here we go again

[chris011369]

why can i get more then 7 days off oxys
i m up to 480 mg of oxy daily. ive attempted quitting CT several times.
i ve made 7 days a few times and my mind starts playinmg tricks on me and i fold
everytime on day 8. how do i stop these head games that i play with myself

[chris011369]

hi all. here goes 11the time in 3 years that i made it to day 8.
i screwed up everytime so far on day 8. this time phones are off and not answerring door. no bad influence this time. if i can make it through the night i got it beat.

[Brightfutureahead]

Hi Chris. I used to be the same way...I'd do the same thing over and over again but expect different results. If you really want it, you have to change some things up. This means getting a little bit more honest and realistic with your situation. You do have the right idea in that you want to quit...that's a start but it's simply not enough. You have to get rid of wherever your Oxy supply is coming from. You have to tell some people (you don't have to scream it from the rooftops- just get honest with someone to help hold you more accountable when on days like "day 8.") You have to get some type of support lined up...I don't know many people who can stay clean on their own without some type of support from others. This can come in many forms ie. church,psychiatrist, NA/AA meetings, etc. Keep an open mind- you will reep the benefits if you do I promise you that!

[nursegirl6572]

It's impossible for you to have a real accurate picture of your TRUE pain level at this point, with all of the opiates you've been taking.  I just cannot see how you're going to get "clean" when you're still planning on taking the Kadian.  You've already been using it improperly, as you only take it at certain times, when you're out of the oxys.  If you really weren't abusing it, you would be taking it regularly, not just a way to get through w/d's.

Sorry, but I don't thibnk you're being honest with yourself here.

[chris011369]

i dont understand i went from 480 mg oxy a day to 0. yes i take 100mg one capsule as prescribed by my dr for pain. when i do the oxy i dont do my kadian. 480mg im feeling no pain. when i quit the oxy i take my kadian again as prescribed it really helps with the pain and the bonus i dont get wds when i quit oxy. after day 5 of no oxy if i dont take my kadian there is no wds to either oxy or kadian just no pain relief. i really do want to quit oxy for good but i still have no problem taken my kadian as pescribed to keep pain manageable. i do not get high off them and do not take more than 1 a day like im suppose to

[nursegirl6572]

You are using the Kadian to stave off withdrawls, so yes, you are addicted to them, you are abusing them.  You're kidding yourself my friend.  If you don't take the kadian out of the picture along with the oxy, nothing is going to change.

I agree with the others that you are in crisis mode, in a danger zone.  You are flirting with death.  You want this, but not enough I fear...because you're still stuck in that trap of making excuses.

A great quote that I love from the folks here..."nothing changes if nothing changes"

Time to start getting honest...with everyone, your doctor, friends, family..and most importantly, YOURSELF.

Praying for you.

[dominosarah]

So you are going to take the kadian to ward off the wd's?

[chris011369]

yes i did reread comments. i cant get in to see doc until near end of march.
my goal is to get off the oxy. i dont have a problem with the kadian as i don not abuse them. i take until the physcal withdraw part should be done then i dont take the kadian. i do not take kadian all the time. i am not addicted to them. i know it hasnt worked in the past. this time i stay on this forum. i find it helps alot. i might not take all the advice even though very good. ii dread the withdrawls cause i have done them and if i can get around that and still quity i have to go down that road. i stay on forum this time especially my rough time i  will do it this time. while on this forum i find it much easier mentally to stay positive and focused

[dominosarah]

As long as you keep the door open to your sources you will continue in this insanity.  This is a deadly road you on and noone is exempt.  You hold the key that unlocks the chains, reach for it~

[clean_in_ks]

Have you gone back this morning and RE-READ all the comments of people reaching out and trying to help you?  Are you at least a little "open" to what we are all trying to tell you????

As long as you continue choosing to STILL do it "your" way.... and are still taking the morphine, too, how can you EXPECT this cycle of insanity to work for you?  Why would it work differently NOW when it hasn't for the past 3 YEARS?  The "day 8" trap is just another head game.  You don't want to tell your doctor, you don't want to eliminate your sources for drugs, you don't want to go to rehab, you don't want to educate yourself about this disease that's killing you, you don't want to TRY SOMETHING NEW???

I have a friend I met on this forum last Fall that I still stay in touch with.  He has a friend that is just two yrs older than you......that was found DEAD in his truck the other day!  When his loved ones went to his house, they found over 1000 pills there.....hydrocodone and tramadol.  Yes, they were in "legal" prescriptions bottles......WHO CARES???  Along with hydros and trams....he consumed a lot of alcohol, too.  Heart failure, they think!!
I'm not sharing this as a "scare tactic" here......this JUST HAPPENED to a guy almost  your same age.....he's dead.......addiction won.
PLEASE........open your mind and do SOMETHING DIFFERENT......
Help is out there......you just gotta go ask for it.....and I'm prayin you will....cause you are a valuable man.....and have lots to give~
  

[chris011369]

day 3 now. just trying to get to that day 8 again and this time get past that horrible day 8. no withdrawls whatsoever so i do got it a bit easy until day 8 then my mind plays tricks on me

[VICourageous]

Hi I agree with the above you will learn some things. BUT for me and my experience and what keeps me safe at this moment is giving to my God, meetings and support from non-users and THE ONE is that I have seen alot of videos and read alot on "The Disease of Addiction. It will talk about alot of why we seek over and over and what we do to are brains and what gets flipped....It is some HOT info you can find it on the web too...
Hang in you have been here before...
vickie

[bama88]

Ok. Boredom. That's a big one or the thought process itself can be very hard to overcome. And your never really getting to day eight. Not really. Because all your doing is substituting another opiate until yours is filled. So there's no real clean time to even count. Sorry dude. Gotta face the facts.  

What has to happen is all up to you. The way I see it is you've got two choices. Either continuea death sentence or check into rehab and take time to heal.

This isn't gonna be easy. but its completely doable. and when you get sobered up for some time you'll see how insane the pills really are.

When I checked in I put it in my mind I was finally doing something for me. myself. as you'll find out too. if you go.

If you don't.....where will you go?? maybe jail. dead. or something bad. you can't keep up this.

There is a reason behind the behavior. always is.  we don't just get high to get high. what are you running from??  another cool thing about getting clean is getting yourself back.

I know you have to be completely worn out by now. nobody can keep going at this pace. not for long.

And there's a reason you can't make it after 8 days. its became another bad habbit. but habbits can change. everything can change. if you want it to. I'm proof. others on here are proof.
There's always hope and help. please stop while you can. your worth it. there's only one of you. and your special. your worth it. I know it.

[clean_in_ks]

Hey Chris....welcome back.....after reading above that you've gotten yourself up to 480 mg a day and are now ingesting that many along with the Kadian (morphine sulfate er) you are SERIOUSLY
living a death wish.!  You DO KNOW this is a PROGRESSIVE DISEASE don't you????  I just read one of your old posts from Sept 2010 so if you are back on MH again posting.....you MUST want help??? Yes???
You've been around the block long enough to know if you keep hangin with the same people, have all your drug contacts (including your sister-in-law/sponsor that bails you out w/her Rx), aren't honest with your dr., don't meet some people who have successfully STOPPED taking opiates and are learning to live a NEW way.....you ain't gonna get past DAY 8 which you have emblazened on your brain....much less maybe live this life much longer?????  The truth is......you KNOW in your heart you are killing yourself......or you wouldn't be back here almost 3 yrs later!!
PLEASE......check out an INPATIENT 30 day program (MINIMUM!!)
It will bless you and help you in ways you cannot even imagine.....after all...
it's pretty obvious....doing it YOUR way isn't working for you....
"If it's important to you, you'll find a way.  If not,  you'll find an excuse".
Will be keeping you in my prayers~

[chris011369]

i havent informed my doctor. i get the kadian for pain which i really only use when its time to quit oxy then i take like im suppose to and i get no wds at all. i think it could be boredom. my mind starts the games on day 8 everytime. because i dont get the physical wds because of the kadian i get it in my mind i can go on a bender and thern quit again with no problems
im tired of living this way. i just want to be done with them for good

[Pat1956100]

It's too easy for you if you know you aren't going to suffer the physical withdrawals.  You need to be honest with someone.  Your doctor may be a good start.  You are taking extremely high doses.
Listen to Tom.  You need help.

[bama88]

So is your doctor on board with you and detoxing?? I think your getting stuck on the mental part. On day what do you think about?? By that I mean....are you board or is it like I said. My brain actually hurt??
And besides this placewhat other help are you utilizing.

You've got to break your cycle. so......keep talking.

[YesLife4Me]

As an experienced relapser myself, getting through withdraw is no cakewalk, but easier than the mental games that start sfter you start feeling better.  The number one thing you need to do is get rid of your sources!  Knowing there are pils to be had is playing with fire.  Tell them you are done, delete their numbers.  Then you need to seek out some after care such as NA or AA meetings for support and to understand this monster of a disease.  A sponsor will help you work the program to stay clean.  This is a huge monkey on your back and you can't go it alone.  

[Tom86]

Man you are stuck in the loop. You need honest answers right now. You are in serious trouble. At the doses your talking about each use could be your last. Listen your brain is broken. If you don't seek professional help soon you will become a statistic. Our disease is now the number one killer in the us. It just passed car accidents. Not to mention when your not using oxy your on kadian. So you are always feeding your addiction. Get help. Give yourself a chance. It is a medical disease and you can be treated. It takes lots of education and therepy but you can do it. Good luck

[chris011369]

in the last 3 years i have quit over 10 times for a minumum a week but day 8 everytime gets me and the physical wd are done. by day 8  its on my mind constantly yeah day 8 every single time. my doctor has me taking 100 mg of kadian once a day which i do not abuse. i take it like im suppose to. i escape the physical withdrawls. extremely lucky no physcal wds but still day 8 i mess up. its like its my destiny to mess up on that day and i cant control the urge

[bama88]

Wow Chris that's the 42 thousand dollar question huh. As an ex oxy abuser I completely get it. When I jumped it was at 360-or higher mgs per day. And I couldn't handle the mental melt down. Some call it cravings but I felt like my brain was on fire. And my blood pressure would go crazy. I went to rehab. Had to. Just couldn't do it alone. If. If you could taper down to 120 or less the jump rate is less horrific.

Have you ever considered seeking professional help?? Oxy is a beast. I'm eight months clean now. Took me a year to get solid. Can you tell me more of your symptoms to help.

[chris011369]

btw im on day 1 gain