help me

[lesah]

last year I started using percocet after they were prescribed by a doctor for back pain. its a year later in the back pain is still there maybe even worse. I broke both my rest last month and once again prescribed percocet. That only made things so much worse. I can take up to 90 milligrams in a day and not feel any effect, the pain will still be there, I just won't be sick. If I don't take something right when I wake up I am so sick I just cry. I don't understand how the pills don't do anything for me but my body still crazves for them. People just say so thinking about it like I have fun torturing myself.  I have no insurance anymore no Dr.  I can't get into rehab for those reasons. . Help me.  What do I do?

[keith600]

Your doing really good. Your recovery should start NOW, abstinence is a must of course but without recovery its like fighting a war without a weapon. Recovery comes in many ways, my choice was na 15 years ago but na, aa, pa (if your town has one),religion, private counseling, the list goes on but I find that being around folks rather newcomers or people with decades clean was what helped me and its free $ wise. You pay with your recovery and being involved. Get a home group, a sponser, every meeting will bring new friends and soon you will be welcoming newcomers and sharing your hope and experience. Recovery from addiction takes a lifetime. I don't think I"ve ever heard anyone say "I'm a recovered addict" , I hear "I'm a recovering addict", keep hanging in there and remember that folks either on this site or in a meeting aren't guarenting anything or telling what will absolutely happen, their just suggesting what worked for them may work for you.

[nonights]

I'm so proud of you. I promise this is soooo worth it. Let us know how u are doing.

[gnarly_1]

Hi Lisah  good to see you made it threw the night  did you get any sleep??? it sounds like your in the acute withdrawal stage it s u c ks but it is necessary to get to the other side just know you are probably 1/2 way threw it I know just how bad it can get but if toy have the perseverance to get threw it it will be so so worth it keep posting for support we all want to see you get clean...........Gnarly

[lesah]

I had a hard night but it proved to be impowering.  I was offered pills to calm. . Xanax.  I said no.   I threw up for like 5 hours straight and was offered a 5 to calm it.   I said no.  I'm so cold but sweating.   I run to the bathroom so often I feel I shouldn't leave it lol.   As I lay in bed last night shaking and twitchin I thanked God for the sickness.  In Jesus name!  Because without the sickness there wouldn't be a reason to quit.  I pray myself to sleep.  I pray between heaving. I pray thru the panic.  It doent make it stop but it makes it tolerable.  I will never ever again touch a pill. In Jesus name

[Yesidid]

Good Morning Lesah.  Are you still hanging in there?  It's tough about now I know but you are at the top of the hill.  The withdrawals probably won't get worse and will start to ease up soon.  Please check in to let us know how you're doing.

[gnarly_1]

I also wanted to add that prayer helped me Jesus came to set the captive free and addiction is very captivating he is all you got at 3am when your up shaking...............Gnarly...........................

[gnarly_1]

Hi Lisah how you doing tonight ??? I just want to encourage you to stick it out if your getting the creepy crawly feelings try a hot soak that will help the ackes and pains the anxiety and the hot and cold flashes  if your getting restless legs try rapping you lags with a blanket tightly like swaddling a baby this helped me remember to keep drinking fluids  I recamend gatoraid  sitting there shaking try
skeep posting for support it is still early I will check bake with you later try not to fiight it sleep will come back but most people do not sleep good luck and God bless....Gnarly

[kyle505]

Hang in there. Tomorrow may be a challenge but soon afterwards it may get better. Keep posting. Drink lots.
K

[lesah]

Day two is very bad.  Im so sick.  I pray tomorrow shows me mercy. I will not cave. That is not an option.

[kyle505]

I think that it's simple...I found that after a while (we're all different) I started feeling a "natural high" that lasted longer and was more intense than anything I experienced on drugs. Granted, that didn't happen overnight, but it happened. I've written this before - even my worst day clean is a million times better than my best day using. And that's the truth.
As others have said, the voice, the temptation doesn't stop; it just becomes easier to manage the longer you're clean, IF you have put a solid recovery plan in place.
So, if you don't have other medical issues, i.e., a history of depression, anxiety, etc., then "normal" is living a full life clean, finding joy without pills, and dealing with hard times with a clear head. Just my opinion.
K

[penny1974]

That has been one of my internal struggles. What is normal?  For me I have been figuring out what my triggers are. When I choice to take a pill and why? There have been moments when I wanted to have one only because of the physical w/d feeling and I have to remind myself this "shall pass" and that this is one reason why I'm quitting. Then there are time I want one because I'm upset or anxious and again I'm having to learn or rethink how to fix just that moment or feeling and I keep telling my self "this to shall pass". You can do this. Stay strong and ask yourself were do you want to be and work on each moment, and each day as it comes. Normal is what you want it to be. That's just my opinion though. :) keep going to the meetings. That is fantastic. You give me hope and courage to know I can go to.

[gnarly_1]

Hi Lisah we as far as being ''sober''..( we use (clean time) in N/A but just because your clean dose not stop the addictive brain  you need to treat it this is a disease of the brain   with N/A they address the problem and once the ''active addict thinking is arrested recovery is possible after many years of abstinence I found recovery and that is a great place to be give it a try you will not feel alone any more the people who attend meeting regular stay clean  you will be welcome with a hug the main thing is the people there will understand  you wont get that  ''deer in the headlight stare these people only want to help you recover  I have made some real friend  if I miss my regular meetings I get calls and messages from them consired if im ok this becomes a way of life and a good life give it a try  I only wish you all the best in your recovery the only way to do this wrong is to try and do it alone give N/a a try..............Gnarly.........................

[dcargill]

we are here to listen and support you.      I've said some of the same things you are saying -- I didn't mean for this to happen either.     But it did!
Hang in there and keep praying.    

[lesah]

How did any of you feel ok with being "sober"  when will sober become the normal feeling?

[Yesidid]

Lesah recovering addicts are your best friends. We celebrate the success of one another and helping each other somehow helps us to make sense of the big picture. For me personally, it gives purpose and meaning to all the hurt I created through the years I was using. Active addicts are the friends you need to give up..and apparently already have.  The question of whether or not you are an "addict" is somewhat pointless for today but you did come to the addiction forum for some reason. Have these drugs taken over your life? Can you function without them, even when you don't need them for pain? Do they cause problems for you in daily living? Have you tried to quit but felt powerless to do so? I have a dog who thinks he's a human. He barks, sleeps on the floor, and drinks out of a bowl. The point is that you might have some things to work out in your own head but it doesn't all have to be done today. Keep praying and fighting negative thoughts. You are on your way to freedom!

[keith600]

We have all heard about prescription drug abuse (mainly opiates) and the law,pharmacies, insurance, etc. have tightend everything up to the point that law abiding people feel guilty when they fill a pain scrip but when do Dr.s get involved, shouldn't they be the 1st to talk to you about addiction, becoming dependent etc. I have a history of heroin addiction when I was younger so I pretty much knew about opiate w.d.s and the need for more to keep from getting sick, what its like when the high turns into the need but I have a  lot of empathy for  those that didn't use and didn't know. I can only imagine what its like to realize that out of those 4 doses you take a day that 2 of them are just to keep you from being sick between the other 2 and you have no idea how your original pain is, that's become a secondary problem to the meds. I guess if the Dr.s don't do their job in the beginning then thank God for the (us) addicts that are there to guide folks on the other end,,,, just an opinion

[takingmylifeback2014]

Keep staying strong. Friends that use with you are not friends ... Misery loves company.
Pray pray pray! In the name of Jesus he will help you if you believe it!

[kyle505]

"What makes you an addict?" Who knows. I too was an alcoholic, quit, then discovered pills. So, I really didn't get "sober", but I haven't drank for 28 years.
If you think you're an addict, then you probably are. Having an addictive personality (me too) is a big clue.
You aren't worse than anyone else; you may feel like that right now but I guarantee you, you aren't. The drama and self-pity is running high at this point, but it will subside.
As far as NA meetings, well, it is not dangerous to be around other addicts. That's just your head talking. I've said this before - this is a great site; lots of support and advice, but it does not compare to talking, face to face, with other addicts. They will support you, call you on your lies and BS, and, above all, will be there for you no matter what.
You have a lot of decisions to make. If you decide to get and stay clean, then you'll be battling your addicting for the rest of your life, although it gets much easier the longer you've been clean.  I've been off pills for two years and four months, and to be honest, there hasn't been a day that passes that I haven't thought about pills. That's just something that I have to live with, but if I don't maintain my support system, including going to meetings, then eventually I will cave.
All the best.
K

[lesah]

Where I live. . The city is full of pills.   They are easier to get than weed.  It's will power that I have to achieve.   What makes you an addict?   I feel like I am.   I feel like I'm worse than anyone else.  At one point I was taking pills to sleep,  to wake up,  and to function.  I quit xanax cold turkey.  I quit alcohol cold turkey. And ciggerettes.  Idk why this is so much harder.  I can not do the tappering.  It doesnt work with my addictive personality.   My friends.. almost all of them snort perks. I am stopping myself from being one of those.   I watched a friend blow 3 30s up his nose. . That was the day I said nomore.  I have no friends now because I can't put myself around them and be okay.   The Na is a great idea in my case although I feel like its a little dangerous to be around people that are like me.  Imvery confused as you all can see. Crazed even.  Thank you for all your help. Its all im getting right now.

[kyle505]

My two cents...It's really hard to say at this point if you are an addict or have just become very dependent on the meds. Have you had this problem in the past with meds or alcohol? Something to consider.
The folks above have offered some great advice. What you're going through (addict or not) is normal - your body has built up a tolerance and needs the meds to just feel "normal", plus your brain is looking for them because you have been using for so long. Going CT is, in my opinion, the best way to go, however, the detox will be very difficult, but the worst will be over in a couple more days.
My biggest concern is sources. If you have access to meds then the odds are that you will relapse. The next couple of days will test you - you'll be in a very dangerous stage of withdrawal and your head will talk to you non-stop about using, so having a source isn't good.
I wish you only the best.
K

[Ldytaz]

Congrats on day 2.. I know how u feel.It is like missing a part of u..But,it is a part u can do without..from here u can only go up..Check out the Thomas recipe at the bottom of page..Like gnarly say aftercare is a must..Try the meetings.They will welcome u with open arms..Keep posting,we r here for u..Hugs

[atthebeach]

amen!!!
the chains and bondage of addiction are broken in the name of JESUS.
HE is able to heal you, to keep you, to restore you.
continue to press on.
treat your symptoms.
don't believe the lies of the enemy any longer.
keep the faith,
there is always hope.
keep on keepin on,
congrats on reclaiming your life.
you are doing awesome.

[lesah]

I have tried many times to stop taking these pills the diarrhea the twitching the vomiting the headache so not being able to move the pain all of it made me give in and just take pills. Every time I feel the need everytime i Twitter go to the bathroom I pray I continually say in Jesus name in Jesus name in Jesus name every time I feel like I just need to take a pill. I don't know why maybe its all the prayers but today when I woke up and still right now I have absolutely 0 pain. Right now the worst part is trying to be okay with being sober it almost feels like I'm missing a part of myself like my addiction the pills became a part of me. Like an arm or leg something that is necessary. But today isn't as bad as I thought it would and that gives me hope for tomorrow

[Yesidid]

More excellent words of wisdom from Heroin4Life.  This is not the rest of your life Lisah - it's just a day that happens to suck. Hang in there girl. Don't let the demons get in your head.  You won't be thinking rationally for a little while and you Cannot trust your own thoughts and emotions. The drugs will make you Think all is horrible - Not True.  REALITY IS NEVER AS BAD AS WE THINK IT IS IN THESE FIRST FEW DAYS. N-E-V-E-R!!! Do not be tricked by your own addicted brain.