follow-up to Josh's post

I have been thinking how much our personalities play a part in our addictions.  I really don't think it's a matter of clinically thinking that we take these meds for an extended period of time and then we get hooked by taking too much....ie tolerance...

I think there is much more to it.  We like how they make us feel.  How many people have you heard say "I don't like the way those things make me feel"...I'm like are you crazy?  I can somewhat escape a bit, curl up in my chair and flip channels.  Zip around the house cleaning w/o realizing what I'm doing.

There is something different in US than are in non addicts.  I have been trying to put a finger on it for a long time!

Just my thoughts for the day....

[VOsRose]

I can remember a time (many years ago) when I was one of those people who hated the way those pills made me feel.  Something changed all that for me.  It was deep, dark depression.  Not clinical depression....I don't suffer from depression.  But situational depression over the diagnosis and impending death of my father from lung cancer that had spread to the bone.  I knew the pain and suffering he was in for, only for it to end in a few months in certain death.  The depression was overwhelming, as he was my world.  In addition, I was in a horrible relationship and had just moved halfway across the country from home, so I wasn't even there with him for most of it.  I found so much solace in those pills...the made my emotions numb.  Now, 12 years later, I'm struggling with addiction.  I'm clean now and have been for about 3 months.  I have gotten clean and relapsed so many times in those 12 years, though.

I guess what I'm saying is I totally agree with you.  It has to do with our mental state at the time we're using them.  Believe me, I was using them, as prescribed, for very legitimate pain.  It's just that at that time, I had other things going on with me psychologically, and something clicked.  It's scary, really.

Just my two cents on your thought for the day...

Rosie

[eliminnopee]

  You might try "salient reactions in the brain".  This may shed a bit more light on what you are talking about.

[blueyz]

I may look up that book, but I enjoy hearing opinions from other people about their life experiences.  I think numbing also was a great side effect for me.  I had a very demanding job, high stress, high physicality and saw things that most people won't see in thier lifetime.  I loved it, but it was extrememly taxing..emotionally.  I realize in good-old hindsight that after some surgeries, that I enjoyed being numb,  I never was at work, but I could come home and numb out and not have to think about what I did that day.  There is so much more to this, but you get my drift.  This is where it started for me.

When did it start for you?

[blueyz]

*&(*^&*^(% Sorry!

[eliminnopee]

   It's not a book, it's what happens in the brain that makes us feel different desires and dislikes in general.

[GA Guy]

I can never remember a time where I took 2 tylenol for a headache and got relief. I have always had such a high tolerance for pain meds. So, when I found something that worked, I took it to the extreme. For me, it's the same whether it's food, drugs..anything. I do it all to the extreme. For me it started young. I'm not trying to learn to channel this extreme tendency into something useful..such as my job.

[eliminnopee]

     I know what you mean about the tylenol,  I have never gotten relief from it.   In my mind, though I know it isn't, I was thinking it was sold as a placebo.  Wouldn't that be something if it is?!  But it must work for some.

[allaboutmary]

Oh boy did you hit the nail on the head with me. I had been on pain meds many times in my life, but 4 yrs ago when I hurt my neck, my whole life was colapsing at the same time.  I met a man who I thought was the one I waited for all my life. I was married and head over heals with another man. ( I know I'm a terrible person for that).  I left my husband for him and shortley after, he dumped me. I was crushed beyond belief. I had destroyed my life for him. To make it worse he would still call all the time trying to do the friend thing. Then things just started snowballing, my mother got very sick and we almost lost her, my brother became ill and died.  I know now especially after reading your comments why I was taking pain pills. To numb my heart. O.K> here's the happy ending you have been waiting for.  I divorced my husband, got the house in divorce. Have my mother living with me (good and bad LOL) I am now good friends with xhusband (the man that truley loved me all along). I stopped talking to the other jerk a while back ( gave me time to see him for the cad he really was). and drum roll please......................... six days clean off pills.

[beachtowel]

There is something different in US than are in non addicts

Would you please explain this statement to me I don't understand what your trying to say?

[marcatj]

same here as Rosie and Mary... I had used without abuse for years... here and there, when something medical came up. never a prob.  then a little over a year ago (and I had them around alot more because of a chronic pain situation) my whole life fell apart.

that's when I started abusing...  while I have an addictive personality to begin with, I had never been an "addict" prior to that time in my life...

[marcatj]

... and active addict, I should say...

[beachtowel]

Chemical dependent and addiction are very close almost twins...........both are very dangerous.....

[marcatj]

hey buddy - I know!!!  trust me!  I ain't sugar-coating anything... not to you, or myself...

[marcatj]

...i was in full blown active addiction this last year.  sometimes better, sometimes worse... but an addict nonetheless.

(prior to that, i meant i had them prescribed here and there - not often - over the years, and never had a problem with them.)

but i think once you have the problem, it does not go away.  i can't take them like a "normal" person anymore...

[tzt2lady]

For me it started the first time i got high when i was about 12.   I stayed clean through religion (briefly), pregnancy, etc but didnt understand the nature of addiction or that if i used again i would probably get addicted.
after all my years clean through NA, i used pills for legit pain.  Unfortunately I was caring for my mom who was dying and the numbing i got from the pills attracted me.    Soon i was taking more than prescribed, etc etc and before you know it i was in active addiction.
There are people who dont like the way they make them feel.   I, for whatever reason, do not like the way percs made me feel.  The difference is that we are compelled to continue using once we start.  Compulsion and obsession engulf us.   In non-addicts this doesnt happen.

[Josh26]

i know most of us have started taken these pills for pain in some matter.  I think atleast for me i got used to the feeling and i loved it.  I loved conversations I loved TELEVISION Everything just seemed better.  Well after a while i felt the addiction coming on you know the getting sick in the morning (dope sick) that i hated!! I'm soooo glad i am not dope sick anymore.  I thought it was only for heroin addicts.  Well little did i know i was taking a synthetic heroin OXYS! Anyways now that i'm clean ive noticed everything is the same as far as things are better i'm loving conversations i'm unstoppable in my business i mean really noone can touch me i'm sharp witty quick on point its just amazing like night and day.  So if anyone is trying to get off pills PLEASE LISTEN WHEN I TELL YOU THIS .... YOURE                LIFE                 WILL                 IMPROVE                OFF                PILLS!             I                     PROMISE!
jOSh

[wait2long]

i truly think that people who become addicts actually cause some type of "brain damage"...once you have crossed that line of addiction...thats it...and i dont think anyone FULLY recovers from the effects of being an addict to pills, booze, crack , etc...yes we recover and do well...but to compare life before addiction and life after addiction...its like leading 2 totally different lives through two different sets of eyes...as to WHY some are addicts and some are not...i havent a clue...