Hi All, I have been reading many of the posts here. I stumbled across this forum while searching for something else but so happy that I did. My son (21) has recently admitted to me (although I knew for a couple years) that he is addicted to Oxycontin. I just don't know how many ml a day he is taking. His life recently spiraled out of control and he is left to almost nothing now. I thank God for that because now he wants to change. Basically the only way to go from here is up.
Anyhow, he wants to get off the drugs. He has planned that he is going to stay at my house during his WD because he cannot hang out with his friends during that time. His plan is to use Methadone for a few days. He states he needs someone to regulate the dosage so that he is not tempted to take more than the recommended dosage. I am nervous about it because I don't know what to expect. Is he going to get violent with me? Are the chances of him getting addicted to Methadone too great? Many posts have helped ease some of my anxiety about this but anything you can offer would be great. I have also noted some alternatives in this forum to Methadone. What do you think? Thanks for your help
first take a deep breath and relax. be glad you have a son who trusts you so much!! and he trusts you. ok, he has come to the end of his ropes now, he wants out, great for him!!! get him a notepad and a pen , and have him keep a journal during this period. this is his journal, an no mom ya can't read it , unless he wants ya to ;) tell him he has to be honest with you from now on, if he isn't and he starts to use again you will kick him out and tell him to get. into a rehab. (you can't be an enabler) it's no good for him or you. ask him how much he is using and setup a schedule of doseage. you are trying to ween him off of this stuff not cut him off of it. the dosage should be cut in half every 3-4 days. depending how long he wants to ween, and how fast he wants to quit. if you still have questions about it you can call a rehab facility and ask them they will know for sure. he maybe alittle grumpy and upset but you have to stay strong and tell him it's " either my way or the highway" so to speak. most of withdrawals is mental. for the first 3 days it's physcial, but thts after he has no meds. methadone is a long lasting medication, most people prefer to go that route but the withdrawals from that is even longer, so it's just a matter of how long he wants to go through this. also, during the weening period he needs to start eating regularly, his body needs to heal amd his mind. get him some vitamin sup's( b vitamin sup) and a protein shake. he may not feel like eating due to nausea ad runs, but make sure you watch his fluid intake, water and gatoraide works good green tea also. he may not sleep much which is normal. also if his friends supplied or did the drugs with him, they aren't friends and he should say bye bye to them. he risks a huge relaspe by going back to them if they used with him. hide this medication well from him, very well you don't have eyes in te bak of your head( as much as moms think they do ) ;) I'm so glad you are supportive of this. and thank you or postin here. tell him he can post here too!! we are all in different stages of recovery and support each other. please keep posting if you have more questions or anything else for tht matter.
HI JSMOM welcome i just wanted to say you helping your son may be very well saving his life because this addiction does nothing but progress as time goes on and him stopping now is the best thing he will ever do tiggz gave you many helpful suggestions i just want to add that i cant stress enough keep his meds in your pocket day and night as he WILL try to find them around the house come day 2 or 3 thats when wds are usually at their worst and he wont be sleeping much the first few days so he will be up at night wandering around while you are sleeping looking for his stuff keep a close eye on him for the first week as much as you can i wish you all the luck in the world just make sure you son knows you love him and that he can talk to you about anything and be there for him day or night you will both be in my prayers take care and God bless Free...
Thanks so much for your advice. I am very grateful to have a son who does trust me so much. I am completely aware that I do not want to be an enabler, which is why my son does not live with me, even during this rough time in his life where he is borderline homeless. It has to be the most excruciating pain as a mother to tell your son you cannot help him while you are basically watching him fall farther down. It comes to the point where I have to say that I love him too much to help him hurt himself and I will only help him to help himself. I believe he has gone as far down as he cares to go and I am so excited about that-you can't even imagine the weight that has been lifted from me right now.
So anyway, he is planning on going off the meds completely on Monday. He does not want to wean off, he thinks he will get Methadone and use that for a few days to get him over the initial hump. I am not too excited about the Methadone idea myself but also fear the first few days of WDs without it (or something else) so I don't know what to suggest. He is open to other ideas but knows that Methadone is widely used. Do you think Valium is any better alternative or are the withdrawls to those pretty equal?
He has flat out told me that he knows he has no friends and has no intention of talking to anyone he currently hangs out with after this is over, however, his girlfriend is in the same boat. So that will be another hurdle to overcome,
So he has told me he is on Oxycodone-is this worse than OxyContin or are they the same? He has told me that he graduated to this after being on (prescribed) Norco and Vicodin for a year and then finding OxyContin and finally Oxycodone which he now buys on the street. At his worst, he had a $200 a day habit for pills and he is now down to about $30 day habit. He says that he doesn't take the drug for pain any longer, that he has learned to live with pain because it is always there-meds don't help that anymore. He says he now takes them solely so that he does not feel sick. Therefore, he feels that once he is off and doesn't feel sick, he will never want them again. Is this normal? Do the people who relapse feel this way also? He seems to me like he has almost licked this already with his positive attitude which I have been missing for almost a year and so grateful to see again but is he at a great risk of going back? or is he in the right frame of mind?
Sorry this is so long, I have a million questions..............
Prayers are so very appreciated. It brings tears to me to know that there is so much support. Thank you so much.
Ps, the only reason I am the main one on here and my son is not, is because he does not live with me and has no access to internet while not with me. Otherwise I know how important it is that he is involved in a support group-thanks again
Thank you for your advice. As I stated to tiggz, my son does not want any more of his meds come Monday. He says that he is going to buy Methadone in a few days and give it to me so that he will not be tempted to take it. He states that he wants to stay with me so that I can monitor the Methadone and taper it off correctly so that he does not abuse it. That is exactly what makes me nervous. Although I know I will need to keep it away from him, I am worried about his reaction when I do that if he really wants it. It is a scary thought to me. However, he knows precisely what to expect in terms of the withdrawls. So will he be less likely to go off on me or get violent if he already understands what he is going to go through or does that matter at all?
I also thought that it might be wise to get him away from our city, which is easy access for him to get the drugs. We live in California and I was thinking of getting a hotel room close to the beach (2hours away from our hometown) where he has access to a jacuzzi and he can blare the heater or air con, if needed and also where he can lay on the beach or walk along the beach for exercise. He thinks that at least for the first 48 hours, he wants to be at my house where he can eat and sleep freely and then he thinks the beach might be a good idea after that. What do you think?
i think that is a great idea get him away from his sources for a few days the first 3or 4 days are by far usually the worst the beach and the sun will help him alot laying around the house feeling sorry ofr himself will only make things worse get him out and enjoy some sun and fun it really will help take his mind off the wds pack up a bag and head out today is my advice the fresh ocean air and sun will really help him make sure he drinks plenty of fluids like gatoraid and water dehydratuin is very common during wds even though he wont want to make sure he eats so good healthy food check into the thomas recipe at the top right corner in the health page it really helps you will be in my prayers any more advice or just want to talk message me im up for the day on the east coast tkae care Free..
awesome idea the further from his connections the better. but I just don't think he should go methadone route, but as long as he wants to quit.. if he stays with you and gets violent call the police and tell them whats going on and he needs to go to rehab at that time.. but if he gets violent, which I doubt, as he will feel miserable for 3-4 days and then slowly start to come back around. with the methadone he is just prolonging the enabable... I'm so glad your not an enabler! I congratulate you there as I have seen and felt how hard that really is! as for the Valium, well that's something that should be up to him as he will not be able to get comfortable he will also not be sleeping and be in pain. I don't see an issue but it is another drug to watch out if he takes it for a short time it no issues it's generally long term use it gets bad. oh has he been violent to you before as you mentioned it a few times now? if he has then yes the hotel is perfect. or rehab don't put yourself in danger. tell him he can post here too so we can talk to him also. ;) we are all in different stages of recovery here you never know he may connect with someone who has been there also where he is at. hope is always possible! God bless
Thank you too. I don't know about that Methadone either. I am letting him call the shots but at least he is listening and open to options. It makes me feel more secure about the outcome.
Although I am conscious about not wanting to be an enabler having had an alcoholic father and growing up going to counseling and Alateen and Alanon-I certainly have made my mistakes almost always unknowingly but still mistakes. So it is something that has to be a conscious effort at all times. It is very, very hard when you are emotionally attached and can feel his pain. You don't want him to hurt but you know that he will hurt longer if you help.
Anyway, no, he has never been violent with me. I was just scared with WDs not knowing what to expect. I know that this is a pretty powerful drug and just don't know how desperate one gets during WDs.
I do know it would be great for him to get on here but he doesn't have internet, a car or even a phone. He is sometimes at my house but hasn't been here since I found this site. I will have him log in when I get him here next time. I do tell him everything that is discussed though and we have had totally open and honest discussions about this. he seems to have done his research. He knows all the pain and every symptom he may have during WDs. He knows of all the alternative methods/benzos etc and he seems very open to anything I have to say but basically already had the whole thing planned.
Anyway. thank you again. I will be in touch.
You guys are great!
unfortunately he is getting everything from friends who are prescribed it from a doc. He has no insurance, having lost his job and he gets everything on the street now. I know that is not good. He says he intends to follow it to a tee and only get enough to last him the first 3-4 days. I don't know......
Thank you. I know. Apparently, he has told me that he has used Methadone before-never to come off the Oxycodone but when he hasn't had any, he has gotten Methadone from friends to help him sleep so he doesn't get sick. He says people get scripts of it all the time and are willing to share-even if he has to get it from several people to last for the first 3-4 days
Methadone is highly addictive and comes with its own set of problems. Withdrawals are brutal if continued for a period of time. This should ONLY be taken under a doctors supervision. What works for his friends may not work for him. I would highly recommend some sort of recovery care. Using is just a symptom of addiction. Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part. It is life changing process. With recovery care he will learn the tools to stay clean. I would also recommend for you to go to Alanon. Educating yourself on addiction will be a big plus. I am glad you are there for him. I am a parent too and it is heartbreaking to see this happen to your child. As one lady on here says "support his recovery, not his addiction"..........sara
Ok, I have another question, ok several :)......When he does this, do I just leave him alone and merely watch him. Do i cater to him. Is there any talking him through it. Anything that I could do that would make it better? Better yet, anything that I could do that would hurt his progress? I want to know what to avoid. Those of you who have gone through this, what is the worst thing that you heard or someone did for you.
Obviuosly, I am going to do lots of praying, keeping him hydrated and fed. And I am going to be strong and not give in to any pleas for drugs. Other than that, what are things I should avoid or do?
Dont let him take the methadone. Dont cater to him. The more he is up and moving around the better it will be for him. There are healthy supplements he should be taking. The amino acid protocol is listed in the health pages on the right hand side of the page. Have you talked to him about recovery care?
This is only MY opinion based on what I've read here~
He's going to use a very powerful drug(methadone) that he buys/gets from friends who are addicts and,that he has already taken before when he didn't have his drug of choice,
and he's going to use that for 3-4 days for withdrawals from oxy...see where I'm going.
This is all wrong to me. He'll be staying off one drug and taking another for 3-4 days and then what? He's better? No. He can get methadone in a legitimate way and he knows it. It's a government sponsored program. I think he just doesn't want to because it's a committment and the clinics drug test.
He has a problem and does need help. But,I'd hate to see him take advantage of you because of your understandable naivete'. If he's taking methadone he will not have withdrawals unitil the methadone is gone. Then,I can just see how this plays out:
He's now at your house and comfortable. Eating well,clean etc..then he'll go out and get more "methadone". Do you know what methadone looks like? Do you know dosages?
Now,your stuck. If it begins to unravel,what are you going to do? Evict him?
I don't mean to cause you any upset. I'm trying to help you by showing you another side. He can get in to a methadone program .That's my point. IF that's what he wants to do. They don't just hand out medicine. They have counselors,do drug testing etc..they can manage dosages. BUT,you can't take any other drugs while you are on methadone treatment.
Maybe,on your own,you could research some methadone clinics in your area and contact them for info.
I so agree with Sarah and Vicki and thought you wouldn't listen so I didn't say anything. Now it is bugging me that I let this pass.
Mom, while I give you all the kudos in the world for wanting to help, you are out of your league and you are not able to be objective. That is just for starters. He needs professional help, and not from his mom. He needs help with the physical withdrawal and well as the mental.
We are not trying to come down on you JSMOM.....we are speaking from our heart here. We know the drill. When we are truely ready to get and stay clean we come clean to our ourselves first, then usually our loved ones. We also go thru the proper channels if we are going to go on a maintenance drug such as methadone. We put a stop to our addict behavior which includes buying off the street. We implement healthy ways into our lives and move heaven and earth to make sure we stay clean. As i said before, his addiction isnt over once he gets thru wd.....that is only the beginning. He will have this addiction ALL his life. He can quiet the beast that lives in his head but it can surface at any time. That is why we talk so strongly of some type of aftercare. That is also why you need to get some help too. Families of addicts can be just as sick as we are, just in a different way.
well this has sure taken a turn. I totally get what you are saying. I was aprehensive about the Methadone because I know it is another drug but having read so many posts on here before even chiming in, there were several people who state they wouldn't do it without a benzo, so I am sorry I gave anyone an impression that I would not listen. I am really open to any suggestions. Many others were saying cold turkey was the only way, I just don't personally know. There does not seem to be one right way to do this as everyone has their own stories. I definitely don't want to worsen anything.
I completely understand you are watching out for me and thank you very much I just don't know if I agree 100%. I am just confused after your posts. My son has been denying this problem for its entirety, even when I confronted him directly with it. He has lied to me, I have even fallen for it and given him money unknowing of the extent of his problem. Just 2 years ago my son was a healthy, handsome young man who had the world wrapped so to speak. he had a nice truck, a good job his own apartment and then he suffered a severe back injury at work...............you all know this story. The typical history, 2 years later, hes got nothing, He lost his job, his car, pawned all his posessions, lost his childhood friends, is on the verge by the month of being homeless and is appearance and personality changed drastically.
Anyway he came to me last week and without prompting decided to come clean and admit to me he is an addict. He has been completely honest with me since, even telling me how much he used on certain days and putting some past puzzle pieces together through his honesty. He had already checked in to clinics but didn't have money to pay for one......
What I am confused about with your posts is, why would he come to me, have all this planned out only to want to take another drug? I mean, he can do what he wants. If he wants to get Methadone and develop that dependency he can do that without my help. I guess I am just not seeing how he would take advantage of me.
I certainly don't want to be conned. So please don't feel like I am not listening to you or shutting this out. It just now doesn't make sense to me when it seemed to before.
Your help is greatly appreciated
I totally get what you are saying. Thank you. In previous posts I mentioned I was pretty much raised in counseling, Alateen and Alanon. I know I can harm him and be a codependent. I work on that every day and have hurt immensely saying no to my son. His behaviors and addictions are the primary reason he does not live with me and I do not just give him anything. I am aware of all this and completely understand you are trying to help me. I really appreciate it. That is why I am here
I feel so bad for you. I loved my mother so very much and I was very close to her. She was my best friend. Yet during my active addiction I lied to her and stole from her right in front of her face. Then I convinced her that she didn't see it and helped her look for it. This is the first time I ever said this out loud and I am crying telling you this.
Your son has come to you for two reasons. One is that you are his mother and there is a bond there that can never be broken. He trusts you unconditionally. The second reason he has come to you is because he CAN lie to you and he CAN con you and you won't even know it is happening. We, as addicts, are master liars, con artists and thieves.
I have to ask: How is this time different from the other times he has gone through withdrawal? What do you think you are going to bring to the table that the others haven't?
Most of us here feared the wd's. We didnt want to feel sick. I took enough pills a day to put down an elephant but didnt want to feel the pain of wd. Messed up i know but that is how we are. Methadone came out as a wonder drug and i am not saying it hasnt been a life saver for others cuz it has but they are under a doctors care. Methadone is highly addictive and there comes a point where you have to get off that too. We arent trying to confuse you, addiction is very complex. We just want you to be aware of all the things you and your son are facing. I wish he could come on here too. I have sent a message to one of our other CL's who was on Methadone and he will be able to talk with you about this and will be able to clear up alot of questions.......We are pulling for you and your son and we only want the best outcome. You are a good mom and i am glad you are asking questions. sara
The important thing here is you are asking questions and being honest. I do know how heartbreaking this is and how torn you are......I have adult children myself and have gone thru some of this. Just keep talking.......
just a side note, my son also seems to be in an up mood since coming clean with me and making the decision that he is done.
For the past year, it has been difficult to be around him as his attitude is always so negative and he is like a timebomb at all times-totally unlike him.
I had more hope seeing glimmers of my son come back by merely committing to this.
Thats what is killing me that some are saying he is just conning me............I am listening, I know you would know
jsmom~ If he is in your house taking drugs he is using you,in my opinion. Addicts are very good at conning. They are perfect at telling you exactly what you want to hear.
Why doesn't he take the methadone on his own? Because he's at his bottom now. He's young and has no place to live. He wants to live at your house so he's telling you that he's going to get clean. I'm sorry,it's how I see it. I know he has no money or insurance. But,you have skipped over the part about the methadone clinics. They are government sponsored!!! He knows that. I'm sure of it!!
Here's the scenario of truly wanting to get clean:
You go to your Mom. Tell her you need help.Tell her you are an addict. Ask her to help you while you withdraw cold turkey from the pills. Tell her you are severing ties with all your friends and contacts. Tell her you'd like to see a doctor. Tell her you know where all the NA meetings are (free) and that you're going to go everyday to get the support you need. Tell her you have hit rock bottom and need her to throw you a rope.
Or something like that...
He's done none of that. He's only admitted to you he's an addict which he knew YOU knew. He said he'll take methadone from his friends to get off of oxy for 3-4 DAYS!!!
That is NOT how methadone works in "the program". I'm sorry...
Nothing here tells me he wants to get clean. I don't want to be harsh but it's just so clear. Your son needs some kind of therapy pretty quickly. If you really want to help him(and I know you do) this whole process should be one your terms,not his. He's the sick one here. You call the shots. Methadone will not do anything for him without the whole program and then it's iffy. He needs to stop the pills and get therapy. He really should go to rehab. There are state run medicaid programs and rehab facilities.
He has not sought those out. He needs to be rehabilitated so he can work,be clean,and
function well in our society.
What he has "planned"doesn't really amount to anything. And,you know,he may not even realize it. So,I think you need to take the reins...
I am so sorry, you made me cry as well. You know, we mothers know more than we admit to sometimes as well. Many times we know we have been conned and stolen from yet it means nothing compared to our kids being sober, functional adults. Sometimes we put it aside thinking our relationship with our kids is far more important than the "things" or money. Believe me, you were actively using and your mom knows you better than anyone and I guarantee you that she knew you loved her and all she cared about was your sobriety. That was the best thing you could ever do for her and yourself.
You are right, i can be conned, have been but have worked actively on tough love with all my kids for several years while still trying to let them know that no matter what they do to themselves or me, my love is completely unconditional and no matter what, I will help them help themselves til my death but do not intend to help them hurt themselves,
Anyway, he has never made the decision to WD before. Not having money has caused some involuntary WDs in the past and he seems fully aware of what he will go through and is willing to go through it to be rid of the addiction which he knows is hurting him worse. So, I have nothing to compare to in terms of why this is different. He has never admitted to me he has a problem and he has never committed to being clean in these past couple years
RE: "You go to your Mom. Tell her you need help.Tell her you are an addict. Ask her to help you while you withdraw cold turkey from the pills. Tell her you are severing ties with all your friends and contacts. Tell her you'd like to see a doctor. Tell her you know where all the NA meetings are (free) and that you're going to go everyday to get the support you need. Tell her you have hit rock bottom and need her to throw you a rope.
Or something like that...
Actually Vicki, he has told me all of this besides the doctor and NA meetings. He doesn't live with me and he has a place to stay-with a bunch of addicts. I have not opened my door to him but agreed for him to stay while getting clean. He already set up another living situation for the 1st of August and told me he has no intention of talking to any one of the people he associates with right now. He said they are not true friends and he knows they would stab him in the back in a heartbeat. Honestly, his words with no prompting from me. I do agree he needs NA and that has not been mentioned but as far as the doctor, he has no money and doesn't want me to pay for anything. I do think that the reason for that is because he won't feel guilty if he backslides (which is not good thinking) if he does it on his own basically without me being out financially. then he won't feel like he used me, ya know.
Oh ya, about the cold turkey thing, he is not totally against that either. He is really open to ideas but has done research himself and decided that was the best option. Upon my research on this site too. Many people were saying to take it so I, totally against it at first, started to think that maybe he is right but wanted everyone's opinion. He hasn't stated he will not do it cold turkey though. We did discuss it but I didn't state that he had to do it cold turkey or anything. Just asking questions still.
Okay...So he's getting into an apt. on August 1st and has no intentions of talking to any of his associates RIGHT NOW. That's good. Well,it only sounds like two weeks here so I guess that's manageable.
I think it's great that you are on here asking all of the questions you can so you can help to the best of your ability. Many people would just take the addicts word and give it a whirl without any research whatsoever. I agree with most of the comments as one addict is no different than the other so I'm not going to repeat too much that was already said.
The one thing that I am wondering here is....
Does he think 3 to 4 days of methadone is going to starve off the withdrawals from the oxy? Does he think after the 4 days he will have no withdrawals? Oxy is an opiate. Methadone is an opiate. I think he is thinking that since he will be switching from oxy to methadone he won't experience any withdrawals. The brain doesn't care what "brand" of opiate it is getting. All it knows it that it is an opiate. Stopping the methadone is no different than just stopping the oxy. After a 5 years or so of back pain and a few surgeries I found this out on my own. Towards the end of my pain I was taking probably as much oxy as he is. I tried the cold turkey off of oxy. The only thing that worked for me was cold turkey. I tried the weeks worth of methadone. The end result is exactly the same. All he will be doing is putting off the inevitable. He will go through the same withdrawals one way or another. He then may get in his head that he needs the methadone longer to starve off the withdrawals. As addicts this is how we think. If that happens he will have a much harder, longer and a much more difficult time trying to get clean. As addicts we will try anything to try to get clean without having withdrawals. Once we realize there is no away around them, that is when we will get clean. It just ends up being a continuous circle. I feel he should either try to taper with what he is currently taking, go cold turkey, or find a free rehab to go too. Now is the perfect time for rehab. You said he lost his job and is about to lose his apartment. The timing is perfect.
Best of luck to you and your son. Please get him to come on here so he will realize that using a few days worth of methadone is not going to do a thing. I just don't want to see him going from methadone and then back to the oxy. He has been doing that the whole time he has been using and will more than likely continue doing this.
Mothers get very passionate in our thinking and right now we are getting way ahead of ourselves and i dont want you to get more overwhelmed than you already are. All we have is right now. You will need to start dealing with this when he starts to wd and then take each step as it comes. We will be here to help you so keep talking to us and asking questions........Knowledge is power but we have to do this with baby steps. sara
Thank you, I get what you are saying. Too many people are saying no to the Methadone. I am going to have to tell him I won't condone it I have decided. So, what about so many people stating that they couldn't have done it without benzos?? There is differing opinions about cold turkey versus getting through the first 3-4 days. I saw another recommendation of Valium for those 3-4 days. Don't get me wrong, I am all for cold turkey. I don't agree with taking drugs to get off of drugs but having no experience with withdrawls from this addiction is what led me here and some of the opinions were swaying my opinion to do it cold turkey. I realize everyone is different. I do know of two other mothers who had to go through this (friends of my moms) and their sons did it cold turkey and they state that emotionally it was nearly unbearable for them as mothers to go through, seeing grown young men screaming and crying in pain and being so sick and hurting so bad begging for their moms to help them and there was nothing they could do. They did make it though but I saw several posts on here stating they couldn't have made it through WDs without benzos. That was my original conflict
Okay,again re: methadone It is taken under medical supervision for it to be effective
in treating addiction along with adjunct therapies. As Brian said and I already said,
3-4 days is not going to do it. So,you know that for sure.
He really should get a good check up. I sure would not consider this enabling. It's
realistic and prudent. Maybe the cost to see a doctor could be a gift on you're part. It would be a positive thing. You could be present at the visit and receive advice. Medical people have all kinds of information and resources and can be a great support. He really should have some blood work for a baseline. And he should be truthful with the doctor.
This is another good reason to see a doctor before this undertaking. A doctor can prescribe medicines to ease withdrawals. A med for restlessness,nausea,vomitting,
stomach cramps etc...Sometimes you need that kind of help. I'm not totally in favor of benzos but there's a double edge sword. If you don't have them you won't sleep and that's awful. If you do have them you may take too many etc..so they would need to be counted and handed out prn. I wouldn't have a problem with that. Withdrawal is not comfortable. But,there are a lot of symptoms that can be treated with over the counter meds. along with vitamins and amino acids.
I know you've been reading a lot on the forum. I want to tell you that what you read is purely anecdotal. That said,you've gotten responses here from Avisg,Domino, and IBK
who have been members on this forum for several years. Their advice is always solid.
Brian and I have been here since last fall and we know a thing or two also.
Thank you everyone for all your help and opinions on this matter. Most especially thank you for your prayers!! The power of prayer is the greatest, most effective thing possible no matter what we go through.
Without trying to get on the podium, I want you to know that I have gone through immense issues with my kids-all different problems for about 6 years without a break. I have prayed and prayed till I thought that God just wasn't answering me. I know He is always there but I wasn't hearing or seeing anything. God told my mom to tell me to get out of his way. I guess he couldn't believe that I wasn't letting go :). It seems so simple but even though I was praying, I wasn't letting God work. I was trying to save everyone myself. It was then that I prayed and said, God, I give you your children back. I am sorry I did not trust you. They are your children, I am letting go and letting you help them. You would not believe the stress release I felt and my energy level is so much higher and everything. I let go. It was 3 days later that my son came to me with all of this. I believe this was from God. I believe my son is honestly not conning me and I believe he believes he is done. Now we all fall short and if he backslides we are only human. I cannot control that or worry about that right now. I can only live for right now and let God take care of the rest. It is for that reason that I have not taken the reins on this and let my son decide how this is going to be done and let him know I will be here to help him help himself.
God has a plan and that is why I am trying to only be a vessel and not interfere. I just want to know what I am up against.
I so feel your pain... I am not a Doctor, but i did cold turkey my opiate twice. And i will tell you one thing i know for sure. Knowing there is NO MORE WHATSOEVER forces the addict to face it and get thru it. I would get rid of the Methadone. It's a crutch, not a good one.
On the flip side, i would have given ANYTHING to have someone around to make soup for me, feed the animals, bring me Gatorade. I had to send my young son away for a few days to my sister's house. And had to lay in bed and cry ..alone.
The fact that you will take care of his basic needs is enormous. Expect a lot of tears from him, not violence. Explain to him, that you have done the research and Methadone must be monitored by a Doctor. Or just flush them!
You are a great Mom, you can do this!
I don't know what more I could add to all this great advise except to say I have never heard of anyone dying from opiate withdrawal. It is uncomfortable but surely not the end of the world. I have to go along with the ct and perhaps something non-narcotic from the doctor to ease the withdrawal.
Also remember, he is going to "let it all out", for lack of a better description, around his mother then he would in treatment or with his friends. I know I would and did.
If I didn't mention it before, I think you are a great mother for doing what you are doing. I hope you take something from all the advise and I hope it all works for both of you. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you, I will talk to him later today about going to a doctor. I think that is a great idea and also NA. I know it won't be over just getting clean, it will be a long road. I am just focusing on siezing the opportunity for right now and thought I would worry about the rest later but I know that has to be discussed.
lol-I know no one is dying. I was referring to successfully getting through the entire withdrawls without going out and starting the fix all over again. I know cold turkey will not kill him, I just thought he may need something for a few days. I am going to advocate cold turkey and talk to a doctor as well. Thank you
Just like to say hi im James and im a 13 year heroin addict. Clean now for 130 odd days
Im so proud that you want to help your son. I just hope he is not going to use you as a source for drugs. As you have heard as addicts we can lie lie and lie even more to the ones we love most. I dont agree that methadone will help why not just taper from the oxy,s meathadone is a very strong and addictive drug w/ds being in my words horendos and worse than heroin. If your son truley wants to quit why does he not go to the doctors with you and make a plan, as others have said getting of is the easy part staying of is the hard part. I have cut all ties with my old friends Changed my mobile phone # coz these dealers are like leaches the will sck every last buck you got, then take your valubles. I personaly think he should go to a doctor and make a plan if he is searious the this should not be a problem.As a mom i find you yo very supportive of your son and i think thats just being a mom I wish you and your son the very best of luck Plz go see a doctor before you jump into somthing as a mom and not an addict you know nothing about All the luck in the world to you and your son ,,,,,James
I personally don't think there is anything wrong with using benzos for a week. I have been through withdrawals too many times to count and my doctor prescribed me a weeks worth during some of those withdrawals. The only thing you have to be careful with is an addict is very vulnerable to switching addictions. I myself have ran in to that problem but not saying it couldn't happen to me. I once had a year clean after my first back surgery. When I went through withdrawals that time my doctor prescribed me a weeks worth of xanax, clonodine and an antidepressant. I took the xanax and clonodine for the first week and the lexapro for 2 months. It was my most successful detox. Many people use pain meds to cover up depression and troubles with everyday life. With your son's injury, losing his job, losing his truck, and about to lose his house, I wouldn't be surprised if he has some depression. I know my chronic back pain alone had me depressed at times. And then add withdrawals to the equation, you are bound to be depressed. Depression is associated with all withdrawals.
I think Vicki's advice is great about taking him to a doctor. If he goes you have to make sure he tells the doctor everything. It would almost be nice if he would let you go in with him. Maybe explain to your son that this is a team effort. Clonodine can be very helpful. It is a blood pressure medication that also helps a bit with the withdrawals. It will also help with the sleep some. I found clonodine to help with sleep more than the xanax. To be honest, the xanax didn't help all that much.
What also helped when I went through withdrawals was the amino acid protocol, exercise, pushing the fluids, and eating healthy. If your son doesn't have much of an appetite, pick up some protein shakes. I just bought the big can of the power stuff. I forced myself to get up and go for walks. It feels almost impossible to muster up the energy to do so but once I got out there and started walking or jogging my planned one mile turned in to 3 to 5 miles. I'm sure you've heard of "runner's high". It's not a myth. There is a surge of dopamine and seratonin when exercising. That is what our brains stopped producing once we started pills. Anything to help get your brains to start producing it faster will help so much. If he lays around in bed all day and feels sorry for himself, it will be so much worse. I have even worked through withdrawals and that bout of withdrawals ended up being one of the easiest ones. I was taking upwards of 25, 10mg norcos during that one so it wasn't a small habit. During another one my kiddos were 1 and 3 at the time and I was mr. mom at the time due to my injury. I took care of them, cleaned, cooked, did laundry, etc. Although it was painful, it helped. I have also laid around during withdrawals. The times I laid around seemed to be the toughest and lasted the longest. It's all what we make of it.
He will also benefit from getting on here and having fellow addicts to talk to. He will have some sleepless nights so it's nice to get on here to post our thoughts and to get motivation. Most of us lived on this website while going through withdrawals. Many of us will say we couldn't have done it without everyone on here. This site is a lifesaver.
I hope he doesn't change his mind since you are going to say no to the methadone. If he does, get him on here asap so he can ask "why" he shouldn't use it. Hopefully he will realize why and not attempt it on his own. If he does try the methadone make sure he doesn't touch a benzo. It is a deadly combination.
Just keep researching and keep asking questions. Knowledge is power. Get a tab of paper and rough draft a plan. It's easier to stick to the plan of attack if you can see it on paper in front of you. Also write down everything you plan on asking the doctor. You don't want to leave the office wishing you would have asked something else.
Keep praying and we will do the same. He can do this if he wants it bad enough. Every addict always wants to be clean but will continue using until we are ready to be clean.
HI! i really respect what you are doing for your son, and now that you know that it would be very easy for your son to con you during this process, i say you have to try it with the hope it works. it may take 1, 2, 300+ tires but it will stick eventually.(if he wants it to of course) i just want to say i think that he should not go into the hotel or "time away" with the methadone. tell him to stop taking the oxy's right now and take the methadone for now, taking a steady dose, and then tapering down for a few days... THEN go into the hotel and let him really go cold turkey... its the only way he will feel truly better because he is actually detoxing. once the methadone is gone the real wd will begin, and he wont be in that conducive environment anymore, and he wont be ready. tell him he will feel better in a few days after starts, it will end!! i promise! but he will only feel better when he has taken NOTHING and the wd are over. good luck my heart is with you!
I agree that I personally don't think a hotel is a good idea. It's too small of a room. I know on those sleepless nights you just seem to walk from room to room, couch to bed, etc until you are find a place that feels comfortable. The hotel and beach might be a good idea after a week or two just for a little relaxing getaway. When withdrawing I know I wanted to place that I was use to. It is more of a comfort factor.
I would not stop the oxy and start the methadone. Methadone withdrawals are much more intense and last so much longer. Methadone does have its place but should only be administered through a clinic under a doctor's care. I'm not knocking methadone but it is a long term program, not just a pill.
Ohtolove, I don't mean any disrespect and know it is your opinion but methadone can be pretty dangerous that's why it needs to be used only under a doctor's care. But then again, any opiate can be dangerous. Methadone withdrawals are so much worse than oxy withdrawals. It's almost like going from codeine to oxy's.
Glad my post was helpful to you! You should start a post and tell us your story!
I think you are a wonderful mother. My mom did the same thing for me once. She got me a hotel room that had a hot tub in it and I was able to step outside and breathe in the salt air. I think he has a good idea and I wish that I would have done it that way. Stay at home for the first 3-4 days (through the worst part) and then go to the beach and just relax and get your head straight. I went to the beach right off and was so miserable..I kept feeling like I should be enjoying this. Plus I was alone about 50% of the time which wasnt good. Book the room for after about the 4th day. It gives him something to look forward to and he will enjoy himself more and start to remember the person he was before all this happened. I think it is best to be at home during the worst part...you know your surroundings and he won't be alone. Feel free to message me if you have any questions. Best of luck to you.
ok, now I am scared. My son called me-he is on 6 hours without it and freaking. He said he won't do it without the Methadone that he can't physically stand the pain. He said he committed himself to Monday and I said just start today, you are already 6 hours into it. He is begging me now to give him money to get a fix because he does not have the Methadone he wants. I told him I won't condone it now and he said that he can't do it without me and has a comeback for every reason he will not be addicted to the Methadone and that he will only get through this with it. He thinks he will literally go crazy and lose his mind without it. He said he checked into the methadone clinics and they are not free they are 50 dols up front and 12 a day but he states those are the places that people are going to for 9 years and never get clean.
What do I do right now?? I tried to call a counselor who deals with this as well as NA. Counselor-got an answer machine, NA has been busy.
What should I do?
Also, I think it is great that you are letting him take control. My mom did the same thing and it gave me a feeling that I was able to do something for myself. And that is huge at a time when you feel like you can't do anything right. If you want options to the methadone then check out...Neurotin, Clonidine and Valium...just enough for the first 5 days or so. I can't tell you what a great mother you are.
His comebacks are something us addicts are pros at. Why does he think the methadone will stop the withdrawals? I mean, they will stop the oxy withdrawals while he is on the methadone but once the methadone is stopped he will still have withdrawals and probably worse. If he doesn't have the money for the methadone he sure as heck doesn't have the money oxy. It is much more costly. It sounds like he just wants the methadone now because it is all he can afford. If he can't handle 6 hours in to this, he is probably going to need professional help. At six hours in the symptoms are pretty mild compared to what's to come. The worst of the withdrawals usually hit around days 2, 3 or 4.
I agree with IBKleen. A short term detox is a great idea. Also, check around for some state funded detox facilities. Some of them base the price on income and since he lost his job he may get in to one pretty cheap.
For now, tell him all you will do is take him to see a doctor. They may prescribe clondine or something else to help.
Stand your ground. As an addict he will try every trick in the book to get you to give him some money so he can go get his fix. He's going to have to go through withdrawals eventually so now is as good a time as any. I know you probably feel horrible for him but standing your ground could just save his life.
Thank you all again. Actually, he is 6 hours into withdrawls but its been more hours since he had it. He said he woke up at 2:30 and hasn't been back to sleep and the pain is too much for him to handle. I kept offering to pick him up and start this and he just wont commit to it yet and I told him then you are not ready. He said, you are right, I will be ready on Monday, I already committed to Monday. That is when I will have the Methadone. According to him, the doctors want to give you more than he wants to take, he says it takes 21 days to develop an addiction and methadone is not his addiction, he only needs it to help him calm down during wds. He states that it was a doctor that prescribed him the drugs in the first place and it is the doctor that will get him addicted to another drug.
Anyway, he didn't want to let me off the phone, he kept saying he had to get off as he was using someone elses phone but after me saying I could not give him money for his drug habit he kept begging. I was actually crying myself. That is hard but I mustered up the strength to get strong and I cleared my voice and said, without tears. My answer is no, if I change my mind, I know where you live and I told him I love him and hung up. So far, he hasn't called back
sometimes tough love is the hardest love of all it may hurt you both right now but your helping your son save his life its better that hes po d with you than the alternative hang in there when its all said and done he will thank you for the decision you have made you will both be in my prayers take care Free...
oh ya, he also states that Methadone is an opiate but it is also an opiate blocker and separate from what he is addicted to now. That is why he thinks it is going to work and he tells me that he knows and has done alot of research on it.
Again, the prayers are so greatly welcomed and appreciated. Sometimes tough love is easy when you have had enough but it is more difficult right now because I have so much emotional involvement in the recovery effort. I do understand and am aware this is how the loved ones are conned. This, I understand is a con. I didn't understand that he could con me to get help :)
this addiction will make you do things in your wildest dreams you never thought you would its the devil and he is very strong but our god is stronger just believe and he will show you how much he can really bench press for you many prayers Free...
What he's telling you about the methadone is just wrong. It is a potent opiate and is actually prescribed for pain in some situations. It's different chemically from oxy but they all have those differences. Add a hydrogen and you get a different type of drug but it's still an opiate.
One thing we didn't bring up about withdrawals : A good mindset makes a huge difference. When you go into unplanned withdrawal it's always worse because you didn't plan it that way. It's 80% mental is what I'm trying to say.
Personally,I think if he went to your house now he'd be fine. Sick but okay...being close to his mother might make a huge difference even though he doesn't know it right now.
I hope he calls you back to pick him up. But,most likely someone will take pity on him
and give him something.
vicki, that is what he is saying. He has called me back but he is sick and doesn't want me to pick him up. He states this is not his plan, his plan is for Monday and he can't do this. He wont agree to treatment either right now because he has a plan and that was not part of it. Anyway, I am sure you all know exactly where he is. It is horrible for me. He literally states that he cannot go cold turkey, he will go crazy if he doesn't kill himself.
I found one place that would take him for 72 hours if he is threatening to kill himself but how do I even do that if he is unwilling to go?
I am staying strong saying no but wondering if it is ok because I did hear that they can go into siezures and heart failure. I only found the one center that will detox and it is an hour away from my house. A long trip if he is unwilling.............
just got a text from him "clearly you don't want to follow my plan so forget it, I'm not quitting and I don't need your help".
I am so emotionally wasted and understand this is the drug talking. I just don't want to hurt anything. Please keep those prayers coming
My heart is breaking for you and I commend you for holding strong.
He will say anything right now and he is pushing every button he installed. This is the "Guilt Trip" stage. If he does not use, he will start "The Begging" stage. He may say things like "If you really loved me"...."I am going to die". He may go on to bargaining and hopefully he will go far enough to accept it.
Unless he has underlying health problems, he will get through this. Seizures is not a part of withdrawal from opiates.
And so you know, I suspect he is taking way more than the 30 mls that he told you. That amount would not cause the withdrawal he is describing.
Please do not misunderstand, I DO feel for him but in order to get and stay clean he has to realize that his way does not work that includes "His Plan". As long as he thinks he is in charge he will be hard pressed to get clean.
he is pleading, fully sobbing begging for me to just help him get through this day and he will detox on Monday (his way). Already told me he is going crazy and feels like killing himself. So, I got tough on that and said, "Are you threatening suicide? because if you are, I am picking you up right now but if you are using that thinking you are going to make me feel sorry for you, save it. So are you threatening suicide or are you just saying it?" He changed the subject and went back to begging so I pretty much knew the answer from that.
So that has already begun. He told me he spends $30 a day not that he takes 30mls. He actually stated that he has no set mls a day but he takes what he needs to feel normal which averages $30. I have no idea how much these things go for or what that means in terms of how much he takes.
I have family but am alone at home trying to make all the right moves here. I tried to call to talk to someone but it seems like all those doors have been closed. For some reason that is not meant to be. I found a local crisis center that would take him but only for 23 hours and he is free to go as he pleases but they had no doctor on staff today. it would have to wait til tomorrow.
ugh, what a day. I feel he is going to get it somehow but do know that there is no possible way for him to get through this where he is at in the house with the rest of the addicts. He does need me to help him at least get out of there but doesn't want me to help him that way. I want to ignore his calls but what if that's the call where he says come get me? so I can't. I am drained already
update for today. His girlfriend found someone to loan her money so she got it for him to make him feel better :(
I figured as much though. A shame. he went almost 24 hours-he was one day closer to being sober
Thanks for sticking by me today and all your support. Tomorrow is a new day and I know he can kick it when he is ready. He just has to be ready and I will be waiting
HI ....first off I can feel your pain...I have a daughter that became a methamphetamine/crack addict at the age of 13...we spent the next 3 yrs in and out of rehabs detention centers and her living on the street for months at a time...I use to go in and out of crack houses looking for her for nights on end...when I would find her she was an absolute mess....we would try and get her help some on our own some court ordered
but nothing worked until she finely wanted to get clean...that took a nearly fatal auto accident witch almost parlized her...wile she was in the hospital still in recovery the maracopa county sheriffs office came and draged her to detention b/4 she even had a chance to heal..but it was her rock bottom she was 16 then stayed in incarceration till 18 came out clean and is now 21 and still clean ...everybody has there rock bottom it sounds like your son is ether at his or close...I have said this once I will say it a 1000 times you just cant give up on your kids they need your support when they finely want to change...we tryed everything unconditional love... tuff love...we where coned stole from and manipulated but in the end we finely broke thew it all and she got strait we never gave up hope ....I think you need to try and help your son....you have to do it with tuff love.....he needs to know he is going to be accountable to you....not the other way around...right now he is still trying to manipulate the situation and is taking advise from other people in active addiction...methadone is not a get out of jail free card ..and he is trying to use it as one...it was never designed to be used that way it is designed to put your addiction on hold to give you a chance to straiten out you life without drug seeking behavior....it is a program that includes consoling and careful montering they check you often for other elicit drugs and wont tolerate them if your in the program....it should only be used for the most chronic abuser after many failed attempts have been made to get clean...I was originally put on it for pain management but my use of it spiraled out of control went from 30mg to 150 in 6 1/2 yrs the withdrawals from methadone are horrific...you stay sick for months after you quit theirs not a pain pill out there that will get you nearly as sick as methadone...PLEASE tell your son this is not an option ....first off his plan wont work he is going to go threw withdrawals ether way...second it just ant worth the risk of getting hooked on the methadone..take it from someone that has been there...im sorry I ever took the first dose all he will be doing is prolonging the withdrawal process he is much better to just jump off and go threw the withdrawals from the oxy it wont last nearly as long as methadone withdrawals if he winds up messed up with that...your plan to take him in and help can work but it has to be on your terms...I know this sounds harsh but I have been threw it with a child and know just how hard it is...but you may only get one shot at this....make it a good one with a clearly layed out plan that your willing to help support and encourage him all you can but there should be no substitution with methadone....methadone is a dangerous drug...it is ez to O/D on you take it think it ant working so you take more and wind up going into respiratory failure ...you should be able to tell if he is cheating ...if all of a sudden he gets well out of nowhere he probably took some methadone look at his eyes the pupils will be pinned out and nonreactive to light...it is critical you know if he takes it...getting it off the street he could wind up with 10mg pills or 40mg wafers the wafers kill people as do the pills if you take to many....methadone has a 36hr 1/2 life so part of your dose from yesterday is still in your system the next day when you take your next dose this is what leads to over dose it needs to be monitored by a doctor not self administered please take my advise on this...you have been given some great advise on here..when it comes to methadone I know most of the ins and outs with it...im only trying to save your sons life hear methadone is nothing to mess with...BTW your faith in God will get you threw this....often when we think he is doing nothing he is doing the most I will pray for you and your son....that God gives both of you the strength to do this...good luck with your whole situation and God bless......Gnarly
huge sigh......... my son again started calling me, he didn't get enough to make him feel well and his girlfriend is also coming down and just got punched by a crack addict who accused her of stealing her crack supposedly and broke her nose. So he again started asking me for money. Starting all over again.... Its gonna be a long night and probably weekend for me. I almost wish he wouldn't have told me anything since he doesn't want to accept the help that I am willing to give but he now feels too comfortable calling me with all this. He never called me before. I never knew of any withdrawls before. I hate this! but my answer is still no. This is about all I can handle in one day on this roller coaster. I have had so many emotions today that I feel like I am the one on drugs.
Your prayers are a wonderful gift. I definitely could not do this without God
HI just wanted to encourage you to hang in there...bring it to God and lay it at Jesus's footstool pray with all your heart that his will be done he got me threw it im sure he will bring you some comfort to...you will be in my prayers good luck....Gnarly
stay strong! don't give in... manipulation is 9/10's an addicts law! he is trying anything and everything to get more. don't give in, he unfortunatly needs to come to terms with his addiction and learn he is powerless, and he will need to take the hard road. it is his choice, not yours. I'm very sure it hurts. but life has alot of roads, sometimes you just have to keep on walking down it no matter what. just keep telling him you love him, and he needs to get off the drugs. as long as you keep showing him love, he may snap out of it and realize he is powerless over his addiction and seek out help. all you can do is love him. just tell him on his next call that he won't get any money from you, and nothing else but a mothers love. I can only say i can see it, I can feel for you, I can pray for you. the road he has taken he chose, not you, this is not your fault, he got himself in this mess not you. just keep strong and tell him you love him and want him off the drugs. what more is there to say? when he calls and asks for help and willing to quit, give him the address and number of the rehab facility. what more can you do? he keeps coming up with these plans to quit, and so far he has proven to you and to himself he can't do it himself. only he can see it that way, hind sight is 20/20 lol just stay strong mom :) keep telling him you love him and that he needs to seak out help at a rehab facility or hospital. stay strong, as you and your son will be in my prayers tonight. God bless you both.
Thank you everyone. I just had another duh moment with God. A long time ago I learned not to pray for patience. The reason is because you will have to go through trials to LEARN patience. So if you don't want trials, don't ask for patience :) But God works thay way, we have to earn certain things and learn them on our own sometimes, he just doesn't give things to us.
Anyway, I have told everyone I know today that I need strength, please pray for my strength to deal with this. Well, it just came to me what today is all about. I was sitting here proud that I am getting better at not crying each time he calls now and being firm each time because I have had enough and the lightbulb came on.............careful what you pray for-lol All this "strength" took physically draining me to achieve. Go figure.
I love the Serenity Prayer, thanks. Thank you for sticking with me today
i hope your son is doing good, as hes the same age as me, going through the same wd...i just hope hes not taking something else and using the wd as an excuse to do it. I dont know how he is or what he is doing but trying to keep it as clean as possible.
Thanks for checking in on me :) I am ok, physically and emotionally drained. I am certainly not as optimistic as I was yesterday morning. My son does not have any money and still getting a few dollars here and there but it is not enough to keep him "normal" and functional. He is still calling me but now it is almost a rage, probably because he is now messing with the dosage. He is still adamant about not detoxing without Methadone and since I said I wouldn't do it, he states then he's not getting clean. I am still trying to find help somehow but just don't know how much to intervene. I think it has to be his choice but he is so irrational now, I don't see how he could make a choice like that.
still don't know what to do. Still need lots of prayer
This is sure tough !! I'm trying to think here...You know, if he's a danger to others or to himself you can intervene but i"m not sure who you call to get to the right agency!!
Here's the thing: He's unraveling now...sounds like he's in a rage. When people get that way they get very,very desperate. If you make a call to say the police and tell them this situation,there is something they can do. They'll pick him up and deliver him to the closest place(where they handle this sort of thing in your area). If this were me(and I have a 19 yr old) I would intervene now. He's getting too desperate and sick. His frustration MAY cause him to become psychotic...I wouldn't want to wait for that. I'm not sure what he would do really...he might rob someone etc...I don't mean to be dramatic but desperate people do desperate things and I've seen this happen...
What do you think??
Well he will probably be ok for tonight as he came by my house to pick up his golf clubs to pawn. Surprised he had anything left. But he should get enough to keep my phone quiet for tonight. I need to regroup, so I can think clearly again. This has been terribly emotional for me and way worse than it would be I think if he were at my house detoxing-or lets say in a different way anyway. There was just so much more involved. I did get a phone call for the first time from his girlfriends family (she's also addicted) who finally asked what is going on. They, as we, knew too but did not have any details of their situation until now. I told them she needs help. They now want to work together to get both of them help. This is good because I knew if she didn't get help, it would be hard for my son to stay clean (I also know they probably shouldn't be together anymore at all-the only thing is that they were so perfect together before this, both beautiful, intelligent, social people who had everything under control before the addiction and lost everything). So we will see how that plays out. I will keep you posted.
Thanks again Vicki,
It is sad but the sadest part is watching it unfold. I knew for a long time they had a problem but I never saw them coming down or was involved in the drama on that end because they were keeping everything from me for the most part. I have mourned my son for 2 years because he really changed, so the thing I am most sad about is now knowing how bad it really is. I am hoping that all this drama and now her family getting involved as well will mean that this is coming to a head now and we can finally see the light at the end of all this. Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers. It is not over yet :) and i know it can and will get better one day. I just hope that day is real soon
I hope it's soon,too. It's going to come to a head very soon,I have a feeling... It's
desperation time for them. He didn't get much for the golf clubs,I'm sure. So,the money won't last long...
Now, I know you can't think too far ahead so I'll suggest you get a doctor lined up. I'm
sure there's not a doctor that he sees but maybe he can see you're doctor. Not to make and appt. just yet, but ask if your doctor would see him. A doctor helps in these
situations for medical evaluation. Plus there are some good meds that can be prescribed when he does finally decide to get clean. Just get some ducks in a row...
I hope you can get some sleep tonight. You need to keep up your strength...
whelll, turns out not such a good thing about the girlfriends parents. Mom blows it all out of proportion, calls her a crack head and tells her that she needs to have her locked up and that all she has to do is call the cops and tell them that she threatened to kill herself, etc. Now my son is feeling betrayed amd says he can't trust me now and he is under the impression that he is going to get clean and then help the girlfriend. I am so frustrated.
Okay...what is good is that your son is STILL talking about getting clean and he wants to help his GF. That's a positive thing. He's upset and a little parnoid right now but he's got to know that you can't control the parents' behaviour.
Frankly,I would more likely behave like the other Mom if I were in this situation! That's just me...but,anyway,their actions don't reflect you.
The thing is: It's not okay for your son to live like this and he needs to hear that. It's just wrong on every level. It's not a life. He won't admit it now but he needs to hear that there ARE steps that can be taken to knock this out!
So,keep writing and sharing. We think about you...try to stay calm...
I actually feel bad for the other mother as she has no clue what she is doing right now. To her it is either black or white and we all know that with addiction there is alot of grey in the middle. I agree that this is a good sign with your son wanting to still get clean. That is hopeful. Keep us posted as we do care about you and your son~~~~sara
HI man do I feel your pain....I went there the...."".my boy friend is been clean for 6 mo hes cool dad""....that one introduced her to heroin ...it rarely works out with b/f g/f tring to get clean...we have had a few here do it but they where not as far gone as your son and his g/f
about all you can do at this point is pray that God intervenes...does your son still want to try and detox at home or has the methadone thing keeping him from doing that?? if you can keep that door open but stick to your guns about how it will be done...remember addicts are masterful at manipulation tuff love is whats going to win this battle
offer your home your support your unconditional love but hes got to be serious about getting clean and doing it without the ad of methadone...try to get him home and see if you can get him on here.....let us talk to him...we have been in his shoes it will help
I will keep you in my prayers ...trust God and this will all work out.....Gnarly
hey mom i just want to add 1 thing pray to God for help in this matter he is a very POWERFUL BEING when it comes to this stuff also have your son pray ,pray like you never have in your life and he will be there for you if it wasnt for God i wouldnt be were im at today im going on day 3 and typically it should be a living hell for me but with God looking over me its been a piece of cake i know in my heart im gonna actually make it this time , if you belong to a church and feel comfortable doing so have them put your son on a prayer list the power of prayer is such a powerful thing take care and you all will be in my prayers Free...
thank you but I don't agree that it is a good thing that he wants to help his girlfriend necessarily. The thing is that both of them are dependent and codependent. Neither are in any shape to help anyone. What needs to happen is that the two of them separate, get clean, mentally get over this drug and then get back together and see if two "whole" people can be together without being codependents of each other. I was hoping the gf's family could help accomplish this but as it turns out what her mom is doing is closing the window of opportunity. The gf will not trust her mom to ask for help when she only belittles and berates her and even exaggerates her addiction. So my son cannot now focus on his sobriety when she has to be the main focus.
Therefore, what mom did was not help her daughter first off basically keeping her in the situation she is in without an out and it hurt my sons chance of getting well too because he is worried about leaving her alone now.
thanks. He does state that he wants to get clean but he is adamant about doing it his way. He wants the Methadone and will not listen to anything else now. I told him I won't do it, so he says he is gonna do it alone then. I wonder if he is bluffing to try to make me feel bad but I do worry about that, He lives in a drug house. There is no possible way of getting clean with about 6 other drug addicts living with you and also if he is in pain, they will just get him the Oxy. not to mention that if anything goes wrong with Methadone, the other drug addicts are not mentally capable of doing the right thing and knowing what to do. I really hate being in this position
Hi~ I didn't mean to imply that I thought the two kids should rent a cottage and detox together... I just thought it was great he was THINKING that way...thinking and focusing (somewhat ) on both of them getting clean. I do agree with you...they have to be separate and get treatment individually;being together would not be theraputic.
I'll tell you what I wouldn't do : I would not be fanning this flame with my daughter. I
would threaten and follow through. Period. She's making this worse. I'm sorry about that.
I think I have done just that. He knows that my door is open when he wants to do it the right way and I have definitely shown him that I love him unconditionally. This thing with the gf's family is a set back because he put his full trust in me and now he says he can't trust me. They feel that I threw the gf under the bus and don't see that I was trying to help. It is sad but nothing I can do but wait really. Hopefully he will come to his senses.
thank you. That is completely what I have done at this point, Let Go, Let God. I am at so much more peace doing that. I know for sure my son will come around one day, it may not be this week as promised but it will happen. God has promised :) So I wait and try my best to do it with patience lol
I agree. Sometimes you don't know if you are merely being told what you want to hear. That is tough but I try to see through things now that it is all on the table. You know what they say, if you want to know if a drug addict is lying, see if his mouth is moving :) funny but still sad. I want to believe him but like you said, I have to see it first
We are also great at blaming others for everything. Usually when we get mad the other person has hit a nerve. All you can do is sit back and hope he gets his act together and i know that is tough to do. Him living in a drug house wont work.
How are you really doing?? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating and drinking? I am worried about the toll this is taking on you too. sara
HI ....I hope and have been praying your situation gets better.....I agree with Sara about all of the above make sure your taking care of you....I spent many a sleepless night over my daughter you need to make sure you take care of you...next time you talk to your son
tell him you have been in contact with several addicts on the internet ...tell him about the forum and what you have learned ...also tell him the fear of withdrawals is often worst then the actual withdrawals them self....it is often the fear that keeps people using...if he does detox on his own be ready to take him in so he has somewhere to recover you dont come bouncing back from a large oxy habit he is going to need a month or 2 to recover...insist on some sort of aftercare wile he is getting better...N/A and A/A are free and the programs work if you work them.....there is so much more to this then just detoxing...you have to want to get well also...detoxing is only the first step....I think he may come to you after his methadone attempt fails...hes probably going to be in ruff shape but he will make it ...I will keep you in my prayers good luck and God bless.......Gnarly
Thank you for your concern about me. I am doing ok. Yes I am upset, yes I worry about my son but that is all part of being a mom. I don't know if I would know what to do anymore without those feelings :). I have been in heavy prayer and letting God take over this situation so for the most part I am sleeping fine with an exception last night. I woke up at 2:45 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. So I started to pray. I had this feeling come over me that one of my kids was in trouble. 2 of my kids are living with me, so I immediately checked on them. My other son who doesn't live with me, I texted. The only one that I don't know about is the one we have been talking about. So knowing I could not even go into his neighborhood at 3am, I asked God to please let me know if I could help the situation and let the phone ring or help me to know what is going on, and otherwise asked God to be there with him if there was something wrong and there was nothing I could do to help. All of the sudden, I felt tired again. So I knew everything was in God's hands and I went to bed. I will know for sure this afternoon. He calls me every afternoon because he is expecting a check to come in the mail (which was strangely supposed to come for about 2 weeks and hasn't shown up yet-this was the check he was going to purchase the Methadone with (God?? maybe?))
So I am pretty much sleeping and eating fine but still worry and cry throughout the day. The only thing that suffers for me is my school work. I am going to school full time working on my Masters degree (in psychology of all things-lol) and that has fallen by the wayside since all this happened.
Thank you for keeping us in your prayers. God is good and He is in control. My son just needs to answer that door.
I commend you for your honsty and willingness to help your son. I also commend your son for being open and honest with you and acknowledging that he has an addiction. Being former opiate addict i know first hand the difficulty of becoming clean and sober. While many have tried methadone one of the major issues that comes along with it is that IT IS highly addictive and many who try to go on methadone maintenance program are likely to become addicted especially if they have an addictive personality and are prone to addiction. In my opinion the best way to become clean and sober is to go to a medically supervised detox and then to a treatment center. If your son is serious about getting clean which it sounds like he is he needs to realize that in order to stay sober he is going to have to change his life style. While detox will comfortably help him withdraw from the oxycontin, addiction treatment will teach him what he is going to have to do in order to stay clean. I went to a treatment facility in Jacksonville, Florida and have been completely clean and sober for 4.5 years and counting. It was the best decision that i ever made for myself. Good luck and let me know if i can help at all.
My son is here with me now. It was rough getting him here. It was totally his decision and I didn't push anything but when I went to pick him up, it seemed like he changed his mind. He had a million excuses to go back into the house and get something else to the extent that I was ultimately waiting for him for 3 hours. I had eventually asked him if this is what he wanted and if he was serious about getting clean and he said yes.
I am glad he is with you. Are you going to go through with his "Plan"? If so, please do both of you a favor and search his things to see if he brought anything else with him. It would make the plan very difficult to follow if he did and he also risks an overdose.
Please protect yourself and hold your ground on the things you know you need to. I hope you stick around here and ask any questions you need to.
HI im so happy your son has decided to come home ....this will not be ez for you to watch
but try to embrace it ...it is by the pains of withdrawal we are set free...keep the lines of communication open and dont get offended ezely he is likely to say some things he really doeset mean....tell him you have been doing your research on this and uderstand what he is about to go threw if he would like to know more put him on the computer we can help him
hang in there the 2 of you will get threw this with Gods help...pray with all your heart that God gives him the strength to do this...where out here for you keep us posted and let us know if there is any way we can help....im in arizona and im usually up till midnight with the exception being tonight my wife has got some minor surgery tomorrow early in the morning but I will be checking in with you threw out the day good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
oops, I sent it accidentally :).
Anyhow, we agreed that he would do the Thomas plan but my husband agreed to the methadone first because he was worried about missing a window of opportunity. Therefore, I compromised and said that he only takes them as needed for 5-6 days. He was absolutely fine with that but he took a whole xanax today with no methadone, no oxy and he has just been sleeping. He took too much i know. I do have all the pills in my posession so it will be monitored from here on out. I also had him commit to a certain amount every day and told him i would not under any circumstances give him any more than that. I am hoping that all the other stuff will make him not want any methadone. I am also taking him to a health and wellness doctor, getting biofeedback and ionic foot cleanses along with a natural detox regimen. wish me luck and lots of prayers please
HEY IT IS REALLY DANGERIOUS TO MIX XANEX WITH METHADONE IT IS A DEADLY COMBO your son is not use to the methadone please dont mix the 2..I know people do it and get away with it but if your one of the ones that it reacacts to you dont get a second chance it can cause respiratory failure...please try to tell your son that methadone is dangerous and is not a "get out of jail free card" my prayers are with you....Gnarly
im glad you got my last message ..and yes people mix benzos with narcotics all the time
and people die from it also but methadone in particular has a certain reaction in some people I have herd of people only taking one pill and one xanex and going into respiratory failure it seams like there sleeping peacefully but they never wake up...I wish there was a way to know b/4 you took it but theirs not it like roling dice...I took zanex with methadone
and the clinic where I went wanted to stop the program because of it..I had a ligitmate prescription for it so they let it slide but they warned me of the side effects they even said after repeated use I could still get a reaction to it....I survived but many dont it is not worth the gamble one or the other....zanex has a short 1/2 life around 6 hrs so you can wait it out you should be fine but please dot mix....your family is in my prayers.....Gnarly
so you are saying that after the 6 hours it should be fine to take methadone? I have already talked to him about this and told him that I wanted him to trust me, that I realize I agreed to one thing but I now have changed my mind. So far he has not taken any methadone and promises me that it is only a just in case but I am scared to death now. He wants me to believe he completely knows what he is doing but I am certainly not willing to take a risk with my sons life. I hate being in this position but he won't trust anyone else such as a clinic or doctor. He tells me those are the people who get addicted to methadone because the doctors/clinics give them too much of it.
Oh my!!! please pray that he does not want any methadone at all. I am afraid that if I refuse he will run off and go back to the oxy and not trust me anymore. Then he could die from the other drugs-nothing is a good position. I need help. Prayers would be wonderful.
first off im not a doctor but I am an addict with a lifetime of experience I have had addictions to both methadone and xanex I do know a lot about both....the 1/2 life or effective life span
of xanex is aprox 6 hrs so after that time it is no longer active in most people the way your son wants to use methadone is to break the withdrawals from the oxy...it will do this but eventually your going to have to withdrawal from one or the other addicts know that when they dont have oxy it takes away the withdrawals however usually there going back on the oxy in a day or 2 what you son is trying to do is find away around the withdrawals that does not exist you will eventually have to face the withdrawals and you dont want to take methadone long enough to get strung out on it the withdrawals are much worst and a lot longer methadone was ment for the most chronic abuser and should only be taken after repeated attempts have been made to get clean on your own...if that proves impossible methadone is an alternative it will put your addiction on hold so you can work threw your issues with aftercare and build up a foundation so that when the time comes and you got your head on strate you can get off the methadone and live a clean and sober lifestyle methadone is designed as a program not a quick fix...it is so hard to enplane this to a desperate addict but it is the truth..I will keep you in my prayers good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
Thank you for the info and warning gnarly. I never wanted to agree to the methadone but my husband thought it was a good idea. So far, no incidents during the night and he has not mentioned wanting any methadone. The xanax alone seems to be doing the trick for now. its been at least 35 hours since his last oxy unless he is lying to me but for sure 24 hours+ and he seems to be doing well. Lord, I pray he does not want the methadone at all.
well he is feeling pain now but not shaking. I am a little relieved at the pain because i was starting to wonder if he was hiding something given that this has been so easy. Now worried about what the next few days will entail. Please pray that he doesn't want the methadone!!! I know I can say no but I just don't want him to lose trust in me since it was agreed upon. His trust is very important right now.
hi just wanted to take a minute to encourage you...your doing the right thing my prayes go out to you..I wish I had more time but I have had a very bizzy night my 17yr old son josh had to go to the E/R last night at 2 am with sever abdominal pain...with some testing they admiteted him into the hospital with pacreitis...so no sleep for me...as if thats not enough
my wife just had minor surgery this morning to remove a cist on her wrist so I got that going on to one to care for at home one to care for in the hospital so I might be a little scarse today I need to sleep soner or later but right now im caring for my wife then off to the hospital hang in there Ill try and stay in touch best I can will get you threw this I have a lot of faith in God...good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
It has begun........:( He is asking for it now. I said no and he is rebelling saying I am not sticking to the plan and he is not doing it if I am not sticking to it. He is back asleep for right now. Please pray
I am an addict myself. I can tell you this much. YOU have not lost the battle, it is not YOUR battle to fight. It is your son's. He has made it clear that he knows he has a problem and that he needs to stop. Oxycontin is a VERY strong and addictive drug, and unless you are a professional...in a professional setting, (such as a detox center), then you are not capable of seeing him thru the first days and weeks of sobriety,not alone anyway, you need to seek a professional about this if possible. All you can do is be there for support, but you should REALLY do some research on co dependency, because this situation seems like it could transform into such. I can also tell you this much, this is a problem that can only be suspended, but never completely removed, in other words, if he succeeds one day in detoxing and getting off of the pills, it is another battle to STAY off of them, that is just as hard, probably even harder in the long run.
hi, firstly I think its fantastic that you are helping your son this way. I have been clean for 18 months now after a long addiction to prescription medication and finally told my parents. they, like you, already had suspected that I had a drug problem so it wasn't a big surprise. I wanted to get clean, so my mum, at short notice (she is a school principle) took 2 weeks off work to help me wigthdrawl. She was with me every second and would not let me leave the house without her so I couldnt get more pills! I did get clean, and I thank god for my wonderful mother in helping me. So I think it's great that you will help your son.
What compelled me to write - I have to admit I did feel a bit sorry for your son and the mixed messages he got - because he was under the impression he COULD have the methadone and then told he couldn't - therefore aborting the whole thing? I know you were only doing what you thought was right. I did a internet search - I can find NO contraindication between methadone and xanax (that I can see.) I agree with others that it would be better if he did the withdrawl methadone free - but whats better - to get clean with meth for a few days (as long as thats all it's for) or to stay buying drugs off the street? Just my personal opinion but I think he'd be better off with the first option! Once he does get clean, like me - he will not be able to believe how great he feels - full of life and energy, and this will motivate him to STAY clean as it did me. So If he'll ONLY do the withdrawl with the meth (provided you have control of the dose) maybe you'll consider it? And you could call a doctor to check about the methadone/xanax thing to make doubly sure.
And again - I think its so great you are willing to help your son.
Well, this has been a whirlwind week. i was unable to get on to update you as I have been so busy. My son's ride never showed up so he came back and in the meantime I was able to get a hold of a hotline where I could actually talk to someone. I was talking to a recovering addict who was using for 15 years. He explained to me that my son wanting only 10mg of methadone would be fine. My son had already told me that he had taken the two together before with no problems and he needed the methadone for his plan to work but I was not trusting him when it came down to life or death. The guy explained to me that what my son was taking was much worse and that his tolerance would be so high that it would not be a problem. I then got my son to talk to him with while I got the methadone. My son explained his plan to the guy and when I got back on the phone the guy explained to me that my son's plan was excellent. He had a strict plan of just how many mg of each he would take each day, tapering off until there was no more drugs at all after day 5 or 6. The guy told me that my son knew what he was doing, that the fact that he gave me all his drugs was an immense amount of trust and he assured me that he talks to addicts everyday and that my son is determined and does not want to be addicted to either methadone or xanax and that his plan is on track for success. The sad thing is that my son was crying after that because I did not trust him and I trusted a stranger more than him. I hope someday when he is well, he will understand.
So far, he is working on day 5 and he has taken a total of 40 mg of methadone and doesn't want any more. The xanax is a little more difficult for him to do without just because of the anxiety but we are weaning. God has intervened and this has not been horrific for any of us. I took him to a health and wellness doctor on day 2+ and he had several procedures done that helped him a great deal. He put him on several nutritional and detoxing items and he is doing great. He has even had a sense of humor since day 2+. he is full of energy and life right now. He was even given a vehicle to fix, which has become his project to keep him busy. I know this a long road ahead but he was ready and I know God will get us all through this.
Also, this week his gf's brother called and he is a recovering addict himself, sober 5 years and helps people every day. He is taking her in today to live with him until she gets well. They both understand that it will be a long time before they get to be together if ever and they are both ok with that just to get well.
All I can say is God is good people!!!
Do not underestimate the power or prayer. thank you for your support and help and most of all prayers.
HI Im so happy your son dident leave and you found someone to put your mind at eaze
im also happy your sone is done with the methadone after only 40 mg ...the real detox will start when he goes without the methadone that has been holding him over to ward off the withdrawals...it should have softened the blow from the oxy but just be ready for him to go threw some withdrawals about 2 days after he discontinues the methadone...the detox process will take a week or so after the methadone clears outr of his system I hope and pray he does well with it narcotic free....keep posting we all want ot see your family make it out of this mess good luck and God bless......Gnarly
You know, I received a lot of different opinions during this entire process mainly because everyone is different and what works for one person may not necessarily work for someone else. Ya, my head was spinning from talking to so many people with different opinions. I was not looking for someone to justify the methadone on that day as I had decided against mixing the two at that time. The reason I called the hotline was because my son was going nuts and wanted to throw in the towel. I wasn't sure I was handling it right and I wanted to get advice on what to do. it was not about searching for someone to tell me what I wanted to hear.
As far as what I want to hear: I want to hear that this is all a big nightmare and my straight A, honor roll all his life son never made a decision to become a junkie and in fact went to college as planned and never really pawned or lost everything he ever owned in his life for the sake of getting high. I want to hear that no matter what, everything is going to be ok and that I don't ever have to worry about him making this stupid decision ever again. Still not hearing what i want to hear. Instead I am trying my best to do the right thing, to help my son as best as I know how without trying to be an enabler or codependent to him. I sought out advice because I have not had experience with this before and I so desperately did not want to screw it up. I waited until he came to me and he was ready. That is all I have to hang on to. but it has nothing at all to do with me asking for help so that I can hear what I want to hear.