growing up in an alcohol family

[JustinTime]

My natural parents are alcoholics,was pretty bad,so bad us kids had to leave(fostercare)and i thought to myself, never will i allow alcohol to control my life.  i'm 31 now, my parents haven't been together since i was 8yrs old. they both still drink, they each had a time where they stayed clean for 7 years years.  my ex-husband left me in 97, my drinking begin to increase about 6 mths after that.  the first time i drank alone, i thought to myself, this is nuts, what am i doing. then one morning shortly after that, i wake up thinking..gee a beer would be good right now. (oh the first signs)i wish i had enough strength at the time to 'nip' it in the butt.  i was having a tuff time dealing with my seperation and stress of it all.  by the time i felt good again, my addiction had come to surface.  this spring, after exceeding my drinking limit, i was suffering what appeared to be alcohol w/ds, had a half hour scare, of shaking, feeling anxious,and feeling like i was going to faint. i seeked help, alone, and told no one, my secret trips to outpatient detox for classes, no one ever knew about.  i stayed clean for 2half mths.after outdoing my limit bigtime last nite, got that anxious feeling today, scared as hell, and remembering how i felt that afternoon (sunday) by monday i called the nurse at detox.  and i also remember how good i felt as i counted the days of being clean.  i need that back, too scared to tell anyone,(i hid myself very well).  today i am good, got no prob with not drinking 2 or 3 days after i get really wasted.  Monday will be the day of reckening

[zwany]

Please email me I have some questions about methadone. My email address is zwany__***@****

[hippy]

hey there, welcome to the fourm mostly everbody here is dealing with withdrawls from opiates, but there are plenty of peolpe
here with a lot of experence staying sober.
i am an addict , i too went to foster homes when i was  8 9 and
10 my father is now in aa and has been for 37 years.
i also went through two divorces by the age of 24 that is when
i started to go to aa and na meetings , i never had a problem putting down acohol because drugs were always there .
so i have spent most of my life going to na meetings.
without them i would probley not be here.

i think it would be wise of you to start to hang around people who don't drink , and also find someone you can be accountable to.
have a safe and sober sat., sun, and monday.
keep posting.

rember it's not what we use but why we use.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[JustinTime]

thanks for the note.  i could feel tears starting when i was reading, just the feeling of someone reading me, feeling heard, makes it a very good day for me.  i haven't spoken to anyone about out my prob, using this forum is a first for me, i feel like if i keep reading and typing today, well it's where i am seeking advise and comfort.  i don't usually hang out with any big drinkers, i kept it to myself, and actually preferred to drink alone.  i worked very hard at hiding it from everyone.  other than the staff at the beer store.  tonite my plans are to watch some cable, and hit the bed early, or i may catch a movie with friend, and go to bed early.  i woke up really really early this morning, i am over tired.  sat and sun, close friend, who is not a drinker, is coming to see me, i will have company so i should be fine.  monday i will be alone again with myself and my secret prob. i plan to spend that evening here. in the forum.

[hippy]

that sounds great, i will be looking for you monday around
6pm,  
any one i have ever met that has stop drinking, and started to help others always seems  like there life turns out golden.
we use or drink because of the pain of life, or because we hate what we do, then we hate ourselves and then we start the whole thing over and over.
i think all the answer i need ,i learned in kinder garden.
like be nice , don't hurt peolpe, dont lie. be good
ect  ect

peace  have a good day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[GOD]

I was looking at your posts (all up and down throughout the forum) and you ARE in the right place! Just because most people here are going through Opiate addiction/withdrawal, doesn't mean people like us (Alkies) can't jump in anywhere... My main addiction was HARD LIQUOR - 1 - 1.75 liters per DAY. and it was almost ALL drunk by me ALONE in my apartment. I found this place because I ended up addicted to Ultram. After being sober for about 3 months, I went to my doctor for help with this horrible foot/leg pain I was having. Turns out that because I drank SOOOO MUCH, I have permanently damaged my nerves, and now have a condition called "Peripheral Neuropathy"-- Basically feels like my feet and legs are on FIRE 24/7. Opiates and Ultram helped at first, but as we all know, as an addictive personality, one TOO MUCH and one THOUSAND was never enough. One MONTH I went through 1,700 Ultram 50mgs pills. YES, 17 bottles. So, although my first, and most damaging addiction, was Alcohol... I found this place becuase of the "Reprecussions" of my use.

Look out for us... We'll look out for you! You have found a place of great support, and loving people. Welcome, and we love you.

Jess

[Chezz]

Jess,

Just out of curiosity have you tried cortizone shots?
My aunt/Mom has this condition. THey found out the easiest fastest way to get rid of it is a shot. It comes and goes but she usually go 6 months between breakouts. Also stress is what usually sets it off for them.

Just my experience,
Chezz

[GOD]

THanks for the suggestion... I'm willing to try just about anything by now. Leaning to "Live" with the pain, but I'm not really a patient guy... Hahahaa.

Thanks again,
Jess

[GOD]

THanks for the suggestion... I'm willing to try just about anything by now. Leaning to "Live" with the pain, but I'm not really a patient guy... Hahahaa.

Thanks again,
Jess

[Chezz]

gotta go to lunch

[JustinTime]

i really don't know anything about what i am reading in here, regarding pills, i have been reading some of comments, now i think any addicton has the potential to harm, the mind body and soul.  and when it comes all down to it, your right, it's not what u use, it's why u use it.  i remember that i could barely drink 1/2 pint in one whole evening.  now i can at least drink a pint without much of a prob, the amount i can consume has increased. and i hate it.  the most hard stuff i drank in one afternoon and evening, was a pint and i went back to another 1/2 later on.  back in april that gave me my first scare.  what i have been doing is 1/2 pint, a litre of beer and maybe a baby mickey.  but i found that it didn't seem to give me that fix i guess,that i could turn around and do it all over again the next evening. and if i consumed more than that, the next day i would not tend to drink at all the next day.  and last nite i consumed my limit and then some, mind u all i feel now is very tired cause i was up at 335am, with guilt and shame on my mind.  i don't want to get another scare, i thank god, that it didn't happen today.  scare meaning, the w/ds i went through back in april. i am 1 hour away from 24 hours of alcohol free.  i will try not to overwhelm myself with the'big picture', just going to celebrate my 'right now' with a cup of hot coffee. and maybe a tear or 2, as i smile to myself.

[Sean5110]

I just read a couple of your posts over the last couple of days. Are you able to see a doctor about your addiction? That could be the difference between a pretty bad time and simply an uncomfortable one. Believe me, or, better yet, the people on this board, the symptoms you mentioned (frustration, agitation) are very much part and parcel of withdrawal. You are not feeling and will not feel anything that so many of us have not felt in the past.

I remember it used to really frighten (or depress) me when I'd have all of those physical and mental things happening to me. I don't know why, but it made me feel a lot better knowing that other people felt what I did. The last time I quit, I honestly thought there was something uniquely wrong with me because I had zero energy, my legs felt like led, I was always at the brink of tears; I felt like maybe I should keep on the pills because my family needed me to be energetic and positive and I was just a lethargic ghost! It was so freeing to find on these boards that people were describing the exact things that I had been feeling. And, what's more, it is encouraging to hear that these things get better over time.

I don't know if anyone read my previous post somewhere down the line, but yesterday I shot my tapering plans to hell, took some extra pills, started feeling great and the went to hit up all the pharmacies in the area. I'm truly a problem case. And like so many on these boards, I'm a Christian. Not just a christianly-type person, but a "I-wanna-live-my-life-in-the-center-of-God's-will" type Christian. And yet, I'm the opposite. I risk my family's security for the simple goal of copping a high. I commit felonies for that purpose.

My only prayer now is "Dear God help me to want to get clean. Grant me the will." I am sorry to those of you who have given me such support over the past days. I feel I've let you all down. But somewhere in the depths of my soul I have hope that I will step back up to the plate. I pray soon.

[Sean5110]

I just read a couple of your posts over the last couple of days. Are you able to see a doctor about your addiction? That could be the difference between a pretty bad time and simply an uncomfortable one. Believe me, or, better yet, the people on this board, the symptoms you mentioned (frustration, agitation) are very much part and parcel of withdrawal. You are not feeling and will not feel anything that so many of us have not felt in the past.

I remember it used to really frighten (or depress) me when I'd have all of those physical and mental things happening to me. I don't know why, but it made me feel a lot better knowing that other people felt what I did. The last time I quit, I honestly thought there was something uniquely wrong with me because I had zero energy, my legs felt like led, I was always at the brink of tears; I felt like maybe I should keep on the pills because my family needed me to be energetic and positive and I was just a lethargic ghost! It was so freeing to find on these boards that people were describing the exact things that I had been feeling. And, what's more, it is encouraging to hear that these things get better over time.

I don't know if anyone read my previous post somewhere down the line, but yesterday I shot my tapering plans to hell, took some extra pills, started feeling great and the went to hit up all the pharmacies in the area. I'm truly a problem case. And like so many on these boards, I'm a Christian. Not just a christianly-type person, but a "I-wanna-live-my-life-in-the-center-of-God's-will" type Christian. And yet, I'm the opposite. I risk my family's security for the simple goal of copping a high. I commit felonies for that purpose.

My only prayer now is "Dear God help me to want to get clean. Grant me the will." I am sorry to those of you who have given me such support over the past days. I feel I've let you all down. But somewhere in the depths of my soul I have hope that I will step back up to the plate. I pray soon.

[bmac]

Don't beat yourself up over this.I have relapsed many times and I can tell you it is much easier to do than to stop.
It is ashamed that we feel better when we are high.I wish God could make it so bad we never took any again,but you know that's where Satan comes in.You know what you have to do.You are just
putting off what you know must happen.I did the same.It took me 3 months just to ask my doctor to start tapering me.I used more in that 3 months than I had in previous months.I knew it was
coming to an end.That's why I withdrew so hard.I had alot of this **** in my system.
Sean,just take a deep breathe and get back on schedule.
You will remember that 9 years ago you beat heroin,now that's a strong drug.These little hydro pills are just the blackness you are in and the little white light you see(in your minds eye)is
God asking you to come back home.You will get there,but if
your spouse finds out before then you will be facing what I went thru.You seem to want to do this alone.Why?When there are so
many,many doctors willing to get you there.
I guess when you get to that place,you will make it.God hasn't
forgotten you,He is just letting you learn the hard way.
He said he would never put on you more than you can bear,so
you must be doing something right.Get back on track and do this!!!!!
                          bmac

[sweetusa]

Sean, Thank You so much for the support and everyone else as well. I have cut down on the hydros So I do feel so much better about that the last one I took was 5:45am this morning. I am sick with ear infections right now and my back hurting. I went to work today and my client knew I was sick and I knew my client before I worked for her, and she asked me if I wanted some of her hydros (knows nothing about my addiction) and I told her NO I cant do that, they are yours for your pain, (by the way I am a Nursing assistant.) And she said ok well I just dont want you to be in pain and I said I am fine I will take some tylenol or something, That was so hard to turn that down, But you know how much trouble I would be in, I love my Job so much and I couldnt do that so that made me very proud of myself.
We just have to take one step at a time. Well I better get going for a bit I will be back shortly, if anyone wants my email address just ask. I feel that all of you are my family.
God Bless You all. Sweetusa

[Chezz]

Good job Sweet! YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF. I am sure that was hard. I bet alot/most would take it.
You have to be careful too though. That wouldn't look too good being a nursing assistant taking drugs from a client.

Keep strong. Keep posting, it helps. Especially when you get the cravings. Let it out, tell us how you are feeling. It can get you through the cravings and on to the next day of sobriety.

Chezz

[sweetusa]

Chezz Thank you so much, it means so much to me. I called my doctor because I have ear infections and they hurt really bad and ask if I can have something else for the pain because the Ultram is not helping and he said come and pick up your prescription and So I went down there thinking I had hydros, I was hoping and it was sone stuff I have never heard of that, I guess it is sone differnet antibotic (antibiotic). When I went in to my car I yelled and screamed and everything else because I wanted the hydro of course. Im telling everyone all of this because I want to be honest with everyone. I just want to taper myself off of them. I have seven lefted so how would you taper off of them. and what is the recipe that everyone is talking about. Thank you, Sweetusa.

[JackieG]

Hi Just In Time:

Hippy mentioned in a post above about AA and NA, but didn't really emphasize them. This Board is really helpful and supportive, and has a lot of people who are caring, compassionate and insightful. HOWEVER, I would recommend that you also look for an AA group in your city or town and begin to join as quickly as possible. AA meetings can be a bit intimidating at first, but the people you meet there ALL have the same problem you are facing. There is nothing you can tell them that will shock them, because they have already been there and then some. The support and love you find at AA is as real and genuine as it gets, and you can develop a relationship with a sponsor that may prove invaluable if you feel like relapsing.

Think of AA meetings as a face-to-face supplement to the Internet support you can get here.

Best wishes to you,
Chicken Soup

[Chezz]

First off, what did he give you. If we know than we will know if it will help with the wd's.

I will also copy and paste the recipe after your reply. Or you can scroll down. There is a recent thread on it.
It is the most requested info here I think.

Chezz

[sweetusa]

Chezz, there was a few things I wasnt sure what they were in the recipe and what he gave me is the infection for my ears it is called Rocephin it is suppose to kill the bacteria in the ears from the infection. Please let me know about the recipe thank you very much. sweeyusa

[Chezz]

I forgot to add. that the post was for sweet.

I also forgot to add that being HONEST here and with yourself will make recovery easier. Being honest with your doctor so he can HELP you is the next step.
Letting all of those skeletons out of the closet can be liberating.

You are doing alot better than a week ago I bet.

It helps to get it out.
Chezz

[sweetusa]

Hello everyone,
I am very sorry to bug everyone over and over again, but IM sure everyone dont mind. Right now Im feeling very frustrated because I want to take a pill real bad, and I stopped and thought what is trigering this off, And it is stress I think because I am pretty sick with my ears and stuff and Im trying to get someone to take my spot this weekend and only found someone for sunday and not saturday and that is when I wanted one because Im sick and dont want to work and I think that is what is setting me off. Well I just need some sopport right now please help. In tears and dont know what to do and I was also wondering if shaking like nervousness is one of the withdrawals because I have that. Thank you sweetusa

[Chezz]

Sweet, I know how it is. The craving suck. Just remember they are mental. Try going and doing something to get your mind off of it.
I know it is easier said than done. But just try it. Take a walk. Do something you haven't done in awhile, or since using and enjoy yourself.
As for the shakes that is part of the withdrawls. Or personally I like to think of them as purging my system from all of the opiates.
Be strong Sweet. You can do it. If you can just take it minute by minute, then hour by hour, it makes it easier, aat least for me.

As for the work thing. I am not sure what you do for a job. But try and just make it through the day.

I hope you feel better, just remember things do get better, they have for all of us.
Chezz

[ultimate high]

hi chezz.  i've been lurking here for weeks and was 12 days clean until today.  i see several posts down that skipper seems to be in bad shape tonight.  depressed and high it seems.  if you need to talk, even though i'm new, i'm here right now for about 15 minutes.

[ultimate high]

if you look at the post under skipper help......you will see that skipper needs help.  i tell everyone my story some day.  but for now, you all have inspired me more than you could ever know.  although i haven't posted before and have only read every single post on the board for the past couple of weeks, i feel like i know all of you.  I guess like they say, birds of a feather flock together huh.  :-) keep smiling.  Skipper, get that angel back on your shoulder right now.

[ultimate high]

well i'm on the east coast so it's time to sign off.  hope everyone is well.  by the way.  my screen name merely means that i'm searching for the ultimate high which is called LIFE.  Won't find that until I can stay off the candy.  Good night.  ttyl.