is mental. if you see your doctor, will he/she help with some of the w/d methods that we all have used? it seems that you are taking such a small amount of narcotics that you can be FREE again real soon. keep posting as i find this very therapeutic.
BobS

[bob s]

girlrobin --
see my comment 9/10/2002 in open forum. it was my first message to this site. it will catch you up to where i have been and hopefully am going.
Bobs

[alexandra_r]

Welcome to the Forum.  I wish you luck with with your addiction to the vicodin.  Like you, I had once been addicted to very strong drugs (street drugs--heroin, methadone and crack).  I stopped using completely over 10 years ago, and was completely drug-free (except for a little marijuana which hasn't ever been problematic for me) until about 17 months ago when I injured my back very badly.  Like you, I was taking about 6 vicodin per day.  What I want to stress here is that you have NO REASON to feel guilty or bad for taking medication when you needed it for pain.  Why should you have to suffer through pain just because you once had a drug problem?  I have read studies that say MOST people (not all) stop using drugs when they get into their 30's or 40's because they just grow out of it.  People get busy, they have kids, they have jobs, etc.  You had to take medication because you were in circumstances that warranted it--it's not like you went out doctor shopping or writing phony scripts.  So, be gentle with yourself-after all, you wouldn't be beating yourself up for taking antibiotics if a medical need arose.  Have you ever heard of a "self-fulfilling prophecy?" Don't let this happen--don't convince yourself that you are going to have a problem getting off the vicodin when you haven't even had that experience yet!  

On another note--you are wise to respect the power that drugs can have over you.  But, don't allow the drugs to win at this point.  If you find yourself doing illegal, immoral, dishonest things to get more vikes when you don't need them, then get worried, but not before.

Good luck to you, my friend--I'll send a couple up for you!

Alex

[Msblacey]

we all feel lost and scared, but the key is that you want to quit.  Being addicted to opiates is bad as you may recall.  And if you do not get off them now, you will find yourself manipulating your docs into giving you stronger meds, thus making your addiction worse.  To be honest, 4-6 Vics per day is not that much.  Some of us here are taking more like 10-20 double strenght Vicodins per day. if not more.  So you are going to be ok.  Taper yourself of the pills and your withdrawls will be minimal.  Good luck~