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help for my son
Hi All, I have been reading many of the posts here. I stumbled across this forum while searching for something else but so happy that I did. My son (21) has recently admitted to me (although I knew for a couple years) that he is addicted to Oxycontin. I just don't know how many ml a day he is taking. His life recently spiraled out of control and he is left to almost nothing now. I thank God for that because now he wants to change. Basically the only way to go from here is up.
Anyhow, he wants to get off the drugs. He has planned that he is going to stay at my house during his WD because he cannot hang out with his friends during that time. His plan is to use Methadone for a few days. He states he needs someone to regulate the dosage so that he is not tempted to take more than the recommended dosage. I am nervous about it because I don't know what to expect. Is he going to get violent with me? Are the chances of him getting addicted to Methadone too great? Many posts have helped ease some of my anxiety about this but anything you can offer would be great. I have also noted some alternatives in this forum to Methadone. What do you think? Thanks for your help
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hey mom i just want to add 1 thing pray to God for help in this matter he is a very POWERFUL BEING when it comes to this stuff also have your son pray ,pray like you never have in your life and he will be there for you if it wasnt for God i wouldnt be were im at today im going on day 3 and typically it should be a living hell for me but with God looking over me its been a piece of cake i know in my heart im gonna actually make it this time , if you belong to a church and feel comfortable doing so have them put your son on a prayer list the power of prayer is such a powerful thing take care and you all will be in my prayers Free...
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186166 tn?1385262982
please make sure that your son is not just telling you the things that he knows you want to hear.

actions speak louder than words...
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Vicki,
thank you but I don't agree that it is a good thing that he wants to help his girlfriend necessarily. The thing is that both of them are dependent and codependent. Neither are in any shape to help anyone. What needs to happen is that the two of them separate, get clean, mentally get over this drug and then get back together and see if two "whole" people can be together without being codependents of each other. I was hoping the gf's family could help accomplish this but as it turns out what her mom is doing is closing the window of opportunity. The gf will not trust her mom to ask for help when she only belittles and berates her and even exaggerates her addiction. So my son cannot now focus on his sobriety when she has to be the main focus.
Therefore, what mom did was not help her daughter first off basically keeping her in the situation she is in without an out and it hurt my sons chance of getting well too because he is worried about leaving her alone now.
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Sara,
thanks. He does state that he wants to get clean but he is adamant about doing it his way. He wants the Methadone and will not listen to anything else now. I told him I won't do it, so he says he is gonna do it alone then. I wonder if he is bluffing to try to make me feel bad but I do worry about that, He lives in a drug house. There is no possible way of getting clean with about 6 other drug addicts living with you and also if he is in pain, they will just get him the Oxy. not to mention that if anything goes wrong with Methadone, the other drug addicts are not mentally capable of doing the right thing and knowing what to do. I really hate being in this position
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Hi~  I didn't mean to imply that I thought the two kids should rent a cottage and detox together...   I just thought it was great he was THINKING that way...thinking and focusing (somewhat ) on both of them getting clean.  I do agree with you...they have to be separate and get treatment individually;being together would not be theraputic.

I'll tell you what I wouldn't do :  I would not be fanning this flame with my daughter. I
would threaten and follow through. Period. She's making this worse. I'm sorry about that.

I sure hope this works itself out soon...
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Hi Gnarly,
I think I have done just that. He knows that my door is open when he wants to do it the right way and I have definitely shown him that I love him unconditionally. This thing with the gf's family is a set back because he put his full trust in me and now he says he can't trust me. They feel that I threw the gf under the bus and don't see that I was trying to help. It is sad but nothing I can do but wait really. Hopefully he will come to his senses.
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Free,
thank you. That is completely what I have done at this point, Let Go, Let God. I am at so much more peace doing that. I know for sure my son will come around one day, it may not be this week as promised but it will happen. God has promised :) So I wait and try my best to do it with patience lol
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Hi,
I agree. Sometimes you don't know if you are merely being told what you want to hear. That is tough but I try to see through things now that it is all on the table. You know what they say, if you want to know if a drug addict is lying, see if his mouth is moving :) funny but still sad. I want to believe him but like you said, I have to see it first
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495284 tn?1333897642
We are also great at blaming others for everything.  Usually when we get mad the other person has hit a nerve.  All you can do is sit back and hope he gets his act together and i know that is tough to do.  Him living in a drug house wont work.

How are you really doing??  Are you getting enough sleep?  Eating and drinking?  I am worried about the toll this is taking on you too.              sara
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HI ....I hope and have been praying your situation gets better.....I agree with Sara about all of the above make sure your taking care of you....I spent many a sleepless night over my daughter you need to make sure you take care of you...next time you talk to your son
tell him you have been in contact with several addicts on the internet ...tell him about the forum and what you have learned ...also tell him the fear of withdrawals is often worst then the actual withdrawals them self....it is often the fear that keeps people using...if he does detox on his own be ready to take him in so he has somewhere to recover you dont come bouncing back from a large oxy habit he is going to need a month or 2 to recover...insist on some sort of aftercare wile he is getting better...N/A and A/A are free and the programs work if you work them.....there is so much more to this then just detoxing...you have to want to get well also...detoxing is only the first step....I think he may come to you after his methadone attempt fails...hes probably going to be in ruff shape but he will make it ...I will keep you in my prayers good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  
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Thank you for your concern about me. I am doing ok. Yes I am upset, yes I worry about my son but that is all part of being a mom. I don't know if I would know what to do anymore without those feelings :). I have been in heavy prayer and letting God take over this situation so for the most part I am sleeping fine with an exception last night. I woke up at 2:45 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So I started to pray. I had this feeling come over me that one of my kids was in trouble. 2 of my kids are living with me, so I immediately checked on them. My other son who doesn't live with me, I texted. The only one that I don't know about is the one we have been talking about. So knowing I could not even go into his neighborhood at 3am, I asked God to please let me know if I could help the situation and let the phone ring or help me to know what is going on, and otherwise asked God to be there with him if there was something wrong and there was nothing I could do to help. All of the sudden, I felt tired again. So I knew everything was in God's hands and I went to bed. I will know for sure this afternoon. He calls me every afternoon because he is expecting a check to come in the mail (which was strangely supposed to come for about 2 weeks and hasn't shown up yet-this was the check he was going to purchase the Methadone with (God?? maybe?))
So I am pretty much sleeping and eating fine but still worry and cry throughout the day. The only thing that suffers for me is my school work. I am going to school full time working on my Masters degree (in psychology of all things-lol) and that has fallen by the wayside since all this happened.
Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. God is good and He is in control. My son just needs to answer that door.
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Hi,
I commend you for your honsty and willingness to help your son.  I also commend your son for being open and honest with you and acknowledging that he has an addiction.  Being former opiate addict i know first hand the difficulty of becoming clean and sober.  While many have tried methadone one of the major issues that comes along with it is that IT IS highly addictive and many who try to go on methadone maintenance program are likely to become addicted especially if they have an addictive personality and are prone to addiction.  In my opinion the best way to become clean and sober is to go to a medically supervised detox and then to a treatment center.  If your son is serious about getting clean which it sounds like he is he needs to realize that in order to stay sober he is going to have to change his life style.  While detox will comfortably help him withdraw from the oxycontin, addiction treatment will teach him what he is going to have to do in order to stay clean.  I went to a treatment facility in Jacksonville, Florida and have been completely clean and sober for 4.5 years and counting.  It was the best decision that i ever made for myself.  Good luck and let me know if i can help at all.  
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its monday now have you heard back for your son....what are his plans??
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My son is here with me now. It was rough getting him here. It was totally his decision and I didn't push anything but when I went to pick him up, it seemed like he changed his mind. He had a million excuses to go back into the house and get something else to the extent that I was ultimately waiting for him for 3 hours. I had eventually asked him if this is what he wanted and if he was serious about getting clean and he said yes.
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271792 tn?1334983257
I am glad he is with you. Are you going to go through with his "Plan"? If so, please do both of you a favor and search his things to see if he brought anything else with him. It would make the plan very difficult to follow if he did and he also risks an overdose.

Please protect yourself and hold your ground on the things you know you need to. I hope you stick around here and ask any questions you need to.

I will keep you both in my prayers.
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HI im so happy your son has decided to come home ....this will not be ez for you to watch
but try to embrace it ...it is by the pains of withdrawal we are set free...keep the lines of communication open and dont get offended ezely he is likely to say some things he really doeset mean....tell him you have been doing your research on this and uderstand what he is about to go threw if he would like to know more put him on the computer we can help him
hang in there the 2 of you will get threw this with Gods help...pray with all your heart that God gives him the strength to do this...where out here for you keep us posted and let us know if there is any way we can help....im in arizona and im usually up till midnight with the exception being tonight my wife has got some minor surgery tomorrow early in the morning but I will be checking in with you threw out the day good luck and God bless.....Gnarly      
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oops, I sent it accidentally :).
Anyhow, we agreed that he would do the Thomas plan but my husband agreed to the methadone first because he was worried about missing a window of opportunity. Therefore, I compromised and said that he only takes them as needed for 5-6 days. He was absolutely fine with that but he took a whole xanax today with no methadone, no oxy and he has just been sleeping. He took too much i know. I do have all the pills in my posession so it will be monitored from here on out. I also had him commit to a certain amount every day and told him i would not under any circumstances give him any more than that. I am hoping that all the other stuff will make him not want any methadone.     I am also taking him to a health and wellness doctor, getting biofeedback and ionic foot cleanses along with a natural detox regimen. wish me luck and lots of prayers please
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HEY IT IS REALLY DANGERIOUS TO MIX XANEX  WITH METHADONE IT IS A DEADLY COMBO your son is not use to the methadone please dont mix the 2..I know people do it and get away with it but if your one of the ones that it reacacts to you dont get a second chance it can cause respiratory failure...please try to tell your son that methadone is dangerous and is not a "get out of jail free card" my prayers are with you....Gnarly
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Oh my gosh! I never heard that. I have been reading up and what I read says it is ok to mix benzos with opiates at small levels
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im glad you got my last message ..and yes people mix benzos with narcotics all the time
and people die from it also but methadone in particular has a certain reaction  in some people I have herd of people only taking one pill and one xanex and going into respiratory failure it seams like there sleeping peacefully but they never wake up...I wish there was a way to know b/4 you took it but theirs not it like roling dice...I took zanex with methadone
and the clinic where I went wanted to stop the program because of it..I had a ligitmate prescription for it so they let it slide but they warned me of the side effects they even said after repeated use I could still get a reaction to it....I survived but many dont it is not worth the gamble one or the other....zanex has a short 1/2 life around 6 hrs so you can wait it out you should be fine but please dot mix....your family is in my prayers.....Gnarly    
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so you are saying that after the 6 hours it should be fine to take methadone? I have already talked to him about this and told him that I wanted him to trust me, that I realize I agreed to one thing but I now have changed my mind. So far he has not taken any methadone and promises me that it is only a just in case but I am scared to death now. He wants me to believe he completely knows what he is doing but I am certainly not willing to take a risk with my sons life. I hate being in this position but he won't trust anyone else such as a clinic or doctor. He tells me those are the people who get addicted to methadone because the doctors/clinics give them too much of it.
Oh my!!! please pray that he does not want any methadone at all. I am afraid that if I refuse he will run off and go back to the oxy and not trust me anymore. Then he could die from the other drugs-nothing is a good position. I need help. Prayers would be wonderful.
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first off im not a doctor but I am an addict with a lifetime of experience I have had addictions to both methadone and xanex I do know a lot about both....the 1/2 life or effective life span
of xanex is aprox 6 hrs so after that time it is no longer active in most people the way your son wants to use methadone is to break the withdrawals from the oxy...it will do this but eventually your going to have to withdrawal from one or the other addicts know that when they dont have oxy it takes away the withdrawals however usually there going back on the oxy in a day or 2 what you son is trying to do is find away around the withdrawals that does not exist you will eventually have to face the withdrawals and you dont want to take methadone long enough to get strung out on it the withdrawals are much worst and a lot longer methadone was ment for the most chronic abuser and should only be taken after repeated attempts have been made to get clean on your own...if that proves impossible methadone is an alternative it will put your addiction on hold so you can work threw your issues with aftercare and build up a foundation so that when the time comes and you got your head on strate you can get off the methadone and live a clean and sober lifestyle methadone is designed as a program not a quick fix...it is so hard to enplane this to a desperate addict but it is the truth..I will keep you in my prayers good luck and God bless.....Gnarly              
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Thank you for the info and warning gnarly. I never wanted to agree to the methadone but my husband thought it was a good idea. So far, no incidents during the night and he has not mentioned wanting any methadone. The xanax alone seems to be doing the trick for now. its been at least 35 hours since his last oxy unless he is lying to me but for sure 24 hours+ and he seems to be doing well. Lord, I pray he does not want the methadone at all.
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well he is feeling pain now but not shaking. I am a little relieved at the pain because i was starting to wonder if he was hiding something given that this has been so easy. Now worried about what the next few days will entail. Please pray that he doesn't want the methadone!!! I know I can say no but I just don't want him to lose trust in me since it was agreed upon. His trust is very important right now.
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hi just wanted to take a minute to encourage you...your doing the right thing my prayes go out to you..I wish I had more time but I have had a very bizzy night my 17yr old son josh had to go to the E/R last night at 2 am with sever abdominal pain...with some testing they admiteted him into the hospital with pacreitis...so no sleep for me...as if thats not enough
my wife just had minor surgery this morning to remove a cist on her wrist so I got that going on to one to care for at home one to care for in the hospital so I might be a little scarse today I need to sleep soner or later but right now im caring for my wife then off to the hospital hang in there Ill try and stay in touch best I can will get you threw this I have a lot of faith in God...good luck and God bless.....Gnarly  
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It has begun........:( He is asking for it now. I said no and he is rebelling saying I am not sticking to the plan and he is not doing it if I am not sticking to it. He is back asleep for right now. Please pray
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wow, you are going through a lot yourself. I will pray that God will give you strength as well. Hang in there. I hope your son feels better. That is not good
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:( I have lost the battle. He is going back home because I will not stick to his plan. Thanks everyone
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I am an addict myself.  I can tell you this much.  YOU have not lost the battle, it is not YOUR battle to fight.  It is your son's.  He has made it clear that he knows he has a problem and that he needs to stop.  Oxycontin is a VERY strong and addictive drug, and unless you are a professional...in a professional setting, (such as a detox center), then you are not capable of seeing him thru the first days and weeks of sobriety,not alone anyway, you need to seek a professional about this if possible.  All you can do is be there for support, but you should REALLY do some research on co dependency, because this situation seems like it could transform into such.  I can also tell you this much, this is a problem that can only be suspended, but never completely removed, in other words, if he succeeds one day in detoxing and getting off of the pills, it is another battle to STAY off of them, that is just as hard, probably even harder in the long run.  
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hi, firstly I think its fantastic that you are helping your son this way. I have been clean for 18 months now after a long addiction to prescription medication and finally told my parents. they, like you, already had suspected that I had a drug problem so it wasn't a big surprise. I wanted to get clean, so my mum, at short notice (she is a school principle) took 2 weeks off work to help me wigthdrawl. She was with me every second and would not let me leave the house without her so I couldnt get more pills! I did get clean, and I thank god for my wonderful mother in helping me. So I think it's great that you will help your son.

What compelled me to write - I have to admit I did feel a bit sorry for your son and the mixed messages he got - because he was under the impression he COULD have the methadone and then told he couldn't - therefore aborting the whole thing? I know you were only doing what you thought was right. I did a internet search - I can find NO contraindication between methadone and xanax (that I can see.) I agree with others that it would be better if he did the withdrawl methadone free - but whats better - to get clean with meth for a few days (as long as thats all it's for) or to stay buying drugs off the street? Just my personal opinion but I think he'd be better off with the first option! Once he does get clean, like me - he will not be able to believe how great he feels - full of life and energy, and this will motivate him to STAY clean as it did me. So If he'll ONLY do the withdrawl with the meth (provided you have control of the dose) maybe you'll consider it? And you could call a doctor to check about the methadone/xanax thing to make doubly sure.
And again - I think its so great you are willing to help your son.
God bless
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Well, this has been a whirlwind week. i was unable to get on to update you as I have been so busy. My son's ride never showed up so he came back and in the meantime I was able to get a hold of a hotline where I could actually talk to someone. I was talking to a recovering addict who was using for 15 years. He explained to me that my son wanting only 10mg of methadone would be fine. My son had already told me that he had taken the two together before with no problems and he needed the methadone for his plan to work but I was not trusting him when it came down to life or death. The guy explained to me that what my son was taking was much worse and that his tolerance would be so high that it would not be a problem. I then got my son to talk to him with while I got the methadone. My son explained his plan to the guy and when I got back on the phone the guy explained to me that my son's plan was excellent. He had a strict plan of just how many mg of each he would take each day, tapering off until there was no more drugs at all after day 5 or  6. The guy told me that my son knew what he was doing, that the fact that he gave me all his drugs was an immense amount of trust and he assured me that he talks to addicts everyday and that my son is determined and does not want to be addicted to either methadone or xanax and that his plan is on track for success. The sad thing is that my son was crying after that because I did not trust him and I trusted a stranger more than him. I hope someday when he is well, he will understand.
So far, he is working on day 5 and he has taken a total of 40 mg of methadone and doesn't want any more. The xanax is a little more difficult for him to do without just because of the anxiety but we are weaning. God has intervened and this has not been horrific for any of us. I took him to a health and wellness doctor on day 2+ and he had several procedures done that helped him a great deal. He put him on several nutritional and detoxing items and he is doing great. He has even had a sense of humor since day 2+. he is full of energy and life right now. He was even given a vehicle to fix, which has become his project to keep him busy. I know this a long road ahead but he was ready and I know God will get us all through this.
Also, this week his gf's brother called and he is a recovering addict himself, sober 5 years and helps people every day. He is taking her in today to live with him until she gets well. They both understand that it will be a long time before they get to be together if ever and they are both ok with that just to get well.
All I can say is God is good people!!!
Do not underestimate the power or prayer. thank you for your support and help and most of all prayers.
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I knew if you talked to enough people you would get the answer that you wanted to hear and you did.

I will keep you both in my prayers and I hope once the physical withdrawal is over he will continue and begin his recovery.
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HI Im so happy your son dident leave and you found someone to put your mind at eaze
im also happy your sone is done with the methadone after only 40 mg ...the real detox will start when he goes without the methadone that has been holding him over to ward off the withdrawals...it should have softened the blow from the oxy but just be ready for him to go threw some withdrawals about 2 days after he discontinues the methadone...the detox process will take a week or so after the methadone clears outr of his system I hope and pray he does well with it narcotic free....keep posting we all want ot see your family make it out of this mess good luck and God bless......Gnarly
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You know, I received a lot of different opinions during this entire process mainly because everyone is different and what works for one person may not necessarily work for someone else. Ya, my head was spinning from talking to so many people with different opinions. I was not looking for someone to justify the methadone on that day as I had decided against mixing the two at that time. The reason I called the hotline was because my son was going nuts and wanted to throw in the towel. I wasn't sure I was handling it right and I wanted to get advice on what to do. it was not about searching for someone to tell me what I wanted to hear.
As far as what I want to hear: I want to hear that this is all a big nightmare and my straight A, honor roll all his life son never made a decision to become a junkie and in fact went to college as planned and never really pawned or lost everything he ever owned in his life for the sake of getting high. I want to hear that no matter what, everything is going to be ok and that I don't ever have to worry about him making this stupid decision ever again. Still not hearing what i want to hear. Instead I am trying my best to do the right thing, to help my son as best as I know how without trying to be an enabler or codependent to him. I sought out advice because I have not had experience with this before and I so desperately did not want to screw it up. I waited until he came to me and he was ready. That is all I have to hang on to. but it has nothing at all to do with me asking for help so that I can hear what I want to hear.
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I know how hard this is for you and it is heartbreaking.  I wish i could tell you that this was just a nightmare but i cant.  Hopefully your son will get into a recovery program of some sort.  You can have your son back, even better than before but it will take alot of work on his part.  This isnt hopeless~~~~~~sara
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Thank you for the heads up. I will be watching for it. He had a detox method done through biofeedback and he is taking a lot of vitamins and doing a clean start program for detoxing the organs. So far he has done great but great for someone who is going through withdrawls, not totally normal or anything. His spirits are up and he is working on his project (outside in the sun, which also helps because he is sweating so much) and basically cannot quit talking because he is so excited to be alive at this point. I will be praying that the next week will not be too bad but as with all my prayers, I have prayed that God will give him peace and not too much pain but just enough pain so that he remembers and will not go back to it.
I hope your wife and son are doing well. Thank you for your prayers and I will continue to pray for you as well.
Thank you,
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How are things going today?
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He gets anxiety and that is probably the worst of it. He is still taking the xanax but he is only taking 2mg a day but he really would like more. I definitely do not want that to be another dependency nor does he so we agreed on quarters 4x a day. He's hanging in there.
Thank you for asking.
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HI im happy to here he is sticking it out....the anxiety was my worst symptom so I know how he feels it will get better with time...how did he do on the methadone today did he take any or did he give it up??im hoping he has stoped taking it..so he can get threw the withdrawals
and be done with it...keep posting your in my prayers.....Gnarly
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495284 tn?1333897642
The anxiety is no fun at all but it does get better with time.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself too.........
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Hi, the last methadone he took was .5 mg on Thursday morning. So far the only problems going on are insomnia and anxiety which is why he is still doing the xanax. I hope it subsides enough to stop that. Other than that no withdrawls. I honestly think the detox procedure done from the health and wellness doctor played a big part. I will keep you posted. Thanks
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Thank you. he does know this is a side effect that will get better but it causes him to be up most of the night. I am trying to take care of myself but it is hard sometimes. I don't get enough sleep either because I worry about him and I am not eating much because I am worried about him getting all his nutrition to get healthy so I cook for him but it is hard for me to eat. I am also paranoid now that he will go back to it. So make sure to keep us in your prayers. It is far from over but looking up nonetheless and better than it has been in years.
Thank you
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495284 tn?1333897642
Get some Ensure or something like that and drink it.  You have to take care of yourself  otherwise you will be no good to anyone if you get sick.  Keep us updated on how it is going......sara
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oh, good idea. Carnation instant breakfast is good too. Thanks. I have protein but just don't have the energy to make it :)
My son started working out today too. He used to be very strong but today he found out just how weak he became, so he has set a new goal now to get back to lifting as much as before. That and working on his car has kept and will continue to keep him busy :)
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271792 tn?1334983257
Is he still living in the house with people who use drugs?
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No, he brought all of his stuff with him when he decided to get clean. He lives with me right now
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495284 tn?1333897642
That is good he is out of that situation.  Nothing good was going to come of that.  How is he feeling tonight?
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My son just called at said he wants to quit drugs and wants to move home.  He said he is done.  But... if he moves back in he wants his girlfriend to move in as well.. (a girl I have never met)  he says she wants to quit too.  I want to help him, but should she move in too?  I don't know what to do or say to him.  I have been round and round with my son, he has been in and out of jail since he was 16, he is now, 31.  This is the first time he is free from jail and probation.  He has no job, he has a learning disability and dyslexic. He has a low self esteem and has no relationship with his father.  He started using meth in Dec 2014 and then went back to jail in Feb 2015.  He was released almost two weeks ago, and has started meth again, and now wants to quit.  How can I help?
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6063300 tn?1430434171
This post is from 2010 If you can start another post there will be a lot of people to help you! I can say if I were you I would make him get sober before letting into my house. Just my thoughts
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Where do I post at? New to this...
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