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help me help my son

My son is 21 years old and has come to me requesting my help with his addiction of Roxys.  He has been doing them for a year.  He IV's them and snorts them.  He says that with my help we can knock this out. Is this possible?  Does he need to go into a rehab for professional help.  He has stolen thousands of dollars from a relative in the past year.  He has been with me 24/7 for the past 9 days, he gave me his phone and car keys so he could not have access to anyone.  He has been sick, but not like I expected.  Is there anyone out there that has detoxed off of these by themselves?  How did you do it and what can I expect?
8 Responses
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452063 tn?1324074916
Hi Busymom, I feel your pain. My son was also addicted to heroin for several years. I went through he!!. At first when he finally decided to get clean I did everything to help him. I let him move back home and did everything to help get him clean. I took him to NA meetings, checked on him constantly, drug tested him and we got him a job and helped him get a used car. He stayed clean for 3 months. When he started using again I didn't want to see it. I began enabling him even more because I wanted him back so much and didn't want to believe it.
Eventually we found he had been using my credit cards and getting the bills out of the mail before I could see them. He ran up over $20.000 dollars.I knew that I had to throw him out and file charges against him. This was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I stayed in contact with him and let him know that I loved him very much and was not going to help him die by enabling him. I had believed so many of his lies before and just stopped. They sat you can tell when an addict is lying by just watching his mouth. Being good at lying and manipulating is such a big part of addiction. When I would go to speaker meetings with him all of the speakers would say "and then I hit rock bottom" I had to help him get there because he was killing himself right before my eyes. He was living on the street and looked like a skeleton.
When he finally was arrested and detoxed in jail for 9 days( he constantly called and begged me to get him out and I didn't) he made a plan for his recovery....Your son has to take the initiative and responsibility to do this himself. This is very important. My son went to an extended rehab over 100 miles from home ( so he couldn't leave rehab again and make it home) He went into a half way house for 3 months 50 miles away and stayed in that area when he got through it.
My son is almost 6 years clean now. He says that me being tough with him and putting him in jail saved his life. This is a nasty disease to beat. It takes more than all of the love in the world to beat. Your son wants to get clean and that is really good. I really know the pain your in and how much you want to help him and believe this is going to be easy. Learn as much as you can about addiction. Go to NARNON meetings and NA speaker meetings. Get him into rehab and don't accept any excuses. Tell him he needs to go to NA meetings. Do not accept "I can do this myself" He can't. He has to accept responsibility for his recovery and be the one to initiate things.
I'm sorry for what you and your son are going through. I know all of this sounds harsh and is alot to take in. I just wanted to share my experience with you and hope that some of it helps. This can be done. It's not easy and only your son can do it. Give him all of your love but don't enable him. It's a difficult line to see. I will keep you both in my good thoughts. God Bless, Corey
Helpful - 0
271792 tn?1334979657
WOW---have him prosecuted? That's a lousy idea and could very well ruin his life and any future career opportunities. The guilt you would feel and the resentment he would have would probably destroy your relationship.

I am not saying enable him but please do help him get the treatment and support he needs.

Let us know how you are all doing.
Helpful - 0
1525404 tn?1291914516
I don't think he needs to be prosecuted either, but he certainly should pay back the money stolen. Hopefully the relative in question will agree to a payback. I don't think mom and dad should be the ones to pay it off either. That's enabling. Bad idea.
Helpful - 0
1481358 tn?1288295091
If he wont come hear then Id say he doesnt wanna quit. Running out of pills or money to get um isnt quiting. Sounds like he will come check out the site. Hes asking for your help and being a parent what are you gonna do, help him. Thats a start but he will most certainly need support from others just like him. Im 35 and its not good feeling dealing with addiction at this age. I sure wish Id seen the light earlier. Good luck and keep a close eye on him. If you think hes getting high then most likley, he is. Your a good mom doing what she should. I dont know many parents calling the cops on their kids. Regardless of what they did.
Helpful - 0
1525404 tn?1291914516
caregiver222's response may sound harsh reading it the first time but everything said is true. If your son seems sincere in wanting something better for himself and he truly wants to be clean(as opposed to getting clean to help avoid jail time and prosecution) then I say help him help himself. This one time.

It's rare this day and age to find a 21 year old that doesn't still act like a 16 year old but he is in fact a grown man and he alone must suffer the consequences of stealing that much money. Your son has a long, hard road in front of him but he can make it. Addicts need support to get clean because we just can't do it on our own.

He needs to get clean and get his head back on straight and then he's going to have to start making amends to those he's harmed, whether it's stealing or lying he has to make things right.

And if he won't come here then by all means you should continue to come here becasue like was mentioned, addicts are great manipulators and are cunning and skilled in the ways of deception and lies. If you find that anything he says or does makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up, run it by us, we as addicts have tried every avenue possible to get meds, pass drug tests, reverse blame.... you name it. We'll guide you through this the best we can.

Helpful - 0
144586 tn?1284666164
If he injects Roxy the inert particles will accumulate on his lungs and he will die gasping for breath. It won't be a pleasant end.

As far as "stealing" the answer is to have him prosecuted. This is unaceptable behavior.

He is a man and he is twenty-one years old. And a manipulator. It seems people have been making excuses for him for quite some time.

I don't think you can have much effect on your own. It's simply too much for one person. A rehab program has many people to share the burden.

It's possible, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for your response.  You have given me encouragement.  You are right, maybe I can get him on here to read about others.  Thanks again!
Helpful - 0
1525404 tn?1291914516
It's possible. Many do it all the time. He's not used for 9 days now right? If so, that's the hardest part of the withdrawals, getting the first week under your belt. The next step has to be an aftercare program of some sort. Therapy, counselor and better yet NA/ AA meetings. He can get a sponsor to talk to and lean on for support.
It would be great if you could get him to log on here and read some of the great things the members here do to help other addicts get through the first stages of kicking habits.

By the way, welcom to the Medhelp forum. Glad you're here and really glad that you're looking to help your son. He's very lucky to have you.
Helpful - 0
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