getting help

[gypsygal76]

Hello to all again.I posted a few days ago seeking support in dealing with my husbands heroin addiction.Well as an update he did spend a few days in a detox center, they discharged him with meds to treat the withdrawl symptoms.
He says his mind is made up and he no longer wants to be like that.He says he wants to keep his family instead of losing them.
At first I told him he had to leave the house, but I am not comfortable at this point with him taking my kids for any length of time.,I am so very sorry for that but alot has happened in the past months and while I love him i need to protect my kids from this.He says he needs his 'reasons' to stay close to him.
Anyway, I agreed to let him back but that he had to continue with the out-patient care they provided him.The first time he went into re-hab..I believed him when he said he didn't need it and his clean time only reached 60 days or so.This time he really needs to go all the way.NA meetings were not for him as  he had a hard time with the whole religious aspect of it.He has his first appt with them tomorrow.
I will be honest in saying I don't understand addiction..for me it seems a choice between taking the road that will ruin everything..or not taking that road.But I do understand that its not a choice for him...he wouldn't choose to do the things he has done to his family.At least I don't think so.He tells me there is alot I don't know..I assume thats a good thing that I don't know it all.Although part of me wants to know..the sane part knows I don't.
Any advice from you guys that have been through this..or are going through it? How can I support him and help him stay away from this evil monster?Any advice to help me in letting go of the anger I still have at times? I go to work all day and worry about him all day.Again when I express my worries to him he tell me not to worry, that he will not go back to that again..no matter what.I asked him to call me whenever he feels the craving so that I can help him..talk him through it..to help him remember why he doesn't want it.Should I just back off and let him handle this or am I doing the right htings?
I want this to be it.He says he does too.I am scared that this will be a never ending road..and while I love him I can't keep traveling down this road with him.We are close to losing the house and our truck, he spent the payments on heroin.I really need help as I just want to help our lives to get back to what they could be...and were at one point.
I believe depression helped this start..he lost his job last year and has always been the 'breadwinner' and being the macho man he is..it bothered him that I became the one paying the bills.He is still searching for a job and I want to help him in staying clean..in not letting this addiction break him and ruin us.

[gypsygal76]

I know that most who post here are users but just wanted input on how I could help.I apprieciate (sp?) your post.I more then likely will not be able to get him on here. He says this is a private matter and doesn't need the worl knowing this. Thanks

[worried878]

i have noticed ur posts...and i usually respond to most i c here..but when the user is not the poster i realize i usually do not answer and i know u need support as well...and sounds like he is trying..when u can get him on here..as only he can do this...but he is so so very lucky to have u  (:

[gypsygal76]

I noticed that post was a bit confusing..he spent 40 days in a drug re-hab back in Jan and Feb.He says its only been back about a month ..i figure 2 months is probably closer to the truth.All in all including the 60 days clean the Heroin has been around about a year.Pain pills of any and all kinds have been around for about 4 yrs.He hs chronic back pain and it started out of need for relief and spiraled from there.

[gypsygal76]

No he really didn't do well with NA.He did go to a few meetings.He isn't really a 'group' type person.He does have the NA book as well AA and has read both(me as well).The program he is going into is called 'bridgeway'  A program is a program, right?
He did argue about goinginto a program the first time..so the fact he agreed with not really any pushing from me.. thats a good sign. right? He has agreed that he needs counseling and actually started that prior to going into detox..on his own without telling me.Although after his second visit with the phsyciatrist he went to see his 'dealer' Told me he was tapering down.That was when I told him he had to do that someplace else.That he could come back to me clean..when he tapered all the way off.He packed his bags here and without telling me checked into the detox center.I found out from his brother..and he eventually called me the day after he checked in.
He knows he has to earn back trust..even told me so himself. I will do as you said and back-off.It is very tempting to question him but I realize that would be a bad thing.
This time around I feel its encouraging that he has made the steps himself.When he went to re-hab he was convinced he didn't need it and I know he did it just to pacify me.
But what worries me is that he seems to think this will be easy..I have done LOTS of searching and re-searching this and while I know it will not be easy he says he will have no trouble with staying away..he says he just simply HAS TOO!
I have checked out nar-anon and have found there are no meetings that take place near me and the closest one is almost 60 miles away and as sad as it is..I can't take the time off of work.
I am trying to take care of me, but at times there is no time for me.We have 3 kids and I work 50-60 hrs a week.Once he gets to work I can cut back (I hope) I am considering counseling for myself as well.

[GA Guy]

As IBKleen has mentioned, NA and AA are not religious programs at all. They are spiritual ones. The steps were designed to provide relief with the help of God as you understand him. My sponsor was born atheist and continues in that respect. He is not religious, but he is spiritual. Getting clean and staying that way without NA or AA is possible, but many people (myself included) had to fight tooth and nail before making our way back into the rooms of NA and AA. Just like IBKleen said, you and your kids are the number one priority. Find some sort of support for yourself. Al-Anon would be a great first step. Good luck.

[IBKleen]

Hi Hun!

We spoke a few days ago, or at least I did.

That is encouraging that he went to detox but that is just a tiny, teeny little step that is part of the "big picture". So now he is clean physically, what is next? Well, counseling would surely be the way to go as he needs help to get to the core issues. And it truly scares me that he says NA is not for him for religious reasons. That tells me right away that he is not listening. It is not a religious program and him saying that is a cop out. I am not going to get into the details of that, but it is scary and you can look on their website to see what it is all about.

Good for you for not letting him take the children. Unfortunately, he will have to prove himself at this point for you to even begin to gain his trust.

Please do yourself a favor and do not stand over him, question him or any of those things I am sure you want to do. It is so tempting, I know but you have to give him space. I am not saying "turn a blind eye" but give him space to get to the other side.

I can suggest that you find help as well thru Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. They are wonderful support groups for spouses of addicts and they can guide you. You will find amazing people who share your feelings and your thoughts.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. By all means, please take care of "YOU".