hellooooo

[kellygirll]

hey all my god its been ages since i have been on here been having a rough time lately broke my hip on sept 2 doc repaired it instead of replace and might have to replace in a while if it gets more necrotic any hoo still not working and still using uuuggg not everyday cant afford it and I'm working with a therapist that specializes in addiction she's holistic and uses energy techniques so its hopeful lol it will happen one day because its what i want and I'm willing to work as hard as i have to to get there i dont go to meetings anymore they are just not for me they do nothing for me and thats ok I've finally accepted that i was thinkin what the hell is wrong with me i found out there is nothing wrong with me so hope all is well with yall

[dominosarah]

So you stopped going to meetings as they werent for you cuz nothing is wrong with you but yet you are still using.  I hope you figure this out kelly before it is too late~

[kellygirll]

hi sarah no i never said nothing is wrong with me there is plenty wrong with me lol i am seeing a therapist and what she is doing with me is EFT emotional freedom technique or "tapping" and it is incredible the amount of things that are being released from my body old traumas and stuff like that last time we met we dealt with my sexual abuse as a child and what my body physically went thru at that session was just mind blowing we tapped on the pain that i thought i never felt but discovered that it was a HUGE part of my addiction was my mother making my father leave when i was 7 its working for me its different than meetings its a different approach i wanted to get tho the source of what is making me use and heal that so i didn't have the "need, compulsion or desire" to use and all that has lessoned i think that getting to the root cause of any problem and healing that truly heals us its not going to happen over night and I'm still using tho now like before and it feels different its hard to explain but my therapist has healed many hard core herion iv addicts i know this is what will help me recover i think everyone has to find out what makes them well and do that this is what works  for me

[clean_in_ks]

If we go to meetings while we are using....and our attitude isn't one of "seeking or looking for help".....of course the message and the love in the rooms will not go into our hearts.

If I'm not mistaken, Kelly girl,  you were using long before you had trouble with your hip and I was just wondering if you started using and then kept going to meetings for awhile.  If you get clean and truly want help like you did when you flew all the way to treatment, most any type of addiction recovery will resonate with your heart.  Even your the things your therapist is trying to help you with will not work if you are still using.  It may encourage you to get clean sooner...and that would be a GREAT thing!
Just some things to think about, ok?

[jifmoc]

Hi. I have the same question as Motye. I still have yet to meet a person who has any significant clean time, and has done so w/o some type of program.

[motye51]

I couldn't think of a tactful way to ask?  I deleted half the post too.....

[Knifeguy]

I'm right there with you, used to go to court mandated meetings but for my ADD, they were brutal. Ran the steps, but got clean on my own by focusing on
my family and job. Honestly, meetings made me want to use more, and never would have quit smoking if I kept going to them. I found moving and surrounding my self with others who don't use did wonders... if I saw it I would want it.  Fast forward 15 years, add degenerative disk disease from years of extreme sports and stupidity and a failed back surgery and find myself using enough scripts to kill a horse. The pain was horrible, and pills made it better. So got the guts to try another surgery. Today is almost three months since my second back surgery and it worked, so I stopped taking all pain pills over a slow 1 month taper. It was hard but I feel amazing. Today my muscles are really sore from all the hiking and trips to the park with my kids but nerve pain gone and know my pain threshold is lowered due to years of taking pills. I have bottles of bliss in my safe and haven't thought once about jeopardizing how I feel... crazy how quick things can get away from you and before you know it, your not in control. Get your hip fixed because pain will just depress and make you use more and know your body will trick you in to thinking you are hurting more than you really are. It's good you are aware of what's going on. Sincerely; 8 days clean

[motye51]

Well.....I'm glad to see your name again on the boards.  It's been awhile.  I'm sorry to hear your having some physical problems with your hip; my husband had a hip replacement and I know its a serious surgery with serious recovery time.  I'm not real happy to see your using again, but I guess it is what it is.  I'm sure I'll get alot of **** for it but I just have to ask.....what happened with the 12 step program that made you decide it wasn't for you, if you don't mind me asking?