Aa
happy?
Why am I not happy? I should be. I am starting to be the mom that I have always wanted to be but yet there is something inside of me that is empty. There is this anxiety I feel when I have to go out into the world. Like every person I meet will just be one more person that wants something from me. What will I have to do or say to make someone else happy today? Even my husband, I have to stroke his ego every day. I love my children, their wants and needs are innocent. I can give all day to them, I still get a little tired emotionally but I know it is for a good cause. I just dont know how to get past it. I have moments when I feel like I want to cry and I suck it up. You never let them see how you feel. It doesnt matter as long as they get what they want. 35 years of programing. And why do I run to a pill every time I start to feel a little? Why do I take a pill for every time I have to go out and do things for someone else?
It sounds like depression to me. Have you considered counseling?
And the reason you always run to a pill is because you're an addict. Me, too. My first drug of choice was promiscuity (I was the girl in school who did everything but...), then it was food and I got myself to nearly 400 pounds - had gastric bypass lost nearly 200 pounds and am at a very healthy weight for my height and body and am eating very healthy, then I was a klepto - well, that went on with the food but got worse after. I was arrested for shoplifting. Been on Vic and Oxy for about 2 years about 200mg+ of hydrocodone/day and have been clean for 5 days now. Now the deal is to work very closely with my psychiatrist to not switch again. I've been thinking about the bottles of wine that I've got in the house (I live in Italy) but I don't want to deal with the headache in the morning with no pain meds in the house. I've dabbled with alcohol off and on for a few years, too.
My psychiatrist gave me Catapres (a bp med that helped TREMENDOUSLY with the anxiety and sweats) and Klonopin - a very low, very limited dose just to help the breakthrough anxiety. Also, I drink lots of decaf green tea (don't need the caffiene with the anxiety!) - like a galon a day iced with Splenda, and lots of fresh fruits and veggies and "good" foods - not McD's and/or Pringles, lol!
You can do it. If I can, you can! I'm from a long line of addicts as well. I get it.
Need2beClean
And the reason you always run to a pill is because you're an addict. Me, too. My first drug of choice was promiscuity (I was the girl in school who did everything but...), then it was food and I got myself to nearly 400 pounds - had gastric bypass lost nearly 200 pounds and am at a very healthy weight for my height and body and am eating very healthy, then I was a klepto - well, that went on with the food but got worse after. I was arrested for shoplifting. Been on Vic and Oxy for about 2 years about 200mg+ of hydrocodone/day and have been clean for 5 days now. Now the deal is to work very closely with my psychiatrist to not switch again. I've been thinking about the bottles of wine that I've got in the house (I live in Italy) but I don't want to deal with the headache in the morning with no pain meds in the house. I've dabbled with alcohol off and on for a few years, too.
My psychiatrist gave me Catapres (a bp med that helped TREMENDOUSLY with the anxiety and sweats) and Klonopin - a very low, very limited dose just to help the breakthrough anxiety. Also, I drink lots of decaf green tea (don't need the caffiene with the anxiety!) - like a galon a day iced with Splenda, and lots of fresh fruits and veggies and "good" foods - not McD's and/or Pringles, lol!
You can do it. If I can, you can! I'm from a long line of addicts as well. I get it.
Need2beClean
Did any of you find that NA works? I have tried counsiling but even with insurance I cant afford the cost of what I need to stay sober? I am still using. I had a 2 month break but when i went back to the real world I relaped. MY mother did NA and OA and every kind of A possible but she is just an addiction transfer type person. At this point I am willing to try it. My experience with alnon as a kid was horrible. I had a hard time with people telling me that the higher power could be whatever they wanted like, a jacket. No kidding I heard that. I am a christian woman dispite my sins. I dont know what I need. Also will vitamins help a whole lot if I am tappering and still using? Will they help with the tired, tired, feelings I get in between pills?
I can't say enough how much the vitamins have helped me (along with excercise). Never been a big fan of vitamins before but they really made a difference. Really helps with my attitude, i am not stressed out and feel better than ever. Everyone is different but please try the vitamins/supplements, It can't hurt.
Like Cathy said, it does take time. It took me a little while to get back to normal but after a while I had a lot of people noticed the difference in me. While I was taking vicodin I thought I was happy but everybody kept asking why I was edgy. Once I was off for 3 weeks I was the naturally happy person I used to be.
It WILL get better, I promise. Those feelings go away.
It WILL get better, I promise. Those feelings go away.
Maby it's time you start thinking about you and what you need to become the person you want and need to be.I can relate to how you are feeling and I hope you will start to be good to yourself because if you are not happy you cant make anyone else happy♥
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